He knew he was falling too fast to actually see these things and it was his mind playing tricks on him due to lack of oxygen, but he couldn't stop the hallucinations even if he wanted to. Right now, he was more focused on how he was going to slow his descent so he didn't die on impact, and where in the world he would actually end up... literally.
Thankfully, his brothers had thought of this. When he 'landed', it was in a wooded area. He saw the ground approaching and began to panic, before everything seemed to blink out of focus for a moment. When the world around him righted itself, Raziel found himself flat on the ground, with no idea how he'd actually landed there. Doing a quick mental check, he tested for broken bones or pain, but found nothing.
Forcing himself to his feet, he glanced around, taking in the scenery. Trees, Spanish moss. Smaller green shoots and ferns. The ground was slightly damp, like there had been fresh rainfall recently, evidenced by the humidity in the air.
While his heart leapt, he couldn't be sure he was in Florida. Nothing he could see could lead him completely to that conclusion except his blasted emotions, which insisted on having hope that this would be easier than expected.
It wasn't until he began walking that he could start to confirm his initial suspicions. Above the scent of what must be swampland, he could smell the sea, hear the call of seabirds as they dove. Eventually, he came across trails and signs telling him he was in Anastasia State Park, St. Augustine, Florida.
Well, he was at least in the general location of where he needed to be. Now, he just had to figure out how to get from here to Valencia, where Baylin lived.
If he could get to the cathedral where they met, he could retrace their steps, as it hadn't been very far. He supposed he could simply ask someone, but it was so early still that no campers or hikers were out. Remembering the odd moment when Raphael had touched him, Raziel took a breath.
Closing his eyes, he pictured the basilica in his mind, the worn steps, the bells. With a sound in his head like thousands of butterfly wings taking flight, Raziel opened his eyes to see the cathedral looming in front of him.
Heart beating faster, he glanced upward. Why hadn't Raphael taken his Grace? He'd made the choice to Fall, that was the deal. Once Fallen, you lose your Grace. Except he shouldn't still be able to apparate.
He shouldn't hear the sound of his wings in his head as he did so. He definitely shouldn't be able to hear the pulse of the city beneath his feet, feel the ebb and flow of the natural energies around him.
It didn't make sense. He had fallen. Obviously he had succeeded, as he'd been in some kind of state park, which surely wasn't holy ground by any stretch of the imagination. And yet... he was still an archangel. He still had his Grace. Whatever the reason, he would figure it out another time. For right now, he had a woman to find. A heart to mend, and forever to grasp... if she'd still have him.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Finding her seemed more of a challenge than he'd expected. Since it was so early, he'd gone to her apartment. There was no answer to his knocks and calls to her. Either she was already out, or she was ignoring him. Undeterred, he headed down to Arcane Affinity.
Stepping through the doors easily this time, he spotted Lenore near the back shelves stocking small jars of herbs and incense. When she turned and saw him, she looked like she'd seen a ghost. He assumed Baylin had shared the news of his 'demise' with her friend.
"Miss Noemi. I didn't mean to frighten you. I can't seem to locate Baylin, do you happen to know where she is this morning? Please don't be alarmed. I realize you were told I perished in Taos, but my brother was... mistaken. Obviously, I am alive and well at the moment. I've been indisposed, however, and have just been released."
It was the only way he could think to describe his absence this long to someone not accustomed to their culture. What he'd done wasn't undertaken lightly. Hell, it was never undertaken at all of someone's own free will that he could remember in recent years. He'd needed to take the time to decide if this was truly what he wanted to do, and to prepare for the finality of it.
He'd given his weapons to his battalion, keeping only his blades and items of sentimental value. Most possessions had gone to his brothers. He'd reassigned his soldiers. It wasn't something he could do in a weekend, though he knew both he and Baylin likely grieved the loss of each other.
Lenore came around the counter, placing her hands on his cheeks as if to verify for herself that he truly was alive and well. He felt tangible wisps of her power reaching out, stroking along his senses and allowed it.
Raziel knew without asking that she was attempting to check him over, to figure out whether he was himself or if he'd come back from Hell as something 'other'. Once she seemed satisfied he was who he appeared to be, she wiped her hands on her apron, lips twisting into a small frown.
"She isn't here, Raziel."
"What do you mean, she isn't here? Will she be back?"
Had he damaged things so irreparably that she'd run, taking any hope of reconciling with her? Had something happened to her after he'd been taken, that made her feel as if she had to disappear for her own safety? His stomach twisted in knots as he imagined the worst of scenarios, of his female scared and alone without his protection, without someone at her side. He should have been here.
"She said she needed to go and reconnect with herself, that she was going to the place she could sense your spirit the most. She wouldn't tell me where, claimed she needed to be alone for awhile. She's grieving your loss, Raziel."
The words were meant to subtly shame him, and they worked. He felt like an asshole. He should have never let Gabriel convince him leaving was the best thing for both of them, that they would be happier getting back to their normal lives.
If something happened to her on this pilgrimage because of him, he'd never forgive himself. He wasn't sure if he could forgive himself for what she'd been through already.
"I promise you, Naomi, I will find her, and I will bring her home safely. You have my word."
His first guess was Australia, the tiny resort bungalow they'd stayed in before visiting with the shaman there. Baylin had been sick and Raziel had cared for her. Once she'd recovered, they'd found solace in each other for the first time. Yet when he got there, she was nowhere to be found. The place was empty, devoid of life. Frowning, Raziel tried to think of another place they'd gone, another location Baylin might associate with his presence more than another.
Turning to Scotland, he inhaled the heather-scented breeze before looking over the windswept scenery. It took a moment, but eventually he spotted the bright blue tent pitched on the moors. The campfire had gone out, letting him know she was likely hiking or had gone to get water. Something.
A part of him wanted to rush down and find her, wherever she was. The more rational side cautioned against it. He didn't want to frighten her. If she truly believed he was dead, running to her would likely scare her. The rational side won.
Settling down, he resolved to wait as long as he needed to. Baylin was worth the extra time to make sure she was comfortable with his presence again, to allow her to adjust to seeing him. If she didn't want him here, then he'd go, but he wanted to give her the opportunity to tell him that herself. Where he'd go after that, he had no idea.
He sincerely hoped his reappearance would be taken well after the shock wore off and she'd allow him to stay. At the very least, that she'd give him a chance to make up for the loss. Now that he was effectively earthbound, he had forever to think of ways to apologize by giving her something to smile about every single day. He intended to do just that.
Once she made it back to her campsite, that was. After a few hours of sitting impatiently, he finally saw her hiking along the crest of the cliff, making her way back. As she settled in, he momentarily marveled at the sight of her in the evening sun. He'd nearly forgotten how beautiful she was, a crime he couldn't allow to happen again.
Standing, he brushed dirt and grass from his pants before his long strides t
ook him straight to her. She'd been leaning over, stoking a fresh fire when his shadow fell over her. As she glanced up, he saw the brief look of confusion and fear that crossed her expression, before it cleared and wonder replaced it instead.
Without warning, she leapt from her kneeling position with a squeal, throwing herself into his arms. He barely caught her, she'd reacted so quickly. Gripping under her thighs to hold her steady, he allowed her to pepper kisses across his face and throat, before he caught her lips with his for a bruising kiss that seemed forever in coming.
Once they broke apart, she ran her hands over his cheeks, down to his shoulders. Her eyes were wide, as if she was reassuring herself that he really was here, he wasn't a mirage or hallucination she'd dreamed up.
Gently setting her down on her feet, he wrapped his arms around her, breathing in the scent of her fruity shampoo. Raziel relished the feel of her in his arms again, the knowledge that she hadn't yet pushed him away. There was hope. Finally, she stepped back, eyeing him almost suspiciously.
Raziel braced himself. He felt he knew his woman well enough by now to know she was slowly getting past the elation of seeing him again and getting into the pissed off stage of wondering why he hadn't contacted her in this long if he'd been alive. He had an answer, it just wasn't a good one. He didn't want to start this on a lie, however, so a bad answer would have to do, even if it would likely anger her further.
“What happened, Raziel? You disappeared with the demons. I waited for you. Your brother... your brother told me you were dead. I grieved for you! I thought you were gone! I never got to tell you that I loved you, never got to say goodbye. Then you just waltz back here like everything is fine, alive and whole, not even bothering to be missing a limb or be riddled with scars or anything!?!?”
Ah, and there she was. Raziel especially enjoyed the way she began poking him in the chest to punctuate her points halfway through, like she was making sure he was paying attention. As if he could look anywhere else. With her eyes blazing with feminine ire, she was a sight to behold.
“You are beautiful when you're riled, darling.”
Her lips firmed into a thin line, eyes narrowing even further. “If you think your darling is beautiful now, start answering my questions angel, or I'm about to get gorgeous.”
He couldn't help it, he laughed out loud, unable to stop until finally, with a shake of her head, she joined in. It felt good, a cathartic release to what they'd both been going through. Once they'd managed to stem the giggles, he moved to stoke the fire again and sat on the ground, motioning to her camp-seat next to him for her to sit.
“I'm not sure entirely on specifics, but I'll try. Once the portal reversed itself, I was swept up as well. Instead of going to Hell, though, my brothers managed to pull me out. They locked me up in Purgatory and kept me unconscious while they drained the tainted blood from my system and gave me transfusions of their own.”
“Once I awoke from that, I was ushered to a tribunal, where I was judged. It was close, but I was pardoned and they retrieved my Grace for me. When I was myself again, I wanted to come to you, I did. But Gabriel told me that he'd told you I was gone. That since I had my Grace back and couldn't come to you, it would be best to let you heal and not open the wound again by trying to get to you just to let you know I was alive but couldn't be with you.”
“It was stupid. I should never have listened to him. I knew better. After trying to fit in again for weeks, going back to my normal life and routine, I realized the home I loved just wasn't the same anymore. The place I'd always called my own was no longer the haven I once knew, because it didn't include you. I made the decision to fall this time. Willingly. For you. For love. I don't know what the future holds, but I'd like to find out by your side, if you'll have me.”
His heartbeat seemed to slow to a crawl as the seconds lasted for an eternity. It felt like time had stopped completely, leaving him adrift, waiting for an answer that would never come until Baylin finally slid from her seat into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“I love you too, Raziel. I think I'll keep you forever.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
This time the kiss was fueled by the fear, longing, and loneliness each had felt as they'd realized they may have lost each other for good. It was filled with the promise of starting anew, of finding their footing together, come what may. They refused to pull back until both were breathless, even so, it seemed to end too soon. He could spend eternity lost in the taste of her decadent mouth and still never get enough.
Without a word, he sat her aside before standing and offering her his hand. She took it willingly, curling her dainty fingers around his own tightly. Ducking under the canopy for the tent he'd bought them in New Mexico, he couldn't help the sad smile that graced his lips as he saw she'd brought his sleeping bag as well, zipping the two together. Likely so she could still feel connected to him somehow here. He would make sure she never felt so adrift again.
Settling himself on the pallet she'd made up for her bed, he motioned for her to come to him. When she did willingly, he inwardly gave a sigh of relief. He hadn't expected to be instantly welcomed back into her arms, into her life. He would be forever grateful to her for having such a pure, beautiful soul. Not only had she saved the world... she'd saved him. She didn't even realize it, which made it all the more rare.
Drawing her down, he relished the feel of her straddling him, hips aligned perfectly. One hand tunneled into her hair, fingers tangling in the silken tresses. Meeting her gaze, he traced her lips with his thumb, moving down the slender line of her throat. She was exquisite, and she was his.
“I love you, Baylin St. Claire. And I swear I will spend the rest of my life proving to you just how much.”
He couldn't believe how lucky he was. He'd been lost, tainted. Broken. He'd been the angel, yet she'd been the one who had rescued him. The bright light that pushed the darkness aside and showed him the beauty of a world he'd never known. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on him. Tipping his head upward, he traced her collarbones with his lips, placing tiny bites at little intervals, waiting for the little gasp she made each time.
As he'd gone to tug at her shirt, she stopped him. Glancing at her curiously, she simply shook her head, reaching for his instead. Allowing the movement, he leaned back as she pushed at him, wondering what exactly she was up to. Within moments, he knew. Once his shirt was tossed aside, Baylin's hands began to smooth over his shoulders, nails raking lightly over his ribs. Lips and tongue followed, taking the same path she'd forged moments ago with her fingertips.
He hadn't realized his own nipples were so sensitive until she'd lathed them with her tongue, nibbling ever so gently as she glanced upward at him. She was finding erogenous zones he didn't know he had, as it seemed he reacted to her touch no matter where it managed to land.
His soft grunt of approval and fingers tightening in her hair urged her on as she continued lower, sharp teeth exploring the lines of his hips. The woman even managed to undo his pants without using her hands. Surely, she was simply showing off at that point.
It worked. By then, Raziel was rapt, all attention completely focused on her. He couldn't look away, even if he wanted to. Thank the Heavens he didn't want to. As she pushed the edges of the leather trousers aside, he lifted upwards, assisting her as best as he could until they'd managed to get them off, tossing them somewhere near the discarded shirt.
Laying bare before her, Raziel somehow felt more exposed than he ever had. He wasn't here this time as an archangel seeking redemption. He was here as a man, one who loved her deeply. One who craved desperately to be worthy of her. It made this moment so much more poignant than before. Then, he'd known he was leaving. Now? This was the beginning of the rest of their lives.
He saw her frown as she began spotting the scars he'd managed to hide before in the lower light of the resort and their hurried coupling. He was a warrior, his body bore the wounds from centuries of battles, countless strik
es and blows. While angelic blood healed most of the damage, it couldn't heal everything. Tiny scars still remained, nearly invisible to most, but as close as she was, Baylin now saw all of him.
He froze, bracing for questions, for her to pull away from his imperfections. Instead, she began kissing each mark she found, as if silently attempting to heal what he'd been through in the past. It truly was healing, helping him forget everything that came before her.
The pain, the hurt. The mistakes and hard lessons... she managed to soothe them all, to remind him that to her, he was simply the man she loved. Blinking away tears that suddenly gathered in his eyes, Raziel shuddered, letting out the nervous breath he'd been holding.
As she wriggled to squeeze between his legs, he adjusted the way he was laying to give her enough room to be comfortable. He'd intended for this to be his way of worshiping her, but clearly she had other ideas. Above it all, he was still a man... he didn't have the strength to deny her. When she licked her lips and glanced up at him with pure longing in her eyes, he lost the ability to even continue thinking.
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