"I owe the success of my softball career to my father," Joy openly admitted. "If it wasn't for his support in that area of my life I wouldn't have pushed myself as hard as I did to excel in the game."
"So, you didn't just play because you enjoyed the sport?" Dr. Turner's right eyebrow lifted and she leaned back in her chair nodding the way she always did when she felt like Joy had shared some particularly significant piece of information.
"Sure I enjoyed it," Joy said as she twirled a loose thread on her sweatshirt around her finger. "But I guess what I really liked was the attention my father gave me when I was playing."
"Was that the only time he gave you the attention you desired?"
Joy felt the muscles in her neck begin to tense. This wasn't something she'd ever talked about much. In fact, the only person she'd really shared the story bubbling up in her memory with was one of her college roommates.
"I think I made my parents really uncomfortable when I was younger," Joy finally said.
Dr. Turner looked at Joy over the rim of her glasses. "Uncomfortable in what way?" she asked.
Joy slumped deeper into her chair and picked at her fingernails as if the answer to Dr. Turner's question was written on them. "I'm pretty sure they would've preferred to have a daughter who was more... acceptable."
"Hmm," Dr. Turner replied. "Acceptable is an interesting choice in words. What was it about you that you feel your parents couldn't accept?"
Dr. Turner spoke in the past tense but deep down Joy knew she was no more acceptable today than she was in her youth. She'd never confronted her father about it -- and she'd tried to bury the memory -- but she'd never really forgotten what she'd heard him say that night when she was only twelve.
Joy's thoughts transported her out of the therapist's office and back to the house where she'd grown up. The same house where her parents currently live. The same house where her mother and brother had staged the intervention that resulted in her being in Hersh Falls in the first place. The memory was so clear Joy almost felt like she'd been transported back into her twelve-year-old body.
For as long as she could remember every night after dinner her father would disappear into his office to do his nightly devotions. His faith was very important to him but it was also something he saw as very personal. He didn't really go to church much or require the kids to attend weekly services but he religiously spent time each night with his office door closed studying his Bible and praying. It was a given that the kids were expected to leave him alone during this time but Joy would often sneak downstairs and hide in the little guest room that shared a wall with her father's office. She wouldn't stay there too long, just long enough to hear her father's deep baritone voice saying his evening prayers.
There was something comforting about listening to her father talk to God. To Joy, her father was the most powerful person she knew so in her child-like understanding if there was something or someone who her father looked to for guidance than that entity must be pretty powerful.
Harold Sizemore didn't speak loudly but Joy could hear him clearly enough through the heating vent to make out most of what he said. His prayers started the same each time. He would pray for each member of their immediate family, then extended family members and anyone he knew who was sick. Next, he'd pray for the country's leadership and anyone else he thought needed special support. At the end, he would say a special prayer for any individuals he felt were really hurting or in danger of doing something wrong in God's eyes. Sometimes this meant a special prayer for her brother, who was always getting in some kind of trouble. Sometimes he'd pray for someone he'd seen on the news who'd done something wrong and in her father's eyes was in need of forgiveness. On one particular evening, Joy heard her father praying for two men who'd recently moved into their neighborhood.
"God, please help Greg and Daniel. I know they're your children and I know you love them even if they're living in sin."
Joy pressed her ear to the vent to catch her father's words. She'd met Greg and Daniel and they seemed really nice to her. In fact, Greg even played softball so in Joy's eyes the man could do no wrong.
"Deliver them from everything that displeases you. Convict them to change their ways and turn toward your love," her father continued.
Joy listened growing more and more sad for the two men. She had no idea what they'd done to make her father pray for them like that.
"Deliver them from the demon of homosexuality and save them from eternal damnation!"
At the sound of her father's words, something in Joy's stomach turned. She knew what the word homosexual meant because she had a friend in school with two mommies but no one made a big deal about it. Joy couldn't remember her father ever saying much about the subject but she did know there were people in the world who thought being gay was wrong. She just didn't know her father was one of them.
Before Harold Sizemore finished his prayer that night Joy had already slipped out of the guest room and gone upstairs. What she heard had changed something inside her in a very profound way. By the time Joy's fourteenth birthday rolled around she'd stopped listening to her father's evening prayers altogether. Joy hadn't said anything to anyone but she knew she was beginning to experience an attraction to one of her softball teammates. Now she knew the same wonderful feeling that made her flush with excitement whenever she was around that friend was also one that would cause her father to stop loving her.
"Did you tell anyone else in your family that you thought you might be gay," Dr. Turner asked.
Joy slowly shook her head. She was surprised by the tears that began to stream down her face.
"I just kept it to myself. As long as I played softball it made things easier," Joy confessed. "My parents never bothered me about going to school dances or dating boys because I was always focused on my game."
"Once I left home for college I was far enough away to do what I wanted to just like all the other kids around me." Joy bit into her bottom lip. "I never really thought about it, but I guess that's why I chose to play overseas instead of joining one of the National Fast Pitch teams in the states. I mean, I wouldn't have made as much money, but I also wouldn't have been all alone in a foreign country."
All Joy could think about when she left Dr. Turner's office was having a drink. She was angry that her session had pulled up a memory that she'd buried long ago and Dr. Turner's promise that they'd work through it together didn't make her feel any better at the moment. Right now she just wanted to run away. She wanted to get as far away from the memory as she could.
Joy jumped in her car and headed toward the main highway. Just before she made a turn that would lead her out of Hersh Falls she saw the sign for Sally's.
"Well, hello there!" the friendly diner owner greeted her. "I thought you'd forgotten about me."
Joy dug deep and found the energy to smile back but it was a surface response at best.
"What can I get you?" Sally asked.
Joy didn't even bother to walk to a booth. Instead, she slid onto a stool at the counter right in front of the colorful soldiers who'd saluted her upon her arrival more than a week ago.
"I'll take a beer," she said pointing to her favorite.
"Coming right up," Sally said cheerfully. "You want something to eat with that?"
Joy's stomach grumbled yes but she wasn't really enthusiastic about eating. "A burger I guess."
Sally scribbled something on an order ticket and tapped the bell sitting in the kitchen window to let the cook know there was an order to fill. Then she reached under the counter and pulled a chilled glass out from the small refrigerator below. When she held the glass up to the tap Joy could feel the cells in her brain dancing with excitement. Sally filled the beer mug until white foam bubbled all the way to its rim.
"Here you go, Darling. Your burger will be up in a few."
With that, Sally came out from behind the counter to handle another customer. Joy wrapped her fingers around the glass. It was pleasantly cool to t
he touch and she wondered if maybe just sitting there holding the beer in her hand would be enough. She was so focused on that question that she didn't even hear the bell over the front door ring alerting Sally to the entrance of another customer.
"That looks good," an irritatingly familiar voice said a moment later.
Joy only had to cut her eyes to the side to confirm who was now sitting on the stool beside her.
"What happened? You get tired of Kate's home cooked meals?" he asked.
Sam wasn't even trying to hide the snarl under his words today but Joy wasn't in the mood to entertain his foolishness.
"What do you want, Sam?" she asked turning her body on the stool to face him full on.
Sam leaned forward so closely that Joy could feel the warmth of his breath as he spoke.
"I want you to stay away from my daughter." He gazed coldly at Joy but she didn't even flinch.
"I don't see how that's any of your business as long as Kate is okay with me spending time with Dana."
"Trust me, I'm going to make it my business," Sam threatened.
"Hey Sam, Can I get you anything?" Sally asked as she stepped back behind the counter.
"No, nothing for me. And here," he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. "Let me pay for our visitor's meal. It's the least I can do before she leaves town."
Sam tossed a few bills onto the counter and then slid off the bar stool.
"Enjoy your meal." He paused and looked down at the counter. "And your beer," he said ominously.
The tone of his voice made Joy's insides cringe but she didn't let her face show it. When Sam walked away Joy pushed the beer to the side and motioned for Sally to come over.
"Sally, can you please box that burger up for me. I've decided to eat at home."
A few minutes later Sally brought a styrofoam container over to Joy and sat it on the counter.
"Sorry, I can't pack the beer to go," she said nodding at the untouched glass of beer.
Joy reached over and rubbed her finger through the condensation on the chilled glass. She stared at the symbol she'd drawn on the side. A circle with a diagonal line through it. The universal message that meant no.
"That's okay, Sally. I probably didn't need it anyway," Joy said as she slid off the stool and walked out the door.
Chapter 15
For a minute Kate thought Joy might have changed her mind about making the drive to Charlotte to pick up the new used truck for her father. She didn't stop by the house last night for dinner even though Mr. Warner had made it clear that she had an open invitation to dine with the Warner family anytime she liked.
Kate knew Joy was at home last night. Even though there was no light to be seen through the upstairs curtains, Joy's car sat in the driveway unmoved. There was no way Joy had gone out on foot in the dark and to Kate's knowledge she didn't know anyone else in Hersh Falls well enough to get a ride and stay out all night.
Kate let out a long sigh. This was the first time she'd faced the usual anxiety one has to deal with when first dating someone. The thought made Kate pause. Were she and Joy dating? Maybe she was taking all of this way too seriously, moving too fast. Just as the anxiety was about to get the best of her, Kate heard a knock at the front door.
"Good morning!" Joy said with a smile that seemed genuine.
She certainly looked like she was happy to see Kate.
"We didn't set a time for our departure so I just figured I'd come by now. Maybe get some of that fabulous Kate coffee before we leave?"
Kate wanted to remain cool like Joy appearing at her doorstep was something that didn't phase her but the ear-to-ear grin that spread across her face probably betrayed her. "I can do even better than just coffee," Kate said as she waved Joy into the house. "How about some breakfast before we leave?"
"Only if you let me help," Joy said as she stepped across the threshold.
"Hmm," Kate responded sarcastically. "What's your specialty? I mean I've never heard you say you could cook and it seems like you've been surviving on cereal and ice cream up at your place."
"Ha. Ha. Very funny," Joy responded. "I'll have you know I scramble a mean egg!" Joy put her hands on her hips as if she was daring Kate to question her abilities.
Kate stepped aside and motioned for Joy to walk into the kitchen ahead of her. "It's all yours, Martha Stewart."
Kate wanted to pinch herself as she and Joy literally bumped around in the kitchen. Every time one of them crossed behind the other or reached into a close by cabinet they took the opportunity to touch. At first, they pretended it was accidental but after a while, both of them were making moves to get in each other's way on purpose. The touches made Kate's heart flutter.
"Okay, I'll admit it. You make decent eggs," Kate said after she swallowed the last bite of her breakfast.
"I know I may not be a fancy cook like you," Joy said. "But I've got other skills that I'm sure you'll enjoy."
Joy held Kate's gaze with a seductive smile. Kate was very aware that they were alone in the house and if it weren't for the fact that they needed to get to Charlotte to pick up the truck she might have asked Joy to share some of those skills with her right now.
"You ready to hit the road?" Joy asked.
Something in her tone -- and in her eyes -- told Kate that Joy might have been having some of the same thoughts Kate was.
"Yeah, I guess we'd probably better get going," Kate said pushing the other thoughts from her mind. There'd be time for that later -- she hoped. Plus she was kind of looking forward to having a chance to chat on the ride to Charlotte.
"Take the right onto the main road and follow it all the way down the hill," Kate instructed as she and Joy began their journey.
As they passed Sally's Diner, Kate noticed Joy glance over at the restaurant. She thought she saw her frown.
"Have you eaten at Sally's since you've been here?" Kate asked.
Joy's shoulders twitched like she was trying to dislodge a bad memory. Kate knew Sally's was far from a five-star restaurant but she didn't think the food there would leave that sour a memory in anyone's mind.
"Yeah. I actually got a burger from Sally's last night," Joy said.
Kate saw Joy's jaw clench but she changed the subject before Kate could determine why.
"So, if you could live anywhere else in the world where would you go?"
The abrupt change of subject threw Kate for a moment but not as much as the question itself. Asking about living other places immediately sent Kate's mind to wondering if Joy had been thinking about what might happen after her stay in Hersh Falls was over. Could she be contemplating having a long distance relationship with Kate -- or even wondering if Kate might be willing to relocate?
Now it was Kate's turn to shake her shoulders. You're moving too fast, she cautioned herself. Slow down! You've only been on one date with this woman and you're already fantasizing about a long-term commitment. But the truth was, Kate wasn't really fantasizing. She hadn't been making up crazy possible scenarios about Joy being the one. In reality, she was just acknowledging that things between them were really nice -- and really easy.
"No, I've never thought much about living anywhere else," Kate said as they left Sally's in the distance and started down the hill. "But I've been focused on being a mother," she confessed. "Traveling around wasn't really a possibility."
Christmas All Around Us ; The Perfect Time for Love ; Playing for Keeps Page 46