“Nope, you didn’t think. I have worked really hard to get where I am, and I want to succeed in my own career. I don’t need you to look after me or make me feel like all I’m good for is being a trophy wife…staying home with the baby and doing all the housework.”
His eyes widen. “That’s not what I was implying at all. You know I’m not like that…”
“Well, you sure are sounding like it. The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know.”
“I never said it did.”
“If we’re going to make this work, we have to operate as a team. And especially once your tour is over, you’re going to have to be the one to suck it up and do more of the house stuff.”
“Of course. That was never in question. Please, Tash, you’re making me feel like the bad guy here.”
“Well, how do you think I feel? Keeping you away from your precious tour for six weeks because of the baby? Making you sacrifice all these things for me?”
“It’s not a sacrifice! I want to be with you and the kids. Touring is a means to an end. And yes, I enjoy it, but I won’t if I know you’re not happy. The four of us are what is most important right now.”
“What about Isabella and Madison?”
“What about them?”
“How are they supposed to fit into your tour schedule? Is it going to be left up to me to babysit them if it’s school holidays and you’re still on tour?”
“No! Oh my God! Tash! This is getting way out of control. I’ll organise the girls separately. Please don’t worry about that right now.”
I suddenly feel defeated. “I’m sorry. I just feel like there’s too much going on and I’m going to be the one to suffer.”
He quickly steps forward, wrapping me in a hug. “You will not suffer. I will make sure that doesn’t happen.”
“I hope so.”
***
Lincoln
I leave soon after dinner. The ramen was delicious, but the vibe was weird. Tash was quiet, and every time I tried to bring up the topic of her work again, she shut me down.
I really didn’t mean any harm by what I said, and if I’m being honest, I feel like she overreacted a little.
When I get home, I call Felix. It’s times like these when I wish he lived nearby. Talking on the phone isn’t quite the same.
“Hey, buddy,” he says. “How’s world domination coming along?”
“Really good, actually. Although, there was a little hiccup today.”
“Do you want to tell me about the good stuff or the hiccup first?”
“Uh, I guess they’re part of the same issue, so both?”
“Go ahead.”
“Okay, so Max today confirmed he’s signing the band permanently, and we’ve got a deal with Intergalactic Records.”
“Link! That’s fantastic!”
“I know. It means a three-album contract and a world tour.”
“I knew you’d get there. Well done! But what’s the hiccup?”
“I suggested to Tash that she could wind back her business a little now that I’m earning more and she has the baby coming.”
Felix is quiet for a second.
“What?” I ask self-consciously.
“You told an artist to stop doing what she loves?”
“It wasn’t like that! I was trying to help! If I was given the opportunity to take things easy, I would.”
“But would you, really?” he says sceptically. “If you didn’t have the impending birth of your child to consider, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be itching to get into the studio immediately and then take off on an international tour.”
“I…” Damn it. He’s right. All I wanted to do was make sure Tash wasn’t feeling overwhelmed, but instead I’ve made her feel like what she does doesn’t matter.
And then I think about how Daisy’s dad treated her, and I feel even worse. He was always putting her second, too.
Felix astutely understands my silence. “Fortunately for you, Tash is an amazing girl, and she will forgive you as soon as you apologise properly. I’m thinking chocolates, a foot rub, and a bath full of rose petals.”
I chuckle weakly. “Jeez. Life is crazy.”
“But really, would you want it any other way right now? Your career is about to go into the stratosphere, you have a hot, awesome woman who is pregnant with your child…”
“…and I’ll get to see Isabella and Madison again soon. Rachel finally agreed to let me see them properly.”
“See? This is the dream, buddy! Make the most of it.”
I mentally shake myself. “Hey, enough about me. What’s new with you?”
“Oh, the usual. But I am a finalist for a prestigious art award down here. I find out next week if my work will be displayed alongside some of my idols. Plus, there’s a not-so-little sum of money involved.”
“That’s amazing, Felix! You deserve to win. Your art is so, so good. And what about everything else? How’s the love life?”
Felix laughs. “You never ask me about my love life.”
“Well, you normally tell me if you’re seeing anyone, but I haven’t heard you mention a soul for months.”
“I’ve sort of just started seeing this guy called Ames. He works as a tour guide at the Museum of Contemporary Art. It’s early days, which is why I haven’t really told you about him yet.”
“Oh, I’m really happy for you. Have you showed him your stuff?”
“We actually met when I was talking to the director there. Ames was just coming off a tour and asked if he could have a look at my work. And the rest is history.”
“Well, it sounds like your life is pretty well sorted for now. I just have to get mine back on track, too.”
“You will. Tash is nothing like Rachel. She’s worth fighting for.”
“I know. It feels different this time, Felix. Deeper. More meaningful.”
“Now aren’t you glad I befriended her at Nicky’s that night?”
“Actually, she told me that she saw your message on Instagram earlier that day, and that’s why she was there.”
Felix laughs. “Is that so? Well, I still get to take credit.”
“You can do that. Thanks for being such a great friend, Felix. I hope we can see more of each other in the future.”
“We will. I was thinking of coming up for a few months next year. Maybe rent out my house temporarily or something.”
“That would be awesome.”
“Anyway, I have to go. I’m meeting Ames for dinner.”
“Have fun!”
I hang up, feeling better already. I was such an idiot. And while my heart was in the right place, I still need to use my brain before I open my mouth.
I’m going to make this right.
I check the time. It’s pretty late, and I’m not sure Tash would appreciate me rocking up on her doorstep at 10pm on a weeknight, even if it was to apologise.
I’ll make sure I go there first thing.
I love that woman and I want her to be glad that we’re starting a family together. Because despite how crazy everything is, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
THIRTY-ONE
Tash
I am so disappointed. How could Lincoln think that my career doesn’t matter? Does he just imagine I’m playing around and biding my time until I find a rich husband who can do everything for me?
I’m reminded of when I dated Brad. He used to always act like I was a second-class citizen, and even though I was the one earning the money, his interests always took priority.
I refuse to be in a situation like that ever again. But I worry that with Lincoln signing a recording deal and going on an international tour, I’ll have to fit around him.
I text Millicent. I’m feeling sad. Can you come over?
On my way. Bringing ice cream.
I smile. Millicent is by far the best friend anyone could ever have. Maybe I should buy her an Audi after all.
It’s getting late, and I wonder if she’s going to bring R
yder with her. I feel bad that I just expect her to drop everything at a moment’s notice.
But when she arrives, she’s alone. And thankfully holding a cooler bag that hopefully contains ice cream.
“Thanks so much for coming. Where’s the boy?”
“Still with his dad. They’re coming back from a fishing trip up north and won’t be back until tomorrow. Never mind that he’s supposed to be at school by 8.45am.”
“It must be hard dealing with a difficult ex.”
She pushes her way inside and dumps the bag on the kitchen counter. “Yeah, Nate can be infuriating sometimes, but I have to say, he is a good dad. Ryder adores him. I mean, I never know if they’re going to come back alive from whatever adventure Nate takes them on, but they seem to spend a lot of quality time together.”
I open the bag and pull out the ice cream. It’s Ben & Jerry’s. The same flavour I ate while watching Lincoln on TV the night he was eliminated. A confusing mix of emotions flows through my brain.
“Okay, so what do we need the ice cream therapy for?”
“Lincoln told me I could wind my business back because he’s all fancy and famous now.”
She snorts. “I think you’re going to have to elaborate slightly.”
I get a couple of spoons, handing Millicent one and digging the other straight into the container. I don’t have time for bowls tonight.
“He scored a three-album deal and an international world tour.”
“How dare he!” she teases.
“Miss! Of course that’s amazing, and I’m really excited for him, but what annoyed me was when he showed me the last paycheck he got, and he was all ‘Now you don’t have to work anymore, and I can have all the fun while you stay home with the kids.’”
Millicent raises an eyebrow. “Did he word it that way exactly?”
“It’s what he implied!”
“Okay, hang on. Let’s just slow down for a second. Your hot rockstar boyfriend comes home with the most exciting news a person can have. He sees his pregnant girlfriend and wants to make sure she’s happy and relaxed…and somehow that’s a problem?”
I punch her in the arm. “Don’t say it like that. You make me sound like a psycho.”
“If Constantinos and I had been together for six months and he came to me saying he’d basically won the lottery and suggested he’d pay for me to work whatever hours I wanted, I’d jump at the chance.”
“But that’s not the point! I don’t want Lincoln’s money. I want my own! And I love what I do. If I could, I would do more hours.”
She nods. “I totally get it, babe. No one’s forcing you to give up work or do anything you don’t want. But I think you need to cut Lincoln some slack. He was just excited. He probably didn’t mean anything by it.”
I sigh. “I know. It’s just…I want everything to be equal. And I’m worried that it won’t be in reality.”
“I think you need to talk to him about your fears, but also don’t get mad at him for wanting to take care of you.”
“You’re right.” I shove a large spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. “He’s kind of the perfect guy, Miss. And he loves me.”
“Aw, that’s adorable. You make me sick, you’re so sweet together.”
“I know.” Suddenly, I’m a gloopy mess. I really love Lincoln. And not just the guy I idolised on TV. The real him. And I know he’s gone through a lot recently, but he’s still holding it together and trying to make sure I’m happy.
“I should call him.”
“He can wait until tomorrow. I’m here now, so we’re going to have a girly night. At least, whatever’s left of it.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I think it will be best if we start afresh tomorrow.”
“Let’s take this ice cream into the living room, shall we? I feel like watching something violent.”
I laugh. “Why violent?”
“I don’t know. All this sappiness is making me feel strange. Give me some true crime. Or maybe a creepy serial killer series.”
I roll my eyes. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a little different?”
“All the time.”
“Okay. Excessive violence it is.”
We sit down, and I switch on the TV, first making sure Daisy’s bedroom door is closed so she won’t be disturbed.
My life is pretty damn good.
THIRTY-TWO
Lincoln
I don’t sleep that well, but it’s not because I’m worried about Tash not forgiving me. Well, that does play in the back of my mind a little, but it’s more because I want to make sure I do and say the right thing when I see her again.
As soon as the shops open, I go and buy everything Felix suggested, including chocolates, roses, and a fancy massage oil so I can give her a foot rub. I’m not sure if she’ll opt to leave the petals on the stems or let me put them in the bath for her later, but either way, I’m down with whatever she wants.
I head over to her house afterwards, knowing Daisy should be at school by now. I have my spare key with me, but I decide it’s best to knock this morning.
Tash opens the door, looking tired.
“Hey, are you okay?” I’d feel terrible if she’d been lying awake all night worrying about us.
She ushers me in. “Yeah, I stayed up with Millicent half the night watching Dexter.”
“Feeling a little murderous?” I joke nervously.
“Oh, no, it was Millicent’s choice.” She sits on the couch and pats the cushion beside her.
I oblige, putting all my gifts on the coffee table. “I’m sorry. I was an idiot. I know you have a history of not being treated equally in a relationship, and I should have realised that what I was suggesting could easily imply I didn’t think your career had any value. But I promise that wasn’t it…”
She presses one of her fingers to my lips. “Shh, I know. I overreacted. You’re nothing like Brad, and I shouldn’t have put my insecurities or preconceived ideas onto you.”
I smile, relieved. “Either way, I will think twice before I speak in the future.”
“You’re kind of right about what you said, though. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I’m probably not going to be able to commit as much time to work as I want once the baby arrives. I’m going to start looking for an assistant next week.”
“Well, once the tour is over, I’m going to take some time off so you can do whatever you need to. I’ve said before, I love all the craziness that goes with being a parent, and I want to be around as much as possible.”
She throws her arms around me and holds me tightly. “I am so, so lucky I found you.”
“I feel the same. And I know I joked about buying a mansion yesterday, but I really would love for us to look for a new house together. I’ve got a potential buyer interested in my place, and I’m not sure your house would be big enough when the girls come to visit. Please don’t feel pressured to make any decisions right away, but I was thinking if you didn’t want to give this place up, you could rent it out…or put it on Airbnb…”
She pulls back and strokes my cheek. “Thank you for considering my feelings, but I’m not tied to this place. I would love for us to look for a new house together. I don’t want you to bankroll the entire thing, though. I want to pay half.”
“I am more than fine with that.”
I suddenly realise that Tash’s independent streak, while causing tension yesterday, is actually a really good thing. I won’t ever question whether she wants to be with me because of my bank account—and that’s something that did occur to me more than once with Rachel—even before I went on Sing to Me.
“I guess it’s lucky we live fairly close to each other, so we won’t have to argue over which suburb to settle in,” I tease. “But I also understand you wouldn’t want to be too far from Daisy’s school. Or Millicent.”
She looks at the array of gifts on the coffee table and picks up the massage oil. “You are a sweet, sweet man. I think you deserve to benefit from some of th
ese goodies.”
I grin. “I won’t argue with that. Should I take all my clothes off right now?”
She bursts out laughing. “I think we should both be wearing as little as possible.” And then her face turns wistful.
“What?” I ask, smiling.
“I’m just thinking how crazy it is that I’m sitting here with you, and your baby is growing inside me.” She reaches out and brushes her hands through my hair. “These curls…I dreamt about these curls for years, and now I can finally touch them anytime I want.” She outlines the creases on the side of my mouth. “And these lips…I knew from watching you sing how amazing these lips would feel on mine…”
“You have an unfair advantage of knowing a little about me before I got to know you,” I protest.
“I don’t mind. We have all the time in the world to make up the difference.” She leans in and buries her face in my neck. “And I couldn’t know things like how amazing you smell, or how you really are as kind as you seemed on TV. I mean, I could guess, but it was so much better getting to learn that firsthand.”
“Well, I feel incredibly lucky that I was able to meet you when I did. I don’t know what would have become of me otherwise. And while I can guess you started out as a fan, I really appreciated how you were there as a friend when I needed it most.”
“I’m still a fan, Mr. Page. In fact, I’m probably now your biggest one.” She stands up, pulling me to my feet with one hand, and carrying the bottle of massage oil in the other. “Let me show you just how much.”
I laugh. “Lead the way.”
I follow her into the bedroom, knowing that even though life is not always going to run according to plan, I have this wonderful woman by my side.
THIRTY-THREE
Tash
I’m not someone who enjoys being pregnant. And I’m also not someone who looks forward to giving birth (although, I don’t know many people who do).
So, when I feel the beginnings of labour starting, I am both glad that my pregnancy is coming to an end, but also filled with dread about the ordeal I’m about to endure.
My Own Personal Rockstar Page 17