by Ryan, Kaylee
“I think I can manage. I’ll be right back.”
Rushing down the hall to my room, I strip out of my clothes and take the world’s fastest shower. Pulling on some leggings and an old Central University T-shirt, I brush out my hair and quickly blow it dry. No styling for this girl. I’m in for the night. Instead, I pull it up in a ponytail and call it good.
“That was fast,” Cooper says when I take a seat opposite him on the couch.
“I can take fast showers.”
“That’s a new skill,” he jokes.
“Hush.” I toss a pillow at him, and he catches it easily.
“You ready for that talk?” he asks.
“No. But we have to anyway.” I’ve put it off as long as I can.
“You want to start, or do you want me to?”
“I will.” I need to get this out. “For this to work, whatever this is, we need honesty. In order for that to happen, we need to backtrack.”
“This is forever, and we can go back as far as you want.” He angles his body toward mine from his spot on the couch.
I nod, pull the pillow back from his arms into mine as a safety net, and start talking. “I don’t know when exactly that I fell in love with you.” His eyes light up. “Only that I did. One day you were just Cooper, my best friend, and the next, you were the man I wanted more than anything. I wanted you as my best friend, and my everything.”
He doesn’t speak but reaches over and places his hand on my leg. We’re now fully facing each other from opposite ends of the couch.
“I never wanted to tell you. I don’t know if it was the fear of rejection or the fear of losing you that scared me more.” I pause, collecting my thoughts. “Anyway, that night, the one where things got a little out of control in your room… that night I wanted you. I offered myself to you, and you didn’t want me.”
“I did,” he says. “I wanted you, but I was afraid to lose you.”
I want to believe him. I want to push all of this out of my mind, but I can’t stop now. I have to get this out. “My heart was broken, Cooper. Shattered tiny shards of glass splintered. It was hard for me to be around you, the pain of knowing you didn’t want me that way was crushing.” He opens his mouth to speak, but I raise my hand to stop him. “Hunter was there. He was a really nice guy. He was patient with me, never pressuring me for anything. I found myself spending more and more time with him. All of my friends were your friends. I couldn’t escape you, unless I was with Hunter.”
My heart hurts speaking those words. For me, for Cooper, and for Hunter. He’s innocent in all of this. He gave me his heart, and I accepted it even when I wasn’t ready to. He wasn’t who I wanted, and I let him think that he was. I pretended he was, and that is unforgivable.
“Fuck,” he mutters.
“The more time I spent with him, the closer we became. He’s a good guy, Coop. He didn’t deserve what I did to him.”
“I’m sorry. I know my timing was terrible. I didn’t plan to lay my heart out at your feet that day. I was going to just deal with it. I had lost you, and it was all on me. The minute I pulled into the parking lot that night, I knew that wasn’t going to be possible. I sat out in my truck for longer than I care to admit until Nix and Tess knocked on my window. They could see it all over my face and encouraged me to tell you how I really felt. It was like them telling me to talk to you was the validation that I wasn’t crazy. It was a sign I hadn’t lost my mind, and this pain in my gut at the thought of you marrying anyone but me was real. So real, in fact, it had consumed me for weeks. I rushed into the building. I had to find you, and when I did, well, you know what happens from there.”
“Yeah. I remember.” I’ve replayed that night and the one following it more times than I can count. I wish I knew the answer. I wish this was easy. I want to be able to look past all the pain, to believe what he’s telling me. To trust in this connection we’ve always had.
Chapter 7
Cooper
“I meant every word of what I said to you that night, Reese. I admit it’s somewhat of a haze, but I know I told you I was in love with you. I also know I pleaded with you not to marry him. I take the fault in that. I’m sorry you’re hurting, baby. I am. I wish I could take that away from you. What I’m not sorry for is you calling off the wedding. We wouldn’t be here right now if you hadn’t, and there is nowhere else I’d rather be.” I look into those big green eyes as I say the words. Willing her to believe me.
“How are you so sure about this, Coop? I mean, you told me yourself we couldn’t be more. Now you’re telling me that I’m all you want. That’s confusing. My heart is still back in your bedroom at the house when you told me we could only be friends. It’s hard for it to get past that night and believe what you’re saying.”
“I understand that. I know we have a lot to work through, but, Reese, there is no one else I’d rather be in this situation with. I’m going to show you how much I love you. I know I need to give you more than just my words, and I plan to do so.” She has no idea of the depths I’ll go to. Whatever I have to do to prove to her that this is real, I’ll do it.
She’s quiet, staring off into the distance. I wish I could read her mind. If I could only know what she was thinking, I could ease her fears. I could help her with this. Hell, if she could only read mine, her doubts would vanish just like that.
“Talk to me.”
“I need to see Hunter.”
My shoulders stiffen, and my heart stalls in my chest. “What do you mean you need to see him?”
“I need to apologize.”
Every single cell in my body wants me to protest. I want to tell her that she can’t see him. However, I can’t do that. She’s right. He’s innocent in all of this and deserves to have the questions, which I’m sure he has, answered. “Do you want me to go with you?” I offer. Part of me wants her to say yes, and the other part wants her to say no. I don’t want to see her with him. It’s not just Hunter; it’s any man who’s not me.
“I don’t think that’s such a great idea.”
“Yeah, probably not, but if you wanted me there, I would be there.” Anxiety creeps in as I worry about what he will say or do. Will she change her mind about this? About us?
She nods. “He might not want to talk to me or see me. I just feel like I owe him that much. He didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Have you heard from him?”
“No. Not a phone call or a text. Nothing. I know he’s hurt, and what I did was wrong. I ran from him, and I ran from you.” She pauses, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry for skipping out on you. My heart just needed a break.”
“I love your heart.” It’s true. She’s such a caring, loving person. I’m so damn lucky to have her in my life. She’s torn about how she walked out on Hunter, even though she knows it was the best decision for her. Hell, she’s apologizing for skipping out on me at the hotel. While I was upset she wasn’t there when I woke up that morning, I understood her needing time to get her thoughts together. Walking out of your wedding and making love to your best friend on the same day is a lot to take on and process. I get that.
She smiles, and it lights up my fucking world. “I never stopped loving you, Cooper. Not for a single second. I don’t know what this is.” She waves a hand between us. “But I want to find out. I’m so scared you’re going to realize that your fear of losing your best friend is what brought all these emotions on. I’m scared I’m going to lose you. Lose you as my best friend, and as the love of my life.” A single tear slides over her cheek.
I slide over next to her and caress her cheek with my thumb, wiping away the trail from her tear. “That’s not going to happen, baby. I know that.” I want to lean in and kiss her. Show her she’s who I want, but now is not the time for that. “Now it’s my job to show you.”
“I want so badly to tell you we can’t do this, but in equal parts, I want you to be mine.” Another tear falls, and then another.
“Don’t be scared, Reese. I�
�ve got you.” I smile, trying to lighten the mood and stop her tears. “It’s my fault. I made you think I didn’t want you, and honestly, I was in denial. I wanted you that night. More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life, but I was afraid of losing you. I’m not afraid anymore.” I know this is our chance. Sure, in the back of my mind there’s a nagging feeling telling me if this doesn’t work out, things will never be the same. I just have to keep reminding myself that they haven’t been the same since last year. It might not be Hunter, and if it’s not me, it will be someone else. This is our time, and I’m going to fight for us.
“You don’t know that. Things change. People change.”
“There is one certainty in my life, Reese, and that’s you. It’s always been you. I compared everyone to you. There is no substitute for the real thing.”
“Where do we go from here?” she asks, her voice small.
“Tell me what you want. Tell me how you see this playing out.” Dropping my hand to her leg, I wait patiently for her answer.
“I’m afraid to say it out loud.”
My thumb glides back and forth over her thigh. “It’s just me. You can tell me anything.”
“I want so badly for this all to work out. I want us to be together, but I really think we need to go slow. I want us to take our time, and even though we know everything about one another, I think we should start off as if we were strangers.”
She’ll never be a stranger to me. “What does that mean exactly?” I ask.
“We date. We don’t jump into bed with one another, and we take our time with this new development in our relationship. I’m worried this is going to wear off for you. This is the only way I know how to keep my heart from being mangled if that’s how this ends.” I’m not a player. She knows that. That still doesn’t keep me from being cautious about this. My intention isn’t to play or lead her on. However, her fear is that I’m suddenly going to realize she’s not what I want. The thought of losing me that has us in this position and not the love I’m declaring that is alive and well. I don’t know why she just can’t let go of this fear.
“It’s not going to end.”
“I really don’t want it to,” she confesses. “I just think that we need to take the time to build this new part of our relationship. Does that make sense?”
“It does. So we date,” I say, not really loving the idea. I want us to be more permanent, but I’ll take what I can get.
She nods, a slow smile pulling at her lips. “We date.”
“Exclusively.”
“Coop, maybe we should see how it goes?” she suggests.
“No. I want exclusivity. I don’t want anyone else, and I don’t want you seeing anyone else either. I want us both to be all in.”
“That’s… not what I was expecting.” I hate that she’s putting us both through this. I hate that she can’t accept my word. I’ve never lied to her before. We’ve wanted this for so long. For us to be together like I’m offering. Her fear… it comes from having everything she’s ever wanted, and then it being stripped away from her. I know that I crushed her. Now I just have to prove to her that will never happen again. Prove to her that my love for her is real.
“Good.” I lean in and kiss the corner of her mouth.
“We just said slow,” she reminds me.
“What? Slow means no kissing?”
“Do you usually kiss on the first date?”
“My first date experience is limited at best. Yours?”
“Limited, but I can tell you with Hunter—” She winces. “Never mind.”
“No. Tell me. I need to hear it.” I don’t want to hear it, but I need to. Hearing her talk about the two of them will only fuel me to fight harder. A reminder of what I have and what I could have lost.
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is how we do this.”
“We start by you confirming that you’re my girlfriend.” I’m not a fool. I’m locking this shit down now. I don’t want her to have any confusion or insecurities moving forward. “We said exclusive,” I remind her.
“But that’s dating exclusively. Do we have to label it?”
“Yes.”
“Cooper, we said we were going to take our time.”
“We will.” I’m quick to assure her.
“No labels, not yet. I don’t think jumping in headfirst is a good idea.”
The look in her eyes tells me she’s still carrying a load of worry on her shoulders. I want to argue with her, but pushing her away again is something I said I would never do, even from something like this. I can give her some time to get her head wrapped around the idea. Then I’m not going to take no for an answer. By then, she will see what she means to me. I won’t stop until she does.
“For now,” I concede. “We won’t label it for now.”
“Good.” She holds her hand over her mouth to cover her yawn.
“I’m sure you’re exhausted from traveling and then the drive here from your parents’ place. You ready for bed?” I ask.
“Yes.” She stands from the couch, leaving the pillow she’s been clutching behind. “Where are you staying?”
“Here.”
“You can’t stay here, Cooper.”
“Just tonight. It’s late, and I just need to be here with you. I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.” I wink as I stand and stretch my arms over my head. “Reese,” I say when her eyes travel to my waist where my shirt has ridden up.
“Tonight,” she agrees. I bite down on my lip to fight the grin at this small victory. “I’ll grab some blankets.” She turns and walks away and takes my glee with her. At least I’m still here with her. I might not be in her bed, but I’m in her home. Small steps to get to the ultimate reward.
Reese.
“The spare room is still empty from when Tess moved out. I’ll take the couch. You’re too tall. You won’t get any sleep.”
“Nope. This is perfect.” I take the blankets and pillow from her and lean over to kiss her cheek. “Night, baby,” I whisper.
“Night, Coop.”
She hesitates before turning to make her way to her room. I watch her until she disappears down the hall. I’m not looking forward to a night on the couch, but it’s a small concession to be here with her. I’ve lived the last year without her. I don’t want to do that ever again. I have three months before training camp. It’s time to show the woman I love what she means to me.
Chapter 8
Reese
I’m wide awake, staring into the darkness of my bedroom. I’ve been lying here for well over an hour, unable to fall asleep. How can I when I know Cooper is in the other room? Any other time he’d be sleeping next to me. When my bedroom door opens, I quickly shut my eyes. He’s quiet as a mouse as he steps into my room. I lie still, waiting to see what he does. He makes his way around the bed, something he’s used to. He stayed here a lot back in college.
I feel the bed dip with his weight as he climbs in beside me. I’m frozen as I feel his body move close to mine. He wraps his strong arms around me and sighs at the same time as I take a deep breath. “I just need to hold you. I can’t stand the thought of you sleeping in here without me.” His voice is low and deep as he whispers in my ear.
I don’t say a word as I savor the feeling of being in his arms. This is more than just a friend cuddling with a friend, something we did a lot in college. Looking back, I realize that’s not really what friends do.
“I love you so damn much, Reese.” His voice cracks and I bite my lip to fight my own emotions. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to realize what was right in front of me.” He’s quiet for several long minutes. “I want to build a life with you. I can’t think of anything better than spending my life with my best friend. I know you want to go slow, and I promise you I will try to respect that.” Another long pause. “I want this moment, this very thing every night. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up to see those big green eyes. You are what I want, Reese.”
&n
bsp; Not able to resist, I turn in his arms. It’s dark in my room, so I can’t see him, but I feel his hot breath as it brushes across my face. His hand lands on my hip, pulling me to his chest. “We said slow,” I murmur.
“You said slow,” he replies softly.
“Coop,” I breathe.
“Just let me hold you, baby.”
His softly spoken request in the middle of the night is impossible to resist. Resting my head against his chest, I can feel his heart beating. His arms are locked tight around me, and it’s perfect. It’s everything I ever imagined it could be, and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to resist him. I don’t know what I was thinking. How could I possibly believe I could keep my heart safe? It’s never been safe when it comes to Cooper. I gave my heart to him years ago, and he still has it. He will always have it.
“I missed you, Reese. So fucking much. I was starting to wonder if there would ever be a time I would get to have you all to myself again.”
I pull away, but he doesn’t let me get far, sliding his arm under my head and letting me use him as a pillow. “Tell me about football.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything. I feel so disconnected from your life.”
“This last year was hard. Painfully hard. I knew I would miss you, but I never could have imagined the depth of that void. I never want to go through that again. I can’t do it. I won’t survive it.”
“That’s pretty dramatic,” I say, teasing and trying to lighten the mood.
“I’m serious,” he says, his voice strong. “I was miserable without you. It wasn’t until I got your wedding invitation in the mail that I realized what an idiot I’d been. I had the most amazing woman right in front of me for years, and let my fear keep me from her.”
“I was scared too.”
“Not that night in my room. You were fearless offering yourself to me. I wish I could explain to you how hard it was for me to stop us that night. I was certain it would ruin our friendship, and I knew I needed you in my life. I was just too blinded by the fear to realize that we could be more than just best friends.” He leans in and, somehow in the darkness, his lips find my forehead. “I didn’t realize we could be everything,” he says tenderly.