by Ryan, Kaylee
“Yeah. I’m standing outside his building. Did you find a place to stay?”
“About that,” he says, and I already know what’s coming. “Why can’t I stay in your spare room? I promise you won’t even know I’m here. I’ll even buy a bed.”
“Cooper, you are aware that you’ve snuck into my room in the middle of the night the last two nights?” Not that I’m complaining. I sleep better when his body is wrapped around mine. I have no willpower when it comes to him, and him ending up in my bed each night, even if nothing happens, is not really taking it slow.
“That’s something we’ve done since we were kids,” he counters.
“Yeah, but things have changed, Coop.”
“Thank God for that,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Can we talk about this when I get home?” Glancing at my watch, I see it’s five minutes until six.
“Sure, I’ve got dinner covered. I’ll be here waiting for you.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
“Reese?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you. Never forget that. I know this is going to be hard for you, and I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here.”
I love you too. “Thanks, Coop,” I say instead, and end the call, sliding my phone back into my purse.
My feet feel as though they are lead weights as I walk into the building and wait for the elevator. I’ve been dreading this, but it’s the right thing to do. I hate that he ran into Cooper yesterday and heard him basically saying we are together, and everything is all hunky-dory. That’s not the case. At least, not yet.
Stepping onto the elevator, I hit the button for the fourth floor, and watch as the numbers slowly climb. Thankfully, there aren’t additional stops along the way. The door slides open, and it’s with not only heavy feet but a heavy heart that I make my way to his apartment. Hunter’s a great guy. He was always good to me. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting him the way I did. I should have called it off a long time before we got to our wedding day. To be honest, I never should have said yes. He might not see it now. One day he will. One day he will find the true love of his life, who will give as much as he does, and he’ll understand.
Reaching his door, I knock softly, tapping my fingers on the door three times, and then bow my head, waiting for him to answer. When he opens the door, I slowly lift my head. He’s standing in the door, just staring at me. “Can I come in?” I ask, my voice weak.
He steps back and motions for me to enter. I make my way to the living room and sit on the couch. Not knowing where to look or what to do with my hands, I reach into my purse and pull out the key to this very apartment and place it on the table. “I thought you might want that back.”
“Yeah,” he replies, his voice gruff. “Uh, let me get my keys.” He’s back in no time at all, handing me the key to my place.
“Thanks,” I say, taking it and dropping it into my purse. “Hunter, I’m so sorry.” He doesn’t say anything. He won’t even look at me, so I forge ahead. “What I did was unacceptable. I was having doubts, and I should have talked to you. I don’t expect you to ever be able to forgive me, but please know I am deeply sorry,” I say, fighting back tears. The crack in my voice has him turning to look at me.
“I loved you. I still do,” he says softly.
I nod. “I know. I love you too, but not enough. I know that sounds harsh, but you deserve someone to love you who has zero doubts, zero reservations.”
“Why didn’t you just talk to me? We could have postponed the wedding.”
“Hunter,” I say, biting my lip to keep the tears from falling. I take a minute to get my emotions in check and then try again. “I never would have been able to give you all of me. I thought that I could, but I know now I never would have. That’s not fair to you.”
“You told me that the two of you were just friends. That there was nothing between the two of you,” he says accusingly.
“That wasn’t a lie. Cooper and I were best friends, have been since we were kids. All of that is true. What I didn’t tell you is that I’ve been in love with him for longer than I can remember.” He flinches, but I know he needs to hear this as much as I need to say it. “In fact, I don’t know when it happened. I just woke up one day, and he was more to me. I never told him. I never wanted it to tarnish our friendship. One night, in college, before you, there was kissing, and it ended in us saying we should just be friends.”
He sits on the chair, silently listening as I tell him the reason I broke his heart. “So, there was something?” he finally says.
“For me, yes,” I confess. “That night, the night he decided we couldn’t take that leap of faith, my heart shattered. I loved him. I knew I had to move on. I had to forge full-steam ahead with my life and stop waiting around for him to feel the same way.”
“So what, I was your rebound guy?” He winces as he says the words.
“No, but I guess when you think about it, maybe.” My heart hurts at admitting this. “Hunter, I enjoyed my time with you. I do love you.”
“Just not enough to marry me?”
“No. I’m sorry. I know that’s hard to hear, and it’s just as hard for me to say it, but it’s the truth, and after what I did, you deserve the truth.”
“Why not earlier that day? Huh? Why did you wait until we were standing there with everyone watching to tell me you couldn’t go through with it?”
“I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t. I struggled with my decision. Trust me, it was not made lightly. I agreed to marry you. I gave you my word and didn’t want to go back on that. However, I also owed it to myself and to you, to be honest. It wasn’t until I was standing before you that it hit me that not only was I not being true to myself, but I wasn’t being true to you. You deserved better, and that’s what led me to walk away.”
“And Cooper? What role does he play in all of this?” he asks.
I hesitate on what I should tell him. It feels like if I tell him about Cooper confessing his love for me at the rehearsal that I would just be digging the knife deeper into his heart. I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I already have.
“I saw him, Reese. Did he tell you that? I saw him at the diner just down from your place. The waitress was hitting on him.”
I nod. Cooper told me how it all went down. “He told me.”
“He was pretty blunt about the fact he had a girlfriend that he was madly in love with. It was news to me he was dating, and then it hit me. You. He’s in love with you. Did he tell you that too?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“You still love him.” It’s not a question.
“Yes.”
“Are the two of you together now? You go from my bed to his?” he asks hotly.
“Hunter, that’s not fair, and you know it. Besides, we weren’t sleeping together.”
“You slept next to me, Reese. Here in my bed, in yours. We were committed to one another. You should have talked to me, damn it.” He stands and runs his fingers through his hair as he begins to pace across the room. “You should have told me you were having second thoughts. We could have talked about it. We could have worked through it.”
“There was no working through it, Hunter.”
“Just like that. Over a year of our lives, just gone in a flash.”
“Not gone. We still have those memories.”
“Yeah, but they hurt, Reese. They hurt,” he says flatly.
“I’m sorry.” I wipe the tears from my eyes. “I know that nothing I say can or do will make this right.”
“You’re right,” he agrees. He stops pacing and turns to look at me. “You can go now.”
“Hunter, I—” I start, but he holds up his hand to stop me.
“I don’t want to hear it, Reese. I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive you for what you did. You broke my heart.”
I nod. I know I did, and I know how it feels, but I don’t bother to tell him that. Besides, I don’t think he would care
. “I’m sorry.”
“Goodbye, Reese. I hope you and Cooper are happy together.” With that, he walks to the door and opens it. I’ve worn out my welcome.
Standing, I walk to the door and stop when I reach him. “I’m so sorry, Hunter.” His jaw is clenched, and his stare is hard as he stares off into his apartment. I got to say what I came to say, and I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I’ve never seen Hunter act like this before, but it’s understandable. After what I did to him. “Take care of yourself,” I whisper and walk out the door.
Thankfully, I don’t have to wait long for the elevator, and the ride down is quiet as well. When I make it out onto the street, I pull in a deep breath, slowly exhaling. I hate that I hurt him, but it’s what’s right for both of us. We both deserve better. Him especially. He needs someone who will love him the way I love Cooper.
Cooper might have confessed his love to me, but I knew I didn’t love Hunter, not the way he deserved to be loved. This is on me, and I take responsibility. Cooper said that every future has a past. I can only hope our pasts are entwined with our future. That we’re able to navigate these rocky seas and find our way back to shore. I want that more than anything.
* * *
I’m barely in the apartment with the door shut behind me when Cooper engulfs me in a hug. I don’t fight the connection; instead, I wrap my arms around him and hold on tight. This is exactly what I needed. We stand here for several long minutes before he finally releases his hold on me and steps back.
“Come sit.” He takes my hand and leads us to the couch. He sits and pulls me into his lap. I’m about to object, but his words stop me. “I know slow, but I also know you need this. Let me hold you.”
I relax into him, never able to resist being close to him. “It’s been a long day.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really much to say. He’s hurt and angry, as he should be. I hate that I hurt him.”
“I know you do.”
We’re quiet for a few minutes. I think about the conversation with Hunter. Even though it was hard, it needed to happen. I also feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He didn’t have to let me in. He didn’t have to give me the chance to say I’m sorry, but he did. My wish for him is that he finds love. I hope he finds someone who loves him as much as I love the man holding me in his arms right now.
“I made dinner,” Cooper says softly. “Are you hungry?”
I lift my head from his shoulder to look at him. “You cooked? Or ordered takeout?” I raise my eyebrows in question.
“I cooked.”
“Really? So what are we having?” I inquire.
“Spaghetti. Before you ask, yes, it’s jar sauce, but I spruced it up with some hamburger, and I got those twisty bread roll things you love.”
On impulse, I lean in and kiss his cheek. “Thanks, Coop.”
“If that’s the response I get, I need to take some cooking classes in the off-season.” He grins.
“I’m starving, but I want to change out of these clothes.” I stand from his lap and head to my room to change. Five minutes later, I find him in the kitchen setting two heaping plates of spaghetti on the table. “This smells delicious.”
“Oh, it is,” he assures me.
“How modest of you,” I tease.
“All in a day’s work,” he says, pretending to brush off his shoulders.
“Sit, crazy man.” I laugh.
“How did it go?” he asks, taking a huge bite of his dinner.
I finish chewing and wipe my mouth. “Like I expected it would. But it’s the closure I think we both needed.”
“Good,” he says, taking another bite. “Damn, either this is good, or I’m starving.”
“It’s good. When did you learn to cook?”
“Living on your own, missing your best friend, tired as fuck from grueling games and practices. A man can only eat so much takeout.”
“So, what else can you cook?” I ask.
“I make this rice dinner. It’s more of a concoction, but it’s really good. I just kind of toss things in. Spaghetti, grilled chicken, and steak, of course, on the grill. That’s about it. I’m a work in progress.”
“Well, you’re doing great,” I say before taking another bite.
“Thank you.”
We eat our dinner with little tidbits of conversation here and there. The majority of the time, we’re both stuffing our faces. I feel like I can’t walk from the amount of food I consumed. Having had enough, I push my plate away from me. “I can’t finish it all. It was delicious, but I can’t eat another bite.”
“I’m glad you liked it,” he says, finishing off his last bite.
“How was your day?” I ask him. I’m fully aware of how domesticated this feels. Even more than that, is how right it feels. With him here.
“Good. I spent the morning on the phone with my agent going over my appearances. I also have a commercial I’m shooting in a couple of weeks.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he says, his cheeks turning pink. “It’s for an insurance agency.”
“I’m so proud of you, Coop.”
“Thanks, babe.” He reaches out and squeezes my hand lightly. “About my staying here,” he says.
“I think we’re going to need to get comfortable for this one,” I say, standing and rinsing off my plate and putting it in the dishwasher. Cooper puts the cheese away while I take care of his plate and a few other dishes before we head to the living room.
“You have the space,” he says, once we are both sitting facing one another on the couch.
“That’s not the point, Coop. We’re supposed to be taking this slow.”
“I don’t think you know how hard that is for me.”
“Do you not think that this is hard for me? That’s the reason I asked us to take some time with this. I was supposed to be marrying another man not even two weeks ago.”
“I know that.” His voice is low. “I don’t need you to remind me you were supposed to be his. I don’t need you to remind me this is my chance to show you what you mean to me. I can rent a place or stay in a hotel, but I only have a couple of months before I have to go back to Indy. To my job. I want to soak up as much time with you as I can between now and then. I only have a small window of time to show you what you mean to me. I want to be here, Reese. I promise you I will respect any boundaries that you put into place. Just… please let me be here with you.”
I replay his plea over and over in my mind. He’s right. He’s going to be leaving, heading back to his life and his career. I don’t know what’s happening between us, but I do know that the more time I get to be with him, the harder it’s going to be for me to let go. Knowing that, it doesn’t stop me from saying, “Okay.”
“Yeah?” He leans in close. “Thank you.” He kisses me softly, a simple press of his lips to mine, maybe a couple of seconds, but it leaves me wanting more.
“Yes. But we will have boundaries.”
“Anything.” He grins.
I have a feeling the next several weeks are going to be an adventure.
Chapter 11
Cooper
I’ve been staying at Reese’s apartment for two weeks. Two weeks of locking myself in the spare room at night, in a weak attempt to not sneak into her room and cuddle up with her. So far, I’m holding strong. It’s been difficult, but I’m trying to respect her boundaries. This queen size bed seems larger than life without her lying next to me.
It’s been two weeks of pure bliss, though. I don’t know of any other way to describe it. One little word sums up the reality of my life. I love her more today than I did yesterday and even the day before. I’m confident I will love her even more tomorrow.
We have dinner together each night, and then lounge on the couch. We’ve spent a lot of time in, but that’s fine by me. I know she’s worried about running into Hunter while the wounds are still healing, and I understand. I know that’s hard for her, and I don�
��t mind keeping her to myself. Sure, I want the world to know she’s mine, but right now, she’s just that. All mine. I don’t have to share my evenings or weekends with her with anyone else. I’m loving every minute of it.
This weekend, however, is a little different. Reese has an event for the county at the local children’s home. She described it as a mini carnival for the kids. Local businesses donated prizes for the games. I know she’s stressing over it being enough. She wants the kids to have a great time.
“How many kids are there?” I ask Reese. It’s Saturday morning, and she’s just finished getting ready to leave.
“Ten rowdy boys.” She smiles.
“They’re all boys? Is it an all-boys home?”
“No, it just happened to be that way. We never know who is going to be staying at the home at any given time. New kids come in at all hours of the day, and some are getting fostered and even sent back to their families.”
“Is that a good idea? I mean, they were taken for a reason, right?”
“Yes. Some cases, yes, it’s a very good thing. Then there are cases that it’s not. It all depends on the reason they were removed from the home, and if that issue, whatever it might have been, has been resolved. It’s mostly drugs that we’re seeing.”
“Damn, babe. I don’t know how you do it.”
“It’s difficult, but I enjoy it. I just hate all the red tape. It’s really heartbreaking when you see the same child in and out of the home because the parents or guardians can’t seem to get it together.”
“I bet.” She’s tough, but I know this gets to her. She’s said several times over the last couple of weeks that she wishes she could do more. I dropped the hint she could look for a job in Indianapolis, closer to me. She kind of brushed off my suggestion. She might have forgotten or thought that I did, but I’m just buying my time to bring it up again.
“I need to get going.” She drapes her purse over her shoulder and grabs her keys from the table. “What are you doing today?”
“I don’t know yet.” It’s a lie. I know exactly what I’m doing today, but it’s a surprise for her.