He was.
“How do you figure?” I asked. Now I felt just as confused as he looked. Had I been giving mixed signals? I didn’t think so, but—
“Look, babe, I know I hurt you last year, but we had a good thing going,” he said. “We belong together.”
For the first time, I saw things from his point of view. I saw myself from his point of view.
I hated it.
He’d seen me as a challenge, yes, but then when we were together he’d treated me like a sidekick. A recurring role on the Danny show, but the kind of secondary character you never knew much about. The kind that was flat and boring and utterly forgettable.
I suddenly knew without a doubt that he hadn’t cheated on me because he’d been trying to hurt me, he’d just…forgotten about me. In that moment, he’d needed someone to gaze at him in adoration. If I wasn’t around, someone else would suffice.
He’d cast me in that role just like he’d given me the ice queen label after our breakup. He’d been shaping my image to suit him, spreading lies if need be just to fit his narrative.
Well, I was done being this guy’s personal puppet.
I crossed my arms as I faced him. Somehow having stood up to him before and in front of everyone, it no longer seemed so impossible. It was possible and I’d survive any fallout. I knew that now, and a big part of that was due to Conner.
Conner. I wished that he was here, not because I needed his help but because I wanted him nearby. All my weird fears from earlier—that Conner had been talking crap about me, that he’d made a joke out of me—they seemed so stupid right now. Danny and Conner might both be cocky, but that was the only similarity they shared.
Danny’s arrogance was based in selfishness and insecurities. He’d only ever wanted me because I was a challenge. He’d wanted to prove he could get me and once he had me, he hadn’t wanted me. But Conner…he was nothing like that. He saw me for who I was. He wanted me for me.
Danny reached for me and I realized that I had yet to respond. My brain had been putting the pieces of the puzzle into place but I had yet to inform Danny of this new reality. “It’ll never happen, Danny,” I said. “Just let it go.”
Anger replaced confusion. “Is this because of him?”
I huffed in frustration. Of course I knew who he meant. But before I could reply I noticed that Danny wasn’t looking at me. He was glaring at someone…
Oh no.
I turned to see Conner weaving his way through the crowd, his eyes fixed on me with such intensity, I felt it like an actual touch against my skin.
“I don’t believe it,” someone muttered beside me. It was Erika, coming to my side as if to protect me. But I didn’t need her protection—at least, not from Conner. If anything, he needed my protection.
I turned back to Danny with the coldest, iciest stare I could conjure. “Listen up, Danny. You gave me the nickname ice queen, told everyone how heartless I am—” A blush crept up his neck at my accusations and he started to stutter a protest as I leaned in toward him. “But here’s the thing. You have no idea how ruthless I can be to protect the ones I love.”
His eyes widened in surprise. I even saw a flicker of fear there, but I was too busy reeling over the fact that I’d used the L-word about Conner, albeit in a roundabout way. “Yeah,” I said through clenched teeth. “I was with you long enough to know all your dirty secrets, remember?”
He cringed a bit and I knew we were both remembering the time his mom had divulged all the gory details of his irritable bowel syndrome while I was in the room. But that was just the tip of the iceberg—one didn’t date a guy for nearly a year without learning a thing or two that he wouldn’t want the world to know.
His eyes flickered over my face as if to gauge how serious I was.
I was pure ice, letting nothing else show.
“You wouldn’t,” he said, but he didn’t sound certain.
I arched my brows. “I would…if you mess with my new boyfriend.”
Erika gasped beside me and the whispers started almost instantly. The people around me might not have caught much but the word boyfriend was loud enough to be heard and spread like wildfire.
“Is there a problem here?” Conner was at my side and calmed me in a way I never could have imagined. He made me feel even stronger and I arched my brows at Conner. Do we have a problem?
Danny shook his head, his sneer so gross it made me wonder how I ever could have kissed that mouth. “Nah, whatever, man. She’s all yours.”
Nice. Real nice.
We both watched him walk away and I was keenly aware of all the eyes on me. But this time, I didn’t care. I was just so glad that Conner was here, but also…so pissed that Conner was here. He could have gotten himself killed! Not literally, maybe, but he could have been injured.
That thought had me whipping around to face him, my scowl still in place. “What are you doing here?”
He held his hands up in defense and I saw Erika herd people away from us to give us some privacy. “Look, I know what you heard,” he said, his eyes so filled with regret and apology it threw me for a loop.
It took me a full second to remember that stupid rumor that I’d begged him to go to homecoming. Ugh, not one of my favorite rumors, but in the grand scheme of things, not a huge deal. I was about to tell him just that when he said, “I know that you must hate me right now but I swear, this all might have started out as a stupid bet but it’s not anymore.”
I blinked as his words hit, my body reacting before my brain could truly register what he was saying. I think the churning in my gut was more of a reaction to the pleading in his voice, the regret in his eyes—my body understood that he’d done something to hurt me before my heart and mind could play catch-up.
“What?” It was all I could manage and it came out on a breath.
“The bet,” he said. “It wasn’t even a bet, really. More like a dare.” He winced. “I’m not saying this right. What matters is, I might have started going after you because you were the ice queen or whatever, but then it became so much more.”
“Y-you…” I started and stopped. I had to lick my lips because my mouth had gone painfully dry. My whole body felt like it was shriveling up as my mind latched onto key phrases and pieced it together one painful insight at a time. “You were only getting to know me to win a bet?”
He stared at me in horror. “You didn’t know.”
I shook my head. For the first time since I met Conner I had no problem reverting to that place…the one deep inside where my emotions got shoved into the background and outside grew cold and hard.
“I thought you were mad,” he started. “Your friend said there was a rumor and—”
“The rumor was that I’d begged you to go to homecoming with me.” My voice was absurdly calm given the fact that my heart was breaking. How stupid. How incredibly stupid. To think this guy saw what no one else ever had, that he’d seen inside me or some ridiculous romantic drivel like that.
I was so dumb. I was so inexcusably idiotic.
“I like you, Rosalie,” he said. He gripped my arms and I didn’t try to pull away. But I did flinch and that had him dropping his hands quickly, running his palms against his jeans. “If you could just let me explain.”
“No need.” I took a step back, the distance helping me to breathe, the air helping me to clear my head, the clarity helping me to go deeper into that safe space where he could never hurt me. “I get it. You wanted to prove that you were the big man, right? That you could…what? Thaw the ice queen?” I didn’t recognize my own voice. It sounded brittle and cold. No emotions, just the simple truth—a truth that was confirmed with his wince. “I see.”
“You don’t understand,” he said.
“Oh, but I do.” I shrugged as if it didn’t matter. As if my insides were crumbling to dust as I realized that this had all been fake. Every kind word, every teasing look, every joke, all the times I’d thought he’d seen the real me…all lies. All of it.<
br />
How many times would I have to learn this lesson? First with Danny and then my dad…guys could not be trusted. I’d known this. From the very beginning I’d thought he’d had some agenda, some ulterior motive. But I’d let him sweep me off my feet anyway. I’d let myself believe that this was real, and I…I was the only one to blame here.
“Rosalie, please, just hear me out.” Distantly I was aware of his panic, and I knew without a doubt that at some point in my near future I would be hurting. But for right now, I felt in control for the first time in a long time.
I felt cold and untouchable. I was the ice queen. And if that meant not breaking down right now?
I was just fine with that.
16
Conner
I watched her walk away with my heart in my throat. That had not gone well.
And that…was also the understatement of the year.
Epic fail, that’s what that was. I’d messed up so badly, and for the first time in my life I had no idea what to do to fix things. I was used to being a screw-up but never like this. I’d never hurt someone so badly…I’d never hurt myself so badly.
“Hey, you okay?” Harley was at my side. I had no idea how much of that she heard, but she’d at least seen how it had ended, so… I guess she got the gist.
“I screwed up.”
She didn’t try to deny it, but with a firm grip, she steered me by my upper arms toward the far wall. “Everyone’s watching. Try not to cry.”
That woke me out of my dazed state and I glared down at her. “I’m not going to cry.”
Sure, my heart might have felt like it was cracking in two and fragments were littering the empty hollow in my chest, but I wasn’t going to cry. I was too far gone for tears. “I really messed up.”
Admitting that seemed to be the only thing I was capable of saying right now, and Harley just gave my arms an awkward pat in response as she released her death grip. “We messed up,” she said.
I stared at her, seeing her as if for the first time. I guess I’d gotten used to having her around because Harley looked oddly familiar. Comforting. Almost like a friend. Despite her bland expression, I saw guilt flickering in her eyes.
“This wasn’t your fault,” I said.
She shrugged. “Sure it was. I pushed the issue. I just thought…”
“What?”
“I thought everything came too easily for you. But then I realized that it looked that way because you never went after things that weren’t easy.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Really? You’re calling me out for being a wuss now?” I shook my head and gestured to the area I’d been standing when Rosalie had shut me out. Now I understood the ice queen nickname in a whole new way. She’d turned to ice right in front of my eyes, she’d turned inward, she’d…she’d disappeared from right in front of my eyes.
My chest ached at the mere memory because I knew with absolute certainty that she’d shut down because I’d hurt her. And that was unforgiveable. I would never be able to forgive myself for hurting her, so I couldn’t expect her to.
“Did you miss the part where I just had my heart broken back there?” I asked.
Harley flinched but she didn’t back down. “I saw.” She crossed her arms. “But the question now is—what are you going to do about it?”
I glared at her because it was easier to get annoyed with Harley than think about the fact that Rosalie had just walked away from me…possibly forever. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” She took a step closer. “What are you going to do about it?”
I blinked, my mind starting to switch into gear. Her lips curved up in a smirk, that challenging look back in place but without the old contentiousness it once held.
Now she looked like she was prodding, expecting…hoping.
Something about that look made my heart kick into gear. Now it was adrenaline rushing through my veins rather than fear and the threat of utter despair.
I could fix this.
I didn’t know how, but I could fix this. Harley seemed to think I could, and right now that was the lifeline I needed to cling to.
I could fix this.
I would fix it.
Everything else Harley had said was starting to register, too, and as it did I found myself torn between resentment and self-recrimination. “You thought I only went after things that were easy?”
She cocked her head to the side and met my gaze levelly. “Didn’t you?”
My life at our old school flashed before my eyes. I’d never really worked for anything, that much was true. Life had been easy, and whatever wasn’t easy, I’d decided didn’t matter. Like school and grades.
Rosalie was the first time something hadn’t come easily for me…but that wasn’t why I liked her. That wasn’t why I’d pursued her. I’d chased after her because I liked her. Because I knew—I’d known from the first moment I saw her—that she would be worth it. That I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything before, and for that I would pay whatever price.
“So?” Harley prompted, clearly seeing the answers written all over my face. “Was I right? Are you going to give up when the going gets tough?”
“No,” I said, with all the conviction I felt. “I’m not letting Rosalie go. Not without a fight.”
Man, the words made me amped. I’d never fought for anything or anyone, not really. It had always seemed so much easier to just let people come and go. Not get too attached because they might leave in the end. It didn’t take a psychiatrist to know I’d learned that lesson from my dad.
But was I really going to let my deadbeat dad dictate whether or not I got the girl?
No. No way.
“I’m going to get her back,” I said.
Harley grinned up at me in response. “Yeah, you are. Go get her, champ.”
I nodded. Right, I was going to…go get her. “How exactly do I do that?”
Harley did not have an answer, that much was clear. We stood there looking at each other as if a brilliant plan would suddenly hatch from a staring contest.
“She might not have left yet,” Harley finally offered.
I nodded, looking around. It was too crowded in the basement and all eyes were on us. I looked back to Harley. “The only problem is, she’s not exactly open to hearing me right now.”
Harley grimaced. “Yeah, she did seem a little…icy.”
“Nice,” I muttered.
“Sorry, it was the only good descriptor I could think of.” She pretended to shiver. “That girl is kind of scary when she goes full ice queen like that.”
I stared at Harley as thoughts clicked into place and started to form the semblance of a plan. A bad plan, no doubt. Hardly one to guarantee success…but it was better than nothing.
“What is it?” Harley asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I know what I have to do.”
“What’s that?”
“I have to stop playing it cool,” I said.
She blinked. “Are you…I don’t know…” She waved her hand as she looked for the words. “Are you capable of that?”
I arched my brows. “Capable of making a fool of myself? Of course.”
She bit her lip. “And this will help how exactly?”
I let out a huff of air because I was already scanning the room for my target. Everybody and their mother was at this party for the football team, so I knew he’d be here…
Bingo.
It didn’t take long to spot the lanky guy in the corner, the one who was no doubt spying and spreading rumors. I started in his direction, but Harley stopped me with a hand on my arm.
“Wait, Rosalie went that way,” she said, pointing toward the stairs.
“Yeah but there’s a guy I need to see first.” I tugged my arm out from hers and headed toward Lars.
Before I talked to Rosalie…I had a few rumors to spread first.
17
Rosalie
I could have gone home. Ma
ybe I should have gone home. But the idea of home was not much more appealing right now. My dad was currently packing his things up so he and my mom could have a ‘break.’ A little separation to help work things out…that was how he and my mom had sold it to the twins.
I wasn’t exactly excited to go home and watch him pack up his things, and besides…I was doing just fine sitting here amongst my friends. They’d quickly learned that I didn’t want to talk about it. Not what I’d said to Danny, not the new rumors that I’d stupidly started about Conner being my boyfriend, and most particularly not the scene Conner and I had caused immediately thereafter.
Nope. I was just fine sitting here in silence, pretending to listen to Tara’s current boy drama while Allie and Kyle got all cute and cuddly on the couch opposite me and Erika flirted with some senior I barely knew.
As for me? I was numb. Not thinking, not stewing, not worrying, not even hurting.
I was just numb. Nothing could touch me right now and that was the way I liked it. If it were up to me I’d sit here and enjoy not feeling as long as I could.
But of course, that was asking too much of my friends. Allie, in particular. I hadn’t even noticed that her boyfriend had gotten up and moved away…it wasn’t until Allie was standing right in front of me and I had to crane my head back to see her face that I noticed she was there…and she was glaring at me.
Tara had moved on, too, when I wasn’t paying attention, and I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting alone on this couch in Danny’s den. How many nights had I spent hanging out here? Watching movies and pretending to be interested in whatever Danny was interested in…
Why? For what? What had I been thinking?
I hadn’t. I’d just wanted to be accepted, see what it was like to be the popular girl.
It wasn’t as great as it was chalked up to be in the movies, that much I knew for sure. Even popular girls had their issues. No amount of adulation would fix my parents’ relationship, and no cheerleading uniform would make the heartache easier when I eventually let myself feel it.
Charming the Cheerleader (The Bet Duet Book 1) Page 12