Follow Me, Like Me

by Charlotte Seager

  Before registration, I can hear the clipping of Louise’s heeled shoes on the laminate floor before I see her. The girls are all back around me, and I laugh loudly at something Ameerah’s just said. I’m about to pretend I haven’t seen Louise – make her seek me out – but then I shake myself.

  No. She’s your friend. Don’t make this more difficult for her.

  I turn my head and catch her eye. Louise’s cheeks are puce, but she lifts her chin slightly.

  ‘Chloe. C-c-can I have a word?’

  All the other girls are staring at her. In fact, I think the whole class queuing outside our form room is.

  I shrug. ‘Sure.’

  * * *

  Once it’s just us two, standing in one of the small music rooms further along the corridor, Louise takes a deep breath.

  ‘I-I —’ She stops, clears her throat, and then starts again. ‘I had no idea . . .’ she says, so quietly it’s almost a whisper. ‘I thought . . . you and Jerome – I thought—’

  I stand there, watching her.

  ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—’ Her eyes are starting to fill with tears. She tries to dab them with her sleeve so they don’t spill mascara down her cheeks.

  I sigh. It’s the first time I’ve made a noise since Louise started speaking, and she looks up, startled.

  ‘How did he get those photos?’ I say quietly.

  Louise is snivelling now, sniffing into her sleeve. Her lips are trembling. ‘I sent them,’ she whispers.

  ‘What? You sent them to Sven?’

  ‘No, no! I got a message from someone I thought was Jerome. He said he’d got locked out of Instagram and was using a new account, and could I resend him the pictures I’d sent the other night as they’d been wiped.’

  ‘And you didn’t tell me?’

  ‘I'm sorry! I sent them and then felt so stupid. I didn’t think. And then when they got emailed out, I just assumed . . . I don’t know . . . It didn’t feel right.’ She sniffs. ‘I should have believed you.’

  ‘It’s OK,’ I say.

  Louise blinks. ‘Serious?’

  I shake my head. ‘Yes. He was a freak. I thought something weird was going on too. I should have mentioned it to you but –’ I sigh – ‘I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to tell you.’

  ‘It’s so awful.’ Louise starts gabbling. ‘What happened to you – I can’t believe it! You shouldn’t have had to put up with that! What did he do when you saw him? I saw a bit of the video clip, but that’s only a few seconds. What—’

  I cut Louise off. ‘The photos coming out, what happened to you – it’s awful too!’

  I lean forward and give her tall frame a big hug. She squeezes me hard back.

  Pulling away, I hold her at arm’s length. ‘I’ll tell all of you what happened together – c’mon.’

  Louise stays put. ‘I really am sorry,’ she says, so softly I almost can’t hear her.

  I link my arm in hers. ‘Me too.’

  * * *

  When we walk back into class, I spot Amber sitting right at the back, her head down, staring at the desk. If I’m honest, it’s the first time I’ve seen her in registration, and if I wasn’t looking for her, I probably wouldn’t even notice she was there.

  The girls all gather around me as soon as I sit down, leaning in, asking for details. The boys too start shouting things at me about being ‘wronged’. I smile and flick my hair over one shoulder.

  Everything is back how it used to be, but that’s not how I want it to be.

  Ms Brown is standing at the front of class now, peering over her spectacles as she tries to call out the register.

  No one is listening; they’re all focused on me.

  Everyone is whispering, asking questions. The girls sitting on desks either side have twisted their chairs so they are directly facing me. A couple of the guys have actually left their seats and are perched on the desk closest to me, waving and trying to get my attention.

  I look across at Amber.

  She’s the furthest from me she possibly could be. She’s the one who saved me from Sven – I mean, Ren. And she’s the only person in class who doesn’t have someone sitting next to her.

  Ms Brown starts shouting at the boys to get back to their seats.

  Abruptly I stand up.

  ‘Ms Brown?’ I call out.

  She blinks. ‘What is it, Chloe?’

  ‘I was wondering if I could say a few words about what happened with my cyberstalker to the whole class.’

  A murmur sweeps across the room. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me.

  ‘G’on, miss! Let her say,’ shouts one of the guys from the back.

  Ms Brown shushes him. ‘I think that would be an excellent idea. In fact, we can dedicate a PSHE lesson to cyberstalking, but right now might not be the best ti—’

  ‘Thank you, Ms Brown,’ I say, waving my hand at her.

  I push back my seat noisily and go to stand at the front of the class. She doesn’t stop me. Every single eye is on me. I can feel myself warming up, coming alive under their gaze.

  At the very back, Amber’s head lifts.

  I clear my throat. ‘As you all know, I had a stalker.’ A hushed, excited whisper goes out across the entire class. ‘A cyberstalker. He ghosted my email, my social media accounts, my . . . well, my whole life. He fooled everyone.’

  Louise’s cheeks flush pink.

  ‘So I decided to meet him.’

  There’s a gasp from someone at the back of class.

  ‘Which I know now was a terrible idea.’

  The class is deathly silent, rapt with attention. Slowly, I start explaining what happened. How he seemed normal, he seemed OK – at first. I talked about how angry I got with his messages, how he started to turn.

  Then I lower my voice and talk about how I felt. How scared I was – how I didn’t realize how stupid it was to think I could know someone I’d never met.

  ‘I should never have gone to meet him. He wasn’t who I thought he was, he was dangerous. I felt powerless, scared.’

  Amber is staring straight at me. I put my hand on my hip.

  ‘But there’s one person in this room who intervened. Who stopped him.’

  A few eyes swivel to Ameerah, Louise – my other girls – but I ever so slightly shake my head.

  ‘This girl came up behind him when he had me pinned to the ground. She scared him – got him off me. He was like, six foot something and massive, but she stopped him.’ I lower my voice. ‘I don’t know what would have happened if Amber Nighy hadn’t been walking past that day.’

  There’s another gasp from somewhere in the class. Then one of the guys scoffs.

  ‘Amber Nighy? What the hell was she doing there?’

  I look straight at him, and he shuts up.

  ‘She shouted at him. She stopped the stalker.’

  No one is staring at me any more. They’ve all turned round to look at Amber – who is slowly turning bright red.

  Ms Brown steps forward. ‘I think what this calls for is a round of applause – for both of you.’

  I can feel myself cringe. Oh God! Why do teachers always do this? Why did she have to make things so lame?

  But as Ms Brown claps as loudly as a brass brand, the others start joining in. There’s a wolf whistle from one of the guys, then he claps Amber on the back of the shoulder.

  ‘Well done, Nighy!’

  ‘Yeah, thanks, Amber,’ says Louise.

  As the class applauds, I walk back to my seat and catch Amber’s eye. She looks mortified as people shout things at her, but when she sees me, I wave.

  And she gives a tiny smile back.

  CHAPTER 55

  Amber

  It feels like I’ve stepped into a parallel universe. Normally I feel invisible at school, but today, it’s like a spotlight has been shone on every inch of me. All of me is illuminated: nothing is in the dark.

  But it also feels like I’m under hot lights. My cheeks have been on fire ever s
ince Chloe stood up and talked about me in registration. I’ve managed to steal away into the corridor now, but after class, everyone kept coming up to me, clapping me on the back, asking me questions about what happened.

  People who last week wouldn’t even have looked at me if I’d tried to speak to them.

  I’d always expected being the centre of attention to feel great. I thought it must be wonderful to be like Seb and have everyone wanting to talk to you, but for some reason, I don’t feel ecstatic. Instead I just feel . . . awkward.

  People keep wanting to know more and more. I’ve had to repeat the same story again and again. How I fended off Ren; how I ‘saved’ Chloe. And I’ve had to skirt the questions about why I was there in the first place.

  Chloe hasn’t mentioned what I confided in her about stalking Ren. When she describes the story, it’s like I came out of nowhere to save her. She makes it funny, too. She came over earlier while people were asking me questions, and I was stuttering, and immediately took over the conversation, while somehow still making everyone stare at me in wonder.

  She knows how to tell a story, Chloe. Not only that, but she knows how to make people like her. How to be the centre of attention without blushing and wishing the floor would swallow her up. In fact, she seems to come alive when everyone is watching.

  We couldn’t be more different.

  As I’m walking along now with the final bell ringing, I catch several people’s eyes, but immediately look down so they don’t try to come over. When I look back up, a couple of people are still glancing at me as they put on their coats, but I stare rigidly at the floor until they stop.

  My feet are walking faster and faster without me paying attention. As I wander across the school playground, I can feel the eyes on me melting away either side. I find myself heading towards a familiar, quieter place.

  My steps slowly curve in the direction of the gym.

  My stomach twinges as I think of the last time I was here, the last time I saw him.

  When I get to the wall where he always stood, there’s no one there. Just an empty space. I guess it is past five o’clock.

  I pull my jumper low over my fingertips. Then – without thinking about what I’m doing – I push open the door and step through into the warm.

  There’s a figure directly in front of me, and as soon as I see their face, they smile.

  ‘Hey,’ I say, in a quieter voice than I was expecting.

  Iulia beams at me and comes over.

  CHAPTER 56

  Chloe

  Mum doesn’t believe me until the school rings up on Monday night, mainly because I haven’t bothered telling her what happened. She listens intently for several moments, saying ‘uhhuh, uh-huh’, and occasionally interrupting them in a sharp voice to ask questions.

  I’m sitting on the sofa in a big, soft jumper and woolly socks, with a notebook propped up on my lap, sketching the shape of our cat Jemima, who is curled up next to me, when Mum marches into the living room.

  ‘You had a stalker?!’ she says, with a mixture of horror and excitement. ‘Oh-my-God! Darling!’ She rushes over and her slimy skin – slathered in expensive-smelling moisturizer – clasps my hand.

  ‘I can’t believe how wronged you were! Just wait until I tell Tallie about this!’ she exclaims, rushing back to the kitchen to pick up her phone.

  I stare after her for a few moments.

  That was it? ‘I can’t believe how wronged you were’ and ‘Just wait until I tell Tallie about this?’ No apology for not believing me. No real interest in the situation, apart from that it’s a titbit of drama to gossip about with her stupid friend. To be honest, I didn’t really expect her to be that invested. Or apologize, even.

  Meanwhile, my own phone is filling up with messages. Buzzing every few seconds as the news sweeps across school.

  Rachel I never doubted you!

  Ameerah I can’t believe what he did!

  What a psycho.

  There’s also a message from Tom.

  Tom You went to see him, and you didn’t tell me?! Call me!

  My heart is heavy as I read his message. I know I should call Tom – but ever since I told Amber that I need him, I’ve been feeling . . . I don’t know. Scared. Scared to tell him about seeing Sve— I mean, Ren. Scared to admit I did it without telling him. Scared to admit how much danger I put myself in.

  At that moment, my phone lights up with another WhatsApp message. I drop my notebook onto Jemima’s tail.

  Louise Do you want to come over this weekend?

  I stare down at it. I’m almost tempted to say no, as I’m already going over to Ameerah’s. But something has changed. I think of Amber, spending every single day at school alone . . . the things I said. I think about Tom – how much I argued with him, made him suffer, for stupid reasons.

  I shake my head. I don’t want to be that person. I start typing.

  Chloe Sure! I was planning to go to Ameerah’s. Come with? x

  Then I click open Tom’s chat icon.

  Chloe Can we speak in person? After lessons? I’ll be in tomorrow.

  And finally, I tap in Amber’s number and type out a message to her.

  Chloe Hey, how are you doing? We should catch up sometime at school!

  Then I let my phone drop to my lap, pick up my notebook, and go back to sketching a fluffy, annoyed-looking Jemima.

  CHAPTER 57

  Amber

  Somehow, even Iulia has heard about me confronting Ren. It must have been from one of the school PE groups that come in to the gym during the day. And she can’t stop talking about it. Her eyes are shining, and her cheeks are flushed as she asks me question after question.

  I tell her everything, feeling my voice stutter when she gasps at moments in the story. After I’ve finished explaining what happened, Iulia raises her eyebrows at me.

  ‘You showed him, girl,’ she says, whistling.

  I smile at her. Even with just one person, the attention is making me uncomfortable. But there’s something else I want to ask her. Something I can’t quite understand.

  ‘Iulia . . .’ I pause, not quite sure how to phrase this. ‘When you told me your story, about Ren, about how you met. Well . . . you mentioned you met in September. But I remember hearing that the course starts in October.’

  I glance up.

  Iulia looks nonplussed. She tilts her head to one side and wrinkles her nose.

  ‘Yes, the course starts in October, but we met at an open day over the summer, then we started gyming together all of September.’

  She says this so casually, like it’s nothing.

  ‘Ah, that makes sense,’ I say.

  She grins. ‘What? Did you think I was lying?’

  She looks so incredulous that I find myself laughing back.

  I think of Jemma – that Instagram photo that Ansh posted, the one I thought made her story unbelievable. Then I think of Maisie – how I never found out her side of the story. How I was convinced that not speaking to her meant it didn’t happen.

  So what if Ansh posted a photo the same night Jemma said she was with Ren? Maybe she got her dates muddled. Maybe Ren asked him to post it as a cover-up.

  All those hours and hours I spent looking at his social media profiles, looking for clues. They weren’t clues, were they? They were a carefully curated profile that he wanted everyone to see.

  It’s like looking for blemishes on an airbrushed magazine. Completely and utterly pointless.

  I stare at the wall for a few seconds.

  ‘So, what do you want to work on today? What were your goals again?’ says Iulia, with a smile.

  I blink at her. I never even thought about my fitness goals. Every trip I’ve had to the gym so far has been about Ren. Either hoping to bump into him or wanting to speak to Ansh or Iulia so I could quiz them about him getting fired.

  Now that’s gone, and I’m standing here in the gym without my face flushing, my stomach clenching with nerves, it feels . . . oddly free
ing.

  I look round at all the machines I’ve never bothered to learn the names of. I could spend lunchtime running, or jogging, or rowing.

  I look back at Iulia, and I smile.

  ‘What do you suggest?’

  CHAPTER 58

  Chloe

  The next morning before registration, Tom is waiting for me by my locker. My stomach does a weird somersault when I see him. He doesn’t look how he usually does – his hair is slightly rumpled, and he has deep purple rings under his eyes. When he sees me, he doesn’t even say hello, just steps forward, his mouth open.

  ‘What the hell?! What were you thinking – going and seeing that stalker all by yourself? Why didn’t you tell me! I would have come with you.’

  He looks pissed off. I can feel my body shrinking away, wanting to turn and run. Or shout at him, tell him it’s not working, before bolting, like I would have done before. But I shake my head.

  No.

  He’s not being unfair, is he? I should have told him what I was doing. I was stupid. If Amber hadn’t been there . . . well, then anything could have happened.

  I bite my lip. ‘I’m sorry.’

  He looks shocked, like I’ve blown the wind out of his sails.

  ‘You’re right. I should have told you. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have put myself in danger.’

  Tom’s face almost instantly softens. He looks at me for a second, then puts his head in his hands.

  ‘How do you think I felt when I heard? What if that other guy hadn’t come and stopped it? What if you’d just been left—’

  ‘It wasn’t another guy.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘The person who scared him away. It wasn’t another guy. It was Amber Nighy – she’s in my form.’

  Tom looks completely blank. ‘Oh, right. I don’t think I know her.’

  ‘She’s really cool,’ I say, lifting my chin up.

  Tom frowns. ‘OK, great. So you got lucky. That doesn’t make it better. I should have come with you.’