As I’m scrolling through Lily’s feed, I open another tab and click on Bryan’s YouTube page. I don’t find Bryan’s channel half as fun; he mainly just talks about weird music. I tap through to his Instagram page. I mean, I don’t mind the photos of his bandmate Jerry – he’s quite hot – but my favourite thing is the pictures he posts of him and Lily.
Before long, I find what I’m looking for – a selfie of Bryan and Lily snuggled up on the sofa together with Bryan’s parents’ little white puppy, Polar, wriggling between them. Bry’s pulling a mock stern face, Polar’s paws are entwined in his beard, while Lily has her head tipped back with an easy smile.
They look so happy. I click through to Lily’s vlog channel, LilyLives, and open a video of them exploring London. These are my favourite. Bry is running ahead, laughing and jumping on some railings, while Lily is pretending not to watch and rolling her eyes.
‘Seriously, Lily, what is this – 2005? Let’s order it online,’ he complains as she drags him into a supermarket. Then Lily pouts, and he laughs, spinning his feet round to follow her.
I lose a good hour wrapped up in their videos, in fact it’s 12 p.m. before I notice the time. Oh crap. Mum, Dad and my brother, Aidy, will be back from swimming soon. I tear myself away from Lily’s videos and look around my room. Mum is going to flip. It’s a mess of clothes, hairbrushes and discarded make-up. My life is so much worse than Lily’s – I wish I had a beautiful home and a boyfriend.
Not that Bryan is really my type – there are much better-looking guys in lower sixth. Bry is very skinny, and his eyes are slightly too close together. But then he does have the whole band thing, which somehow makes him sexier. And he does really care for Lily.
Nibbling my nail, I think about what life would be like if I had a boyfriend. Me and a tall, dark, good-looking guy going for a trip to London – posting pictures on my blog of us visiting quirky restaurants, coming back to our flat to rustle up dinner, him laughing and teaching me to cook. Or maybe we’d both be terrible at cooking, so we’d get a takeaway and snuggle up together, kissing the grease off each other’s lips . . .
I click back to Lily’s blog. The pathetic thing is I don’t have a boyfriend. I haven’t even kissed a boy. Well, not properly. I had a couple of awkward lip clashes with my boyfriend Yousef a couple of years ago, but we were such little kids – it wasn’t a real relationship. At the end of year nine, he moved schools, so I dumped him. That was the depth of our love.
Sixteen years old and I’ve never had a proper boyfriend. This is my life.
I open my own blog and split the screen so it’s side by side with Lily’s. All I’ve written about so far is make-up reviews, and I’ve now exhausted everything in my collection. My follower count is stubbornly stuck on fifty-one. I don’t know what else I can do. I’ve already tried and tested nearly everything in our house.
I click through some more London beauty blogs. I pause, looking at one blogger’s photo of some Shoreditch street art. It looks like something you’d see on Flickr.
Hmm, I wonder . . .
I type ‘Shoreditch street art’ into Flickr images. A flurry of East London shots pop up on my page. They look seriously cool. If only I’d been there. If only I could have taken these images. My blog would look great.
I click on one of the images and notice a tiny ‘C’ with a score through the middle of it, with ‘public domain’ written underneath. Wait a minute – does that mean I can use this image for my blog?
I read the blurb. From what I can see . . . yes.
Within minutes I have a bank of free images from London – market food, street art, even some touristy-looking shots from Buckingham Palace.
With trembling fingers, I upload them to a new blog page. Keeping Lily’s blog open beside mine, I start writing:
Wonderful day out with my friends in London! You all have to try these locally sourced fruits – they’re delicious, truly divine. Had to take a snap to share with you. I just couldn’t help myself! Love IssaAdores xoxox
I title the post ‘Issa’s London Escapade’. It looks like a really fun day out. My hand hovers over the publish button . . . I can’t quite decide whether to publish it. I feel like I am crossing some invisible line.
But, I mean, I could easily have gone out and taken these photos. I could easily have visited these places. There’s nothing weird about it – I will probably one day actually visit all of these spots. And then I can replace the photos with my own. They’re just placeholders really.
With my mind set, I click publish and feel a surge of elation. My blog looks much cooler – much more like Lily’s. I give it a couple of minutes and refresh the page. My follower count has already leaped up to fifty-three.
First published 2019 by Macmillan
This electronic edition published 2019 by Macmillan Children's Books
an imprint of Pan Macmillan
The Smithson, 6 Briset Street, London EC1M 5NR
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com
ISBN 978-1-5290-0207-2
Copyright © Charlotte Seager 2019
Cover design © Helen Crawford-White
The right of Charlotte Seager to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
Pan Macmillan does not have any control over, or any responsibility for, any author or third-party websites referred to in or on this book.
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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
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