He had to tell him. There was simply no other option.
The thought of doing it now, though, made him feel sick all over again. All Tyler wanted was to go home, lick his wounds, and feel sorry for himself.
Jack had begun to rub his back, in big soothing circles. Tyler sat up and leaned back against the bathroom wall, dislodging Jack’s hand. “Honestly, I think I’ll be better off at home.” He glanced up and met Jack’s gaze. “I’m sorry I ruined the evening.”
“For God’s sake, don’t worry about that.” Jack put a hand on Tyler’s ankle and worked his fingers under the hem of his jeans. “Besides, I think you were right.” He smiled softly, and Tyler’s chest constricted. “I should probably wait until they accept the offer.”
“Yeah, you probably should.” Tyler’s voice sounded croaky to his own ears, and he wasn’t surprised when Jack sighed and offered to drive him home. “No, it’s okay. I have my car here. I might as well—”
“Nonsense.” Jack stood and held out a hand for him. “You’re in no fit state to drive. Come on.”
Tyler allowed himself to be helped up and couldn’t resist leaning in when Jack slipped his arm around Tyler’s waist and held him close. Jack was a wall of warmth and strength, and Tyler shamelessly clung to him as they walked towards the front door.
Jack dropped him off with a kiss and a hug after Tyler insisted he didn’t need him to come inside as he was only going straight to bed. Jack acquiesced but made Tyler promise to call him in the morning.
As soon as Tyler locked the door, he leaned back against it and slid his phone out of his pocket to text Aaron.
Are you busy?
Surprisingly not.
The text came back almost straight away and Tyler relaxed with relief. He really needed to talk to someone. His hands shook a little as he hurried to type out a reply.
Come over.
He hit Send and then immediately added And bring tequila.
It was his go-to drink when things went to shit. It was as good as telling Aaron it had all gone tits up.
Oh fuck. Be there in twenty.
Thanks.
Tyler slipped his phone back into his pocket, kicked off his shoes, and went to see if he had any lemons or limes.
True to his word, Aaron knocked on his door almost exactly twenty minutes later. Tyler opened it and stepped aside as Aaron walked in, tequila bottle in hand.
He stopped and looked Tyler up and down. “Christ, you look like shit, Ty.” He thrust the bottle at Tyler’s chest. “Come on, let’s crack this open and you can tell me all about it.”
With a resigned sigh, Tyler led the way into his living room and sank down onto the sofa. Shot glasses, salt, and lime wedges were already laid out on the coffee table, and Tyler set the bottle down next to them.
They were both silent as Tyler poured. He handed a glass to Aaron, and they did their first shot.
Tyler winced as he bit into the lime wedge. Tequila probably wasn’t the best idea on top of his already dodgy stomach, but at this point, he didn’t care.
“So.” Aaron wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and set his glass back on the table. “I only spoke to you five hours ago, and everything was all sparkles and rainbows. What the fuck happened?”
Tyler bit his lip, the photo clear as day in his mind. “It turns out my James is also Jack’s Simon.” He watched Aaron’s face as he processed Tyler’s words. Aaron looked confused at first, and to be fair, Tyler had only briefly mentioned Jack’s ex when he told Aaron about their argument.
Then understanding dawned on Aaron’s face. “Oh, fucking hell.”
“Yep.”
Aaron didn’t wait for Tyler this time. He reached for the bottle and poured another shot. “I think we’re going to need a lot more than one.”
Tyler couldn’t agree more.
So Aaron refilled their glasses, and Tyler told him about finding the photo and Jack’s explanation about their nicknames.
“I mean, come on—” Tyler licked the salt from his hand, downed his drink, and rammed the lime into his mouth. “—James even had me calling him a name he fucking hates.” He frowned as he thought about it. When Jack said it, Tyler had been too shocked to take it in, but realising what that meant made him feel even shittier about everything.
Aaron grunted in disgust. “That bastard.”
“Christ, I feel so fucking stupid for ever trusting him or believing his bullshit.” Tyler scrubbed a hand over his face. “And now—” He paused to sink back into the sofa and look up at the ceiling. “—now I feel like I cheated on Jack.”
“What? That’s crazy talk. Oi, look at me.” Aaron kicked him in the shin until Tyler turned to face him. “I know circumstances are beyond shit and it’s not going to be fun telling Jack about this, but it’s not your fault. Any of it.”
Aaron was starting to look a little blurry around the edges, and Tyler blinked to try and get him back in focus. “James—” Tyler sighed in frustration. “—I mean Simon, cheated on Jack and lied about it for months. Jack was devastated. You didn’t see him when he was telling me about it that day in Leigh Woods. I felt bad enough having been on the other end of a similar situation, but now it turns it wasn’t similar, it was the same fucking one. Jack’s arsehole partner cheated on him with me.” Tyler jabbed a finger into his chest. “I’ve had sex with the man who betrayed him and made him feel like shit for the last eight months. The thought makes me feel ill. How the fuck do you think it’s going to make Jack feel?”
Aaron said nothing, just reached for the bottle and poured them another drink.
Tyler barked out a harsh laugh. “Yeah. Exactly.”
They downed their shots. Tyler barely felt the burn anymore. “And the worst thing is, I don’t blame Jack one bit, because I think I’d probably feel exactly the same.”
Aaron sighed. “Maybe he won’t blame you.”
“I don’t think that will be the problem.” Tyler rested his head on the back of the sofa and turned his head to look at Aaron. “Even if he believes that I didn’t know, things will be different between us. Every time he looks at me he’s going to be reminded that I was one of the reasons he broke up with Simon.”
“But you weren’t the reason—”
“I might not have been the reason he decided to cheat in the first place, but whether I was aware of it at the time or not, I was a part of their break-up. And now my relationship with Jack is fucking tarnished. He wants to put his past behind him, but if he stays with me, it’ll be staring him in the face every day!”
“You think he’ll end things?”
Tyler raised his eyebrows, incredulous. “Wouldn’t you?”
“I—” Aaron faltered, and glanced down at his hands before meeting Tyler’s gaze again. “Fuck, I don’t know, Ty. Maybe? Probably? But I’m not Jack, and from what you’ve told me, things have been going great between you lately. Perhaps he’ll surprise you.”
“Yeah. Perhaps.” Oh, how Tyler wished he could believe that. But you couldn’t help how you felt, and Tyler’s instincts told him Jack would be gutted when he found out.
Aaron sat up and reached for the tequila. “One last shot before I call for a taxi?”
“Why not.” Tyler pushed himself up and leaned into Aaron when Aaron slipped an arm around his shoulders. “God, this sucks.”
Aaron gave Tyler a squeeze before letting go of him to pour. “I didn’t think it was possible, but I hate that bastard even more than I did already.”
Tyler nodded and raised his glass.
He wasn’t shitfaced, but drunk enough to dull the ache he felt inside. And to make him stumble as he walked Aaron to the door.
Aaron steadied him with a hand on his arm. “You gonna be okay?”
“Yeah. I haven’t eaten much today, that’s all.”
Slipping on his jacket, Aaron paused before opening the door. “When are you going to tell him?”
“Tomorrow. I can’t go on seeing him knowing what I do now.”
/>
“No, I suppose not.” He pulled Tyler into a hug. “Let me know how it goes. Night, Ty.”
“Night. And thanks for coming round.”
Aaron smiled. “Any time.”
Tyler closed and bolted the door after watching Aaron get in the waiting taxi. Not bothering to tidy up the living room, Tyler climbed the stairs to his bed. Hopefully he could get some sleep, because tomorrow was going to be bad enough without feeling knackered and hungover too.
Tyler slept better than he was expecting, but he still woke up with a banging headache and a mouth like sandpaper. What did he expect after downing all that tequila? It took two seconds for him to remember why he’d drunk it in the first place. He felt the rush of crushing disappointment wash over him again, quickly followed by a wave of nausea.
Fuck tequila.
After throwing the covers aside, he half ran, half stumbled to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet as his stomach complained about the amount of alcohol still swimming inside it. God, he felt rough, but a little better after that. He flushed the toilet and stood to wash his mouth out at the sink. Next he needed food, water, ibuprofen, and coffee. Not necessarily in that order.
After a bacon sarnie, painkillers washed down with a pint of water, and two cups of coffee, Tyler felt almost human again and decided he couldn’t put it off any longer. He grabbed his phone off the counter and sent Jack a text.
Hi, can you come over this afternoon? I need to talk to you about something.
The message delivered, Tyler’s heart started to race. As he stared at the words and wondered what Jack would think when he read them, his phone buzzed, making him jump.
I’m already here. I need to talk to you too.
For a second, Tyler was reminded of a similar text exchange weeks earlier. But the heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach told him this wasn’t going to turn out anything like that time. He glanced down at himself—dressed in last night’s T-shirt and boxers, no doubt stinking of booze. Awesome. Maybe he could slip upstairs and take a shower before they sat down to talk.
The walk to his front door felt like walking to the gallows. He steeled himself with a deep breath before opening the door.
One look at Jack’s face and Tyler knew he wouldn’t need to do much talking after all. Jack had worked it out for himself.
Chapter Fifteen
Jack watched the myriad of expressions play out on Tyler’s face, knowing exactly how he felt. He’d been going through the same thing since he woke up at five that morning. “Can I come in?”
Tyler’s shoulders slumped and he looked at Jack with a sad smile. “Yeah, of course.” He stood back to let Jack past. “Sorry I’m in such a bloody state. I wasn’t expecting you yet.”
To be honest, Jack hadn’t noticed until Tyler pointed it out, his mind still reeling from his sudden realisation hours earlier. He shrugged. “Sorry it’s early, but I couldn’t put it off any longer. I don’t think this is something you need to look your best for.”
Tyler flinched as though Jack had slapped him, and God, Jack hadn’t meant to sound so bitter. He knew deep down this wasn’t Tyler’s fault, but he’d been going over it all morning. Knowing Tyler wasn’t to blame and accepting it, though, were two totally separate things, and despite trying to convince himself that this didn’t have to change anything between them, Jack knew it had. Whether it was logical or not, he felt betrayed and hurt, and so angry at the whole situation.
Without another word, Tyler led him through to the living room and they sat down on the sofa.
Tyler glanced up. “How long have you known?”
He looked so hurt, so defeated, that for a second Jack wanted to pull him close. But he couldn’t.
That fucking photo had driven a wedge between them, and Jack wasn’t sure they’d get past it. For about the hundredth time that morning, he wished Tyler hadn’t opened the damn drawer.
Jack slumped back into the cushions with a sigh. “Since just after five this morning. I don’t know why I didn’t realise earlier. Looking back, it seems pretty obvious.” He looked up at the ceiling, unable to face Tyler. “I guess I was more worried about you at the time. Then, when you’d gone, I kept wondering what could have made you feel like that, because you hadn’t seemed ill earlier. It must have been on my mind as I fell asleep. I woke up later, and I just knew. And it was so obvious I wanted to kick myself.”
Tyler didn’t say anything, so Jack carried on, words spilling out as though he needed to purge everything he was feeling. “The more I think about it, the more I wonder how I didn’t see it before. When you were telling me about your boyfriend, James"—his mouth twisted as he said the name—"who happened to have cheated on his long-term partner… how did I not put two and two together?”
When Tyler spoke, his voice was quiet and Jack had to strain to hear. “Why would you? You said he never called himself James.”
“No, he hated it, always introduced himself as Simon. None of his friends called him J—” Jack stopped at Tyler’s expression.
“Yep. That says it all, doesn’t it?” Tyler dropped his head into his hands. “Fuck.” He drew in a harsh breath, and when he glanced up, his eyes were wet with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t know until I saw that photo.”
Jack’s anger faded to nothing in the face of Tyler’s anguish. He reached over for Tyler’s hand and squeezed his fingers in reassurance. “I believe you.” He stroked Tyler’s knuckles with his thumb. “Why didn’t you tell me yesterday?”
Tyler shook his head. “It was such a fucking shock, I couldn’t think.” He looked down at their joined hands.
They sat there in silence, not looking at each other. Jack had been so fucking happy yesterday, and now… now he felt so many different things, but happy definitely wasn’t one of them.
Fuck it all.
“So.” Tyler kept his gaze on the rug. “What now?”
Jack opened his mouth, then stopped. He wanted to say it didn’t matter, that what was done was done. They could leave Simon/James in the past where he belonged and forget about him. But as much as he wanted to, Jack didn’t know if he could. “I—I don’t know.” Tyler met his gaze, his eyes full of sadness and resignation. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
It felt as though they were saying goodbye, and the thought sent a wave of panic through Jack. He didn’t want that either.
Christ, this is so fucking hard.
“Look.” He held tightly to Tyler’s hand. “I can’t promise that I can get past this, but I’m not ready to let you go either.” Tyler’s breath hitched. “I need some time to get it straight in my head and see how I feel after a few days. Can you give me that?”
Tyler’s smile was bittersweet. “Of course. Take all the time you need.”
“Thank you.” Reluctantly, Jack let go of Tyler and stood. “I think it’s best if I go now. Give us both some space.”
“Yeah, okay.” Tyler got up to show him out.
Jack turned when he got to the door. He put his hands on Tyler’s shoulders, rested their foreheads together, and closed his eyes. Tyler smelled faintly of stale tequila and coffee, but underneath were the familiar scents Jack had come to associate with him. “I’ll be in touch.” Unable to resist, Jack kissed him—a quick press of lips, but he hoped Tyler could feel how much this was killing him too.
He needed space, though, needed to think through everything he’d discovered in the last twenty-four hours. If he attempted to do that around Tyler, Jack feared he’d end up lashing out. He was upset and confused, and that was never a good combination. No, it was better for both of them if they spent at least the next few days apart.
By Wednesday afternoon, Jack was miserable and snippy. Even his work colleagues had begun to give him a wide berth. He knew he was acting like an arse, but couldn’t seem to help himself. The whole mess with Tyler had thrown him off balance, and he had no idea what to do with it all. Jack liked to have a clear idea of his options and w
hat he needed to do in order to achieve the desired result.
The options might be clear enough, and so was the result he’d like to achieve, but as for getting there? He had no idea. Slowly the office emptied as the clock on the wall crept towards six. Jack sat staring at his computer screen, tapping his pen on the edge of his desk—as he’d been doing for the past half an hour.
Every time he thought about Simon and Tyler together, he felt… so many things still. Angry at Simon for ruining yet another thing for him, and a little angry at Tyler for getting involved with Simon in the first place even though rationally Jack knew it wasn’t Tyler’s fault. He also felt hurt and betrayed all over again. But the one that surprised him the most was the jealousy. He hadn’t expected to feel jealous of Simon, but he did.
No matter how much he tried to ignore it, a little voice inside kept reminding him that Simon had been with Tyler first, and Jack hated the fact that he couldn’t ignore it. Jesus Christ, he was forty years old. It shouldn’t make any bloody difference who Tyler had slept with before Jack met him—even Simon. At his lowest moments, usually as he lay in bed at night, Jack imagined the two of them together and it made him want to punch something. Everything had been going so well.
His phone vibrated on his desk, making him jump. Zena’s name flashed on the screen and Jack glared at it until it stopped. He’d texted her the essentials of what had happened and said he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. To her credit she’d left him alone, only sending a few texts in reply asking if he was okay.
He’d answered saying he was fine, which she knew was bullshit, but whatever. It wasn’t anything like before, though, which he also told her, and that seemed to pacify her. He and Tyler didn’t have the history that he and Simon had together, and Jack wasn’t devastated like he’d been before. But he was gutted this had happened because they had so much potential.
Always Another Side Page 15