by Nic Saint
“It’s going to take them a while to miss us,” said Harriet. “They’ll probably just think we went off to the park and will be back when we get tired or hungry.”
“I am tired and hungry,” said Brutus. “And confused,” he added for good measure.
“What are you confused about this time?” asked Harriet peevishly. “Don’t tell me you think there might be a dog lurking inside of you that hasn’t come out yet, or a chicken. Cause I’m going to beat you, Brutus, I swear to God.”
“No, I don’t think there’s a dog or a chicken inside me waiting to burst free,” he said, “but I do wonder about my whole purpose as a male if I don’t even have a you-know-what to do you-know-what with—if you know what I mean.”
Dooley obviously didn’t know what he meant, for he said, “What?”
“I don’t have a you-know-what and you don’t hear me complaining,” said Harriet.
“You sure complained a lot about your you-know-what last night,” said Brutus.
When Harriet shot him a furious look, he murmured, “Just saying.”
“Do you know what a you-know-what is, Max?” asked Dooley.
“Um…”
We were all perched on different branches of the same tree. Not too high up, as we knew from experience it’s harder to get down than it is to go up. Cats don’t have a reverse gear, you see, and walking down a tree is the same as falling down, which is not advisable. The last time I was high up in a tree the fire department had to come and save me. Not my finest hour.
“And one other thing,” said Dooley. “What did Odelia mean when she said that thing about the spraying thing?”
“Male cats spray,” said Harriet. “It’s one of those dumb things they do. They think it keeps other male cats away—marks off their territory. Don’t ask me why they think it works. Obviously it doesn’t.”
“And what about female cats? They don’t spray?”
“Female cats caterwaul a lot,” said Brutus. “They think it attracts male cats. No idea why. Caterwauling isn’t an attractive trait if you ask me.”
“Nobody asked you,” snapped Harriet.
“Dooley did.”
“Well, he shouldn’t. There are certain things we don’t talk about.”
“But—”
“Brutus—a lady never tells.”
And while Brutus and Harriet bickered, I thought about this spraying business. Odelia didn’t have to go and neuter me—or was it spay? If she’d simply told me not to spray, I would have listened. I’m nice like that. But when I said as much to Harriet, who seemed to be an expert on these matters, she said, “It’s not something cats have control over, Max. It’s instinct.”
“Instinct?”
“Yeah, it’s built-in behavior. Like rubbing yourself against Odelia’s leg.”
“I do that to show her how much I care about her.”
“You do that because you have scent glands and rubbing spreads your scent, marking off your territory. You’re basically telling other cats Odelia is your human so they better stay away or else.”
“No, I don’t.”
“It’s instinct, Max—you’re not even aware you’re doing it.”
“I’m absolutely aware. Everything I do, I do for a reason.”
“Yeah, right. Like pouncing on a toy mouse.”
“It’s fun!”
“It’s instinct!”
I lapsed into silence. Could there be truth to what she was saying? Was I helpless prey to my own instincts? Hard to believe but there you had it.
“What they shouldn’t have done is remove my capacity for procreation,” said Harriet now. “If I want to have a litter of kittens, that’s my feline right.”
“It’s not as if there aren’t enough cats in the world, though,” said Dooley.
“That’s not the point and you know it, Dooley,” she said. “It’s the principle of the thing. Cats have rights, just like any other creature, and humans shouldn’t trample all over them just because they can. Like Brutus said, my body—my choice. If I want to have a dozen babies, who’s to stop me?”
“Vena Aleman,” I muttered. The veterinarian was not our favorite person.
“So as soon as we’re home I’m going to ask for that reversal because this is not fair,” Harriet continued. It was hard to stop her when she got going.
“I thought we had eloped and were not going home again,” I said, confused.
“Pay attention, Max. We’re going home once we’ve taught them a lesson.”
“And how long is that going to take?”
She smiled finely. “When they send out search parties and start putting up flyers. That’s when we return home with our heads held high and our list of demands. And my number-one demand is to restore my ability to procreate.”
“Us males, too?” asked Dooley. “I mean, I don’t want to spray everywhere. That’s just yucky.”
“You’re not going to spray now,” she said. “You’re too old for that crap.”
I was too old for that crap. I was also too old to spend my days hiding out in trees and hunting for food in back alleys and dumpsters, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. Harriet can be very forceful sometimes, and right now I had to admit it was for good reason. Our humans needed to be taught a lesson, and so we were going to teach it, even though it meant making a few sacrifices.
We sat quietly for a moment, watching the sun rise over the park. My stomach was rumbling and my mind drifted to the nice treats Gran would be putting out for us, probably calling our names right now and opening the backdoor to see where we were.
My heart bled for her—and for my poor empty stomach.
Chapter 13
Croquet was not a sport Odelia had ever played before. In fact she’d had no real awareness of the sport before now. All she knew was that it was played with a wooden hammer and that balls had to be put through hoops hammered into the ground. Clearly none of the other participants in this extravaganza had any idea what they were doing either, which didn’t diminish the fun.
Emerald and Pete were both team captains and got to pick their teams—not coincidentally Emerald picked all the women and Pete picked all the men. Soon they were slugging away at those colored balls and putting them through as many hoops as they could. It wasn’t exactly a contact sport, but it soon turned into one when Alina faced off against her husband and for a moment Odelia feared she would hit him instead of the ball.
And then she managed to get her revenge by hitting the ball right between Reinhart’s eyes. He went down for the count and the game was over before it really got started. A bucket of ice was brought out and Kimberlee’s hockey player, who’d seen this type of injury before, attended to the fallen rock star. Alina, impatiently tapping her foot, didn’t even pretend to be sorry.
“Nice shot,” said Chase as he and Odelia watched the proceedings from the sidelines.
“For a moment there I thought she was going to attack him with the mallet,” said Odelia.
“Yeah, that would have been bad.”
Kimberlee now also bent down next to Reinhart, like an administering angel holding the ice against the man’s damaged snout. When Alina saw this, she took a firmer grip on her mallet and stalked over to Kimberlee. She swung and would have hit the unsuspecting young actress in the back of the head if Pete hadn’t been there to stop her at the last moment.
“Let me have a whack at her!” screamed Alina. “Let me have a great big whack at that great big ugly head of hers!” she raged.
“What’s your problem, huh?” Kimberlee shouted, now aware she’d narrowly escaped a terrible fate.
“You tart!” Alina screeched. “You horrible little tart!”
“Oh, look who’s talking!” Kimberlee screamed right back. “Who tried to seduce my boyfriend, huh? You, you skinny skank!”
“What? Are you crazy?” Alina yelled, balling her fists and shaking them furiously. “I never even came near your stupid boyfriend.”
“That’s
not what he says. He says you came on to him and he had a hard time removing your saggy old boobs from his shoulder!”
For a moment, Alina didn’t speak, then suddenly she screamed so loud, Odelia winced, and then she was launching herself at Kimberlee, hands out, claws extended, and tackled the young woman!
For a moment, all Odelia could see were the two ladies rolling on the floor, screaming so loud even Emerald’s distant neighbors must have been alerted by the sound, and then Pete—him again—and Chase and a few of the others managed to separate the two women. There was a rending sound as they were dragged apart, and then Kimberlee stalked off towards the house, minus her shoes, which she had lost in the scuffle, and Alina did the same thing but in the other direction.
“Everyone!” Emerald said nervously. “Drink some more Coke Emerald. There’s plenty to go around!” And she held up a can for good measure.
“Who cares about your stupid Coke Emerald, Emerald?!” Abbey yelled. And then she stalked off in the direction of the house, too.
The croquet match was more or less over after that, and people started drifting off in different directions.
“Nice party,” said Chase as he joined Odelia.
“It’s a miracle these people managed to create two seasons of Big Little Secrets without killing each other.”
The director of the show, who must have overheard them, drifted over. “Oh, it wasn’t like that,” he said, “I can assure you.”
“They weren’t trying to whack each other over the head with croquet mallets?” asked Chase.
The director, a rail-thin man with wavy blond hair and a lined face, smiled indulgently. “No, they weren’t. I run a pretty tight ship, and I would have none of this crap. But they wouldn’t have gone this far, either. They knew the stakes, and would never spoil the shoot.”
“And now that the shoot is over, they just let it all hang out, you mean?” said Odelia.
“Pretty much. A lot of tension is generated when you live cheek by jowl for months on end. It is not a natural state—and it leads to friction.”
“So maybe Emerald organized this weekend as a way to get it all out of their system,” Odelia suggested.
“I do not think that was her intention per se,” said the director, pursing his lips. “It does seem to have a cathartic effect. And who knows? Maybe it is all very, very therapeutic,” he added as he picked up a mallet and studied it—possibly for bloodstains.
“At least we have Coke Emerald,” said Chase, holding up a can of Coke.
“At least there is that,” the director allowed. “By the way, you are not going to print any of this, are you?” he asked, fixing his clear blue eyes on Odelia.
“I have no idea what I’m going to write,” she said. “It all depends on my editor and what his expectations are.”
“It is going to prove detrimental to these good ladies’ reputations if you print the sort of thing that’s been going on here. The behind-the-scenes thing.”
“Trust me, I’ll keep it clean,” she said.
He nodded, flashed a quick smile, then rearranged his lined features in a mournful expression, clasped his arms behind his back, and walked off.
Chapter 14
Since the croquet match was canceled due to unforeseen circumstances, Odelia and Chase decided to go for a little stroll through the gardens. The sun was out and Odelia didn’t feel like returning to the house to stare at a bunch of mopey faces. So they set foot in the direction Alina had taken and followed her into a mildly wooded area called ‘Emerald Forest’ according to a sign.
It was where Emerald liked to take her dog for a stroll.
Odelia held her face up to the sun. It was nice to feel the rays touch her skin. They reached the forest and Odelia searched around for Alina. She didn’t want to disturb the woman but she did want to make sure she was all right.
“Weird. Do you see her?”
“Nope. She must be deeper in.”
So they went deeper in, only to come out the other side two minutes later and come upon a small house that had been built near the perimeter. Still no sign of Alina, though.
“You think she went back to the house?” Odelia asked.
“Either that or she jumped the fence,” said Chase, and he wasn’t even kidding.
“She’s not having the time of her life,” Odelia admitted.
“None of these people are, it seems,” said Chase. “And they all seem to be harboring a grudge against this Kimberlee Cruz woman.”
“This Kimberlee Cruz woman? Don’t tell me you don’t know who she is?”
“Never heard of her in my life.”
“She’s quite famous, you know.”
“Oh, I’m sure she is, but as long as she isn’t in Die Hard 6 or the new Dwayne Johnson movie, I probably wouldn’t know her from Adam.”
“Some critics say she could be bigger than Emerald—she’s so talented.”
“And I’ll bet Emerald was delighted to hear that.”
“She’s a great actress, and she’s going to do great things if she keeps this up,” said Odelia, who liked Kimberlee, in spite of the stuff Abbey had told her. Then again, she wasn’t sure how much of what Abbey had said was true or merely jealous gossip.
“Looks like we’ve got this place all to ourselves, babe,” said Chase as they’d traversed the ‘Emerald Forest’ from North to South and East to West. They took a seat on a bench that offered a great view of the whole area and relaxed. They sat atop a gently rolling hill, with the main house below them.
“Imagine living in a house like that,” said Odelia.
“Not for me, thank you very much.”
“Why, too big?”
“For one thing. And too much upkeep. Can you imagine the heating bill?”
Odelia laughed. “Always the practical one, aren’t you?”
“It’s true! Heating a place like that must cost a pretty penny.”
“Not to mention the staff to keep it running.”
“At least it’s nice to look at.”
“And I’m sure Emerald doesn’t have trouble footing the bill.”
They sat in companionable silence for a while, when suddenly Odelia became aware of screams and shouts that seemed to come from the house. She frowned. “Do you hear that?”
“Yeah, I do. Sounds like Emerald’s got yet another crisis on her hands.”
“Let’s go,” she said.
Chase got up with a groan and they walked back to the house at a leisurely pace. “Probably Alina again, trying to kill her husband,” he said.
“Or Kimberlee.”
They’d arrived at the house when they came upon a distraught-looking Verna Rectrix, who was hugging herself and walking in circles on the terrace. She’d been crying and looked terrible. “What’s going on?” asked Odelia.
“A terrible thing,” said Verna between sobs. She was rubbing her arms which, Odelia now saw, were covered in tattoos. “I never thought she’d do it and now she did. I still can’t believe it—this can’t be happening.”
“Who did what?” asked Odelia.
“She-she wasn’t the type,” Verna said, pushing her hands through her dreadlocks. “She wasn’t the type but I always said everybody’s the type if you push the right buttons. And Alina obviously pushed the right buttons. She did!”
Odelia hugged the woman, and felt Verna’s shoulders shake as she burst into a full-blown cry.
“What’s going on?” asked Verna’s husband Thaw, walking out of the house. “I heard screaming and shouting…” Then he saw his wife and immediately said, “Honey, what’s happened?!”
He took over from Odelia and hugged his wife close. “Oh, she’s dead, Thaw! She did it—she finally did it. She killed herself!”
“Who killed herself?” asked Thaw. “Who, Verna—talk to me!”
Verna turned her tear-streaked face up to her husband and sobbed, “Kimberlee. She took a pill and killed herself!”
“What?!” he said, visibly shocked
.
Alina’s husband now came staggering out of the house. “I don’t believe this,” he said. “She—she’s really dead. It-it’s not a joke.”
“Kimberlee? Is she…” Thaw asked.
Reinhart nodded distractedly. “She must have done it straight after she returned to the house. Took one of those pills—cyanide. Horrible business—horrible.” He took out this phone and walked off, and they could hear him talking into his phone, “Get us the hell out of here, Henry—now!”
Chase and Odelia shared a look, then walked into the house. Taking the stairs two at a time, they arrived at Kimberlee’s bedroom. Emerald stood outside the door, her hands balled into fists, pushing her arms against her chest. She’d been crying, her face red, eyes red-rimmed, her nose runny.
“Oh, you can’t go in,” she said when Chase and Odelia walked up to her. “She—she’s dead, you see. Quite dead.”
“Yeah, we heard. I’m a cop, Mrs. Rhone,” said Chase.
“Oh, you’re a cop... Of course you are. Then—by all means—I’ve called in your colleagues, of course. I’ve—they’ll be here quite soon.”
She’s totally out of it, Odelia thought, and no wonder.
They entered the room, which looked pretty much like theirs, only twice as big, and immediately saw the body of Kimberlee lying on the floor near the window. Apparently she’d been sitting in a chair, which had fallen down next to her, and had been grasping something. A can of Coke Emerald, which had rolled away, spilling its contents onto the carpet. The poor woman’s face was contorted and when Odelia knelt down next to her she got a whiff of almonds.
Chase must have smelled it, too, for he nodded and said, “Cyanide.”
Emerald’s husband Pete was in the room, and said, “Please don’t touch anything. The police will be here soon, and I’m sure they don’t want anyone to touch anything…” He swallowed with difficulty, staring at the dead woman.