by M. A. Church
“I can only imagine.”
Bert glanced off into the distance. “Trust me, you don’t want to.”
Alvin caressed Bert’s cheek with his knuckles, and Bert looked at him. The desolate look in Bert’s eyes faded quickly.
“I remembered this—how you always did that when we met up. Made the cat remember this too.” Bert kissed Alvin’s hand. “He doesn’t quite understand human affection, but he saw. He saw, Alvin.”
“Do you have any idea how strong you are?” Alvin whispered, dropping his hand. He shook his head. “I was expecting to find…. Yeah. But instead, I find that not only are you not a wreck, but you’re more….” Alvin paused. “I don’t know. You seem so—”
“I almost lost everything I held dear. It’s amazing what kind of perspective that’ll give you. And I’m not going to lie, knowing Hogan’s dead helps. I finally feel like I can fucking breathe.”
Alvin rested his forehead against Bert’s. “Me too.”
Several minutes passed as Alvin relished the feel of Bert being close to him.
Eventually Bert leaned back. “So, not that I’m unhappy to see you, but what are you doing here?”
Alvin snorted. “It’s a long story.”
“Good thing I’ve got nothing but time.”
Alvin quickly explained how he came to be in Hogan’s territory with Dylan, who Dylan was, and the situation when he and Dylan arrived, especially Dylan’s reaction to Rhett.
“Yes, Rhett really leaves a lasting impression.” Bert stretched out on the soft grass, arms folded under his head. “He really wasn’t to blame for my shifting.”
“I know that.” Seeing how comfortable Bert looked, Alvin joined him. The sun beat down, warming his skin. “I know he had no way of knowing how you would react, but—”
“Nope.” Bert rolled to his side and propped himself up on his elbow. Resting his hand against his head, he met Alvin’s gaze. “He’s not to blame. It’s not his fault he has some sort of weird-assed power that completely freaked my cat out.”
Alvin scowled. “But he should’ve known—”
“Again, nope. It’s not his fault I shifted before the damage was addressed and fixed. It’s not his fault I was so spooked that I ran. But as terrifying as it was to lose control to my cat, I did learn one thing.” Bert worried his bottom lip with his teeth. “I’m not as useless as I let Hogan convince me I was.”
“Ah, good ole’ mental abuse.” Alvin nodded. “With a side helping of physical abuse. Hogan did a number on all of you, didn’t he?”
“More than you’ll ever know.” Bert rolled back onto his back. “Speaking of Hogan—”
“Hogan’s dead, Wheaton’s dead, and now so is Dun.” Alvin pursed his lips. “I really thought he was smarter than this. He got away, and instead of hightailing it out of here, he went after you. If it’d been me, I’d been on a plane flying to the other side of the world.”
“He liked hurting people and got off on listening to their cries and begging.” Bert sighed. “I know this because he flat-out told me after I….”
Alvin tensed. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what was coming next, but he knew he needed to. He sat up. “After what?”
Bert sat up too, fidgeting. “Okay, look, several years ago he decided I was going to be the next notch on his bedpost. Needless to say, being a notch wasn’t a goal I’d set for myself. He was not… pleased with me turning down such an exalted position.”
Alvin clenched his fist. “He didn’t try to force you?”
“No. It wasn’t about force. He wanted me to give him my pain, not take it. Does that make sense?”
“Ah… no?” Alvin had absolutely no comprehension of such things.
Bert rubbed his face, sighed, then faced Alvin. “See, he hinted that bedding him would have benefits—meaning the next time Hogan sicced him on me, he’d go easy.”
“But if he liked pain—”
“Then why go easy when he was given permission to hurt someone? It was all a mind game with him. He liked pain, liked hurting others. He liked knowing someone voluntarily put themselves in a position where he could hurt them. Sure, if Hogan told him to beat somebody, Dun enjoyed it, but he enjoyed maneuvering people into positions to where they volunteered for it.”
Again, Alvin wished he could bring Hogan back from the dead to kill him. Once wasn’t enough. “Sick bastard.”
“No argument there. So, since I said no, every time Hogan had Dun dish out punishment to me, Dun made sure the experience was extra painful. Every time I looked up, he was always around. Lurking. Smirking at me. Always asking me if I was sure I didn’t want to reconsider.” Bert shrugged. “I don’t know what to say except he was just as sick and twisted as Hogan.”
“Huh.” Alvin scratched his chin. “Maybe he came after you because you were the one who, as they say, ‘got away.’”
“Who knows? Maybe he considered me unfinished business.”
Alvin rested his hand on Bert’s shoulder. “Well, he damn sure won’t be bothering you anymore.”
“Thank the goddess.” Bert rested his hand on Alvin’s.
“Yeah.” Alvin removed his hand, then wiped his forehead against his arm. There were still things they needed to discuss, but they also needed a break from it all too. “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a little warm.” Alvin eyed the stream nearby. “Up for a swim?”
“Hell yeah, I could use a bath. Race you!” Bert shifted.
Alvin shifted and took off after Bert. The bank sloped down to the water’s edge, with several boulders scattered about. Alvin jumped on a moss-covered rock and looked around. This was nice. Peaceful. He hopped off and splashed around, with Bert close behind, nipping playfully at his tail.
Little puddles of warmth from the sun’s light speared through luscious green leaves. Bert led Alvin to a pool created by a waterfall, and Alvin jumped in, surprised at the depth. They swam, good-humoredly tussling, for several hours. Eventually Bert climbed out and flopped down on the nearby bank. The afternoon sun had heated the grass, but as tempted as Alvin was to join him, he didn’t. Instead he prowled around in the shallows looking for….
There!
He bound across the water in hot pursuit. It was a short, intense fight that included much flashing of fangs and shaking of wet fur, but he finally managed to catch a fish. Head held high, he trotted back to Bert and dropped it at his feet. Bert was too skinny.
Bert gobbled the fish. Happy to see Bert eating, Alvin returned to the water, looking for more. Call him a caveman, but seeing Bert consume something he provided brought him pleasure.
He managed to catch two more, which he insisted with a few well-placed growls, that Bert also eat. Once he was satisfied that Bert’s belly was full, he caught himself something, ate, then dropped down next to Bert. The peacefulness of the place soothed the worry in his soul.
Relaxed, he groomed Bert.
Chapter Seven
TIME SLIPPED away as Alvin tended to him. They’d had their fun, but now they needed to shift back and decide what they were going to do. After Bert shifted, Alvin did too.
“So—”
Alvin brushed his hand through Bert’s hair. “Bastard cut your beautiful hair.”
Subconscious, Bert touched his short locks. He’d wondered how long Alvin would wait before bringing this up. “Hogan said he sent you some of it, along with a message.”
“He did.” Alvin gently kissed Bert’s jaw. “He also told me what it means to your jamboree.”
“It’s just another way to show he considered me a coward, that he thought I had no honor. This was his final act of humiliation.”
“You are not a coward, nor are you without honor.” Grief crossed Alvin’s face, and he clenched his fists. “Dammit, if that’s the case, then I should cut my hair.”
“No!” Bert yelled, grabbing Alvin’s fists. “Don’t! You don’t know what it was like, sitting there, tied to a chair, watching my hair fall to the ground. It was like part of my self-wor
th was sheared off too. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone because it hurt… oh fuck, how it hurt.”
Alvin growled. The sound skated up Bert’s back, and he shivered. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.
He pried open Alvin’s fists and linked their fingers together. “Don’t inflict this on yourself. I don’t need you to suffer on my behalf.”
“Okay, okay. You’re right. Besides, not all jamborees use cutting hair as a humiliation tactic. My Alpha has short hair, and I can guarantee you nobody considers him a coward or a weak.”
Good for Grady. But Bert was part of a jamboree that did, and he wanted to hear Alvin’s say the actual fucking words. “Promise me you won’t cut your hair.”
After a brief hesitation, Alvin nodded. Solemnly he placed his hand over his heart. “I promise not to cut my hair.”
Relief swamped Bert. “Good. Now that that’s settled, I need you to tell me what happened after Hogan sent you my hair.”
Alvin blew out a breath. “Are you sure you want to talk about this now?”
“Yes. Why do you… oh.” Bert glanced around, just then noticing the sun had set. Off in the distance, the first of the lightning bugs flashed. “I guess you’re wanting to head back.”
Alvin cocked his head. “I assumed we would, yes.”
“Fuck.” Bert didn’t know if he was ready.
“There were representatives at your jamboree when Dylan and I arrived. Rhett might not have left the best impression, but I liked Councilman Eagle. You have to know he’s going to want to speak with you. He’s going to want to hear what you have to say.”
Damn, Bert didn’t want to relive that again. “I suppose. So you liked Councilman Eagle, huh?”
“We only talked a few minutes, but he made me feel comfortable.”
“Okay. I guess we do need to go back, then. But before we go, tell me what happened after Hogan sent you his little gift. Then I need you to tell me what I’m walking into when we get back there.”
“The short version it is, then. Just keep in mind that bastard used his position and power against both of us. He hurt you, something no Alpha should ever do.”
Alvin’s pain-filled voice drifted over Bert. Shit, he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear. “I will.”
“He used our mating bond against me. He forced me to decide between you and my Alpha’s mate.”
“I know that.” Bert met Alvin’s stare again. “Stop stalling.”
“I’m not. Really. This isn’t going to be easy.”
“I know. Can you ever forgive me for putting you in a situation like that?”
“You didn’t put me in that situation—Hogan did.” Alvin smoothed his hand down Bert’s bare back. “And no, in case you get it in your head that I could ever hate you, or blame you, for that…. I never could. Hogan, on the other hand, is another matter. If I regret anything, it’s that I wasn’t there to see him die, and dammit, I refuse to let him destroy this chance we have.”
“But—”
“Do you hate me? Or blame me?”
Bert reared back, shocked. “How can you ask me that?”
“It’s because of me that you were beaten. Being my mate is what landed you in that situation.”
“It’s not the same!” Holy shit, it was nowhere near the same. “Hogan only beat me. He forced you into betraying your Alpha… for me. You betrayed your honor for me.”
“I would do it all over again.” Alvin growled as he grasped Bert by the shoulders. “Nothing—I mean, nothing—means more to me than you.”
“But—”
“No, dammit! You listen to me. Hogan made the fucking choice to do what he did. I allowed Hogan to blackmail me into doing his bidding instead of speaking to Grady. That was my choice. You, on the other hand, didn’t have a choice about any of this.” Alvin released his grip on Bert’s shoulders and rubbed his hands up and down Bert’s arms. “This isn’t about who has the biggest share of blame, babe.”
“You’re right.” Bert bit his lip. “No more blaming. Okay, so, I’m assuming you tried to kidnap Cade from what Hogan said, so—”
“I did, yes, and I failed spectacularly. And thank the Mother I did.” Alvin’s shoulders slumped, and he let go of Bert. “I messed up, and there’s a price to pay for that.”
What price had Grady demanded of Alvin? How much more was Alvin going to have to pay for being his mate? “What?”
Alvin moved around on the hard ground. “Instead of panicking, I should’ve trusted my Alpha. But honestly, all I could think about was saving you.” He heaved a deep breathe. “I tried to kidnap Cade, but he didn’t exactly come willingly. In fact, he stood up to me. For an Omega, that’s impressive. Then Grady showed up, and we fought. He—”
“Wait! Wait! You fought your Alpha?” Horrified, Bert immediately began searching Alvin’s body for wounds. A delta didn’t stand a chance against an Alpha.
“Um, what are you doing? Not that I mind you touching me, of course.”
“You said the two of you fought!” Bert frantically pushed at Alvin, trying to get him to expose more of himself so Bert could check him over. “Are you hurt? Injured?”
Alvin caught Bert’s questing hands. “Babe, any injuries I had are long gone by now.”
Breathing easier, Bert stopped his frantic searching. Of course. He knew that, but hearing Alvin say he and Grady fought canceled out any hope of him being reasonable. “Sorry, sorry. I kind of lost it there. So, you fought? Jesus, that’s… that’s not a fight you could’ve won, Alvin.”
“You’re right, and I didn’t. But instead of killing me outright, Grady made me follow him back to the jamboree house, and we talked.”
“But, not to sound ungrateful, why?”
“You mean, why didn’t he kill me? Or why did he make me follow him back to the—”
Bert waved his hand, stopping Alvin’s explanation. “Why didn’t he kill you then and there?” He cringed. “Good grief, that came out wrong. I mean, I’m thankful he didn’t, but Hogan would’ve ripped you to shreds.”
“Again, Grady isn’t Hogan.” Then Alvin shrugged. “Probably because Cade asked him not too.”
Bert’s mouth fell open. Of all the things he expected Alvin to say, that never occurred to him. “He did?”
“Yes. I was as shocked as you. But Grady is a good man, a great Alpha, and he loves Cade.” Alvin picked at a blade of grass. “Grady and I talked. He listened, you know? I shouldn’t have assumed he wouldn’t, but that doesn’t matter now. I still can’t believe it, but he didn’t banish me. All he did was strip me of my position, which is the least of what I deserved.”
Bert paled. So that was what Alvin meant by there was a price to pay. “Fuck. I’m so sorry.”
Alvin pointed at Bert. “I know that look, so just stop it right there. I made a choice, and the blame falls on me for that. Not you.” Alvin grasped Bert’s chin. “I will pay that price happily too, because I deserved so much worse than what Grady did. But he understands why I did it.”
Grady understood? Bert couldn’t wrap his head around that. “Does he?”
“Yes. He really is a good leader, Bert.” Sighing, Alvin rested his head against Bert’s. “I know you don’t have any experience with Alphas like Grady, but please believe me when I say he’s giving me a chance to regain his trust.”
“Oh.” Bert squirmed. “Then does that mean you want to return to his jamboree?”
“Well, I kind of assumed you wouldn’t want to stay with yours. Or do you?”
“I, ah… I don’t know.”
Did he? There were so many bad memories. The very ground there was drenched in his pain and blood. Could he get past that? Or would a fresh start be better?
“Moving to a new place, with new people, is hard, you know? Will your jamboree accept me?” Bert fretted, twisting his hands together. “Or will they talk about me? How will Cade feel about seeing me every day? What kind of job will I have? Where will we live? Will I—?”
“Okay,
okay, slow down.” Alvin grabbed Bert’s hands. “First off, you don’t have to worry about a place to live. I have a cute little house that’s more than big enough for the two of us. I also own Topped Off.”
“About that….” Bert scratched his head. “I really don’t get what it is. You own a coffee shop and a bar?”
“No, it’s all one business.”
“I’ve never heard of anything like that. How did you…. What made you…?”
“The concept is this. In the mornings coffee is served. But in the postnoon hours, coffee consumption begins to taper off significantly, right? So, my little coffee shop then serves alcohol. It’s not a full-on bar, simply a coffee shop that, after four o’clock, also serves wine and beer.”
How neat. It also explained why he smelled like coffee all the time. “How did you come up with that?”
“I was looking to stay open later, but I needed something that would draw customers in besides coffee. So, I added beer and wine. And believe it or not, it’s turned into a great place for business meetings and freelancers. Also for happy hours and first dates. The coffee shop design appeals to both a midday and a postwork crowd. Nothing says ‘small town charm’ like a simple, relaxed business layout.”
“It sounds incredible.”
“I’m rather proud of it.” Alvin trailed his fingers across Bert’s bare skin. “Come on. Let’s shift and head back. Maybe they have electricity and running water now. Are you ready?”
“I guess.” Air-conditioning and water he didn’t he have to haul inside… how nice. Bert shivered at Alvin’s fingers on his bare skin. They were warm, and when he removed them, Bert missed Alvin’s touch.
Alvin moved a little way off and started his shift. Bert followed. Once Alvin finished, he padded over and rubbed his body down Bert’s, sharing his scent. Bert’s tail lazily moved behind him as he returned the favor.
Together they turned and started the trek back to the jamboree.
BERT HUFFED. It took almost three days to return, but mostly because they walked instead of ran. Sometimes they even played. Tussling with Alvin in his shifted form was fun, and fun wasn’t something they’d had time for before. They stopped often to rest, and even hunted so they wouldn’t arrive hungry.