by Emma Tharp
I nod because I’m in shock and don’t know what else to say or do. Her room doesn’t look like there’s anywhere for me to lie down comfortably. Of course I don’t want to go, but it looks like I don’t have much of a choice.
Grasping my mom’s cold hand in mine, I swallow the lump forming in my throat and tell her, “I’ll be back soon, Mom. Don’t worry, we’ll get this all straightened out.” I lay a kiss on her cheek. She doesn’t move.
I leave her room and order another Uber to get home. Heading outside, I scroll through my missed calls and texts from Derek. Having silenced my phone before entering the hospital, I didn’t realize he was trying to get in touch with me. He has to be worried. I send him a quick message.
Sorry I left the game so quickly. My mom was taken by ambulance to the ER. She’s ok. I’m going home to sleep. Talk soon.
Almost immediately Derek calls.
“What can I do?” he asks before I even have the chance to say hello. His voice is so comforting; I almost break down and cry again.
“Hi, there’s nothing you can do. But thank you.” I do my best to keep my tone light.
“What happened?”
The breeze out here is cool. I zip my jacket up under my chin. “Mom had a stroke, but she’s resting comfortably. As much as I’d like to stay, the doctor said I should leave. I’m on my way home now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Can I come and give you a ride?”
“I already ordered an Uber. It will be here any second. You must be exhausted from your game. Go home. We can talk tomorrow,” I tell him, pacing back and forth in front of the hospital.
“I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon. I’ll meet you at the hospital in the morning. How does that sound?” There’s a ding in the background. Sounds like the microwave. He’s probably heating up his favorite, post-game chimichangas.
“That’d be great.” I smile to myself. Of course, he knew I’d be there and I love that he didn’t even hesitate to come and be with me before he leaves for his next game.
He sighs into the receiver, “I miss you.”
My insides warm up. I’m smitten. “I miss you, too.”
We hang up and the Uber pulls up in front of me.
“I THINK it’s the way you like it.” Derek hands me a large coffee outside my mother’s hospital room. His other hand holds a huge bouquet of flowers—pink roses, daises, and sunflowers.
A dumb grin forms on my face. “You have no idea how much I need this. I barely slept a wink.” I tossed and turned all night thinking about my poor mother lying in a hospital bed without me. It’s impossible not to feel guilty about not being with her last night. She must’ve been terrified.
Derek pulls me into his warm arms. I sink into him and let the comfort wash over me. “It’s all going to be okay.” His hand massages my back, wiping the tension away with each stroke.
I want to believe him.
With some hesitation, I pull away, not wanting to let go of this security. “We should go in. I don’t want Mom to be alone for too long. I got here at six a.m. and she was awake. She had a small smile on half of her face when she saw me. I’ve been by her side ever since. Until I got your call.” I give him a shrug. “She doesn’t look great with the oxygen and tubes, but she seems to be in good spirits.”
He places his hand on my back. “Let’s go in.”
I open the door and we head in. I take my seat next to my mom and grab her hand again. “Look who came to visit.”
Derek stands on the other side of me and Mom gives him the same half smile she gave me.
“I wanted to come see you before I leave this afternoon.” He rubs Mom’s left hand.
“Isn’t that sweet, Mom?”
The door swings open and a middle-aged woman with long dark hair and a white coat comes in. She shakes both Derek’s and my hand. “Hi, I’m Dr. Davis.”
We introduce ourselves and she checks the monitors and computer. “I’m going to go talk to your daughter, Adeline. We’ll be right back.” She picks up the chart at the end of the bed.
Mom nods and Derek and I go to the hallway with Dr. Davis.
Derek holds my hand and we lean against the wall. The comfort of Derek’s strong grip soothes my nerves.
“I’m glad you’re here. I’ve spoken with Dr. Brown and we’ve gone over your mother’s case.” She pushes her black-framed glasses up further on her nose. “Her prognosis isn’t good when you take into account her history. We did a CT scan and found that there was an obstruction within one of the blood vessels. It damaged the area in her brain that controls motor function. She’s going to have difficulty using the right half of her body, including swallowing, speech, and movement of her arms and legs. I expect her to regain some function, but unfortunately she won’t recover fully.”
“Okay,” I say, numbly.
She reaches into the chart and pulls out a few brochures. “These are the assisted living homes in the area. Your mother will need ’round the clock care. She likely will need a feeding tube and assistance with her basic daily needs.”
I take the brochures and my stomach drops to the ground and tears start falling fast and hard.
“Some of the homes are subsidized and others are quite expensive. Take the brochures home and decide what makes most sense for you and your budget. I’m here to assist you in any way you need. I’ll be back in a couple of hours after rounds to see Adeline again.” She gives me a sympathetic smile and walks down the hall.
My legs want to give out and my chest heaves from crying. Derek is right there bringing me into his embrace. “I’m going to help you.”
Nothing but the best, that’s what my mother deserves. There is no other way. “Please help us,” I mutter into his chest.
His strong arms and masculine scent wrap me in a blanket of comfort and safety. “It’s done. I’m so sorry that I have to leave today, but I’ll get things in the works for your mom at Riverview.” His breath tickles the top of my head.
I clutch the fabric of his sweater as though it can ground me here. Deep inside, I know I can’t take care of my mother on my own anymore and it stings like a thousand open wounds. And Derek is the healing balm, ready to help alleviate the pain in any way he knows how. I wish he didn’t have to leave so soon.
Right now in the hallway of the cold, sterile hospital, I could tell Derek that I love him and mean it fully and completely. It’s foolish and too soon, but I can’t deny what I’m feeling. I don’t open my mouth to speak, instead I press my lips to his and kiss him deeply, like we’re the only two people on Earth, and for the moment, I’m swept away in Derek and the sanctuary he provides.
HOURS AFTER DEREK LEAVES, Bri stops by Mom’s hospital room with a bouquet of pink and white lilies.
“Thank you for coming.” I take the flowers from her and set them next to Derek’s on the windowsill. “Maybe Mom will wake up while you’re here. She’s been resting for a little over an hour now.”
“Let her sleep. Her body needs it. How’s she doing?” Bri takes the seat at the end of Mom’s bed and crosses her legs.
Frowning, I sigh and plop into my spot to the right of Mom. “I wish I could say things were going better, but the stroke did some damage. I’m not sure if she’ll walk or talk again.” Tears form at the corners of my eyes.
Lifting her chair, she brings it next to mine and grabs my hand. “It’s going to be okay.”
I love her comforting words even if she has no idea if things will be okay or not. Grabbing another tissue, I dab my eyes. “Derek is going to help me get her into a room at Riverview. I know she’ll be comfortable there. It has top-rated doctors and staff as well as a stroke rehab unit.”
Bri is quiet and her gaze points down.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
She scratches her cheek and blows out a long breath. “Damn it. I didn’t want to have to be the one to tell you this.”
“Now you have to tell me.” My voice rises, but not loud enough to alert my mother.<
br />
Her gaze ping-pongs around the room and finally lands on mine. “It’s Derek’s ex. She posted pictures of herself and Derek together last night, arms around each other and another one with the two of them kissing. Looks like they were at a nightclub. The caption read ‘Gotta celebrate the big win tonight.’” She tugs her phone out of her purse and pulls up the pictures.
Barely looking, I wince and stand, feeling like I could crawl out of my skin. Pointing toward the door, I say, “Come with me. I need some air.”
She follows me down the hall to the elevators and grabs me by the shoulders. “I’m sorry I showed you the pictures. I hate that this is all happening to you now. But I’m here for you. Okay?”
I jab my finger against the down arrow and pace back and forth. “How could he do this?”
“It doesn’t make sense. He didn’t seem like a player to me,” Bri says and walks into the empty elevator.
I shake my head trying to pretend that this is all a bad dream. How could I be so stupid? “He came here today and reassured me that everything would be okay. Told me he’d help get Mom into Riverview. Why would he do that if he’s still with Carrie?” The elevator dings at the bottom floor and I almost run to the doors to get outside. As soon as fresh air hits my lungs, I bend at the waist and sob, breathing through the nausea.
Bri rubs my back, her small warm hands moving up and down my spine, and she waits for my fit to end.
Standing up, I wipe my face off with my sleeve. “We never gave ourselves a label so why does this hurt so bad?”
Bri and I head toward an empty bench down on the sidewalk. “You were falling for him, weren’t you?”
I take a seat. “How could I not? He and I had a connection that came hard and fast. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It must’ve been all fake. I’m such a fool.”
“No. Don’t do that. You can’t blame yourself for this. You’re a smart girl. You’d be able to tell if he was pulling the wool over your eyes,” she says.
My fingers pick at the material of my jeans. “I might be book smart, but I’m obviously terrible at reading people. Maybe it’s time for me to join a convent. No more men for me.”
Bri tips her head back and lets out a belly laugh. “From stripper to nun. I can see it now.”
I give her arm a playful whack.
“Damn hockey players,” she says, shaking her head.
I nod and curse myself for believing he was different.
SLEEPING in the chair next to my mother’s bed is for the birds. My lower back is stiff and I can barely move my neck to the right, but it’s worth it to me to be here for Mom if she gets up in the night and needs me.
It’s no surprise that my boss is an asshole when I call him to tell him what’s going on with my mother. Like I wanted this to happen simply so I could inconvenience him. I have to beg him for a few days off and promise him I’ll get all of my shifts covered. I’m going to need the time to figure out how to proceed with my mother’s care. From the pictures I saw of Derek and Carrie, it looks like I can’t rely on him anymore.
I’d like to work up the courage to call him and ask him about Carrie, but I don’t have the mental energy at the moment to try and figure out what to say.
Mom is still asleep and I need a caffeine fix. Ambling out of the chair, I get up and make my way to the cafeteria on the first floor. In the elevator, I pull my phone from my pocket and find a text from Derek.
You should be getting paperwork to sign via email today. Email it back and she’ll be all set with a private room at Riverview. Miss you. Call me later.
I’m grateful, but at the same time confused and heartbroken. Without a clue of what to say, I simply text back.
Thanks.
He texts back immediately.
How’s your mom doing?
She’s okay.
That’s all I have for him right now.
The line in the cafeteria is short. I take a cup and fill it with the semi-drinkable coffee, adding cream and sugar. Finding a seat by the windows, I sit down and take a sip.
I don’t know what to think. When Bri left last night, I promised her I wouldn’t look at the photos, but I can’t help myself. Pulling up Carrie White’s social media account, my stomach sinks.
Derek is standing there in one of the pictures, dark eyes shining, almost glazed over with a huge toothy smile on his face and gorgeous Carrie has her thin arm dangled over his shoulder. In the next shot, their lips are joined together and nausea rolls through me. Such a beautiful couple. It looks like they’re at the same nightclub I went to with Bri for an after party.
Carrie posted a picture today, too. It’s immediately after a game. He’s in his uniform and there’s a sheen of sweat covering his face and hair, and she has a jersey on. Definitely a selfie. They’re both smiling like they’re in a toothpaste ad.
Why am I such a fool?
Staring outside at the dreary sky and leafless trees, my mood seems to match the day. I really thought he was different and wanted to see where things would go with me. But I’m no competition for Carrie White, the supermodel who had his heart first. A tear slides down my cheek. I wipe at it with the back of my hand. The more I think about how far I was falling for him, the more the tears come. This time, I let them. My chest heaves and I ugly-cry for several minutes before I can get up and go to the bathroom to freshen up. I don’t want my mother to see me this way.
Waiting for the elevator, I open my email account and find that, as Derek promised, everything is in order from Riverview. It makes no sense. He’s actually a good guy, which makes this so much harder. Just when I thought I couldn’t cry anymore, more tears begin to fall.
THIRTEEN
Derek
IT’S ALWAYS good to be home, especially after being gone for five days. I can’t wait to see Cora. It’s been too long since I’ve held her, touched her skin.
We just landed and my car can’t speed home fast enough. Cranking heavy metal music, I tap out the beat on the steering wheel. I need a shower and to see Cora. As soon as possible.
She’s been distant, but she’s had her hands full taking care of her mother. My uncle really pulled through for me and got Adeline a room at Riverview. There’s a wait list a mile long to get in there, but he managed to make it happen. Pays to have connections.
Carrie’s been relentless and hasn’t let up. She calls and texts me every day now. But the more she tries, the more I realize I made the right choice turning her away. We’re so done.
I’ve tried calling Cora’s cell phone twice since we landed. One last try. I dial her number and let it ring until it goes to voice mail again. Maybe she has to work, or she could be at the hospital still with her mother. I’m not far from her place, so I decide to swing by now.
Her car is in the driveway. I pull in and kill the engine.
Knocking three times, I wait on her porch. There’s no answer, but I hear footsteps inside.
I knock again, harder this time. Maybe she has her earbuds in and can’t hear me. “Cora,” I call out.
Again nothing, but this time the footfalls get closer to the door. “I can hear you in there. It’s Derek. Please let me in.”
The door opens part way, but the lock is latched. She’s standing behind it because I can’t see her. “Thank you for all you’ve done for my mother, but you don’t have to pretend you want to be with me anymore. I’m letting you off the hook. Now go away, please.”
The tone in her voice stirs up an emotion in me that I haven’t felt in a long time. Fear. Something isn’t right. “What’s wrong, Cora?”
“I’m busy. I can’t do this.” Her voice sounds depleted and sad.
Holy shit. She’s quitting us. “What changed? Why don’t you want me anymore?”
Cora lets out a strangled laugh. “No, I can’t. Please go away.” She’s crying now. “I really have to go. Goodbye.” And she shuts the door.
I knock, unwilling to accept whatever that just was. She doesn’t answer.
No footsteps and I can’t hear her crying either. It’s silent, like she disappeared.
Pain crushes my chest. She’s completely shutting me out. Maybe that’s why she was distant while I’ve been away. I’ll figure this out, somehow.
Getting back in my car, I sit and watch her house. No movement inside that I can see. I dial Teddy’s number and put him on Bluetooth before I drive away.
“Hey, what’s up, man? Miss me already?” His crazy laugh bellows through the car.
I don’t have time for his humor. “Has Bri mentioned what’s wrong with Cora?”
“With Cora? No. Not a word.”
“Fuck.” I smack the steering wheel with my open palm and pain shoots through my hand to my wrist.
The sound of his television comes through the line, lots of cheering, maybe sports. “What’s wrong, man? I thought you and Carrie were getting back together? I’ve seen her at the games lately and the pictures she’s been posting on social media of you two.”
“What has she been posting?” I ask, nearly snarling. I’m never on social media. Ever. It’s usually a bunch of he said, she said bullshit. It’s a waste of my time. Looks like I need to check out what he’s talking about when I get home.
“It’s pictures of you guys together kissing and stuff.”
No. No. No. I slam the brakes as I turn into a gas station and pull up Carrie’s social media account. That soulless woman has been posting photos from last year. But it looks like they happened in the last few days and the caption reads, ‘me and my guy.’ “Damn it. Why is she fucking doing this?” Rage bubbles up in me and I open the door and spring out to pace and diffuse some of the fury.
“She wants you back, man. I thought that was what you wanted.” That’s what I did want. But since I’ve reconnected with Cora, things have changed.