A huff leaves me and I shake my head at the thought. Breakups are always hard and that’s what this is, so there’s only one way to move on and that’s to get it over with.
I don’t want to be in our townhouse, but I have nowhere else to go.
An easy breath leaves me as I stand behind the only woman in line at Brew Madison and tilt my head to read the sign on the back wall. All the beverages they have to offer are written on a large chalkboard, and large bakery cases house all the treats they have available. From small pastries to toasted breakfast sandwiches, all lined up as if they’re plastic replicas, even though I know they’re freshly made and just simply that good.
I haven’t had much of an appetite, but every sip of my coffee this morning made me nauseated, so a blueberry muffin top it is.
The brunette curls of the woman in front of me swing from side to side as she gives her order. I can’t see her face, but I know she’s young. From her bright red high heels and black leather jacket paired with white shorts a bit too short for fall, she’s definitely a downtown girl.
I smile at the thought as she waits for her coffee: pumpkin spice.
I used to be like her. Stylish and in charge of my destiny. New to the city and ready to tame it.
I thought I had.
A career and reputation in this publishing industry that I reached within only a few years. I’m an agent worth my weight now and everyone knows it. My name and brand have a meaning to them. The clients are coming in and I’m able to hire more reps and editors. It’s the business I’ve always wanted. More than that, I’m married to a man who still drips of sex appeal and has an edge to him that is irresistible. We own our townhouse near Madison Square Garden. Even if it is small, it’s the closest we could get. And it’s New York, so location is everything.
And my closet … the girl in front of me would kill for my closet. Not that she would know it based on how I’m dressed at the moment.
My name has a purpose and strength to it that made me proud. Evan and I were a powerhouse in the social scene. The couple everyone wanted to be. But envy comes with threats and in its nature, ruins. Rumors and gossip created a wedge between the two of us.
In the last few years, the highs of this world have crashed as my marriage slowly dissolved.
I let it. I spent my life not living it, wanting more and more from my work. Running as fast as I could, just to stay still while I ignored every other change in the world around me. How could I not have seen it deteriorating?
As the woman turns and I get a look at her cateye makeup that’s subtle enough to still be businesslike and red lips that match her heels, I remember that feeling that used to flow through me. The one that said I could conquer anything.
Yeah, I used to be like her. I still have the heels and even the stylish clothes, although I lean toward professional these days with my wardrobe and those shorts sure as heck don’t lean that way.
“What can I get you?” the young man asks me from behind the counter. He’s got to be in his early twenties at most. I catch a glimpse of his sleeve tattoo and it reminds me of Evan’s tattoos for only a moment.
More thoughts of Evan. Everything reminds me of him.
“A chai and a blueberry muffin top,” I answer him with a tight voice and clear my throat as I reach for my card in my wallet. It’s a Kate Spade and the soft pink and white match the purse, but I’m only just now realizing that it looks a bit dingy. Not so much so that it’s noticeably dirty. Just enough where it doesn’t look so new anymore.
As I wait for my chai, I get a look at my reflection in the glass. I guess the same can be said about me. My fingers tease my hair at the roots, putting a little more volume there and I apply a coat of stain on my lips while I wait.
I wrap the belt around my shirt a little tighter, showing off my waist and lean to my right in the reflection.
I’m not done yet. There’s still life in me. There’s still that girl who wants more buried deep down inside. But what exactly she wants more of remains a question.
Evan, the silent answer, is obvious.
But instead the voice in my head whispers love.
Even if he can’t give me everything, I know what I’m desperate for: to love and be loved.
The bells to the door chime as I accept my chai and muffin top. I silently pray that it’s not Jacob so I can have a moment to try to shovel this down.
No such luck.
I smile broadly when I see him, hiding everything I was just thinking and focusing on my potential client and his career. I mentally tally up how much work we both need to do to get his branding both going in the right direction and noticed by the right market.
“Jacob,” I greet him and his deep green, hazel eyes focus on me.
“Katerina, it’s wonderful to finally have a one-on-one,” he says as he steps over the welcome mat and slips off his thin, black wool jacket. He has a downtown style that would pair well with the woman who was just here. From his gray shirt that hangs low but is fitted tight across his chest, to the boyish grin and messy dark hair. He’s sex on a stick for sure.
“It is wonderful to see you in person, thank you so much for meeting me here,” I say as I make my way to the front of the shop, making sure not to spill the hot drink in my hand.
“Finally meeting my maybe new agent,” he says with both an asymmetric smile and pride.
“I’m so happy you’re thinking of signing with us,” I answer sweetly.
“The rain this fall is ridiculous,” Jacob states as he runs his hand over his hair and then wipes it off on his worn jeans.
His white Chuck Taylor sneakers squeak on the floor as he takes a step closer to me. His expression is comical. With both hands full, one of chai and the other with the muffin top, I gesture to the table where I already have my laptop set up. “Right over here,” I tell him and put both the chai and the pastry to the left side of my computer before turning around to face him.
I have to crane my neck. “You’re so much taller in person,” I tell him and hold out a hand for a handshake. His right hand engulfs mine and his shake is firm.
The grin on his face grows to a wide smile and his perfect teeth flash back at me.
He’s damn good looking and the fact that his face isn’t anywhere on his profiles or brand is a mistake. I watch him as I take my seat, keeping the smile where it belongs on my expression.
“You are too good looking for every one of your readers not to see your face. I know this is a meeting to see if you’re interested in coming on board and if our goals align, but the way I like to approach things is to treat you like a client from the start so you know what you’re getting. There’s so much we have to offer at the agency and I’m sure you’ll appreciate not wasting time.”
“I like to know what I’m getting; let’s dive in. What do you want from me, Katerina?” Jacob asks me and for a split second, a thought enters my mind.
It’s only a fraction of a second. A glimpse of his mouth on mine, his hands on my body. Pushing me against the wall like Evan did only a few nights ago.
Thankfully, it vanishes before I can show any admission of what I was thinking.
With a deep inhale, I shake off the unwanted thought and I focus on the plan I have laid out for him as I rotate the computer around on the table.
“We’re going to start with your strengths. Obviously. your writing is one of them. Let’s also work our way into other aspects of marketing and social media that I think you’re ignoring. We can come up with a solid plan that you’re comfortable with, but more importantly, one that will work to give you momentum before this upcoming release.”
The words come out of my mouth smoothly even though my mind’s racing.
It’s been a while since I’ve looked at a man and thought the things running through my head. I tell myself it’s because I’m looking for comfort. Searching for someone to desire me like Evan does.
So I don’t feel trapped and alone.
“Lead
the way, Miss Thompson.”
I shake my head, ready to correct him, ready to tell him it’s Mrs. Thompson. Instead I bite my tongue. In fact, I find myself hiding my left hand behind the computer.
It’s only because the attention is nice.
A distraction, a sweet voice whispers in the back of my head as I smile at Jacob and hit the right arrow on the keyboard to move to the first point I want to make.
I leave my hand where it’s hidden and when he tells me goodbye, again referring to me as “Miss,” I still don’t correct him.
Evan
She makes my blood heat,
My breathing tense and ragged.
Love’s not a straight line,
It’s reckless and it’s jagged.
Beyond the lust, beyond desire,
There’s something in its wake.
It’s jealousy that makes me weak,
It’s hate that makes me break.
Brew Madison is my wife’s favorite place in this whole damn city. My shoes smack on the wet pavement and rain spits from the sky as I close the door a block down and stride down the sidewalk to the coffee shop.
For years she’s come here. She and Jules used to write together in the corner. Jules was her first client here in New York. It’s how she met her now close friend. I huff and my breath turns to steam as I peek in through the glass window.
It used to be a habit of mine to stop here before going home when I landed. Nine times out of ten, she’d be in the same back corner, immersed in a book or a contract. Half the time she was in a meeting.
But then things changed. She stopped going out with too much work piling up as her business grew, and I stopped searching for her when I left the airport. I knew she’d be home, stuck in her office and working no matter what time of day it was.
Work will take as much time as you give it. And Kat gives it all her time and then some.
Today is a different day, though. Given I just told my boss to fuck off knowing he has evidence that could get me locked up, I need to find Kat. I have to see her.
Just before I get to the glass door, I spot my wife. But more importantly, I see who she’s with.
Some asshole is with her. I’m sure he’s only a client, but as they walk toward the exit, Kat’s eyes on her purse as she rummages through it, looking for her keys I’d think, his eyes are all over her body.
The bastard licks his lower lip, and his gaze flickers to Kat’s breasts and then to her eyes as she peeks up at him.
She smiles so naively and tucks her hair behind her ear, but what lights up the anger and the possessiveness running through me, is the blush that rises to her cheeks. My body goes cold and my feet turn to cement standing outside of the shop, watching the two of them unknowingly walk toward me.
She knows he’s looking. She knows he likes what he sees. And she’s letting him.
The chill that runs through my body fuels something deep inside of me. Something primal and raw. The rain that crashes down on me as the clouds roll in and the sky turns darker by the second does nothing to calm the rage growing inside of me.
I open the door just as the two of them are leaving. My grip on the handle is tight and unforgiving as I wait for them to look up at me.
Kat doesn’t stop talking, her sweet voice rattling off something about a signing and who needs to be called to schedule some event.
The dick with a hard-on for my wife sees me first, his eyes widening slightly as he takes in my expression. His first instinct is to angle his body, putting himself between me and Kat. It pisses me off even more and I force my body to stay still, keeping myself from shoving him away from her.
My teeth grind against one another as I stare at his hand, still on her lower back as if he has any right to touch her.
“Evan.” Kat looks up at me surprised at first, without a hint of anything other than shock, but instantly her expression changes. “What are you doing? You’re getting soaked!” she admonishes me in front of the fucker still standing far too close.
Pride flows through me as she pulls me into the coffee shop, even if she’s doing it out of frustration.
She looks from my wet shoulders and the rain dripping down my hair to my forehead and back and then glances outside the shop. She hasn’t even acknowledged the man she’s with. The demon inside me is at least appeased by that small fact. Her small hands focus on wiping off as much water as she can as she positions me over the large welcome mat at the front of the store.
“Nice to meet you,” I say to the man eyeing the two of us. “I’m Kat’s husband.”
Kat looks up at me and it’s obvious she bites her tongue from how her expression scrunches.
“Didn’t know she was married,” the fucker says and I read him loud and clear. I knew there was a crack in my marriage. But this shit isn’t something I’m going to let ruin us. It takes everything in me not to be aggressive toward this shithead.
Kat turns a bright shade of red, but instead of defending us and our relationship, instead of taking my side, she says the worst thing she could to me right now.
“I don’t know what we are right now,” she states more to me than to him as she looks me in the eyes, daring me to say another word. When I’m quiet, she turns to him.
“I’m sorry for the interruption, Jacob.”
“Jake, you can call me Jake,” he answers and doesn’t even bother to look at me. The awkward tension heats. The thumping of blood rushing in my ears is accompanied with an uncomfortable heat. It was between us. Our problem was only between us. And she made it known to him?
“I’ll touch base with you after I get the schedule drawn up, and make sure you get me those summaries as soon as you’re able to.”
Jake nods his head at Kat and then looks at me to say, “Nice to meet you.” He takes his time leaving, glancing over his shoulder more than once, with the rain now coming down in sheets.
“You don’t know what we are?” I ask her, feeling the rage wane as the door closes and the sound of the rain is muffled again.
“When you make an ass out of yourself in front of a client, what do you expect me to do?” she hisses.
The rain gets harder and louder as we stand off to the side of the entrance. I take a look around and there are only two other people in the entire place. Both of them women who look like they’re on a lunch break, dressed for office jobs. One on each side of the room, both of them on their phones and one with headphones in her ears.
“We can wait out the rain. Get a cup of coffee?” I ask her.
At first Kat looks up at me like I’m crazy. Maybe I am.
“And do what?” she asks. “Play let’s-keep-a-secret and hide-away-for-days?”
I ignore her brutal tone and take a chance, wrapping my arm around her waist.
She jumps back for a second, but only because I’m soaking wet.
I chuckle at her response, deep and rough and it makes her smile. She’s quick to hide it, but it’s there.
“I know you’re mad at me,” I tell her softly. “I don’t want to make you angry, Kat. I love you, and I’m trying.”
The trace of all humor fades and she peeks up at me and whispers, “I wish you wouldn’t.”
I brush the hair from her face and smile down at her as I tell her, “I’ll never stop fighting for you.”
At my words, she pushes away from me and says, “Then let’s talk until the rain lets up.” She looks over her shoulder and out of the window, as if checking to see if our time is already up.
We head to the back corner of the shop, to her spot and her safe place. I can’t count the number of times I’ve sat here with her while she rambled on and told me about her day. Although that was before. It’s been too long.
The rest of the seating in the place is all high-top tables and bar-height seats, but in the corner is an L-shaped booth. The same shiny white tabletop, but the seating is for customers who want to spend a while in here and that’s what I need with her right now, more time.
“You like him?” I question, feeling small pieces of my heart crumble off. Kat’s eyes narrow as she huffs out a breath of frustration.
“Knock it off,” she answers and I feel torn. I saw the look in her eyes. She’s a natural flirt and so am I, but I know she liked the attention more than she should. She felt comfortable with it.
“I don’t like him.”
“Good to know,” she answers me immediately, crossing her arms as she walks toward the counter to order something.
I follow her like a lost fucking puppy. It’s quiet between us and the tension is thick as she orders a coffee or whatever the hell it is. The blood is pounding so hard in my ears, I can’t hear a damn thing.
“I mean it. He wants you, Kat,” I tell her and then nearly flinch from the look in her eyes. “I don’t want anyone else’s hands on you.”
“It was innocent.”
“The hell it was,” I bite back instantly, keeping my voice low. I don’t give her a chance to speak.
“You can’t look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t like it.” The air between us turns hot instantly.
“He’s a client,” she says beneath her breath. My eyes dart from her to the man behind the counter. As soon as I look at him, he averts his eyes, pretending like he didn’t just hear the venom in Kat’s voice.
“Client or not,” I say, standing my ground but all it does is wind Kat up more.
“I’m not the one keeping secrets and lying, I’m not the one who’s breaking up this marriage,” she says much lower, so much so that it sounds like it was hard for her to even get the words out.
“Stop it,” I tell her and grip her hip as she tries to walk past me, back to the booth and undoubtedly to get her stuff and leave.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper in her ear and hold her closer to me. I splay my hand on her lower back, feeling the tension in her body slowly leave her. Her body is hot next to mine.
You Know I Love You: Book 1, You Know Me duet (You Are Mine 3) Page 11