by Lilly Wilde
Loretta’s brows scrunch as she reaches for the envelope. “Can you hold L.J. for a sec?”
Having gotten pretty comfortable with the little guy, I lift him from her arms and hold him out in front of me. “Hey there, L.J. How’s my little buddy doing?”
“So she’s gone?” Loretta asks, looking up from the letter.
“Yep,” I reply, hoping she doesn’t see how Ragan’s departure has gotten under my skin.
Her lips curve into a frown as her gaze skates over my face. “Oh, Branch. I’m sorry.”
Apparently my efforts are wasted because she sees right through my act, but I still play it off. “Sorry for what? This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her.”
“I agree. It’s amazing. But you miss her, don’t you?”
“Who?”
“The person we’re talking about. The person you always seem to bring into our conversations lately.”
“Nah, I’m good. She became a friend. We had some fun, but that’s about it. You know I’m not looking for anything else.”
“Just because you weren’t looking doesn’t mean you didn’t find it.”
I shrug. “I do miss Cecelia.” I look down at the baby and grab his tiny hand. “I guess I miss her mom a little, too.”
Loretta’s smiling at me when I finally glance up from L.J.
“What’s with the look?” I ask.
“Our little Branch has finally fallen in love.”
“Not funny, Loretta. You know that isn’t me.”
“Jimmy called it, you know,” she says, continuing as if she’s uncovered some mystery.
“Called what?”
“You and Ragan. He really liked her. Thought she was good for you. He said she’d be the girl you’d marry.”
My brows shoot up. “Marry. You do realize you’re talking to Branch McGuire, right?”
“I’m sure that’s what you want me to believe. And it’s probably what you’re trying to convince yourself of but no, I’m not talking to that arrogant guy you show to the world. I’m talking to the man I’ve considered family for the last umpteen years. I know you, Branch. And Jimmy knew you better, so I’m pretty sure he called it right.”
“Nah. Jimmy wouldn’t say anything crazy like that. He knew I wasn’t the settling-down type. Hell, the whole world knows. Especially not with someone like Ragan.”
She crosses her arms over her chest and angles her head. “And what’s wrong with Ragan?”
“I didn’t say anything was wrong with her but you’ve seen the kind of girls I hook up with. Ragan’s not my type.”
“Or maybe those girls weren’t your type, which is why they’ve all been easy to walk away from.”
I shake my head in denial. “Look, Loretta, I don’t have a thing for Ragan.”
She reaches for the baby and says, “You don’t have to pretend with me, you know. Or maybe…”
“Maybe what?”
“Maybe you don’t realize it yourself. But I can see it. Jimmy saw it coming, too. Even Isidora and Luciana asked me about it the day after we were all out on the lake.”
“Like I said, we’ve become good friends. An unlikely coupling, but still, good friends. And I want what’s best for her. To see her happy. I hardly think that equates jumping the broom or anything close to it.”
“Didn’t you say you had an offer to play with the New York Cyclops?” she asks, still pushing her agenda.
“Yeah, but I’m planning to sign with the Atlanta Eagles to stay closer to Mama, Jace, Dad, and you guys.”
“Your mama is better than she’s been in years. She has Curtis. And I’m getting better every day. We’ll always be family. And we’ll always look out for one another. Mary, Curtis, Jace, me, my girls, and Little Jimmy. We’re family. And family looks out for family, so we’ll all be fine. You need to live your life.”
“That’s what I’ve been doing for the last sixteen years. I need to finally accept that I have responsibilities.”
“Like your mama, Jace, and the garage?”
“Well…yeah.”
“I’ve given this a great deal of thought, and I believe Jimmy left that to you because he figured it would be a while before you found anyone who’d take you,” she laughs. “And on a more serious note, he knew it held special memories for the both of you. You don’t have to live here for that garage to belong to you.”
I consider Loretta’s words and my chest clenches. “I still can’t believe he’s gone. I walk in there every day expecting to see him leaning over the hood of a car.”
“I know what you mean. I reach for him in bed at night or I walk in the kitchen looking for him at the counter holding that World’s Greatest Dad mug.”
“The blue one with the chip and the glued handle?” I ask, with a chuckle.
“That’s the one. Tater was three years old and she was so excited to bring that Father’s Day gift to Papi. She ran into the room that morning, holding it out to him. But she tripped and fell just before she made it to the bed. And when Jimmy opened the box, the handle was broken and a small piece had chipped from the rim. Tater cried and cried, but her dad told her it was okay, that he could reattach the handle and that he would love it even more because it would have character.”
Loretta’s eyes glaze over and dense silence fills the room.
She finally looks down at L.J. lying quietly in her arms and I stare at the two of them wishing like hell Jimmy could be here with his wife and son.
“Jimmy would want you to go after her,” she says, lifting her gaze to mine. “To forget about the garage. You’d have his blessing…and mine.”
“Loretta, I can’t do that.”
“You can. My brother-in-law Alejandro is coming down next month. He’s moving the family here. After losing Jimmy, he’s decided he wants to be closer to us. You can hire him as the general manager and he can report to you periodically.”
I take in her earnest expression, my elbows resting on my knees as I lean forward. “I can’t back out on Jimmy’s last request of me. Not after all he’s meant to my life.”
“Jimmy would be so proud of you for stepping in to help us, but he’d tell you to go. Branch, you know that, don’t you?”
“Loretta, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but my mind is made up. I’m staying.”
She shakes her head, her lips pressing into a thin line. “Okay, but if you change your mind…”
“I won’t.”
IT WAS A SMALL CEREMONY at the house. The marriage wasn’t actually necessary since they never divorced, therefore, it was more of a symbolic gesture for Jace, Dad, Mama, and me—somewhat of a reset. A new beginning for the McGuires.
Mama was over the moon when I finally came around to accepting this new normal. A large part of my lowered resistance was Jimmy. He would have insisted that I—at the very least—give it a try. All the time and effort he’d poured into me can’t have been for naught and if nothing else, his death made me realize it was past time I grew the fuck up.
And Mama—well more so Jace—made me see how this new family could actually be a good thing. Still not one hundred percent convinced though, I spent some time with Mama’s psychiatrist Dr. Blake who suggested we schedule routine sessions to iron out some unresolved issues and to also form an action plan—something we desperately need if our family is to function as a healthy unit. So after weeks of therapy, I gave Dad what he asked for—my blessing.
I’ve never seen Mama smile or laugh as much since I was a kid. She was happy and she wanted the wedding to be a family affair which meant the four of us planned it all. We each had to add something unique to the ceremony and everyone did, including me, with a lot of help from Nurse Christina.
And when the big day came, I walked Mama down the aisle and gave her back to the man she’s always belonged to—my dad, Curtis McGuire. When I placed Mama’s hand in his, it felt right. It felt permanent.
As they recited their vows, I realized that as children, we mistakenly ho
ld our parents to a higher standard than we do ourselves but truth is, they are just like the kids, making mistakes and learning as they go. So yes, my parents could have handled several things very differently, especially Dad, but hell, who am I to judge given how I’ve treated every woman I’ve bedded?
Despite my change in attitude, I’ve kept a watchful eye—minus the malice or resentment—on my parents, and I’ve witnessed Dad treat Mama like she’s the most precious of jewels. He makes sure she takes her meds, visits the shrink—most times rearranging his schedule to go with her. And then there’s Jace. I know what a “happy Jace” looks like but nothing comes close to this.
Is everything exactly as I want? I’m in the process of figuring that out. I do know there will always be a gaping hole in my life where Jimmy used to be, and seeing all the pieces of my family finally come together, I feel released of the responsibility I never should have had.
And now I can finally focus on me.
One Year Later
I GRAB MY CELL PHONE from the edge of the desk and press Accept. “Hello.”
“I heard someone got their first private commission. Congratulations, sugar.”
A wide smile spreads over my lips. I remember the first time he called me sugar. I hadn’t wanted to admit it, but the smooth, sexiness of his voice elicited a rush of goosebumps, much like the ones that trail over my skin now.
“How did you know?” My pieces have been selling at an unbelievable rate. And now that I’ve been commissioned by a widely acclaimed TV celebrity, it’s the talk of the art industry. There was even an article in Fine Art Connoisseur Magazine with the headline: “The New Face of Contemporary Art as Depicted by Ragan S. Prescott.”
The girl who, over a year ago, couldn’t afford a car repair without handouts from others. Here I am now in New York, living a life I never would’ve dreamed of. And to boot, Andrés is partnering with me to open The Prescott Gallery next spring. Everything is happening so quickly that I barely have time to wonder if it really is the fairytale I thought didn’t happen to girls like me.
“Maybe I’m keeping tabs on you,” Branch replies.
“Hundreds of miles away and you still can’t get me out of your head, huh?”
I hear his smile through the phone. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
Hell yeah, I would. He’s already assumed permanent residence in my head, but I know he isn’t in a place to hear that. And quite frankly I’m scared shitless to say it.
My assistant Erin shuts off the back office lights and heads toward the front with the rest of us.
I wish I had more time to talk to Branch. “Hey, thanks for calling and I hate to cut this call short, but I have to run. They’re taking me out to celebrate.”
“Don’t tell me I’m missing a party,” he jokes.
“Yup.”
“Next time I’m there we’ll have our own private celebration.”
“Ragan, the Uber’s here!” Kale shouts.
“I have to—”
“I know. I heard. Have a great time. You deserve it.”
“Thanks, Branch.”
I shove the phone in my bag and walk out into the night air. The city is bursting with a vibrancy and expectation that filters its way through our small group. I settle in the back of the luxury Uber, smiling at the elation of Andrés, Erin, Autumn, and the other gallery staff. They chatter on and on about my big sale but all I think about is Branch and his promise of a private celebration, wondering what he meant, and thinking how much I’d prefer that to whatever this night may hold.
I STEP OUT OF THE coffee shop and scan the busy street. New Yorkers hail cabs, slide into Ubers or walk in line with crowds of businessman, tourists and various assortments of others rushing along before they are trampled. After a sip of my latte, I join in with them, a wider smile spreading over my lips with each step.
Look at me. On my own in a city that would have gobbled me up and spit me out this time two years ago. I’m going to take New York by storm. I can feel it. I have it in me, it was always in me. It was just hidden behind the clutter of heartache and pain. I’d thought I was broken and down for the count, but I was never really broken, I was just a little bent. And thanks to Branch, I now see that it’s okay to be that way. The key is to straighten yourself out as best you can and get back in the race.
Sometimes that doesn’t happen. My mom was a prime example. And I, too, would have been an example. Ethan had been the final straw. He’d gotten in my head and he’d beaten me down and without even realizing it, I’d let him. But it wasn’t just him.
My beatdown started the day I was born. The person who gave me life—she wasn’t the nurturing mother I needed. That I deserved. And the person she passed me on to, Cassidy, she abused my body and my mind every day for over a decade. And then when Ethan finally came along, I thought I’d been saved, that he’d come to rescue me, that he was my knight in shining armor. But he was no knight. He was a dark cloud that sealed in the pain and humiliation I’d covered with makeup and smiles. He was the heavy burden of remorse and fear I’d carried around for years. He was that subtle poison to my soul that was my ultimate downfall. I shudder to think what would have become of me had I not encountered the one person who I didn’t think would ever give a girl like me a second glance.
But he did.
Despite my pigheadedness. Despite my less-than-stellar attitude. He kept coming back for more. And somehow, it finally sank in. I’m someone who deserves to be loved and to give love. I have something to offer this world. I just couldn’t see it before because of the negativity and darkness that surrounded and eventually claimed me as its own.
But this last year has been somewhat of a rebirth that I’ll celebrate every year instead of the actual day I was born. It seems as if my life has finally aligned with the stars.
And a special treat with a cherry on top was finding out that the karma I’d been hoping for, really did exist. It finally showed up and served Cassidy her just deserts. Her new family didn’t repeat my family’s dreadful mistake of concealing the truth about the monster she is—they reported her abuse. And once all the skeletons began falling from her closet, Noah and I were contacted by the district attorney. We were allowed to submit video testimony regarding our history with Cassidy. I was relieved that it was admissible because I wasn’t sure I could be in the same room with her without the risk of being arrested myself. I couldn’t do that to CeeCee.
And the turn of events I still can’t fathom…Dad testified against her as well. If he did it to redeem himself or as a start to healing a family that could never be healed, I don’t know, but karma finally assumed possession on the wickedness that was Cassidy Merritt. If what I hear is true, the women in that prison will give her every bit of the sentence a child abuser deserves.
With all of that behind me, the future is all I see.
Sometimes you have to distance yourself from the past, even if it’s the only life you know. And although Branch was the beacon in the midst of a blinding storm, I had to leave him behind, too. In order to be my best self, I had to get out of Blue Ridge.
My life in Georgia was the shit nightmares are made of. I don’t know why I was given such a rough start, but now I firmly believe I had to walk that path for a reason. Maybe it happened because it now enables me to help others, or maybe it happened because it was the only way I could provide a voice for those who suffer as I once did…I don’t know. But whatever the reason, this is my life. I’m embracing it and I’m ready to own it.
Super Bowl Sunday
“SEE YOU GUYS AT STANDINGS,” I remind Autumn, Erin, Kale, Andrés, and Jax about watching the Super Bowl at the East Village Sports Bar. “And remember to wear your Redhorns jerseys.”
“Okay, okay, okay. Isn’t this like your fourth time reminding us within the last hour?” Erin asks. “We’ll be heading out as soon as we wrap up the final details for the curator.”
Had I actually reminded them four times? Jeez. I must re
ally have Branch on the brain. “Sounds great. Bye for now and thanks for everything today, guys.”
Unless it’s for a private showing, the gallery is typically closed on Sundays but we came in at the crack of dawn to arrange the newer selections for the curator tomorrow. It’s kind of a huge deal so we needed all hands on deck if we wanted everything absolutely perfect for the meeting with Jean Pierre.
I exit Andrés’s gallery and step toward the exhibit windows, my eyes wide and a huge smile spreading over my lips as I move past each of the paintings displayed in the four windows. I stop at the last one and read the signage.
Contemporary Art
Evening Sale
Property from the Collection of Ragan S. Prescott
A jolt of excitement urges me to jump up and down like a kid who’s just unwrapped the gift she’s been hoping for all of her life.
“Eh, what the hell?” I let out a little yelp and then giggle to myself when the passersby react to my strange display. The enthusiasm is just too much to contain within one person.
I grab my phone and dial Noah.
“Hey, sis.”
“Hi, little brother. Check this out.” I press the button that flips the call to video and show Noah the paintings in the four windows.
“Holy shit, Ragan!”
I turn the screen to see my brother’s face. “I know, right!”
“Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?”
“Yeah. About a hundred times. But you can tell me again,” I add with a giggle.
“I’m so proud of you I can hardly stand it.”
“Thank you, Noah. So what’s happening with the move?”
“Grey and I are still on schedule to be there within the next two weeks. Just tying up some loose ends here, then we’re headed your way.”
“Awesome. I’m so excited. We’re finally going to be together again.”
“After all this time.”
“And after all we’ve been through,” I reply, my voice wistful.