by Nyrae Dawn
Speak, say something. Like they so often are, my words are lost, so Bee fills the space with hers.
Her eyes dart around, suddenly looking a little insecure. You wouldn’t be able to tell by the sound of her voice, which doesn’t waiver as she speaks. “On my ninth birthday, Rex and Melody forgot. They were both busy working on a painting. I knew it wasn’t because they didn’t care. They were just like that sometimes. They got in the zone and everything else left their heads. To make it up to me, Melody made really shitty chocolate chip cookies and we put up a tent in the backyard. The cookies were so bad we built a fire and made s’mores and looked at the stars all night. It was so simple, Maddox, but it was perfect.”
Simple. Perfect. That’s what I want. Not to stress about shit or have my mom try to kill herself or my sister who’s always been so emotional. I love her but it’s hard, so fucking hard when I’m the only one to deal with it, especially when I know it’s my fault.
Suddenly, I really wish I could see those stars on her side again. Wish I could make s’mores with her and sit outside all night. “Who are Rex and Melody?”
Bee shakes her head. “Not tonight. Maybe . . . I don’t know but not tonight. Okay?”
I nod and walk over to my bed. “I get it. I’ll never push you to talk.” And then I pull the blanket back. Bee crawls into my bed. My bed. After pulling off my T-shirt, I toss it to the floor.
“Did you clean your piercing?”
“Yes.” The light flickers out with the push of a button and then I am in my bed with a woman. With Bee, in nothing except a pair of sweats, knowing I’ll stay in them.
We’re both quiet in the dark for what feels like forever.
“It feels good . . . to have someone,” she whispers. “Someone who doesn’t push or expect me to be anyone I’m not. Just Bee . . .”
Without replying, I reach for her and pull her against me. My arm around her waist as the back of her molds to the front of me. She tenses for a second before it melts away.
Bee lets me hold her all night, and I don’t let go.
Chapter Nineteen
~Bee~
It’s been almost a week since I woke up in Maddox’s bed. Since I woke up in his arms after talking to him about Rex and Melody and telling him my name.
Even though those things are small in some ways, I still can’t believe I told him.
And he hasn’t brought it up since. I’m not sure what I would do if he did. Probably be a bitch because that’s easy for me. But he hasn’t and I wish I could thank him for it—wish I would have the next day when we got up, got dressed, and he drove me to Masquerade like nothing happened.
Nothing did happen, I remind myself. It feels like it did and that has me slightly stressed out.
Glancing toward my computer, I look at the time. My next tattoo will be here in ten minutes, so I pull out a piece of paper and start the sketch. It’s nothing big, just a name, so it doesn’t take me long to come up with a couple ideas while I’m waiting for the girl to show.
A couple minutes later, a girl with short black hair walks in. “Hi. We spoke last week. I have an appointment for a tattoo.” She smiles at me.
“Yep. I have a few ideas here if you want to check them out. I’m not sure exactly what kind of look you’re going for.” She walks over to my desk and looks down. There are a couple aspects of two designs she likes, so after we chat for a minute, I put together another quick drawing for her.
“You can have a seat.” I nod toward the chair. “Maddox will set everything up for us . . .” My feet plant in place on my way to the sink as my words die off. Maddox won’t be doing anything for us today because he’s not here. Goose bumps pebble across my arms. I wanted nothing more than Masquerade to be only mine, and now my brain is automatically going to Maddox being here to help me like working with him is something I’ve always done.
The bumps spread up my neck but I fight to ignore them. It’s a slip up, that’s all.
“Scratch that. I’m setting up. I forgot he’s not here today.” I hand the girl the release and get a copy of her ID. After things are signed and taken care of, I lay the drawing on her ankle so the ink transfers to her skin.
“Right here?” Scooting back, I nod at her leg.
“Perfect.”
The rest of the routine happens as easily as breathing: getting the ink, washing my hands, paper towels, Vaseline, putting together the gun, opening a new needle, gloves. And then I rub Vaseline on her and it’s needle to skin. She gives a small jump at first, then relaxes comfortably.
“Is this your first ink?” The needle skates a line. Her skin is easy, like butter. It’s perfect for tattooing.
“Yeah. I’ve always wanted a tattoo, though.”
“Whose name is it?” Glancing up at her, I see her cheeks go pink.
“You don’t want to know.”
Which means it’s a boyfriend. I smile as I continue concentrating on what I’m doing. “Don’t let anyone give you shit. Some people are like that no matter what your tattoo is of. You might regret it one day, and you might not, but at this point in time it’s important to you. Even if that changes, this will be a memory. If he turns out to be an asshole, it will be your reminder about the kind of guy you don’t want or if you stay together, then there’s the obvious there.” After pulling the gun from her skin, I wipe her leg, dip in my ink, and then rub more Vaseline on her before starting again. “And if you want it gone, it’s not like we can’t come up with something kick-ass to cover it up.” I wink at her and she looks relieved.
“Thank you. You’re the only person who’s not giving me a hard time about it. Elliott . . . he’s had cancer before. He’s okay now, but you never know, right? I think it’s important. I want a piece of him with me all the time and no one understands that.”
I think about the ink on my body. The sunflower, the Gemini, my stars. I remember Mom’s reaction when I came home with my Gemini sign. How she was upset, then made the comment about how at least it was only one and it was small. Little did she know I’d keep going . . .
Looking up at her again, I tell her, “They don’t have to understand.” Most people don’t.
We’re quiet after that as I continue to engrave Elliott’s name into her. It’s crazy, loving someone like that. I can’t imagine ever doing it myself but I’d never give someone else hell for it. And then . . . Rex and Melody loved me enough—or they loved the idea of a child enough—to steal for one and that reminds me how possessive the feeling is supposed to be.
It only takes about fifteen minutes to finish her tattoo. Her eyes get teary when I’m finished and this swell of pride blooms in my stomach. This little flash of Mom fills my head, this foreign wish that she got this. That on some level, she didn’t love me because she has to but because she understands me.
It doesn’t take me long to get things cleaned up. I look around online for a little while, check the supplies, and then go back to my chair, drumming my fingernails on the desk.
It’s not strange without Maddox here. It’s not strange without Maddox here. Only it is and that kind of sucks. It’s cool having him to talk to and to come up with tattoo ideas with and, hell, to give him shit. The knife twists in my stomach at the thought. At the strange way I actually miss him.
“I really need to go out and have a good time tonight,” I mumble. My phone rings, my hand shooting out to grab it like I’m expecting an important phone call or something. “Hello?”
“Hi . . . Bee? This is Laney. Maddox’s sister.”
My heart jumps a little. Maddox isn’t here. If something is wrong, Maddox isn’t here again and that will kill him. “Hey . . . is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. God, you sound like my brother.” She laughs and I frown. The urge to say, I do not, dances on my tongue, but I ignore it.
“I wanted to tell you I’m having a little get-together for my birthday next weekend. Nothing big or anything. Just Adrian, Cheyenne, Colt, and Maddy. I’d love it if y
ou could come.”
I fight down the instinct to blurt out a no. She’s nice and she’s Maddox’s sister, so I don’t want to be a bitch. And I want to go. At least, I think I want to go. But my thoughts start running. It doesn’t take a genius to see where she’s going with this. That it will be two couples and then Maddox and me. Maddox doesn’t see how alike they are. He and Laney are both fixers. I can see her trying to fix him by setting him up. The difference between them is she would do it for anyone and he would only go there for her.
Besides, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want me at this party. I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t want to be there either. Not after the other night at his house, and hell, how everything has been between us since we met each other.
“Saturday or Sunday?” That’s not a no. I should be saying no.
“Sunday. You guys are closed, right?”
“Usually, but I actually have someone coming in this Sunday, so I’m not sure if I can make it.”
“Oh.”
There’s no doubt in my mind that she knows I’m lying. I can’t seem to say yes or no, though. “I’ll see what I can do. I’d love to come but it depends on Masquerade, okay? I’ll keep you posted.”
“Okay. I really hope you can make it.” She pauses for a second. “Is my brother there?”
“No. He had to work extra today. Ever since they made him head of security, he’s had to pull some extra shifts.”
This time her pause is so long I wonder if I said something wrong. “Maddy got a promotion?”
Dropping backward, I lean against the back of the seat. Shit. This isn’t my business to be in the middle of. “Yeah, it wasn’t that long ago, though. I’m sure he spaced telling you.”
At that Laney laughs, though it’s not a happy sound. “You don’t have to cover for him. That’s Maddox. He never talks to me about anything. Maybe one day.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, not quite sure why.
“Yeah,” she whispers. “Me too.”
It’s 11:00 p.m. and I’m standing in front of Lunar, dressed for a night out. A million times I’ve told myself it’s only because I want to go out and Lunar is the only cool place close by. I haven’t decided if it’s the truth or not.
Having a good time is definitely high on my list, though, because I didn’t even bring my car. I want to be able to drink and have fun, so it’s a cab kind of night.
As soon as I step inside, the colored lights flash in my face. The loud music pumps through me, filling me with the urge to dance. My first stop is the bar. Trevor is there like always with two other guys I don’t recognize. There’s a ton of people up here, so while I wait, I fight the urge to look around for Maddox. It doesn’t matter where he is because I’m not here for him.
Trevor glances up and catches my eye. He smiles and I shake my head before he makes it down to me. “Beer?”
“I almost said Cosmo to throw you off, but I can’t drink those things.”
He opens a Corona, pops a lime in, and hands it to me. I hold it up to him before taking a drink.
He says something, but I can’t hear him, so I lean forward. “What?”
“Your man. He’s in the back.”
A shiver rocks through me. Get it together, Bee. “What man? I don’t have one of those.”
“Hmm. I didn’t think you were the type to play games.” His mouth is so close to my ear I feel his breath.
Jerking away from him, I flip Trevor off. “You don’t know me, so don’t pretend you do.” He grins, and I take a couple more drinks of the beer. “And I don’t play games.”
The rest of my beer goes down smoothly and quickly. He’s already handing me another one when I set the bottle on the counter.
“So you’re available?”
Smirking at him, I say, “I didn’t say that either.”
Trevor laughs and shakes his head. “That’s what I thought.”
Before he has the chance to say anything else, I walk away with the beer in hand. I’ll pay for it later. I’m not playing his games tonight. My eyes immediately land on Maddox, leaning against the wall in the back. His arms are crossed, his face tight, and his eyes lasered in on me.
Little bitty explosions feel like they start to go off in my stomach but I ignore them and move through the crowd, straight for him. The whole time I beg the fireworks to slow down but they don’t.
Maddox doesn’t move an inch when I step up in front of him. “He wants you.”
More pops and cracks ignite. “Jealous?” I swallow a drink of the beer.
“Haven’t we had this conversation before?” He’s still not moving and this quiet whisper floats through my brain: Touch me . . .
“You didn’t answer the question.”
Then he grabs me and pulls me to him. His mouth comes down on mine and that same stupid little whisper says, Finally . . .
Maddox’s tongue pushes into my mouth and I wrap one of my arms around his neck and bury it in his hair, trying not to spill the beer in my other hand. He turns and my back is suddenly against the wall, my body squeezed between the hard brick and Maddox’s heat. His kiss gets deeper, his body moving against mine, and as stupid as it is, I wish we weren’t here. Masquerade, my house, his house, anywhere but here.
My thoughts start pushing their way through and I gather enough strength to move my hand to Maddox’s chest and shove him far enough away to say, “Don’t kiss me because you’re jealous.”
“You’d rather I did it for other reasons? That’s not what we’re about, remember?”
The words are harsh, tiny lashes across my skin that I didn’t expect. He’s right but it hurts and it’s not supposed to.
With my hand on his chest, I push him again as I try to move around him. Maddox curses, steps in front of me, and grabs my waist. “I kissed you because I want you. Because you’re gorgeous and even though I shouldn’t give a shit, I don’t like seeing him touch you.”
He’s breathing hard, so hard I hear it even with the music blaring around us. It’s then I realize I’m breathing just as hard. My chest heaving under my tight, long-sleeved shirt.
Maddox brushes his finger over my shoulders, left bare because of the cut of my top.
“I’m not saying . . . It doesn’t mean . . .”
With my fingers, I touch his lips. “Shhh.” I set my bottle down and then I kiss him this time. My tongue moves with his, in out, in out. Maddox holds me between the wall and his body again, his mouth taking over. Moving so expertly against mine. My body thrums with energy . . . need. I want him too. Want him the way I’ve never wanted anyone.
When his mouth trails down my neck, I say, “I’m not saying it means anything either. Let’s not use any words. Let’s . . .” Have fun. Forget everything else. Pretend we’re something we’re not. “Dance.”
“I told you I don’t dance.” His mouth is still close to my skin.
“I’m asking you to make an exception.”
Maddox pulls away and I expect him to keep going. Instead he hooks his finger in the loop of my pants and starts to back up, pulling me with him.
“Will you get in trouble? I know you’re working.”
His eyes haven’t left mine since he started walking. “I don’t give a shit what Trevor thinks and Tyler’s not here.”
Then I’m pulled tightly against him. His hands are on my waist; then they slide up and down my back as we move together. I rock my hips, sway with him as I wrap my arms around his neck. We’re close, so very close our bodies touching and moving as in sync as they do when we’ve had sex.
It feels good and he feels good but still I grab on to what I said to him about not using words. Not defining anything. It can be like it was at his house the other night. We can laugh and dance and kiss and then walk away like last time and nothing will change. Neither of us want it to change, so it’s okay. We’re okay.
His hand goes up the back of my shirt, skin to skin, rubbing and caressing. I moan and move with him as one of his legs slides between m
ine.
“You can dance,” I whisper.
“There are a lot of things I’m good at.”
I don’t doubt that. “Okay, then I’m surprised you are dancing.” Sure, I asked him to but I don’t know if I thought he would really do it.
His mouth drops to my ear. “There are a lot of things your body inspires me to do.” Again, I wish we weren’t in public.
And then he nips my lobe with his teeth and we keep dancing. When the song’s over and it goes into the next, Maddox pulls away. “I need to get back to work.”
“Yeah . . . yeah, okay.” I step back, trying to catch my breath. Holy crap that was sexy as hell.
“You hanging around or are you out of here?”
“I figured I’d stay for a while.”
His finger starts at my neck and slowly trails down the column and across my shoulder. “Good.”
Just like that, he steps back, trying to hide who he is again for this crazy masquerade we keep maintaining, and goes back to his perch by the wall.
I’m in a fog, not even sure what happens for the rest of the night. Before I know it, Lunar is closing and Maddox is off work. We don’t touch as we walk outside together.
“Your car here?” he asks, not really looking at me.
“No. Took a cab.”
He nods toward his bike and I take the first step to walk there. Maddox is right behind me. The helmet slides on easily and then there’s a weight on my shoulders and I realize it’s his jacket.
Give it back. I don’t. After slipping my arms through the holes, I wait for Maddox to put his helmet on and then get on the bike. Behind him, I throw my leg over and pull tight against him, right before it rumbles to life.
Wind makes us fly the whole way to my house. When we pull into my driveway, he kills the engine. We get off the bike and I take off the helmet and set it down.
“Thanks for the ride, Scratch.”
“No problem.” His voice is raspy and he needs a shave, both things extremely sexy on him.