by Elle Kennedy
“Sure. One day.” His jaw tensed, and then he corrected himself. “No, I want it now.”
Brett raised her eyebrows. “Really?”
With a pained expression, he curled his hands over the metal edge of the cart. “Really. That’s what I’m looking for in my next relationship—someone who’s ready to settle down.”
The sting returned, which only added to her confusion. The reminder that she wasn’t in a relationship with AJ troubled her more than she wanted to admit, but not as much as the conflicting emotions flashing on his face. He was deeply upset, yet she couldn’t figure out why.
And his next revelation just made her head spin harder.
“Look, I owe it to them, okay?”
Brett didn’t get a chance to respond. He was already gone, steering the cart toward the line. The elderly woman ahead of them had just paid for her groceries, which meant they were next in line, leaving Brett no opportunity to question him.
She swallowed her distress and impatience as they rang the groceries through, but the second they stepped outside, she couldn’t hold back any longer.
“What do you mean, you owe it to them?”
AJ didn’t meet her eyes as he unlocked the Jeep. A second later, he was loading the bags in the back, acting like she wasn’t even there.
But Brett refused to let it go.
“What did you mean by that?” she demanded, scrambling into the passenger’s seat as AJ started the car. “Why exactly do you think you owe your parents something?”
A groove appeared in his forehead. Slowly, he glanced over, acknowledging her presence.
“Why?” she pressed.
His voice came out in an angry rush. “Because I’m the reason their son died.”
Chapter Eleven
Christ. The last thing AJ wanted to do was bare his soul in the parking lot of a Fresh Mart, but once the confession flew out, he couldn’t take it back.
In the passenger seat, Brett was staring at him with wide eyes. Her jaw had fallen open, and he saw her swallowing repeatedly as she tried to make sense of what he’d said.
When she spoke, her voice was low and gentle. “Your brother Joey?”
AJ nodded. Took a breath. It was difficult, though, when agony had slashed his insides to pieces. “He died because of me.”
Brett reached across the center console and squeezed his hand. “Tell me what happened.”
Fuck. No. He didn’t want to relive that night. He’d never told anyone about it before. Reed, Gage, Darcy…all they knew was that he’d had an older brother who’d died before the Walshes had moved to Boston, but that was it. Nobody knew the whole story.
Nobody knew the truth.
“Tell me,” Brett repeated.
Her fingers laced through his, grounding him to her, easing the massive load of guilt crushing his chest.
“My family used to live in Vermont.” He winced at the crack in his voice. “We had a huge property outside of Burlington, pretty much surrounded by forest.”
He halted.
Brett waited.
“I was a total brat when I was a kid,” he said gruffly. “I argued with my parents all the time, broke all their rules.”
He stopped again.
She waited.
“And I told you what Joey was like, right?”
“Perfect,” she murmured.
AJ’s heart clenched. “I know you don’t believe me, but he was. He was the perfect son, and I was the hell-raiser. I just wanted to run around in the woods and explore and do whatever the hell I wanted.”
“That’s what most kids are like,” she pointed out.
“Maybe. But I took it too far.” His hands clenched into fists, and he quickly had to loosen them before he crushed Brett’s fingers. “I don’t even remember what I was pissed off about, but one day I just flipped out about something my parents had done, some rule they’d probably tried to make me follow, so I ran away.” He laughed harshly. “I decided I wasn’t going to let them boss me around anymore. I was going to live in the woods and hunt for food and catch fish and live off the land.”
He went quiet, for so long that Brett didn’t wait this time.
“What happened?” she urged.
“I was gone for hours. Built myself a little fort out of branches, stuffed myself with candy I’d stolen from the house. I was living the dream.” Bile rose in his throat and seared his windpipe. “And while I was having the time of my life, the whole neighborhood was combing the woods looking for me. It was late by then, two, three in the morning, and I’d been missing for more than fourteen hours.”
“Whoa. Your parents must have been freaking out.”
“They were in a panic. So was Joey.” AJ bit the inside of his cheek, so hard he tasted blood in his mouth. “I might have hated my parents, but I loved Joey. He was a damn good brother. Didn’t matter that he was eight years older than me. He treated me like I was his best friend. He took me camping, played catch with me, taught me how to fish.”
“He was looking for you that night?”
AJ clamped his lips together, trying to collect his rapidly crumbling composure. But he forced himself to go on. “He led the search party. It was dark out, and there were dozens of people traipsing around in the forest—because of me. I was the reason they were out there.”
“AJ…what happened to Joey?”
His throat closed up. Christ, he couldn’t breathe. His lungs had seized up.
Brett touched his cheek, her dark eyes shining with warmth and assurance. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to. It’s okay.”
She’d given him an out. He didn’t have to keep talking. Didn’t have to think about the horror slashing his father’s face when AJ had found him on that rocky slope. The vicious bolt of betrayal that had struck AJ’s chest when he’d met his father’s eyes.
“I heard the shouts,” he choked out. “That’s what made me come out of my hiding spot. People were screaming, but it wasn’t my name they were screaming anymore.” His eyelids stung so badly his vision became a foggy blur. “He tripped, Brett. He tripped, fell down a hill, and broke his neck.”
Her sharp gasp echoed through the Jeep. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”
She was touching his face now, cupping his cheeks, brushing her thumbs over the sheen of moisture leaking from his eyes. AJ sagged toward her, his forehead resting against hers as the old wounds he’d opened wreaked havoc on his body.
“He was out there that night looking for me, and he died because of me.” His heart beat faster, a frantic rhythm against his rib cage. “They blamed me, too.”
“Your parents?” she whispered.
His head dropped on her shoulder, and the familiar scent of her skin succeeded in clearing his head. He looked up and nodded. “They never said it out loud, but I knew they blamed me. Hell, I blamed myself. I got their favorite son killed. I took away their pride and joy.”
“I’m sure it must have felt that way, but from what you’ve told me, your parents don’t seem like malicious people,” she said quietly. “I’m sure they saw the situation for what it was—a tragic accident.”
“All they saw was me,” he corrected. “The son whose reckless actions killed Joey. And they had every right. I was selfish. I didn’t care about consequences. I just did whatever the hell I wanted, and as a result, my big brother died.” Self-loathing trickled down his spine in steady drops. “We left Vermont six months after the funeral. My parents couldn’t stand living in the house where Joey had grown up, so we moved to Boston, started over, and that’s when I made a decision. No, a promise.”
“A promise to what?”
“To be better, damn it. To be good.”
…
As Brett stared into AJ’s anguished green eyes, all the puzzle pieces slipped into place. God, the reason she hadn’t been able to pin down exactly who he was…it was because he was trying to be someone else.
The revelation brought a deep ache
to her heart. The All-American good-guy hero image he tried to project was a direct result of his brother’s death. AJ had stepped up to take his perfect brother’s place, and in the process, he’d hidden his true self from the people in his life.
But not from her. Yes, she’d seen his gentleman side. She’d seen the easygoing, playful AJ. But she’d also glimpsed the sides he didn’t show the rest of the world. The bossy alpha male. The fighter. The business owner. The wild man who craved excitement and met any challenge.
“You are good,” she said fiercely. “And if your parents don’t see that, then screw them.”
But even as she said the words, she realized that the issue wasn’t with AJ’s parents. He didn’t see himself as worthy, and it was a flawed belief that had formed the night his brother died.
“Easier said than done,” AJ said in a tired voice. “I can’t just write my folks off. They’re good people, and I love them. It’s not their fault that I keep screwing up.”
“How have you screwed up?” she challenged.
In a monotone voice, he listed off a long list of “faults.” “I didn’t play professional ball like my dad wanted. I got into MMA fighting instead of going to college. I opened a nightclub instead of working for his company. I broke up with Darcy, who they considered the perfect woman.”
He’d mentioned Darcy before, just in passing, but this latest reference made Brett’s shoulders stiffen. Perfect woman, huh?
Did it make her an awful person that she now officially hated AJ’s ex-girlfriend?
“I keep straying off the path I set for myself and disappointing them,” AJ said. “But I can’t screw up anymore. My mom’s health isn’t the greatest these days. She had a heart attack a while back, almost died. She needs grandchildren, a daughter-in-law to talk to…”
“What about what you need?” Brett countered.
His body tensed with visible frustration. “Who says my needs and theirs are mutually exclusive?”
Brett, for one, but she kept her opinion to herself. AJ was agitated enough as it was, and she didn’t want to push him any harder than she already had. But she saw right through his feeble declaration.
He’d said so himself—he only dated nice, “wholesome” girls. But after almost two weeks with the guy, Brett knew his tastes ran toward not so nice. He was wild and rough and absolutely spectacular when he allowed himself to let go.
It suddenly dawned on her that she and AJ weren’t all that different. Both trying to please their families, both fighting their impulsive urges and hiding bits and pieces of themselves from the people they loved.
“C’mon,” he said gruffly. “We should head back before all that ice cream you bought starts to melt.”
They drove back to her apartment in silence, but Brett wasn’t concerned with the lack of conversation. They’d done a lot of talking just now, and her brain was still struggling to work through all the data AJ had fed into it.
AJ the gentleman made an appearance when they reached her place. He carried all the bags upstairs, despite her protests that she could handle at least one. But he was adamant, stepping aside only so she could unlock the door, then marching into her kitchen to help her put away the groceries.
“So chivalrous,” she teased.
“It’s the least I can do after dumping my whole life story on you.”
Brett closed the cupboard and walked over to him, resting her palms on his chest. “Hey, you didn’t dump anything. I wanted to hear it.”
He hesitated. “I’ve never told anyone about how Joey died.”
The confession brought a strange rush of warmth to her chest. “I’m glad you told me.”
He lifted his hand and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Can I…uh…how would you feel if I crashed here tonight?”
She blinked in surprise. “You want to sleep over?”
He nodded.
A quick glance at the clock over the fridge revealed that it was already past ten. She had to wake up early for a seven-o’clock appointment because her client couldn’t come any other time. And besides…
“Don’t worry, I’m not in the mood either,” he said as if reading her mind. “And you can kick me out tomorrow morning whenever you have to go.”
“I know. It just feels weird for you to stay over when, um, you know, when we won’t be doing sexy stuff.”
“You make it sound like I’m a sex-starved maniac,” he grumbled.
She stared at him.
“Fine, you do bring out that side of me,” he conceded. “But I’m a big boy. I’m perfectly capable of keeping my pants zipped and just hanging out with you.” He sounded pensive. “What would you be doing right now if I wasn’t here?”
She instantly clammed up. “Nothing.”
“Liar.” He grasped her chin, tugging it upward so she was forced to look at him. “Come on, spill. I promise not to tell.”
Heat bloomed in her cheeks. “Fine. If you weren’t here, I’d bust open a carton of chocolate mocha mousse and watch a few episodes of the Vampire Diaries.”
AJ gawked at her. “You’re joking.”
“Nope.” He looked so horrified she couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s one of my guilty pleasures. Seriously, I’m addicted to trashy teenager shows. I watch them every night before bed.”
“Wow. You really don’t strike me as the type.”
She wagged her finger at him. “Hey, I thought we discussed the whole judging-a-book-by-its-cover thing. You’re not nice, and I watch cheesy television shows. Deal with it.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He sighed heavily. “Fine, I guess I’m in. But you’re gonna have to catch me up because I’ve never seen an episode of that show in my life.”
Brett beamed at him. “Oh my God. You don’t know what you’re missing.” Her earlier reluctance vanished as she took his hand and dragged him toward the living room. “Okay, so there’s a town full of vampires, and this girl—Elena—is torn between two vampire brothers. They’re both smoking hot, but one of them is kind of a dick. He’s the one I’m rooting for, though. Trust me, he’s way more interesting than the other one…”
AJ—God bless his sexy soul—didn’t utter a single disparaging remark while she chattered on about the show, and as they cuddled together on the couch, it occurred to her that they’d reached a turning point tonight.
Only she had no idea what it was, or where it would lead them.
Chapter Twelve
“So…what are you wearing?” AJ drawled the second Brett picked up the phone.
Her laughter danced over the line and tickled his ear. “A very skimpy dress, actually. You’d like it. It barely covers my thighs.”
The words sent a spike of lust straight to his cock. As his mind conjured up the image of her firm, creamy thighs, he wished she were there right now so he could yank her dress up and bury his face between her legs.
Yup. After two and a half weeks, his overwhelming desire for the woman still hadn’t dwindled. If anything, he just desired her more.
But in a few days, Brett’s father would make his decision about who’d be running the new studio, which meant AJ wouldn’t have to pretend to be Brett’s upstanding, responsible boyfriend anymore. The thought disturbed him more than it should, and a part of him didn’t want their time together to end yet. It was an idea he’d been toying with ever since the night at the grocery store. He’d shown Brett the ugliest part of himself when he’d confessed to the selfish act that had gotten his brother killed—and she hadn’t shied away from him.
Brett’s reaction hadn’t eliminated the guilt—he doubted that would ever go away—but she’d made him feel…whole. For the first time in his life, he’d experienced an actual sense of belonging.
“AJ? You there?”
He snapped out of his thoughts, realizing he’d lapsed into dead air. “Are you on your way to the bar?” he asked. It was Jordan’s birthday, so he knew Brett was meeting up with her brothers to celebrate.
“Yep. I wanted to
have a couple drinks tonight, so I’m walking over there.”
“Crap. I was hoping you hadn’t left yet. I decided to join you after all.”
“Really?” She sounded delighted. “I thought you were working.”
“I was supposed to, but one of my barbacks asked for extra hours. There’s no reason for me to stick around if he’s here.”
“Then you definitely have to come by. Jessica’s going to be there, and I could use the moral support. One of these days I’m going to lose my temper and break her nose, you know.”
AJ cringed at the memory of Jordan’s shrieky girlfriend. Christ, he had no idea what Brett’s brother saw in the woman. Actually, scratch that. He knew exactly what Jordan saw—a gorgeous blonde with endless legs and a rack liable to make men drool.
AJ had learned a long time ago that looks didn’t make the woman, but unfortunately, he couldn’t exactly say anything to Brett’s brother about it. Jordan had readily admitted to being unable to “quit” the girl, and there wasn’t much anyone could do to change that.
“I’ll be there within the hour,” AJ told her. “Which pub is it again?”
“The one on Cambridge. Donaghy’s—”
A swell of music drowned out Brett’s voice as the office door swung open. When Reed appeared in the doorway, AJ held up his hand, signaling for his friend to wait.
“I’ll be there soon,” he murmured into the phone, then hung up abruptly.
Propping one hip against the doorframe, Reed cast him a meaningful look. “The girlfriend, huh?”
“I already told you, I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said irritably.
In fact, he’d gone to great lengths to keep his friends in the dark about Brett. He hadn’t asked her to come to the club since that first night, and they spent all their time at her apartment in Allston, which meant there was no chance of running into Reed or Gage, who both lived in Southie. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of her—he’d willingly parade her all over the damn city…if they were actually dating.
But they weren’t, and he had no desire to advertise their fling status to his friends, who’d only harass him like crazy if they knew.