I’ve done bad things in my life, only the tip of the iceberg are you aware of. But no sin or crime I committed was worse than what I did to you, my own daughter. I made you carry the burden of my secrets, and hide my misdeeds from your mother. And in doing so, I stole away the most precious gift that she’d given you—your innocence.
As I lawyer, I best understood evidence and leverage. And after that day in my office, as they say, you had the goods on me. And if presented to a jury of your mother, I would have received the death penalty. She was the most forgiving woman that I’d ever met, and might have found it in her heart to forgive my betrayal of her, but never the harm that I did to you.
And Death Row is what my life became without your mother. I know it’s impossible for you to reconcile the two—how could I have claimed to have loved her, yet so egregiously acted in violation of that love? I understand your doubts, but I think we both can agree on is: I needed your mother much more than she ever needed me.
And when she did eventually leave me, through death, I felt an unimaginable anger and lashed out at her for her abandonment, as I saw it at the time. I took it out on all that she loved, and there was nothing she loved more than you and your sister, Beth. I will never be able to express my regret to Beth, but I take solace in my confidence that she is with your mother, standing on the shining hill, while I rot in this decrepit prison of my own body. In that, I’ve achieved the one thing I never did as a lawyer—justice.
I don’t write this asking for forgiveness or leniency. Nor am I seeking understanding, sympathy, or charity. I write to ask for one request—knowing full-well that I’m not deserving, yet still hopeful you will grant it. And my request is, that you allow me to provide you one piece of advice. Not from your father, but from someone who has experienced a life I desperately want you to avoid.
That advice is to run toward happiness like your heart is on fire, and away from the legacy of burden and heartbreak that I’ve bestowed upon you. Leave me behind, once and for all, and trust in the love you’ve found with Billy. Do not hold back. Because the only thing I can imagine as worse than the personal hell I’m trapped in, would be for my daughter to join me here.
Sincerely,
Thomas J. Boulanger
Dana folded the letter in half and laid it softly on the bed. She didn’t feel a strong emotion, like she had when she’d read her mother’s letter to Beth in that Albany motel, which outlined the truth of how she came about to live with them. In fact, she didn’t feel much at all.
But she would take his advice.
She heard Coach’s bark through the door. “Five minutes until game time. You ready, Boulanger?”
She looked down at her father, her face placid, and her tone firm, “We are.”
Chapter 67
Billy stood under the cathedral ceiling and heavy timber beams. He looked out at the Downstairs Room, which had been converted into a wedding chapel. Chairs had been set up at each side of an aisle that Dana would soon walk down.
He noticed Chuck struggling his way to his seat with use of his cane. Billy just shook his head—the man was just days removed from surviving a plane crash! He looked away from Chuck and out the window, noticing the light snow falling. It brought him back to that treacherous hike up the mountain. It made Billy’s pre-wedding jitters seem trivial.
To his left was the staircase where he first encountered Carolyn Whitcomb. He could still see the cherubic faced girl barreling down the stairs, her pigtails bouncing, and her innocent giggle echoing.
Today, she stood at his side. She wore a white dress with her hair straight down to her shoulders, and it was the first time she’d ever worn makeup and lipstick. She looked so grown up—so different from that day he met her. They all were, in one way or another.
Billy was a loner who didn’t have a lot of friends. There were benefits to that—nobody was crashing on his couch or asking him for a loan—but it made it tough to find a Best Man on short notice, once Chuck went down, and Coach was too busy with his wedding planner duties. So Carolyn stepped in.
The organ music began and all guests rose. Ready or not, here she comes.
All eyes went to Dana as she gracefully stepped down the aisle. She looked at ease, and every bit as gorgeous as Billy expected. But what he didn’t expect was the man at her side, who was being pushed in a wheelchair.
Billy had only seen old photos of Tom Boulanger, when he was much younger and vibrant, but there was no doubt it was him.
Dana arrived at Billy’s side in what seemed like slow motion. On her other side was a row of attractive bridesmaids in Christmas-themed red dresses. Her longtime friend Rachel, who had flown in from San Francisco, a fellow literary agent, Kim Perconti, Fern the realtor, and Lindsey, who Billy could tell felt out of place.
Dana and Billy smiled at each other, and he whispered the obvious, “You look beautiful.”
“Money can’t buy you love … but it can make you look pretty good for your wedding day.”
“Is that who I think it is?” he asked, nodding in the direction of her father.
“It’s a long story,” she said, momentarily losing her smile, but then got things back on track, “You don’t look so bad yourself, my Amish Rifle.”
She then noticed the person at his side, and gave one of Carolyn’s patented lines, “Are you serious, bro?”
He grinned. “My only other choice was Hawk.”
As the ceremony was about to begin, Billy made eye contact with Maddie, who was the best flower girl in the history of weddings, although, he’d admit he was slightly biased. They exchanged smiles. And then Anna, always the team player, had taken over Carolyn’s ring-bearing duties when she got bumped up to Best Man. She always got final approval on everything he did, and her huge smile sealed the deal. The wedding could now officially proceed.
He did one last sweep of the guests, and stopped on Carol Ann Pennington, Beth’s birth mother. And he thought of Beth, and how she should have been here. He could tell that Dana was thinking the same thing, and she grabbed his hand.
Before they took their vows, there was a moment of silence for those who couldn’t be gathered here today. Not just Beth, but also Billy’s parents, who died not long after his first wedding to Kelly, just months apart. And those who helped them survive Operation Anesthesia, such as the Rose brothers, Calvin, Bronson, and André.
And lastly, but never least, Dana’s mother, Eloise Josephine Boulanger, better known as Mrs. B. As her name was read, something popped into Billy’s head. A crazy thought. But now was not the time to examine it.
Billy got through his vows without tears. Dana did not.
Then right before they would be declared husband and wife by the state of Connecticut, and he could kiss the bride, the obligatory question was asked, if anyone has objections, speak up or forever hold your peace. This is the part of the movie where the bride’s true love bursts through the doors of the church to whisk her away. Billy eyed Dr. Soos, but he seemed content with his partner, Jamie, and didn’t appear to have any thoughts of disrupting the nuptials.
When the moment passed, Billy let out a sigh of relief, but it proved to be a bit premature. Carolyn raised her hand like she was answering a question in class. All eyes went to her.
In the back of the room, Coach checked his watch, looking annoyed by the interruption. He had this ceremony planned down to the second, and Carolyn was threatening the efficiency.
“Can we take a quick break?” she asked.
Billy wondered if she had to go the bathroom, or worse, had an accident.
“It will just be a few more minutes,” Dana said in a comforting voice.
Carolyn looked determined. “But I wanna say hi to Ryan, and I really don’t want to wait,” she said, pointing toward the back of the room.
They followed her point, leading them directly to Ryan, who had just arrived, along with his parents Guy and Heidi.
Billy took note of the short dark hair that had begun to gr
ow in and how his body had filled out considerably since they saw him last summer at the pig roast. And Billy had to admit, the boy could clean up well, looking dapper in a dark suit. The only signs of his illness were that he was wearing a surgical mask over his mouth, to avoid germ intake. Billy had heard they might come, but after the plane crash, it was expected they would spend the day with John Dobbs in the hospital. Guess the kid had enough of hospitals.
Billy looked to the audience with a shrug, and announced, “It seems we’re going to take a break.” As if they had a choice.
Carolyn didn’t wait for the words. She was already dashing down the center aisle like a runaway bride, headed toward Ryan. He picked her up into his arms with surprising strength, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.
Chapter 68
Once Billy Harper and Dana Boulanger were officially man and wife, the party started. Guests mingled throughout the converted barn like a typical house party. Dinner was served in what was once Carolyn’s room. Chicken, steak, and a special order of salmon for Lindsey, per Chuck’s request.
But before fork could go to mouth, speeches were to be made. Rachel Wentz, the Maid of Honor, told of how she and Dana used to have pretend weddings with their dolls when they were five-years-old, and even back then Dana was determined to one day find her Prince Charming … but also joking that they thought she wouldn’t actually find him until they were all in the old-folks home. She also reminded Dana of a few past boyfriends who were neither princes, nor particularly charming. When the laughter subsided, she got serious, and raised her glass. “But today I see that she finally found him.”
Billy nodded his thanks. And then prepared for the Best Man speech. Since Chuck’s leg didn’t affect his mouth, Billy assumed he would still give the speech. But he was never one for public speaking and allowed his stand-in to do it.
What resulted was perhaps the greatest non-alcohol induced Best Man speech of all time. It featured fireflies and dragons, their trip to Montreal, highlighted by naked waitresses and Carolyn getting shot. If that weren’t enough, she included a "gotchya” joke where she pretended to recreate her infamous Dracula incident.
She went on about how Billy and Dana were always kissing, and sometimes they would forget to pick her up at school this last fall when they were in charge of her while Chuck was in Nashville. But also how she hoped Billy would still read her stories, and she wished her Mom was able to be here, as the crowd nodded along with her, many with tears in their eyes. And lastly, she was glad that Ryan could come, and that her dad didn’t die in a plane crash, “Because that woulda really stunk!”
It likely would have gone on for the rest of the night, but Coach cut off her microphone.
The speeches were followed by the traditional customs, such as the bouquet toss, which Lindsey caught—but didn’t exactly look thrilled with her victory. While this was going on, the Downstairs Room was being converted from wedding chapel into a dance floor. So after dinner, led by the bride and groom, they took the party downstairs.
It was at this point that Billy and Dana had their first moment of marital discord. “What are they doing here?” she asked in an accusatory tone.
“Our DJ canceled due to the storm, so we needed a replacement. They were local and cheap.”
“I think we’ve had this conversation before.”
“That’s what marriage is about … having the same conversations over and over again, but never wanting to change.”
“At least until one of them finds a younger, wittier conversation to join.”
He grinned. “And you say I’m the cynic.”
DJ Kaylee and DJ Cassidy got the party started and the guests hit the dance floor. Billy couldn’t stop watching Anna and Maddie, who were the stars of the show, perhaps only eclipsed by Jay and Tilly. While Dr. Soos and Jamie were no slouches.
Eventually things slowed down, and the newly married couple took the floor solo, slow dancing to John Legend’s “All of Me.”
“Finally a moment alone, Mr. Harper,” Dana said, beaming, as she had all day.
If surrounded by wedding guests watching your every move could be considered being alone. “When I’m with you, you’re always the only one in the room, so we’re always alone, Mrs. Harper.”
“It’s actually Mrs. Boulanger-Harper.”
Another reminder that the Boulanger family would always be part of her, and now part of him.
“Can you believe we’re actually married?” she asked, as they found their groove.
“Actually I can.” After the last sixteen months, Billy believed in everything … both good and bad. Plane crashes were possible, but so was surviving them.
“So is this one of those perfect moments you’re always talking about?”
“Not really.”
“No? Should I be offended?”
“This is better.”
“Better than perfect?”
“It’s different—those I was observing, taking them in. This one I’m square in the middle of.” He looked at the friends and family who were lined around the dance floor. “They’re the ones taking in the perfect moment.”
But they both knew that perfect moments, whether observing or living them, eventually came to an end. And big changes were on the way. “Do you think Chuck has told Carolyn yet?”
“That they’re going to see Annie?”
“About their move to Nashville.”
He shrugged. “I’m sure he held off, not wanting to throw her off her game for that Best Man speech.”
“She might have been the shortest Best Man, but it sure wasn’t the shortest speech,” Dana said with a grin. “That was a surprise when I saw her at your side.”
It shouldn’t have been, considering that they’d been at each other’s side since they first met. “The first in a lifetime of surprises,” he said pulling her as close as possible, and Dana resting her head on his shoulder.
“I can’t wait for the next one.”
“Speaking of surprises, who would have ever thought your father would be here?”
“We can thank Chuck for that one,” she said, but didn’t sound particularly thankful.
“How do you feel about him being here?”
She thought for a moment. “It didn’t add to my joy, but I think his being here subtracted some of the old hurt and regret that might have hovered over our day.”
“So subtraction by addition.”
She smiled. “Nobody told me math would be involved.”
Fair enough. “We’ll send him a post card from Italy.”
“I don’t think so.”
He moved on to her more preferred parent. “That was a nice touch to mention your mom—I didn’t know they were going to do that.”
“And your parents as well.”
Billy nodded, even though he felt very little connection with his parents, then or now. But there was something else he wanted to bring up. “Your mom’s name—Eloise Josephine.”
“Is this another of those conversations we’re going to keep repeating? Because I’m pretty sure we had it at the Fourth of July party. She wasn’t a fan of the name.”
“Sometimes when people don’t like their name they shorten it to initials—in her case it would be EJ.”
Dana pulled her head back and looked him in the eye. “Tell me you’re not going with this where I think you’re going.”
“Carolyn said she looked like you, as did your Mom. Made the same chicken soup, and loved Annie, as did you mom.”
Dana shook her head. “So your theory is that my mother faked her death?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then she’s a ghost who lives in East Harlem?”
“You did tell Carolyn that you talk to your mother.”
“That was for her benefit. To make her feel better about losing Beth. I feel her presence in my life, but I don’t literally have a conversation with her.”
Billy had to admit it
was a little out there. Okay, a lot. But at one point, so was the idea of a girl who couldn’t feel pain. The other possibility he’d tossed around was that since Dana said she could talk to Mrs. B, and had likely told Carolyn stories about her, she created her in her mind to be a guiding force. Maybe Mrs. B was her imaginary friend, based on things she’d been told about her.
Billy got off the subject before Dana divorced him the same day as their wedding … and had him committed to the loony bin. The song changed to “Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran. We found love right where we are. And the other couples joined them on the dance floor. Dana took special interest in Chuck and Lindsey. With Chuck’s injuries, it was more Lindsey holding him upright, than dancing. But just the fact he was here in her arms was a miracle.
“What do you think their relationship will become?” she asked.
Billy shrugged. “No idea. I would have guessed his moving to Nashville would be the end, but it’s hard to say how a near-death experience will affect people.”
“So you think it might give them a second chance? Like it was a gift?”
“I don’t know if a plane crash could ever be considered a gift, but like I said, I believe in everything these days, the better and the worse. So only they can determine what their future will be.”
Unless fate has already decided it for them.
Chapter 69
Guy Borcher took his wife’s hand and asked if he could have this dance in French—Voudriez-vous danser avec moi?
“She smiled and took his hand, “Oui, monsieur.”
But something caused her to hesitate. She looked back at Ryan, “Are you sure you’ll be alright.”
The Carolyn Chronicles, Volume 1 Page 32