A few moments pass in solid silence. Everyone is deep in their own thoughts. Clare must be thinking about how bad of a mother she is, whereas Gigi must be thinking about Moon’s condition. My thoughts are half messed up with Moon’s condition and Zac’s presence.
Once or twice, I can’t help but stare at that perfect form standing next to Clare, leaning back against the wall. His hair is disheveled, a black mess. There are dark shadows underneath his eyes, as if he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep since the last time I saw him. His eyes catch mine, and I flick my gaze to stare at the linoleum square floor instead. A few seconds pass, and I hear footsteps. Then two black boots enter my line of vision.
“Cold?” that deep voice asks in sincerity.
I look up at Zac, unable to decipher his meaning.
“Your hands are shaking again,” he explains when he sees my perplexed look. He sits himself next to me and holds my hand, in front of Clare and Gigi.
I want to scream and tell him to pull his hand away from mine, but Gigi and Clare don’t seem to notice. I don’t know whether they’re pretending not to see our hands or not, but I’m glad because I pretend too. I take in his warmth that he so kindly offers me. When the doctor comes out of the emergency room, we all stand up. Zac is still holding my hand.
“You’re all related to Monica Hamilton?” the doctor asks, looking at all of us.
“I’m a friend of the family,” Zac responds.
The doctor only nods his head and starts explaining. “Well, Monica’s fine now. I’ve given her glucagon injection already. Make sure you monitor her blood glucose well. Her glucose level was very low when she was brought in. From what you’ve told me, I believe she skipped her meal during the sports day and was tiring herself out. That’s why she fainted. I’ve told the nurse to arrange for a bed in the children’s wing. If one of you can stay the night with her, that would be great. After tomorrow, she’ll be fine to leave.” With that said, the doctor gestures to talk to Clare in private.
Clare goes willingly. I hear him telling her she must keep a close eye on her daughter. Children who suffer from diabetes can have many complications later on in life, like kidney infection, gum disease, glaucoma, and many more.
Clare only nods her head. The doctor advises her to always let Moon wear her medical alert bracelet, and when she says we don’t have one, the doctor says he will help her arrange for one. With that said, the doctor then turns back to us and allows us to see Moon.
A nurse is present when we walk in. Moon is wide awake when we go to her. Despite being a little weak, she still smiles when she sees Zac.
“Zacky,” she cries with her little screechy voice. “You didn’t come to visit me every day like you promised.”
“I’m sorry.” Zac lets go of my hand to go hold Moon’s little ones. “Are you hungry?”
“Mm-hmm.” Moon nods her head tiredly.
“I’ll go buy something for you to eat, then. You just rest here. What do you want?”
Zac is very caring. Somehow I feel a gob of emotion welling up inside me, and at that moment, I have the urge to burst out crying again.
“Hamburger,” Moon says weakly.
Zac only laughs. I think he’s trying to lighten the atmosphere.
“How about I go buy you a chicken sandwich? Would you like that?”
“Mm-hmm.” Moon nods and starts looking around for her mum.
“I’m here, honey.” Clare comes and hugs her daughter. Gigi goes to kiss Moon’s head.
“Vivi,” she calls out to me when she sees me. I run and hug her small form.
“I’m sorry, Moon,” I say, but my voice is starting to break. “I promise I’ll take care of you from now on. Aunty promises, okay?”
“Mm-hmm.” Again, Moon only nods tiredly and hugs me.
“Vivi and Zacky will go buy you a sandwich now. We’ll be right back, okay?” Zac says from behind me.
I look up at him. Does he really want me to go? But then, of course, I must accompany him. Moon is my niece after all. It’s not polite to let him run all the errands when this affair isn’t even related to him in the first place.
I kiss Moon on the cheek and leave to go with Zac. This time he doesn’t hold my hand as we walk into town to buy food for Moon.
We walk together, our footsteps in sync with each other. We both walk in silence.
Zac takes me into the heart of town. I haven’t been into town since I moved here, apart from the public library near the octagon, which is four blocks or so away from the main centre. Zac leads me into Meridian, one of the finest malls in Dunedin with its grand entrance and earthy décor. Going down to the ground floor, he leads me into a little café and buys me a sandwich. He turns to me and speaks for the first time.
“Are you hungry? We should get some takeaway for Clare and Nancy too.”
I don’t want to bother Zac, but my stomach responds to his question. He only smiles and leads me into a Cambodian restaurant.
“I love Cambodian food. I hope you don’t mind if I buy this for you.”
I nod and take a seat while he goes to put in our order. In the next few minutes, he comes back to sit beside me, telling me it will take about a few minutes before the meals are cooked. Then he places a bottle of apple juice in front of me.
“Drink this. You must be thirsty.”
I turn to him, say my thank you, and am about to pick up the bottle when he gets to it first. He twists the cap, places a blue straw into it, and hands it back to me.
My heart quivers. I can’t do anything much but take the drink from his hand and start sipping it. It’s cool on my throat, soothing it tremendously.
“Better?” he asks, his face somewhat close to mine.
“Yes. Thank you,” I croak out in reply and turn away.
My heart is pounding in my chest. There’s silence all around. Zac doesn’t speak any further. He just sits there beside me. I don’t know what to say either. All I can do is continue to sip the apple juice, making a slurping sound as the juice is drawn up the straw into my throat.
Ever so gently, though, I feel a hand grasp mine. A gentle grip at first, and then it grows firmer until our hands are fully grasping each other. I look at the hand entwined in mine. I look at the person linking his hand to mine.
His face is composed; his eyes are staring off at the far corner of the restaurant, as if admiring the painting of Angkor Watt, the seventh Wonder of the World. But looking farther, I realize his face isn’t so well composed. There’s lightness in his eyes and his lips are traced upwards, as if almost forming a smile, a hidden smile he doesn’t want me to see.
The longer I let his hand hold mine, the wider that smile becomes, until he’s fully grinning like a dork. I smile as well and turn away to look at the beautiful chandeliers.
We sit like this for some time, both of us staring in our respective directions, shyly refusing to look at each other but relishing the fact that our hands are still connected. As passersby come and go, they can’t hide the smiles on their faces. They must think we’re two young people in love.
I want to retract my hand when this thought comes to mind, but Zac seems to sense my withdrawal. He holds on to my hand even tighter. In the end, I let him hold my hand until the waitress comes and gives us our takeaway.
Standing up, we both walk back to the hospital in silence again, but our hands are still holding on to each other. I also hold Moon’s sandwich, whereas Zac holds the bag of Cambodian takeaway.
Since I can’t bear this oppressive silence any longer, I ask, “What did you buy?”
Zac’s face lights up the minute I ask this. He turns to me and grins. “It took you long to talk.”
I stare at him in confusion. What does he mean by that?
Zac smiles and says, “I didn’t want to start a conversation, thinking you might need some time to compose yourself, but now it looks like you’re fine again.”
I smile back at him. “I’m fine now, Zac. Really, I’m stronger tha
n this. But I think it’s because I’m hungry. That’s all.” I feign an excuse for my behavior.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll like what I bought,” he tells me. “Satay, fried noodles, and Cambodian pancakes. They’re all healthy and yummy.”
“I’ve never had Cambodian food before,” I say back. In fact, I should have told him that I’ve never even been inside a restaurant. That experience was the first.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll love it.”
True to his words, I do love Cambodian food. I dig in like there’s no tomorrow, my hunger consuming me like a crazy animal as I leap into the food again and again until Zac pats my back and tells me to slow down.
“No one is going to steal your food. I’ve bought enough to feed everyone.” He chuckles.
After this, I eat more slowly. Moon laughs too, seeing the way I eat like I’ve been hungry for centuries. I smile back, happy she’s back to her usual self.
After dinner, unfortunately, visiting hours are over. Zac drives Gigi and me back home. Clare stays behind to look after Moon.
On the journey home, Gigi sits in the back seat while I’m sitting in the front next to Zac. It’s early May, but when seven o’clock hits, the sky gets dark. Zac has to turn on his headlights to see. I stare at the streetlamps that pass us like streaking stars. It’s so beautiful, though. There’s silence inside the car, but this time, it doesn’t scare me. Instead, I rest my head and close my eyes, relishing this comfortable silence.
Some twenty minutes later, we arrive home. Gigi thanks Zac and goes inside. I’m still standing outside, shivering in the cold night air. I don’t know why I don’t want to go back inside the house yet. I think inside me, I want to thank Zac first. So I keep hovering around, standing outside the car until he appears on my side. When he sees me shivering, he says urgently, “You should go inside the house, Ivy. It’s warmer.”
I smile, hearing the trace of concern in his voice.
“I’m fine.” I smile up at him. Our eyes catch each other’s, and for that small split second, everything else is forgotten.
Inside my head, I’m still pondering on ways to thank this guy for saving our family throughout this event. Should I buy him a gift, maybe a new shirt for the one I destroyed? In the end, I settle for a simple thank you, maybe followed by a gift at a later date.
“Thank you for everything today. I really appreciate your help,” I say, breaking our eye contact first. I’m about to turn and go into the house when he catches my hand. I stand still, my heart pounding erratically again.
“Ivy,” he whispers softly.
I turn to face Zac. He has a determined look on his face. I look up at him, willing him to speak further. He just grips my hand tighter, as if begging me to understand what he meant by that pressure on my hand. I still don’t understand what he means, so I quietly ask, “What is it?”
“If… if… it’s all right, could you, maybe…?”
I wait for him to continue, let him take the time to compose himself. Seeing him take a deep breath, I brace myself of what’s about to come next.
“Can I maybe be your boyfriend?” he lets it out all in one breath.
I gasp, staring at him in shock.
Boyfriend! Does he want to be my boyfriend?
As if sensing I might refuse, he quickly corrects his mistake. “What I mean is friend, to be your friend. A friend that just so happens to be a boy, like me. So a… boy… friend.”
My heart slows. I look at him again, feeling all kinds of trepidation running through me. Then I look at his hand that is currently holding on to mine.
All throughout today, that hand has been holding mine, giving me support throughout all of my emotional downpour. Then my thought shifts to Dillon. If Zac were anything like Dillon, he wouldn’t waste his time on my family like this. He wouldn’t waste his breath calling an ambulance and taking Gigi to the hospital. Zac is a genuine person, so very different from Dillon. He really invested a lot of his time with my family. Zac truly is an exceptionally friend, a friend who supports his friend when I need him. So I smile and finally give him my answer
“If my family sees you as a friend, then I don’t mind you as a friend either.”
Zac grins from ear to ear and grasps my hands within his. “God, I love your family,” he says without losing that smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school, friend.”
I watch him leave, my heart smiling warmly at the sight, like a little kid who’s been rewarded with his favourite candy.
Yes, see you tomorrow at school… friend.
Chapter 14
ZAC
A Sick Fool in Love
I stand with Elsa in my hand, staring at Ivy. She has her head turned away from me. A twitch of a smile plays at the corners of my lips. Ivy looks pissed off. She has on one of those grouchy masks again. I can’t help but chuckle into the microphone. But then all eyes immediately turn to me.
Gee. I didn’t mean to chuckle for everyone to hear me like that. But that did catch Ivy’s attention and now she has her face directed at me.
Finally. Let’s get the show started.
I continue to stare at Ivy and then wink at her. She doesn’t acknowledge my wink. Instead, it’s actually Mandy who’s screaming her head off.
What is with Mandy screaming like that?
I shake my head and ignore Mandy, turning my attention to Ivy instead. Then I wink at her again.
“Oh, Zac’s winking at me again,” Mandy shouts out.
The wink is not for you, Mandy, I grumble inside my head.
Ivy just looks even more annoyed. I shake my head and turn to my band mates. Forget about my winking game. It isn’t working. I’ll just explain to her with the song I’ve composed instead.
I guess she’s still pissed with me. I shouldn’t blame her, though. I kind of told her a little lie. Okay, well, it’s a big lie, then. I told her she should wait for me after class and then I’d take her home. I told her to meet me at the school auditorium because I had to get Elsa from my locker, which is near the auditorium.
Well, what a surprise it was for her when she thought that I would pick her up there. Instead of seeing me with Elsa all alone waiting for her, she sees me onstage with my band and a bunch of girls screeching their heads off.
I thought Ivy was going to turn back and leave me, but I guess she has to walk home if she doesn’t wait for me to finish band practice. I already made sure the bus has left. Well, that would prevent her from leaving. Aren’t I a cunning one?
Okay, the only reason I’ve resorted to tricking her is because I want her to listen to the song I composed for her.
After taking Ivy home last week, my heart swelled up like a balloon. Ivy said we could be friends. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to strike out my cord.
When we’re friends, we can hang out together. This gives me the perfect opportunity to talk to her and be close to her without Ivy thinking it’s weird. I can even act suspicious, like hold her hand without her permission or touch her, and she won’t even mind. All because of that one single safe word: friend.
Oh God, I am way over the moon right now. When I arrived home that day from Ivy’s house last week, I couldn’t sleep a wink. I stayed up all night to compose this song for her.
It wasn’t finished then, so I spent every single night after that composing and playing the song out on Elsa, testing it to make sure today, when I get to sing to her, everything would be perfect. I only survived on sleeping the minimal amount of hours so that I could get by during class without my head dropping on my desk.
Now it’s all complete. I was so happy this morning that even when I went to eat breakfast with panda eyes and Catalina was ringing my ears, lecturing to me that I should be thinking more about sleeping than spending every single night composing this song, I was still happy. Nothing can burst my happy bubble now. Not even seeing Ivy’s grumpy face. I have Ivy in my clutches now. And I can’t wait to sing this song to her.
I smile at Ivy
when I catch her gaze again. I make sure not to wink at her again, just in case Mandy thinks it’s for her.
Ivy just glares at me. I smile at her again and shake my head in a playful manner, to tell her that her bad mood isn’t affecting me.
I turn to my band mates and, with my usual signal, ask them if they’re ready. They know my signal and a second later, I start playing Elsa and then Loki joins in.
Ivy, this song is for you.
It started with one single dare,
That led to one single kiss,
But now my heart is struck by you.
Do you know what’s wrong with me?
Because I can’t eat, can’t sleep.
I think I’m sick
Ivy, can you hear me? It started with that dare with Kai, and then I kissed you. Now I can’t stop thinking of you. Do you know why?
It started with algebra,
And a conversation that led into my dreams,
But now my heart is charmed by you.
Do you know what’s wrong with me?
Because I can’t talk, can’t think.
And I think I’m sick
Yes, Ivy, it also started with algebra. Now you’ve charmed my heart, and I can’t stop thinking about you. Do you know what’s wrong with me?
It’s because I love you. I love you, Ivy. I don’t just have a crush on you. I love you. I want to tell you this, but I’m scared you might reject me, so this is the only way.
Forgive me if I make you mad. But I can’t help but do this. From the way my heart thumps like I’m having heart palpitations to the way I’m always acting like a fool when I’m around you. Because I love you, Ivy. I’m a sick fool who’s in love with you.
I stare at Ivy standing among the crowd of teenage girls in our school auditorium. She’s the only one standing stock-still, compared to all the other girls screeching their heads off, dancing to the tune as they hear me sing.
Let Me Love You: A Novel Page 13