I’d taken the boiling frog approach with her and now it seemed like that plan was ruined. Instead of pushing her into a relationship, or as the metaphor goes, throwing a frog into a pot of boiling water, I’d tried to ease her in. I set her in a pot of room temperature water and gradually increased the heat.
In the morbid tale, the frog boils alive, but I’d had higher hopes for us. I always knew one day she’d wake up and realize what we were really doing, but I was hoping to have taken it so far by then that it didn’t matter to her anymore. That maybe she’d realize being in a relationship with me wasn’t as scary and awful as she might have thought it was. Now it seemed that tactic was out the window.
The lights dimmed, and the music started, and I inched closer to Belle. The band we’d come to see walked out on stage to applause and hollers from the crowd before grabbing their instruments and beginning the first song.
They were actually really good. If I closed my eyes, it was almost like I was listening to McCartney and Lennon in their heyday instead of these thirty-something year old guys from middle America.
The opening notes of We Can Work It Out started up, and I leaned in to speak in Belle’s ear. “They’re playing your song.”
She shot me a genuine grin over her shoulder and my heart warmed in my chest.
Maybe this night wasn’t shot to shit yet. Maybe I still had a chance to salvage it.
I moved closer until her honey scent was in my nose and the heat of her body blasted against my chest. I ached to wrap my hands around her hips, to sway to the music with her, but I knew that would be a mistake. So, I kept my hands fisted at my sides and tried to enjoy the show.
A few songs later, some of the other concert-goers started to get a little rowdy near the front of the stage. I kept a sharp eye on them, and when one asshole ricocheted out of the conglomerate of other assholes and nearly trampled Belle, I stepped between them and shoved him in the other direction.
None of them were fazed, and instead, continued to dance and jump and push each other in an increasingly larger circle that was moving too close to us for comfort. Not willing to risk Belle getting hurt, despite her feelings toward me at that moment, I reached out and wrapped my arms around her, caging her in and making sure I’d be the one that got hit and not her.
She froze at first, her body like a statue beneath my hands. I kept ahold of her though, unwilling to let her fear of commitment make her an easy target for these morons on the makeshift dance floor. Finally, slowly, her limbs relaxed in my hold and I breathed a sigh of relief.
That was a small notch in my win column.
We continued to watch the show and a few of my favorite songs were played too. As the time passed, and it seemed she got more comfortable in my embrace, I decided to push my luck. I pulled her closer until her back was pressed against my chest and I could feel the pounding of her heart. My hips swayed softly to the beat, dragging her along with me.
She was a little hesitant at first, but as the minutes passed, she loosened up in my arms until she was dancing along with me. I leaned down and tucked my face into the crook of her neck, breathing her in and reveling in the feel of her body against mine. She shivered gently, and I smiled against her skin.
A moment later however, that all changed when she spun out of my grasp and took a few steps away from me. I looked at her with a frown, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“I’m going to get another drink,” she yelled over the noise.
Without waiting for a response, she turned and fled, disappearing into the crowd surrounding us. I watched the spot where I’d last seen her for a long time after I lost sight of her. With a shake of my head, I turned around to face the stage again, knowing I’d fucked up.
I’d pushed when I guess I should have stayed put. It was just so fucking frustrating. I knew she wanted me and there was no doubt about how bad I wanted her. The only issue between us was this fucked up idea in her head that relationships made you weak and vulnerable. I knew they had the power to do the exact opposite, and all I wanted to do was prove that to her.
I tried to concentrate on the music, but my mind wandered to Belle over and over. It seemed like she’d been gone longer than she should have, but I reasoned there was probably a line at the bar. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited another ten minutes before I gave up.
To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if she was coming back or if she’d slipped out a side door.
I made my way over to the bar, searching over the heads of other concert-goers, looking for her telltale golden brown hair. While I was searching, the music came to an end, and the crowd clapped and yelled around me. Moments later, the lights came back on and that was when I finally found her.
Belle was standing at the bar, one of her legs propped up on a barstool occupied by a guy at least twice her age. As I watched, he placed a hand on the small of her back and she looked up at him and smiled. I started making my way through the crowd toward them, my eyes locked on his hand. The closer I got, the farther his hand traveled until he was gripping her ass in those tight jeans.
I saw red as I shoved aside the last remaining people between Belle and me and ripped his hand from her ass. “Get the fuck off her,” I growled.
My chest was heaving, and my hands were balled into fists at my sides, ready to let loose if this guy gave me the slightest reason.
“Remy! What the hell is wrong with you?!”
I glanced at Belle before looking back at the asshole who’d had his hand on her. He had a stupid ass smirk on his face as he snaked his arm around her waist and tugged her closer.
“Don’t worry about him, sweetheart. Let me buy you a drink.”
I grabbed one of her arms and tugged until she stumbled against my chest. “You’re not buying her shit. We’re leaving.”
Without waiting for an answer, I towed her along behind me, her curses and protests falling on deaf ears. When we finally made it outside, she twisted out of my hold and I turned to find Belle with her hands on her hips and fire in her honey-colored eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” she yelled.
“What the fuck were you doing?! I thought you were just going for a drink and then I find you with some asshole’s hand on your ass?! Are you kidding me right now, Belle?”
“You have no say in which asshole touches my ass, Remy! You need to mind your own fucking business.”
I took a step closer until I was in her space, her chest heaving against mine. “You are my fucking business, Belle.”
She narrowed her angry eyes further, staring me down, daring me to cave, but I wouldn’t. Not this time. Not over this.
“I’m not doing this here,” I said before pivoting and stalking off.
“Where the hell are you going?!” she called.
“We’re going home. Let’s go,” I tossed over my shoulder.
She scoffed loudly, but soon I heard the clapping of her boots against the sidewalk and knew she was following me. I didn’t know what was going to happen when we got home but I could feel the storm brewing from just a few feet away. I supposed it was a good thing Ryder and Bailey knew about us now because there was no way they wouldn’t be able to hear the fight we were about to have as soon as we got home.
Chapter 31
Belle
If the ride downtown had been awkward, this was awkward as fuck. The tension in the car was so thick, it felt like it was suffocating me. My anger, his anger, they both swirled and frothed between us until you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.
He drove faster than he normally did and when he stopped the car behind the house, I hopped out, not even waiting for him to put it in park. I heard him huff angrily, but I ignored him as I stomped across the gravel lot.
“Belle. Where are you going?”
I ignored him and hurried up the stairs to the exterior door. Opening it quickly, I slammed it behind me and unlocked the interior. All I needed to do was get away from him. Somewhere I co
uldn’t smell his fucking cologne or see the way his thick arms tugged at his black t-shirt. Where I could seethe in peace and not have to think about how fucking sexy he still was, even though I’d never been angrier in my life.
“Belle! Can you just stop? We need to talk about this.”
“We don’t need to talk about shit,” I threw over my shoulder before flinging my bedroom door open.
I tried to slam it closed behind me, but it hit Remy’s foot jammed in the doorway.
“Remy. Move.”
He shook his head. “Not until you talk to me.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
He pushed the door open wider and stepped across the threshold. The thought that this was the first time he’d actually been in my room skittered through my mind, but I did my best to ignore it. I was an idiot for coming in here to begin with. If I was going to have a fight with Remy, I’d prefer to do it as far away from a bed as I could.
“Then you can just listen because I have a lot of shit to say to you,” he said.
I crossed my arms and his eyes dipped to my chest for a moment before he looked away. Just that small glance had my belly clenching deep inside me, but I ignored it too.
“I know what this is about,” he began.
I scoffed. “You don’t know shit.”
He took a step closer, and I backed up just as quickly. “Oh, no? So, this isn’t about Bailey knowing about us? This isn’t about you being scared that you actually found yourself in a relationship with me?”
My eyes widened before narrowing at him. “Where’d you hear that?”
He sighed. “Does it matter?”
“I have a right to know when someone’s gossiping about me.”
He shook his head again. “No one’s gossiping about you. Bailey must have told Ryder, and he texted me earlier.”
I threw my hands in the air, letting them fall with a loud slap against my thighs. “Great. Just fucking fabulous. Is there anyone else making shit up about me?”
“No one’s making shit up, Belle.”
I took a menacing step forward, and he actually backed up an inch. “Well, we’re not fucking dating so if that’s what they’re saying, then they’re making shit up.”
“Why’d you tell Bailey anything, anyway? I thought you wanted to keep this a secret.”
I looked away from him for a moment before letting the anger take over again. It was safer to feel than any of the other emotions floating around inside me. “I can tell my friend whatever the hell I want. Why are we even talking about this? It has nothing to do with what happened tonight.”
“It has everything to do with what happened tonight,” he countered as he took another step toward me. “You’ve been in a pissy mood all night and now I know why. You were finally faced with the lies you’ve been telling yourself and you can’t stand it.”
“I haven’t been lying to myself.”
He laughed humorlessly. “Oh, you haven’t? So, you haven’t been telling yourself there’s nothing between us? That this is just fucking when you know goddamn well it’s so much more.”
“There’s nothing between us, Remy. It is just fucking.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s not and you know it’s not.”
I threw my hands in the air again. “What do you want from me, Remy? We’re not in a fucking relationship! There’s nothing going on between us outside of the bedroom!”
He shook his head again, the disappointment clear on his face. “You’re lying to yourself again.”
I blew out a frustrated breath as I clenched my teeth together. “Whatever, Remy. Think what you want but it has nothing to do with tonight. Tonight, you decided to interfere in something that wasn’t your fucking business and that’s the problem we’re having right now. The rest of it is irrelevant.”
His eyes widened. “Interfered in something that’s not my fucking business?! You couldn’t have known that asshole for more than five minutes and you were letting him grab you like that?! What the fuck was I supposed to do?”
“Maybe mind your own fucking business?”
He growled and took another step closer. “I told you, you are my fucking business.”
“I’m not. I’m nothing to you. Just a roommate that you fuck sometimes.”
He laughed again, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “So, you spend every night in my bed and then let the first stranger you meet grope you like that?”
I shrugged, my belly twisting because I wasn’t proud of what I’d done. And I hadn’t even meant to let it happen. When that greasy jerk grabbed my ass, I was seconds away from removing it for him when Remy interfered.
But I couldn’t back down. Couldn’t let him be right. My pride wouldn’t allow it no matter how ridiculous it sounded.
“I’m single, Remy. I can do what I want.”
He shook his head, his eyes burning with anger. “You’re not like that, Belle. I don’t know why you’re pretending you are right now, but I know you better.”
Every fucking word out of his mouth was like tiny knives of truth stabbing at any available inch of skin. Every fucking syllable was right, but I refused to admit it. Refused to be wrong. Refused to back down from this. I couldn’t.
Finally, the anger bubbling inside me spewed out. I threw my hands in the air with a growl. “What the fuck do you want from me, Remy?! I’m not your business! I’m nothing to you! I’m not yours!”
He covered the space between us and grabbed my arms. “Goddamn it, I know you’re not mine, but it feels like you should be!”
I stared up at him as my heart pounded in the back of my throat. He swallowed harshly and dipped his head close to mine. “Every second of every fucking day I wish you were,” he said, his voice deep, each word driving into me like bullets from a gun.
All I could do was blink at him as his broad shoulders rose and fell with his deep breaths. I didn’t know what came next. Where we went from here, but apparently, he did. He looked away for a moment before turning back to me. “Fuck it,” he growled before his mouth crashed against mine.
I froze in shock for a moment as he tugged my body against his and kissed me more ferociously than I’d ever been kissed before. When the surprise wore off, I reached up and pushed at his shoulders, desperate for some room to breathe. Some room to think.
He pulled back an inch, his lips still grazing mine as he spoke. “Tell me to stop and I will. Tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll leave you alone.”
My chest ached as my eyes darted between his.
I knew what I wanted. With every single atom in my body, I knew exactly what I craved in that moment. It was the same thing I wanted yesterday, and I knew it would be the same thing I wanted tomorrow.
Remy.
I groaned and lifted myself onto my tiptoes as I pulled his face to mine again. This kiss was just as brutal, just as punishing and I met him stroke for stroke. We tore at our clothing until there was nothing between us, our pounding heartbeats in sync.
“You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?” he groaned against my lips.
I nodded quickly, and he chuckled as his mouth trailed down the length of my neck. A shiver ran through my body as I gripped his shoulders and pulled him tighter against me.
“I wouldn’t change any of it, beautiful,” he whispered in my ear. “You’re worth every fucking second.”
The sound of a tearing foil package sliced through the dark room before he lifted me into his arms and slammed my back against the door.
“This is gonna be fast,” he warned.
I nodded again, my lips seeking his as his hard length entered me quickly. With a gasp, my head fell back, banging against the hard wood, but I barely noticed. His hands gripped my waist roughly as his hips pounded against mine over and over again.
He was so deep, infiltrating every part of my body, leaving no inch untouched. I’d never felt like this before and it would have scared the shit out of me if I could have properly thought about it. If m
y mind wasn’t full of Remy. If my body wasn’t full of Remy. If this man wasn’t in every fucking corner of my life. Showing me what I could have, proving to me that I’d been wrong all those years.
“You’re so fucking wet, I’m not gonna last much longer,” he said between gritted teeth. “What do you need?”
I answered the same way I always did. Asked for the one thing that I knew would toss me over the edge. “Kiss me,” I panted.
His mouth met mine again and moments later, I was clenching around him, my orgasm ripping through my body as I dug my nails into his back and moaned against his lips. He came seconds later, his hands squeezing me harder than ever as he emptied himself inside me.
He kept me pressed against the door for a long time as the carnal haze lifted and our breathing returned to normal. When he set me back on my feet, I took a moment to reorient myself before I shook my head and walked around him.
“I think you should go,” I said softly.
“Belle…”
I stood still in the middle of my room, my back to him and my heart throbbing at everything I’d heard in his voice. At the vulnerability and the confusion.
“I need some time, Remy. Please.”
He was quiet for a long moment before I heard him gather his clothes and quietly leave my room. The second he was gone, my shoulders slumped, and my head fell forward as tears pricked at the backs of my eyes.
I had no idea what I was doing.
Except that I was hurting Remy, I was hurting myself, and I didn’t even know why anymore. My mind was in turmoil as I crawled into my bed, still naked, and curled up under my sheets. The tears I’d tried to hold back snuck out one by one, but I remained stoic. They were the only sign of weakness I allowed as I tried to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do now. Where I went from here.
My options were limited though, and my desires even fewer. But every thought that passed through my mind scared me more than the last. I didn’t know how to break down this wall between us. How to let him in the way he wanted. How to let go of my past and live in this present with him.
I didn’t think I was strong enough to do that.
Beyond Beautiful (Love in Providence Book 2) Page 27