“I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you because I love you, Belle.”
Her eyes widened until they were like saucers in her gorgeous face. She stopped dancing. She might have even stopped breathing as I watched her try to process what I’d just said. “No,” she whispered. “You can’t love me, Remy.”
I shrugged. “But I do.”
She shook her head. “You can’t. I’m broken. I can’t give you what you need, Remy. You can’t love me,” she repeated.
I leaned down again and breathed her in, pulling her scent into my lungs like I could make her a part of me. Like she wasn’t already. “You are what I need, Belle. And I love every single piece of you, even the jagged ones. Nothing you say or do can change that.”
She shook her head again as she pulled out of my arms. I let her go, but my fingers twitched with the need to pull her back. “No, Remy. No.” She looked down at our feet, her shoulders sagging with what seemed like an impossible weight. Finally, they rose and fell with a deep breath and she looked back up at me. “I’m not like your grandma, Remy. I’m not going to come around one day. I can’t love you back. I’m not capable of it. You need to let me go and find someone that deserves you because it isn’t me.”
Before I could say anything, she spun on her heel and sped through the crowd of dancing people. I lost sight of her within seconds and stood there, my arms empty and my heart heavy, wondering what the hell I’d just done.
Seconds turned to minutes as I stood stock still on that dance floor, realization sinking into my bones bit by bit.
I’d bared it all to Belle, and she’d still walked away from me. I’d offered her more time and even that hadn’t been enough.
Maybe the problem was I wasn’t enough.
Chapter 37
Remy
I made my way through the crowd of wedding guests, my whole body numb. My mind struggled to keep up with my heart that felt like it was cracking in two. I’d thought the idea of a broken heart was an exaggeration, but it actually felt like mine was crumbling inside me.
I’d never said I love you to a woman before. Never felt that deeply for someone until now. Never in a million years did I think that once I found that woman, that she’d run moments after I’d let those three sacred words slip.
But I guess this was my fault, wasn’t it?
Belle had told me over and over that her heart wasn’t in this. That she didn’t want anything serious. That all she wanted was to have some fun with no strings attached.
I was the one who’d pushed for more. I was the one who’d read between the lines. I was the one who’d made something out of nothing.
There was really no one to blame but myself.
If I’d just listened, I wouldn’t have been in this situation. If I’d believed her any of the dozens of times she’d told me what she really wanted, maybe I wouldn’t have had to feel like this. Maybe I could have avoided the embarrassment of being left on the dance floor like that. Maybe I could have prevented this cold, aching feeling in my chest that only swelled as the minutes passed.
I finally made it back to my table and took a seat next to Gramps. The old man was quiet as I stared down at the white linen covering the table. But of course, that didn’t last long.
“I take it things didn’t go well.”
I chuckled humorlessly. “You could say that.”
He gave me a firm pat on the shoulder. “It’s okay, Son. She’ll come around.”
I shrugged out of his hold and turned to face him. “No. She won’t.”
He frowned. “Of course she will. Don’t give up hope now.”
I shook my head, my hands fisting on the table. “You don’t get it, Gramps. I’m not you and she’s not Grams. She’s told me over and over what she wants, and I haven’t listened. Instead, I’ve been listening to you and this time you’re wrong. She doesn’t want to be with me and that’s all there is to it.”
He shook his head sadly. “Remy, that girl loves you and I know you love her too. That’s powerful stuff right there. You just need to have a little faith that it’ll work out.”
His words sounded great, which only made me madder. Why couldn’t he drop it? Why couldn’t he just let this idea of his go? Why did he have to share his rose-tinted glasses with me, showing me a world full of soul mates and true love when that wasn’t real?
I shook my head and shoved my seat back. “I don’t need faith, Gramps. I need reality. She isn’t coming around. We aren’t going to be together. It’s over. Time for you to let it go.” I stood up and turned away from him. “I’m going to get a drink,” I tossed over my shoulder before I put as much distance between us as I could.
Unfortunately, when I got to the bar, there was a line, so it seemed like drowning myself in alcohol would have to wait a few minutes at least. I stood there with my hands on my hips as my head swirled with everything that had happened tonight.
I felt like an asshole for talking to Gramps that way, but a part of me blamed him for the shitty situation I was in. That might not have been fair, but it was what it was. Maybe if I hadn’t had him whispering in my ear for weeks, I would have been able to see the situation with Belle for what it truly was.
We were nothing but friends that fucked.
Simple as that.
There were no deeper feelings, there was no relationship on our horizon. We were what we were for that time and now we were nothing. I was nothing.
A deep sigh rumbled out of me as my head fell back and I stared at the tiled ceiling above.
“You look like you could use a drink.”
I turned to find one of Bailey’s bridesmaids standing next to me.
I just barely refrained from rolling my eyes as I motioned toward the line we were both in. “That’s usually what you go to a bar for.”
Her smile was crooked, and despite my testy comment, she didn’t seem offended. “You know what? This one’s on me.”
This time, a rusty chuckle escaped my lips. “It’s an open bar.”
Her smile widened. “That just means I can afford to get you the good stuff.”
I shook my head, a smile pulling at my lips despite this being one of the worst nights of my life.
“I’m Taylor, by the way,” she said as she held out a hand.
I shook it. “Remy.”
“The groom’s brother, right?”
“That’s me. And how do you know Bailey?”
“Cousin on her mom’s side.”
I nodded slowly. “Ah.”
That was about all I had for her at that moment. All I could conjure up for this forced conversation.
The line moved and finally it was my turn. I ordered my drink before turning around to scan the room. If I was being honest, I was looking to see if Belle had walked back in, but I wasn’t in the mood to be honest.
“So, I thought weddings were supposed to be a happy time.”
I turned to Taylor with a frown. “Yeah?”
She accepted her cocktail from the bartender before using it to motion toward me. “You look like your puppy just ran away.”
I took a sip of my bourbon and shrugged. “I don’t have a dog.”
She chuckled and took a step closer, her floral perfume invading my nostrils. “Maybe not. But you still look like you’re having a shitty time. What’s up with that?”
I sighed. “Just having a rough night. It’s not a big deal.”
I could feel her watching me as I sipped from my glass and tried to get my eyes to stop looking for that familiar flash of light brown hair.
“It’s the maid of honor, isn’t it?”
My eyes darted to hers. “What?”
“That’s who ruined your night, right?”
I chuckled darkly into my glass. “How would you know that?”
She shrugged. “I’m observant.”
“I guess you are.”
She took a sip of her drink, eyes still burning holes into the side of my face. “For what it’s worth, I th
ink she’s probably an idiot.”
I glanced her way again, my brows furrowing. “Why’s that?”
She waved her glass in my direction. “Well, you’re hot as hell and seem like a nice guy. I’m not sure what her problem is, but you could probably do better.”
I shook my head and took another sip of my drink. Could I do better? Not that it really mattered because I didn’t want to do better. I wanted Belle.
“In fact,” Taylor said as she stepped into my space and ran her fingers down my lapel. “If you’re looking to replace her tonight, I’m available.”
I looked down at the dark-haired woman who was practically throwing herself at me and felt absolutely nothing. Not a twinge of interest. Not a speck of intrigue. I was a fucking goner for only one woman. One that wanted nothing to do with me.
“Thanks, Taylor, but I’m going to have to pass.”
She somehow moved closer, her breasts pressing against my arm as she leaned in. “Are you sure? I could help you forget her. I bet we’d have a lot of fun together.”
No pounding heart. No sweating palms. Not a single twitch of my dick. Either I was defective, or I really was fucked.
It was like my body was programmed to only react to Belle. It apparently didn’t matter that she’d walked away from me. That she’d turned her back when I’d given her my heart. That she’d straight up told me she couldn’t love me back. None of that seemed to matter because all I wanted was her. Even now.
I looked away from Taylor and straight into the amber gaze I’d been searching for. Belle was standing only a few feet away, her body ramrod straight and her eyes wide as she stared at me. I watched her eyes travel from me to Taylor and back again. Finally, she nodded once and for the second time that night, she walked away from me.
My body twitched with the urge to follow her, but I refrained. I’d chased Belle enough for one lifetime and I was fucking exhausted. I wasn’t doing anything wrong and if she wanted to believe I was, then I was just going to let her.
What did it matter at this point?
There was nothing between us. We were over, per her request.
I looked down at Taylor again and found her bright blue eyes already on me. For a moment I wished I could transfer my fixation from the woman who didn’t want anything to do with me, to this woman that did. Why couldn’t I feel for Taylor even an ounce of what I felt for Belle? Why couldn’t I want someone who wanted me back?
I sighed and disentangled myself from Taylor’s grip and took a step back. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m going to have to pass. Have a good night and thanks for the drink.”
I left her standing there and returned to my table. Gramps watched me quietly as I sipped my bourbon. Thankfully the happy couple had already cut the cake, and I’d be able to gracefully get the hell out of here soon.
“Remy, man, what’s going on?”
I turned to find Ryder behind me, his face scrunched up in irritation.
“What’s wrong?”
“Bailey just told me that she found Belle hiding out in the bathroom. Wanna explain to me what the fuck that’s about?”
My stomach twisted, but I just took another sip and told it to shut the hell up. Belle was the one who walked away from me. She was the one who ended this. She was the one who didn’t want me. What did it matter to her who I talked to or what I did with my time?
“Why would you think that has something to do with me?”
He eyed me for a moment as I tried to not let the discomfort in my gut show on my face. “Because you’re the one who’s been fucking her for weeks. Are you trying to tell me you aren’t the reason she’s upset?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know what her problem is, man.”
Ryder sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Listen, I don’t give a fuck what happened, but you better fix it. I’m not gonna let this upset Bailey.”
“What do you want me to do about it?”
“Go talk to her or something!”
I shook my head and downed the last of my drink. “I love you and Bailey, but I’m not chasing after Belle anymore.”
Ryder’s eyes widened as he watched me. Finally, he threw his hands up and let them fall against his thighs loudly. “You know what? I don’t really care right now. We’re leaving for our honeymoon tonight and turning off our phones for a week. When I get back, this shit better be resolved because I don’t want either one of us in the middle of it.”
I shrugged again. “No one put you in the middle of it to begin with.”
He huffed out a breath and spun around before stalking off. I felt bad that he was dealing with this bullshit on his wedding day, but what the hell did he expect from me? That girl had stomped on my goddamn heart once already tonight. I wasn’t about to give her another opportunity to do it again.
“You think you should at least make sure she’s okay?” Gramps asked quietly next to me.
I shrugged and stood up. “If she wanted to talk to me, then she’d call me. I’m going to get another drink.”
I lingered longer at the bar this time, not in any rush to talk to Gramps or Ryder or anyone else, really. I just wanted to be left alone with my misery and my booze. Constant companions that really weren’t a good match but fit the bill on a night like this.
When it was finally time to send the bride and groom off, I stood with the crowd and clapped along with them, all while counting down the minutes until I could just leave. The guests started to disperse after that, and I found Gramps back at our table. I tried not to, but I continually scanned the room, looking for Belle, but never saw her again.
“You ready to go home?” I asked Gramps.
“Yeah, but you’re not drivin’ me.”
I shook my head, the room spinning slightly with the movement. “No, I’m going to Uber us both back to your place. Is it okay if I crash in your spare room for the night?”
Gramps eyed me critically, one of his bushy white brows quirked. “Is that so you can run away from your problems?”
I sighed and let my head fall back. “Gramps, I just need a night, okay? I’ll face all this shit tomorrow, but right now, I really can’t deal with it.”
He sighed and nodded. “Of course you can stay, Remy. You know you’re always welcome.”
I let out a deep breath of relief and ordered us an Uber. We followed the other guests out of the venue, and by the time we made it to the parking lot, our car was already there. After helping Gramps into the front seat, I took my place in the back. I slumped down low, letting my spinning head rest against the cushion as I flipped my phone between my fingers.
My gut instinct was to text her. To make sure she was okay. To help her if she wasn’t. Fuck, just to make sure she got home safe, but my pride prevented all that. It reminded me how many times she’d walked away from me tonight. She hadn’t been concerned about me, why should I be concerned about her now?
The ride up to Gramps’ was quick, and I tossed the driver a tip as I unsteadily made my way out of his car. When I got in the house, I called goodnight to my grandpa and shut myself in the spare bedroom. With a groan, I sank onto the twin sized mattress, my phone still clutched in my hand.
With a shake of my head, I tossed it aside and stripped down to my boxers. Once I was in the tiny ass bed, I picked my phone up again, and even clicked on her contact information. I stared at the ten digits for a long time, indecision warring inside me.
Finally, I realized my desire to know she was safe outweighed the personal hurt I had, and I typed out a quick message.
Me: Can you just let me know you made it home safe?
I stared at the bright screen for a few long minutes as I waited for her response. Just when I thought she wasn’t going to reply, my phone beeped with an incoming message.
Belle: I’m home.
My heart thudded against my rib cage as I read her words over and over. I almost set my phone down again before I decided to press my luck some more.
Me: Are you coming to G
ramps’ tomorrow for Sunday dinner?
Her response was almost immediate.
Belle: No.
My chest deflated at the simple two letter response that felt like it answered more than one question.
Did Belle want to spend time with me and my grandfather tomorrow? No.
Was she ever going to get over her past and let me be a part of her future? No.
Was there any chance for us? No.
Was there a reason for me to keep living in that apartment with her? Where I could see her and smell her and not be able to touch her anymore? Also no.
With my heart in my throat, I made a new hotel reservation downtown. My new apartment was almost ready, but I still had about a week until I could move in there. Unfortunately, the Marriott didn’t have an opening until Wednesday night, so that meant I had a couple more days to suffer through before I could tuck my tail and run as far away from her as I could. I guess this was the price I paid for trying to catch a woman who didn’t want to be caught. All it left me with was an empty net and a piercing ache in my chest.
Chapter 38
Belle
“Belle?”
I jolted upright in my desk chair and winced as my sensitive eyes were assaulted by the bright lights of my office. I turned toward the doorway and found Sonia there, a quizzical look on her face.
Clearing my throat, I asked, “What is it?”
Did I sound like a bit of a bitch? Sure did, but I was so beyond caring about something like that.
I’d had next to no sleep in the two nights since Bailey’s wedding and it was showing. My head hurt, my eyes stung, and my neck was a network of tensed muscles. I wasn’t doing well, and it was painfully obvious.
I hadn’t seen Remy since the wedding Saturday night and I hadn’t heard from him since our small text exchange later that evening. I didn’t know whose bed he’d been staying in and my mind raced with the possibilities.
Beyond Beautiful (Love in Providence Book 2) Page 33