by Dora Okeyo
September
Sam walked into his apartment ten minutes past 10:00pm. He looked at the door knob and grew cold. Someone was inside his house.
He looked around and peeked inside. He switched off the main lights and walked through to the kitchen. She was standing in the middle of the room cooking. She had her back to him.
“Hey there.” He said as he stepped into the room.
“Hey, you are back. Look I got in. I have the keys so I figured I should just make you something to eat and maybe we could talk, or maybe it was a wrong idea, you are always there for me, so I thought why not be nicer or something, I just thought…”
“Faith, what’s up?”
“Nothing, I just thought…can I crash here? I know its short notice but I just need to rest.”
“Sure, let me go change. I will be back in a few.”
“Thanks.” Sam left the kitchen for the bathroom. His heart told him it was wrong. Faith had a bad day again and he had to pick up the pieces. It was sick of him. He could not forget about her. It was as though a dark cloud hung above her head and he was the only one who saw it. He remembered they had a dinner to attend tomorrow and his stomach churned. He had promised the guys they would go out. He would think about it later on.
He appeared ten minutes later. Faith was seated on his couch flipping channels. She would then ask him about work and his girlfriends. After he answered she would leave for her place. It was more a like a clock. When it struck twelve you knew whether it was noon or midnight. He felt sick. He had to put a stop to this. She had been grieving over a man that had moved on clearly.
“Bellamy called me today.” Sam felt his world collapse. He feigned a smile and sipped his tea. This was bound to be a long night.
“He wants us to talk. He said he would tell me what it was about when we meet.”
“Okay.”
“Okay? Is that all you are going to say?”
“You have thought about clearly, so are you going to meet him?”
“I still don’t know. It’s hard; you know hearing his voice again.”
“Okay.”
“Are you feeling well Sam? You have barely touched your food.”
“I am fine. I am eating Faith and thanks for making supper today. I was tired when I came, and just thanks okay? How was work today?”
“It was great. The women at work talked about your article. The one that was published yesterday. It sparked a lot of talk and feelings and humor.”
“Humor?”
“Yes. The ladies wondered whether such men existed and why they would never man up and speak of their feelings.”
“You, what do you think about it?”
“I wish I had such a man in my life. Forget it though, that would never happen. Right now my priority is to get a promotion at work and move to a better place and care for my family.”
“That’s a lot of responsibilities Faith. You need time for yourself.”
“Look who’s talking, so how are your friends? What do you call them again? Ah, yes, there is Belinda, Beryl, Sweetpie, Grace, Angela, Babe and the list goes on, or are there any more additions?”
“You don’t want to hear about the new ones Faith. I need to get a headstart at work.”
“Sure, so am I seeing you tomorrow at the dinner party?”
“I will be there.”
“Goodnight Sam and take good care of yourself. You mean a lot to me.” She laughed as she swung to her feet and headed for the door. He looked at her and smiled. As the door shut he muttered “Do I?”
He picked his laptop and started typing his article. He titled it “September.”
No surprise
Faith waited at the Savannah lounge on Kenyatta Avenue for her date. She knew she had a lot to say and he heart beat just as fast. She looked around and smiled. Her hair was in place. So was her lip balm and blouse. It was a long shot but she loved this man. Anyone would have called her stupid but her heart led the way.
Bellamy walked into the café an hour later. He was wearing a black three piece suit. His eyes were sunken and his face blurry. He had lost most of his muscle build. She wanted to hug him but the smell of liquor made her step back. Something was wrong. Her Bellamy was no drunk. He never even wore a suit. Suits were the death of him. She had never heard from him in two years. Now here he was looking like a dead man walking. Her heart plunged and she did the one thing her heart told her to. She hugged him and kissed his cheeks. He needed love. Her Bellamy was falling apart and she would fix him.
They took their seats and she ordered food for him. He looked down and fiddled with his pockets.
“Hello, Bellamy. It’s been a while.”
“Yeah.” His voice was dry and grouchy. She reached to him and lifted his chin up.
“You will be fine Bellamy.”
“Look, I know I was wrong. If I could take it back Faith I would. I was stupid back then. I should have stuck by you and now I am paying for all I have done.”
“Relax, eat first and we will talk.”
He looked at her and for the first time Bellamy felt like a dog that had been rained on. He stuck his tail behind his hind legs. She watched him eat. She loved him. God, she loved the man. She loved him no matter how much she tried to deny it-it would never do. She wanted to be by his side for the rest of her life. She had to tell Sam about it.
They had lunch and she took him to her place to get dressed. It was a long shot but she wanted him settled. Bellamy needed a job. He had lost his job. She placed a few calls and secured him an interview at a company. He was a good accountant. She had no doubt in his skills and knowledge.
That night she wore her black dress. He wore his new suit and they walked into the gala room hand in hand. She smiled and radiated such love and energy. She introduced him to people she knew. He took their business cards and told jokes. They loved him. They congratulated her. She felt alive. She was alive. It was one man who stood at the corner waiting for his friend. He was dashing. All the women flocked around him. Now that word spread that he was the one who wrote great articles on love. They smiled and swooned around him. He didn’t have to see it up close. His heart at that moment froze. He felt as though something in him was exploding and the lave melting. How could that ever be? Faith walked around the room. Her hearty laughter stung his ears. The joke was on him. So he begged to leave.
She had moved on. He was stuck on her. He was a fool. He could never have her. She never saw him because he never struggled to be visible. He took the stairs as fast as his athletic body could. He called unto a guard and sought his car. The night got darker as he sped off. She was sparkling but in another mans’ arms---that stung to the bones. It was no surprise that she chose Bellamy. In fact was there ever a choice?
It feels like tonight
He picked up the laptop when he got home and started typing.
“Love and lovers: These two are different. One is not tangible but the other is. One exists and can be accessed by all; the other cannot be kept closer. You can never get a lover and keep them. For with love matters change. Love though said to be patient is dynamic. It is dynamic because it is not tangible. Each lover or a person in love deems it different. Sometimes the only way to love a person is to walk out of their life. Sometimes it is to stay hoping they would let you stay too. There are no rooms in a person’s heart once she/he has set their eyes on another. Love is kind, but it is also expressed as selfish. The lover is selfish and jealous and keeps the person they love to themselves. There is nothing as bad as healing a broken heart that never did express love.
Last week I wrote about long distance love. There are men who love from afar because no matter how close they get, the women they love have no room for them. Do all men cheat? No and yes. Is it wrong for a man to cheat? Question is it right for you to get all the answers even when you are not ready to hear them?
Love is dynamic and it is because of this that people are bound to get hurt. What matters is whether you are willing to endure the
pain or not. Women think that men are perfect. Men are not. In fact most men are broken pieces of glass that are glued together. They can shatter when passed through heat or cold. There is nothing as bad as healing a broken heart that never expressed love. For those men who love women from afar, it takes time. For her to pick another man over you is a blow to the gut. Men do not take blows well, without wanting to throw back a strong punch. It is tolerable if the man is indeed a man you would want to be “when you grow up.” However it is a pain when the man they pick is a lying scoundrel who values nothing but material wealth. The kind who stare and ogles at anything bold enough to show legs and some skin. Now that’s where women go wrong and what of the wounded man? Well, he has to deal with it. He has to because guess what? Some snitch got to the finish line before him. So, some readers called such a man a “sissy.” Allow me to clarify; sissies are only those men who never do a thing out of their own initiative. So what does the man do when the snitch grabs the girl? Life sucks! He gets home, gets changed and goes out. There are so many single women out there. With time, he too will get a trophy wife. The kind that every man would stare and say they want to be like that when they grow up! Cheers ladies! PS: If you see cupid, tell him to aim his arrow at women who can actually look at such men!
Sam saved the piece knowing he would hate it at dawn. He took his car keys and hit the clubs. Angela and the girls had a big night. He was humming Daughtry’s “It feels like tonight,” as he descended the stairs.