I could make her wait for my reply but that would be childish. I laughed to myself as I did just that and put my phone away. But not two minutes later, I pulled it out.
Me: On my way to the record fair. There’s a guy across from me with questionable fashion taste.
Jules: Okay, have fun. See you later.
I could sense the guy with the briefcase was watching me. Wow, sometimes text messages were godsent, I thought, as I continued to intently stare at the screen. I checked where the train was and realized I could get off and walk the few blocks to the record fair.
While I was marching up the tube steps, I turned to make sure the guy hadn’t followed me. Luckily, there was no sign of him, and when I got up onto the street and saw the sun shining, I tried to smile.
For a moment, I wondered what Rutledge was up to. It had been a week, a very long week since I’d left him. I’d sent a text to him, apologizing and saying thanks for the gift. It was too raw, so I didn’t think I could handle hearing his voice. I’d let him know that I needed time. Was it unfair, maybe, but I was out of my element. More than anything, at the forefront for me was that I missed him.
The record fair sure brought a smile to my face, but it was more to take my mind off him. It wasn’t really helping, but I was forcing myself to try and enjoy it like I had in previous years.
As I entered the large hall, I was hit with the distinct smell of old records, which I loved but could never quite describe, and smiled wholeheartedly. Who knew what gems I’d find today. I walked the aisles and found a vendor who had country music. It wasn’t huge here like in America, but I’d started to love it in the last few years. I could practically hear the twang of the guitar. I flipped to one that had a stunning cowboy on the cover. “Oh my.” I pulled it out to check the back cover, then looked through some more and picked up one from George Jones. I remembered that I already had it in my collection and continued my perusing until I found one that caught my fancy. I handed it to the vendor so I could pay. As I moved to the next stop, I idly wondered what type of music Rutledge was into.
Even though the hall was bustling, the sound of a gasp echoed loudly. My head shot up and I looked around. Scanning the unfamiliar faces, I then saw a familiar one across the sea of records. It was Rutledge.
I put my head down and then sensed him next to me. “Hello, stranger,” I ventured.
There was no dark lighting or frantic removal of clothing to get to bed as fast as possible. In some respects, I felt more naked and vulnerable now than I ever had in my life.
“Hey,” he said quietly. “I didn’t take you for a country music lover. That one is really good.”
I glanced over and smiled at him. Just having Rutledge near me was making me happy. I reached over to touch his hand but quickly pulled it away. “So, you’re here, I’m here. What are you looking for? Want to look around together?”
His eyebrows rose up and that look almost led me to believe he’d say no, but then he agreed. “Okay. I love this place. I have a break today before I leave again tomorrow, so I decided to explore. You know, it was by fluke that I found out this fair was even going on. I have a record player in my apartment.” Then he quickly corrected himself. “My flat. I, uh, like all kinds of music, you know. Well, not all. But the sound on the record player is so much better. I love to hear all the nuances. I couldn’t bring all my records with me, so here I am. Maybe I can pick up a few.”
After all that rambling, Rutledge turned mostly quiet, but somehow it felt soothing just to have him next to me. We walked up and down the aisles as I shared which records I’d heard of or those I wanted to listen to again.
“I love the pink.” He pointed to my hair.
Automatically, I pushed my hand through it. “Uh, thanks.” I gave him a cheeky smile.
After a couple of hours, I had bought a few more older country music albums, but he’d yet to buy anything. “You must buy something before we go to lunch. So pick your poison, my man, uh, Rutledge.” Where had that slip of the tongue come from, I wondered. I had no idea.
“We’re going to lunch?” he asked, surprised. “Like, like a date?” His face showed an adorable pink.
I made sure to put on a serious tone. “No, just two friends who enjoyed the record fair going to lunch at La Coriettiere.”
“Do you always make the decisions? I kind of wanted tacos.” His stomach growled as if on cue. Then his expression turned to horrified. “Sorry.”
In the meantime, I was laughing. No one had ever questioned me. “I guess I do. Now, come on.” We walked the few blocks to the restaurant, and I was tempted to take his hand in mine. Instead, I resisted and chattered about the upcoming show purposely, it seemed, avoiding the elephant in the room. “I have a solo and our teacher is really strict. I mean, I guess it’s good in some way, because she pushes us. I wanted to do the partner piece with Jules, but they put me with another girl—” I paused mid-sentence and stopped. “This is us.” I turned and held the door to the restaurant open for him.
“Oh wow. Look at that.” He pointed to the wall of old records that had been framed and positioned from floor to ceiling on the wall.
“I know, right? It’s really amazing. I think the family who owns this place has been collecting them for years.”
“Ah, dear Oliver. And who is this? Your friend.”
“Rafael, this is my friend, Rutledge.” He shook his hand.
“Follow me. Your usual table is ready, though I had only set it for one.” We followed behind Rafael.
I hadn’t thought too closely about the fact that I mainly came here on my own. We got seated and Rafael left us with the menus. “Sorry about the lack of tacos.”
“Yeah, you’ll owe me. Next time.” Then he bit his lip before looking back at the menu.
I was feeling a mix of being taken aback by his cheeky retort and how we hadn’t yet discussed what happened when I left his place. But we were having such a marvellous time, I didn’t want to spoil it, even if that was the coward’s way out.
“What’s the best here then?”
I admired him over the top of my menu before answering. I took a deep breath and was close to having a panic attack. What was I doing? I didn’t do dates. I didn’t know how to date. My breathing faltered. Should I leave? I couldn’t make him eat alone. I’d invited him for fuck’s sake. Okay, I’d pretend I was here with Jules, I convinced myself. Out with a friend for lunch.
Suddenly, a warm hand was pulling my menu away from me. “Look at me. Are you okay? It’s all fine. I can see you’re freaking out. Do you not want to do this? I’d understand. But I just want to tell you that I’m glad we ran into each other.” He placed his hand on mine and left it there.
I took a deep breath and pulled my shoulders back. “Thank you. Yes, I, um … You were right before. It does feel like a date. And I’ve just never done it, so I sort of panicked.” I closed my eyes for a moment. “But now I’m back.” Waving my hand, I called Rafael over. “Two of the spaghetti bolognese. Thank you kind sir.”
Rutledge burst out laughing across from me.
“What?”
“I’m not a damsel in distress from the 1920s you know. You just ordered for me. What if I’m a vegetarian?” He smiled and took a drink of water.
“Oh. My. God. Are you? Shit. Fuck. I told you I have no clue what I’m doing. I can get Rafael back.”
He was laughing and that made me laugh, too, along with him. “That was really funny. I’m just teasing you.” Then his voice became serious. “Thank you for ordering for me like a 1950s housewife though.”
Our food was delivered and it smelled delightful. We sat in comfortable silence as we ate. Then I asked him how he liked the food.
“It’s really delicious. Even better than Stuart’s. Don’t tell him I said that.”
“Secret’s safe with me.” I put my finger up to my mouth in a shh action. “Have you known him for a while?”
“A few months now. He’s Marshall’s boyfrie
nd as you know. He’s a great cook. I can see why Marshall has to work out. It’s carb heaven.”
I chuckled, then finished my bite before responding, “Yeah, I can’t complain when my job is exercise. I stay in shape and can still eat all the good stuff. Like this,” I pointed to my plate.
The conversation was wonderful, and I didn’t want our lunch to end. When Rafael came over with the bill, I quickly grabbed it.
“No, no. I don’t think so.” He tried to pull it from my hands.
“Look. My treat. I did choose for you and it’s not tacos.” I held it close to my chest.
“Fine. My treat next time then.” He smiled so sweetly at me. I paid and then we walked out together.
We stood outside the restaurant under the awning. I’d stood there many times and thought nothing of it, but today was different. “I’m headed that way for the tube,” I said. It sounded stupid and awkward even in my own head. I never got like this with anyone. Okay, maybe that one time Jasper introduced me to Robbie Williams, but still.
I looked over to Rutledge. “Thank you for joining me.” I closed my eyes and suddenly felt incredibly awkward.
Then his hand was on my neck and his lips were on mine. It was all encompassing and I leaned into him. As his lips moved on mine, I felt like I was floating on air. My hands pulled him in close, and I could smell his gorgeous skin.
Nipping at his lip, I was worried I couldn’t breathe from the intensity. But no, I was still standing here with him.
We parted and our hands were still intertwined while we stood face to face. I looked at his beautiful eyes and then complete panic set in—again.
This wasn’t me. What was I feeling. All these thoughts were racing through my head. That kiss. It was everything. I brushed my thumb across my lip. I’d hold the memory close. “I better go.” I dropped my hands and turned to walk to the tube station, leaving him frowning on the stoop of my favourite restaurant.
Was I a coward? Maybe. But I was scared. I never got scared. This time, I wasn’t paying attention to anyone on the tube on the way home.
17
RUTLEDGE
I stood on the street outside the restaurant. Alone. Had I read all the signs wrong. No, definitely not. We’d just had an incredible time together. He’d taken me to a restaurant he obviously took no one else to. As I stood there, I couldn’t lie, I was devastated.
Maybe I needed to forget him. But even as I thought it, I knew I never could.
Taking a deep breath, I walked the few blocks to the tube and went back to my flat. It was strange to return on my own, but I needed to be alone. Other times when I’d gone back to pick up some clothes or something, Marshall would join me.
I was drawn to my record player and pulled an album out at random, then put it on the turntable. Rich, sweet tones emerged.
Sitting on the floor, I looked at the photo I’d taken of Ollie. He’d been sifting through some records and smiling. The candid photo took in his strong jawline and his love for life. Ollie’s whole demeanour and outward confidence was foreign to me. But after spending the morning with him, the connection was like an electric current.
He let me be myself and took me as I was. He wasn’t acting like some of those websites that said quiet people or introverts needed to change or be louder … Or that quiz I took when I was in the reality show’s house that itemized all of my personality traits I should change. I couldn’t change who I was.
And I knew he was attracted to me too. We just clicked. Even when he’d panicked today, or that time he’d abruptly left my place, I knew it was his defense mechanism. Ollie reacted first, thought later. It was bold of me to kiss him, but after such a wonderful morning together, it had just felt right in the moment. The way he’d been looking at me all morning, the stolen glances when he thought I didn’t notice, no, I hadn’t imagined any of the attraction. I was a good judge of character and felt I could read people well.
I tried to keep calm in my thought process. If I was good at one thing, it was overthinking everything, and maybe, in this case, it would help for once. Touching my lip where he’d nipped at it made a heat flow through my body. The warmth was comforting, and I knew I wanted to feel it again.
My phone buzzed with a text message. It was Marshall. I stood up and moved the needle off the record. Then I went to grab my heavier jacket that I wanted to take to Glasgow. I sent a quick text, letting him know that I’d be there soon. I really needed to move back to my place soon. I knew I would be fine now to do so.
But for now I’d go to their place, where a lot of my things were anyway. Regardless of my dilemma with Ollie, they didn’t deserve my going AWOL. I took a deep breath and then locked up and left. I waved down a cab and headed to their place. I wanted to condone myself for my stupidity, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Instead, I’d cherish that moment and kiss, for it was perfection. Maybe we could still be friends, but even as I thought it, my stomach dropped like an anchor from the edge of a boat. I couldn’t handle seeing him with another man or regaling me with his antics of hookups. That would be too much.
I sighed and tried to think happy thoughts when I arrived at Marshall and Stuart’s place. I had texted a few minutes ago so they’d know I was coming. Letting myself in, I tried to hide the resignation. The day went from perfect to utter shit. Maybe it was for the better since I’d be going back to America in a few months anyway.
“Hey, guys. I was thinking I’ll cook tonight. What do you say?” No answer. I walked further into the house. I checked the countertop and there was a note that they’d gone out with the dogs and would be back in about an hour.
I let out a sigh of relief that I didn’t know I’d been holding. Then I went back into my room and checked my phone again. I really didn’t think he would have texted, but maybe. We would need to talk about it, but it should probably wait until I was back from my trip.
I pulled my laptop off the nightstand and checked the brief for going up to Scotland. I’d take the train with Brenna tomorrow, and we’d meet with the magazine’s photo editor and photographer. While I was reading it through, I wasn’t fully taking in the details, and after rereading the sentences a few times, I gave up and put the laptop down.
I stretched and then got down on the floor to do some push ups. After far too many with sweat dripping off my arms and forehead, I heard the door open and Marshall and Stuart come back with the dogs.
I peeked my head out the door. “Hey guys, just hopping in the shower, and then I’ll be right there.” I could hear the overly-forced delight even in my own mind, so I could only imagine what they thought. I made quick work of the shower and did not think about Ollie, his beautiful hair, his smile, or his laugh. I didn’t think about how I wanted to hold him or how I admired his charming personality. And while I’m sure some found him loud and rambunctious, I thought he was perfect.
I shook my head and stepped out of the shower, dried off, and got dressed. When I walked out to the living room, someone else was there. Ollie.
I stopped in my tracks. Though I wanted to run to him, I pushed my hands through my hair and put them in my pockets. “Uh … Hi, Ollie.”
“Don’t, Marshall,” Stuart elbowed him. “Remember, you were going to show me your new umbrella?”
“Wha—?” Stuart elbowed him harder and then they looked at each other and had one of those conversations without words.
“In the bedroom.”
“Oh right.” Marshall’s eyebrows rose up. “Yes, how it’s perfect for rain.”
I laughed as they left, and murmured, “Thanks, guys.”
Then I looked at Ollie. I’d thought about it earlier, and for once I wasn’t going to say sorry. I wasn’t sorry. And I knew in the moment it felt right for both of us. “Hey.”
He smiled shyly at me. Strange for Ollie. “Look.” He took a few steps towards me. “Come closer. Hold me again?” He posed it like a question.
Automatically, my arms went around his waist, and I reveled in the warmth.
He looked at me and his eyes told a story of nervousness mixed with excitement and happiness. “I have no idea what I’m doing. I panicked earlier. Again. But that kiss. I’ve never … Can we do it again?” He leaned into me.
“Wait, never what?” I put my thumb on his cheek and stroked it over the smooth skin.
He looked down.
“Okay, first things first. No looking down and no being anything but yourself. Was this what you were thinking about?” Our mouths fused together, and as my tongue touched the seam of Ollie’s lips, they parted.
He moved his hand to card his fingers through my hair. I pulled out his shirt and rubbed my hand along the base of his back. Then I broke the kiss. Looking at Ollie, his lips looked debauched and his eyes were wide with expectation and wonder.
I couldn’t help feeling so many emotions. “We can take it day by day. I know that I don’t regret anything so far—one bit, and I’m also certain that I want to get to know you better.” I took his hand in mine and felt awkwardly shy again. “Want to, uh, stay for dinner? I have to leave for work tomorrow, but if you aren’t busy ...”
He smiled at me. “Really? Okay, I’d love to. And after, maybe we can have some time on our own. I, ah, need to explain more to you.”
“For sure. I can’t wait.” I tapped his nose and turned towards the bedrooms. “Guys, you can come out now.”
Muffled laughter came through to us, and I said, “Guys, you remember Ollie from the cafe.” I put my hand in his and gave a reassuring squeeze.
Stuart squealed. “You’re boyfriends.”
Looking at Ollie, his skin went even more pale if that were possible. Quickly, I needed to put him at ease. I placed my hand on his back. “We’re taking it day by day.”
Marshall merely nodded. “What do you say we order pizza and watch a movie?”
“Perfect.” I rolled my shoulders, not realizing how tense they’d been.
Ollie reached over and started massaging them.
Rutledge (Mayfair Model Series Book 3) Page 9