I sit for a moment, getting my thoughts organized before I speak again. “Then we’ll just have to save Zavy and Toby without them,” I finally say and continue eating.
Alexander has stopped eating altogether and a worried look sets across his face, “No, Adaline. No, we can’t do that.”
I look at him and wonder what the old Alexander would have done. I wish I was able to still remember the feelings between us, but I can’t remember anything except for factual information about the last few days of our journey.
“You may not actually know who she is Alexander, but she is my best friend, and she still believes you’re hers. We can’t just leave her here to die. You can’t possibly be okay with that,” I say shortly and when he doesn’t respond I add, “I have a plan.”
“No, Adaline,” he says again, almost begging.
“Look, Alexander,” I say more harshly than intended because I’m not letting Zavy go again. “We’ll leave in the middle of the night and we’ll be back with Zavy and Toby by morning.” We sit there in silence, holding each other’s gaze. “Or I will just go alone,” I threaten, and even though the past bond between us is broken I see a flicker of possible fear flash across his eyes at the thought of me going to fight Paylon on my own.
He drops his eyes from mine and says, “Fine. What’s your plan?”
Chapter 13
Convincing Alexander to risk his life to save Zavy takes less work than I thought it would. I shove a handful of various types of berries into my mouth before explaining. “We leave after everyone has fallen asleep. I was studying the map earlier and it looks like if we just follow the river they mentioned we will come along a bridge that should take us right to where Chadian said Paylon was keeping Zavy and Toby. Then all we would have to do is get this key to Zavy,” I say as I twist the necklace around my neck.
“What if Codian and Chadian are there? We can’t take all three of them,” Alexander questions.
“Well, I’m hoping they won’t be,” I say simply.
“You’re hoping?” Alexander asks shocked.
“We left them locked in those cages. I doubt they’ve dug their way out that fast.” Alexander gives me a look that says he thinks I’m being naive. “I’m really just hoping they can think for themselves for once and leave while they can. Although I doubt that will happen so I’m just really hoping we get there first.” I finish off the meat and berries and wait for Alexander to say something.
“All right, we’ll do it,” he finally says and we both nod to each other in agreement. I get the feeling he agrees more so he can protect me rather than save Zavy. I wonder if it’s because he wants me safe or because he wants this search group to help us to Libertas. If I go and die that could ruin his chances of getting there. I believe Cooper when he said our father died in the ship crash, but I can tell Alexander is not one to ever lose hope, about his mother or his father. But they left him the same as mine left me and Cooper. Life’s better when you accept the dead are gone.
A large crash in the middle of the clearing pulls my attention from Alexander, and I watch as Cooper and some of the workers from the kitchen, Albert and Andy I think, stack a large pile of wood in the fire pit. I watch the other two guys from the kitchen, James and Bren, work on getting the wood to catch fire.
It doesn’t take long for the wood to catch, and I watch as the smoke rises past the trees until it touches the rose pink and orange sky, fading away. I study the colorful sky for a moment longer and see the stars slightly peeking through the colored sunset.
I take a deep breath of the cool night air to slow my heart rate. There’s no telling what will happen to Alexander and me tonight. Life long best friends or not we have already been through a lot together. I trust him with my life and yet I don’t know the first thing about him. I don’t know what his favorite color is or what his dreams were, but I do know I need him and he needs me and we both need to get to Libertas.
Tonight we’re going away from the plan that has seen our safety in the future for an unknown outcome. I felt like I had done things on a whim before, but now that I know what the actual plan is it’s harder to make those half-second decisions to do something crazy. I watch as the four guys from the kitchen set a wall of logs around the fire to try and conceal most of the bright orange flames
“Come on,” I say and stand to face Alexander. I extend my hand out to him and help him up. “Might as well try to make some friends while we’re here.”
We walk over toward the fire and see the others do the same. We all take a seat around the campfire, soaking in its warmth. I look up and see that Cooper, Mio, and Cinder are handing out a variety of pillows and blankets. Most people are laying their blankets out and sitting on them so Alexander and I do the same. Cooper, Mio, and Cinder then head back into the tent with all the documents to finish packing.
Everyone breaks off into their own conversations. James and Bren wave Alexander over to them and Alexander stands to walk to the other side of the fire. I catch a glimpse of his face through the flickering flame as James and Bren talk with him.
I close my eyes and rest my head in my hands. The memory from reading my mother’s journal for the first time swims into view and suddenly the pages turn and more text appears. Shocked, I breathe in sharply and my eyes fly open. Can I control my memories? I close my eyes again and call up a memory with my mother’s journal.
I recall the memory of myself sitting in the bunker back at the camp we had with Zavy and Toby before we were ambushed the first time. I’m flipping through the journal as the words appear on the page about not letting Alexander go. I’m about to close the journal to go after him when I freeze the moment. Something about this memory seems strange; it all seems very fake or pixilated. With my mind I try to see the page turn, and in the frozen dream it does just that.
I’m so sorry Adaline.
These are the first words that form on the page and I can’t help but feel tears start to form. This can’t be good. I don’t know what it is, but something about Alexander gets to me. I can’t remember how I felt about him. I know it was a great bond of friendship, and I fear I will never get to feel that again. The memories I shared with that person didn’t really exist, but Alexander is a real person who I had real feelings for. I know deep in my heart that Alexander means something so much more to my life than just a stranger going to the same place.
I wish there was another way for me to have altered your memories from Cooper, and you may never forgive me for messing with your and Alexander’s relationship, but you have to believe me when I say I had no other choice. His mother needed him to get to Libertas and I knew you would one day escape the castle and meet him for the first time outside the maze. Your father and I thought it would be too dangerous to introduce you to each other any earlier, in fear that you would somehow alter the future. For everything to go as planned I had to follow my visions exactly.
As you’ve just discovered you can access this journal through your memories. If this is true then you have started to truly master your powers. I know it’s hard to do alone, and I am so proud of you. You are so strong and brave, and you have to remain that way for what is ahead of you. The one catch here is you can only do this magic if my journal remains in one piece. If it’s destroyed the visions and notes here are gone forever.
Please, Adaline, you can’t give up on Alexander. You should take what I have to say with a grain of salt because what is next for you is very grey. I have no clear vision of your journey to Libertas, there are far too many factors that could alter the future, but you should know that Alexander is important to you and you should not let this stop you from building a real relationship with him. The memories that have been returned to him are not pleasant. He may never share them with you, but you have to be patient with him, Adaline. When I altered his memories it was for the better so he could be happy. It is not my place to tell you what he has been through.
That’s where the words stop. I flip through the pag
es faster and faster, wanting to know more, needing to know more, but they are all blank. I feel a hand on the center of my back and my eyes flash open as more tears roll down my damp cheeks. I quickly wipe them away as I look up and see Alexander kneeling next to me. Everyone around the fire has stopped talking and they are all staring at me.
Alexander gently asks, “Do you want to go talk.” I look into his empty green eyes and beg them to mean something to me again.
“It’s nothing,” I say, and I regret the words as soon as I speak them. How can I expect Alexander to open up to me when I can’t let myself open up to him?
“Are you sure?” he asks.
“Actually, can we talk?” I ask softly, trying to force myself to lean on him. He nods his head gently and lends me his hand to help me up. We walk to the edge of the clearing and sit against a tree.
“It’s my mother’s journal,” I say.
“What about it?” Alexander asks, and in his voice I can hear that he is genuinely concerned. Perhaps I miss read his anger after our memories were returned. Maybe he doesn’t hate me. Could it be all the negative parts of his past that my mother had told me about?
“I’m able to still read it in my thoughts. Something about her enchanting the journal allows me to pause a memory with it and flip through its pages so long as they still exist and haven’t been damaged.”
“Well, what did it say?” Alexander asks cautiously, preparing for the worst.
“It was just her apologizing for messing with our memories and how she said she had no other choice,” I stop, catching my breath before continuing. “She just told me not to lose hope for us,” I say and look up and meet his eyes. “What are we supposed to do?” I ask him and my voice shakes no matter how strong I’m trying to be.
For the first time, he doesn’t drop his eyes from mine and he says, “I’m not who you think I am.”
“I know that your old memories aren’t good. My mother said changing your memory was for the better, and I get you truly don’t know me and I’m not someone you’d tell these things to, but I know that in the past I loved you. I cared about you more than I could have ever thought possible, and I understand that the memories of that person weren’t real but you are. You are a real person who I had a real friendship with, and I can’t let that go. I can’t help but think that you’re who I’m supposed to be with. So I can’t stop fighting for us. I don’t need you to tell me all your dark moments from your past, but we have to start somewhere,” I say, my voice so shaky and weak I can hardly control it.
Alexander takes my hand in his and says softly, “Then let’s get to know each other, for real this time. I understand everything you feel and all the confusion you’re going through because I’m going through it too. I don’t remember anything I used to know about you. We’re in this together Adaline. I want to make this work, but I’m afraid once you learn about my real past you’ll want nothing to do with me.”
“Then we’ll take baby steps. Learn the little things first, save the rest for when our relationship is stronger,” I say simply. His green eyes sparkle in the light from the distant fire and there is a spark in my heart when I look into them; a sign of hope that those feelings can return.
“Alexander. Adaline,” I hear Cooper yell to us. We turn and see him waving us back to the fire. We stand and walk back over together and sit back down on our blankets.
“What’s going on?” I whisper to Cooper, and I realize everyone has started humming a soothing tune.
“Some nights we’ll tell different campfire stories or play games, but tonight we’re singing campfire songs,” he pauses and looks at my confused face. “Oh don’t tell me you’ve never heard of campfire songs before.”
I shamefully shake my head, not remembering our mother mentioning any before. I don’t want to make him feel bad, but we didn’t have campfires in the prison obviously.
“Our father used to sing them to us all the time. The memories are in there you just can’t recall them all right now,” Cooper adds. Of course, that’s why he had expected me to know what was going on. “Mio and Cinder said they would do this with our father when they were moving families to Libertas.”
“Well, then it’s quite fitting to be singing them tonight,” I hear Alexander chip in. I turn my attention back to everyone humming and hear Cooper join them when they start singing.
See this city in all its horror
Let us leave this tyrant power
Through the woods and across the waters
Walking where our fate desires.
Gather now, sisters and brothers
Listen to our journey’s travels.
We’ve traveled long, we’ve traveled far
Left behind what we know
Here we sit strong and steady
And off we’ll go when we are ready
We’ll travel long and travel far
Until we reach our new home
Many will leave, few will arrive
Whatever we face, we will survive
We’ve seen each other at our worst
But in the end, we’ll be the first
Gather now, sisters and brothers
Listen to our journey’s travels
We’ve traveled long, we’ve traveled far
Left behind what we know
Here we sit strong and steady
And off we’ll go when we are ready
We’ll travel long and travel far
Until we reach our new home
And so they’re here to sit and wait
For a Queen to accept her fate
Our current King will crumble someday
And the Queen shall find her way
Gather now, sisters and brothers
Listen to our journey’s travels
We’ve traveled long, we’ve traveled far
Left behind what we know
Here we sit strong and steady
And off we’ll go when we are ready
We’ll travel long and travel far
Until we reach our new home
When the song finishes the group continues humming along to the melody. “Some say it’s a message from a Future Holder, right?” Alexander asks, looking at Cooper to answer him. “I can remember reading this in a book at school.” The lesson must have been after my schooling was interrupted because I don’t recognize the words at all.
Cooper nods and explains, “Well, sort of. It was believed to be something like a prophecy from the first Queen who used to rule Dather, King Renon’s grandmother. Queen Sift was a Future Holder. Many professors have tried to decipher it but it really just sounds like a song kids would sing when they made it to the Hawaiian Islands during the asteroid shower. That’s where the Queen had said she’d discovered it, so it wasn’t exactly a vision she’d had, but yeah, the song came from a Future Holder I guess.”
“Do you think that’s why King Renon hates kids with gifts so much?” I ask, “Since his grandmother had one, but then he and his parents didn’t have one?”
“I assume so,” Cooper agrees. Suddenly the group changes their hums to a different melody and I take in a sharp breath.
“Stay,” I whisper. “I remember our father singing this.” He was putting me to bed, and he said he had a new bedtime song for me.
“Why doesn’t Cooper have to go to bed?” I hear nine-year-old me ask my father and point to Cooper’s empty bed while he stood in the doorway.
“I need him to come to town with me to refill our food supply,” my father forced out with a broken voice as he pushed my hair off my face and kissed my forehead.
I can hear my father’s voice as he sings the song, overlapping with the singing around the fire.
I want to stay
A while longer
A while longer so I’m with you
But it’s that time of night
For you to close your eyes
And dream of endless seas of blue
And when the morning comes
&nb
sp; I’ll be right here with you
This is goodnight and not goodbye.
The memory starts to fade away as nine-year-old me starts to fall asleep and I watch as my father and Cooper walk out of the room. I feel Cooper put his arm around me and it pulls me fully to the present. “Cooper, our father sang this the night he left,” I choke out.
“You can remember,” is all Cooper says.
“What do you mean ‘can remember’?” Alexander asks.
“Our mother had to block all memories of me in her head so that she wouldn’t ask where I was. The guards would have made the connection that our father was actually making a plan not just running away,” Cooper says.
“Right, but why did you say ‘can remember’ of course she can remember we got our memories fixed,” Alexander asks.
“Since she has all her old memories back now things like this song can trigger these memories. It’s difficult to recall these memories on your own because of how long you’ve been without them, but they can still be triggered by things such as music or pictures,” Cooper explains, but I don’t even hear his voice. I’m tuning everything out except for the captivating humming.
No one talks for a long time after that. The sound of the groups humming and the forest surrounds my thoughts. Suddenly, Alexander is squeezing my hand and I become aware of the fact that the humming has long since subsided and everyone has started to get ready for bed. Cooper has gone to Mio and Cinder and they seem to be discussing last minute travel plans.
I glance at Alexander with a questioning look in my eye and he knows it’s about our plan to go get Zavy. Alexander just nods, lets go of my hand, and says, “Get some rest. I’ll wake you when it’s time.”
The Markings Page 14