by Reed, Zoe
I stared after Kyla for a few seconds before Jeremy started to panic. “What the fuck was that?” He tried to bolt, but I grabbed the back of his jacket and held him in place so he couldn’t leave.
“You should sit down,” I told him calmly as he continued to struggle against my grasp.
“Yeah right!” he yelled sarcastically and pulled his arms out of his jacket, running toward the door. I threw it to the ground, swiftly caught up, and wrapped both my arms around him tightly. I let him squirm and fight against me until he realized that while he was bigger, I was stronger, and eventually he grew too tired to keep struggling. “Okay, I’ll sit,” he growled angrily, plopping down and leaning his back against the stables.
“You promise you won’t try and leave?” I stood between him and the door nervously until he looked up, eyes full of contempt, and nodded. I sat beside him and waited until I heard his breathing start to slow, and his heartbeat returned to as close to normal as it would. “At least she’s not on drugs.”
Jeremy glared at me, and in the most hateful voice he could’ve managed he muttered, “You did this to her, didn’t you?”
I pushed back the shame that pitched through my stomach, making me queasy. He was looking at me like I was a monster, like I’d killed Kyla. “Does it matter?” Then I couldn’t help but grow annoyed that I was being blamed, like it was a bad thing. He couldn’t understand that she would have died otherwise. “Unless you can accept this, I’m all she has.”
“Accept this? I don’t even know what this is!” He ran his hands through his short brown hair, ending at the back and leaving his arms there, covering his slowly shaking head like he was shielding it from a harsh blow.
“You know what it is,” I said softly as I tried to be comforting, but all I could think about was that I wanted to get to Kyla, who was probably having the biggest meltdown of her life.
Jeremy stood, causing me to scramble up thinking that he was about to leave. “This isn’t real. I’m dreaming. I’m having a really, really bad nightmare.” He stuck his arm out toward me. “Pinch me.” I shrugged as I grabbed his skin between my fingers, pinching as hard as I could and holding back a smirk as he yelped and shook it out. “Not that hard!” Then he started panicking again, taking in fast, shallow breaths. “I need to sit down.”
I let him sit for a minute before I began to grow impatient. “She’s still your sister. She’s the same old Kyla, and you have no idea how hard it’s been for her. That’s why she sneaks out every night. So something like this doesn’t happen and none of you get hurt. She knows how much it hurts you guys, and it kills her, but she’d rather feel like a huge screw-up than put any of you in danger.”
“Jesus,” he said without so much as looking at me, and his face was hard to read as he simply nodded while he digested everything. The next time he looked at me, his green eyes were wide. “Was she with you this whole time?”
I glanced away, not sure if he’d be furious, though my silence was enough of an answer. I let him sit there a bit more before I decided we’d been there too long. “Do you love your sister?”
He squinted up at me, clearly somewhat irritated by the question as he tried to figure out why I’d even need to ask. “Of course I do.”
“Well, then I know you’re the only one who could make her feel better right now.” I let it sink in, and then motioned for him to get up, which he did, and tugged his coat back on before following me.
“You know where she is?” he asked curiously as he followed me to the car.
“I really hope she’s at my house,” I told him, but the truth was, I didn’t know. Kyla could have been fifteen miles away by now.
“Can you do that too? And your family, can they?” As we reached the car Jeremy climbed in and pulled on his seatbelt, and I pretended not to hear his questions. Better to leave something like that to the imagination. He seemed to be taking everything pretty well, but I didn’t trust him like I did Kyla.
I drove as fast as I could back to my house, and neither of us said another word on the way there. I could tell Jeremy was still frightened and, I assumed, entirely nervous. Even though I turned on the heat he shivered violently the entire ride, and I hoped he wasn’t going into shock. I sped into the driveway and pulled the jeep as close to the porch as I could get it. I jumped out, unworried with whether or not Jeremy was following closely enough. I was too concerned about Kyla.
“Please tell me she’s here,” I begged Luna, who was waiting on the porch swing.
“She’s in your room. Here.” Luna nodded and tossed me the blanket she was holding. The confusion and concern on her face was apparent, but she had sense enough to wait until the right time to ask.
I smiled my relief and thanks, and then turned to Jeremy. “This is my sister, Luna. Wait with her for a few minutes.” I didn’t wait for him to answer or protest.
I threw open the screen door and practically sprinted up the stairs. My bedroom door was closed, and I knocked lightly before easing it open. I closed it behind me and hesitated turning around, unsure of the state Kyla would be in. It was about as bad as I expected. She was still naked, sitting on the floor and leaning against the side of my bed. Her head was laid on arms folded across her knees, shoulders shaking violently as she sobbed.
Before taking any steps forward I unfolded the blanket, then I draped it over her and sat on the floor next to her. I had no idea what to say – she hadn’t even acknowledged me or lifted her head from her arms. Asking if she was okay would be stupid, because clearly she wasn’t. I couldn’t say I understood, or that everything was fine. Nothing fit the situation. Instead of saying anything I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her into my body, squeezing her as tightly and comfortingly as I could. It seemed to help a little; Kyla pulled the blanket more firmly around herself and buried her face in my neck.
Ten minutes later she finally stopped sobbing so fiercely, and let out a short, embarrassed laugh when she noticed my shirt was soaked and snotted on.
“Hey.” I held back a chuckle at her embarrassment, and rubbed her back through the blanket, smiling warmly.
“How’s Jeremy?” she asked through sniffles and sharp, whimpering breaths.
“He’s okay,” I told her, my hand still hovering over her back, unsure of the kind of comfort I could offer without bringing her into another embrace. “I brought him to see you.”
Kyla threw her arms around me, pulling me into a tenacious hug as she broke into tears again. “I almost killed my own brother, Camille. How did you know? He could’ve–thank you.”
I hugged back for a moment before clearing my throat uncomfortably at the fact that Kyla’s bare body was now practically intertwined with my own. She smiled apologetically and let go, pulling the blanket around herself once more.
“I need help.” Kyla wiped her tears off on the blanket and stared at the floor. “I can’t stay here. I’m unstable. Dangerous. I need help.”
I put my hand on her shoulder, and even though she couldn’t see it, I nodded. She was right. I’d done all I could do, but it wasn’t enough. She needed more. “I know. I’ll talk to my dad. Just promise me in the meantime you won’t go anywhere. Promise me you won’t run off?”
Kyla’s gaze remained locked on the floor as she woefully agreed, “I promise.”
“Okay good,” I patted her on the back and then stood, offering my hand to help her up. “Do you want to see your brother?”
“Yeah, but I need to get dressed.” When Kyla stood I could see how shaken she really was. Her knees wobbled and her whole body quivered, much like Jeremy’s had earlier.
“You going to be okay?” I asked, putting my hand under her elbow for support. I wanted to pull her back into my arms, to hold her until she was truly okay.
“I’ll get there eventually.” She managed to muster a small smile.
“You can borrow some clothes. You know where to find them.” With that I reluctantly left her alone in my room.
After I closed the door behind me, I took a deep breath. I knew there was only one thing that could really help Kyla, but she had just returned home. I didn’t want to pull her away so soon. I trotted down the stairs and back onto the porch where Luna and Jeremy were sitting silently, an obvious apprehension between them. Luna’s eyes filled with relief when she saw me open the screen door.
“Hey, can you take Jeremy upstairs to see Kyla?” I asked her.
She made an irked, reluctant face at me, but complied. I smiled my thanks and went looking for my dad, who I thought I’d seen out of the corner of my eye sitting at the kitchen table. Sure enough, when I backtracked to the kitchen he was there waiting for me.
“How’s she doing?” he asked as he looked up from a large novel he’d been reading.
He pulled a chair out for me to sit down. I gladly did, and laid my head on the table in exhaustion. “She stopped crying, but she’s not good, Dad. We never should have brought her into this.”
“I know you don’t really believe that.” My dad dog-eared the page he was on and closed his book, then turned his eyes on me sympathetically.
I could feel myself starting to break down. I wished Kyla had never broken up with me. Wished Jonathan hadn’t tried to kill her so she didn’t have to go through all this. Wished she wanted me back and we could just run away, leave for years until we’d had time to grow sick of each other. “I never wanted her to be in this much pain. I can’t stand it.”
My dad studied my face while I spoke, his concern clear as he couldn’t hide the fact that he hated seeing me upset. “You want help from the Pack?” I simply nodded. “Kyla’s okay with going to Oregon?” He sounded surprised.
“I didn’t tell her yet, but she knows she can’t stay here, around her family.” I tiredly propped my head in my hand.
“What about you?” he asked expectantly, although he already knew the answer.
“I can’t let her go alone.” I met his eyes with my own, trying to judge how he felt about it, but aside from the obvious worry, it was hard to tell.
He nodded and continued to watch me for another minute. I glanced up when Luna came into the kitchen and lifted herself up onto the counter, and then looked back at the table while my father sat thoughtfully.
My dad stood and rubbed his forehead anxiously. “I’ll go call Eli.”
I nodded, and for a while just sat there. When I finally felt Luna’s eyes on me I looked over to meet her gaze. “What?”
“Sorry I doubted you.” She jumped off the counter and sat down in a chair next to me. “You know Kyla better than anyone, and if you thought something was wrong I should’ve trusted you.” I smiled to let her know her apology was accepted. “But, if you knew she wasn’t ready, why’d you let her go home?”
“She needed to see them,” I shrugged. “By keeping her here I felt just like him, like I was kidnapping her.”
“I guess,” Luna said, and then a spark of curiosity lit her eyes. “Is it really like what they say?” I raised an eyebrow at her, not really sure what she meant. “You know what I’m talking about. You’re in her blood now. Do you really feel like you guys are more connected?”
“Luna, will you keep it down?” I whispered angrily, putting my finger over my mouth in a shushing motion. I looked around to make sure that, even though no one was in the room with us, no one had heard. It really wasn’t my family I was worried about hearing, they already knew. It was Kyla.
“Sorry,” she said, imitating my panicked gaze and then furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. “Why don’t you just tell her it wasn’t me?”
I thought about it. We’d never actually told Kyla anything. She’d just assumed it was Luna that bit her. But I didn’t want Kyla to know. I wasn’t exactly sure why. It just didn’t feel right. “Because if she decides she hates being a werewolf I’d rather she blame you.”
“Gee, thanks,” Luna rolled her eyes sarcastically. “But is that how you knew? Do you think she can feel it too?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I shrugged. “Any time I was near her I started getting this tight feeling in my chest, you know? A different kind than the heartbreak feeling. I knew it was coming from her, that I was feeling what she did.” I pulled at my lip thoughtfully. “If she does feel it, she probably doesn’t realize it. She still thinks it was you, so she wouldn’t think anything of it.”
Luna nodded understandingly, a fascinated glow prevailing in her eyes. A moment later the glow faded, and she glanced toward the kitchen door. “Dad’s calling the Alpha,” she started, and her big hazel eyes grew sad, her mouth turned down in a frown. “Are you leaving too?” I nodded without looking at her. The last thing I needed was to feel guilty about leaving with Kyla. “You’re still in love with her.”
I sniffled past the stabbing pain that statement brought, that the word ‘love’ brought, and wiped at the stubborn tear that fell down my cheek. “I always will be, whether she wants me or not. There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t give to help her get through this.”
Luna slowly shook her head in awe. “I can’t imagine caring about someone as much as you do about her. Even after everything.” Her mouth turned up in a smirk as she teased, “It’s borderline masochistic.”
“Yeah, well, you’re still young and stupid,” I countered, chuckling when Luna punched me in the shoulder.
“I’m the older twin, doofwad,” she laughed, and then sighed. “I’m going to miss my running partners.”
“You could always run up and visit us,” I grinned deviously, knowing how long that would take.
“Run clear up to Oregon?” she asked, eyes wide with disbelief when I nodded. “Screw that. I won’t miss you that much.”
I couldn’t hold back the laughter as I stood up and hugged Luna around her shoulders. When I let her go and glanced toward the door, I grew suddenly nervous. “I have to go talk to Kyla.” Even though Kyla knew she needed more help than I could give her, I wasn’t sure how she’d react to having to move to another state, and I greatly feared having to be the bearer of bad news.
I walked to the door, and before leaving to talk to Kyla I looked back at my sister and smiled that same, evil grin. “And by the way, we both know you’re going to miss me that much eventually.”
“Kyla,” Jeremy sighed from his seat at my kitchen table. “I can’t let you do this.”
Kyla glanced up from the note she was writing, and from where I was sitting on the counter a few feet away I could see the pain on her face. She had to leave again, and that heartbreaking agony was entirely my fault. She didn’t answer Jeremy, and instead looked back down at the paper beneath her. The pen in her hand was shaking visibly when she started writing with it again, and if that wasn’t enough to make me feel even worse, a moment later a teardrop slipped off her cheek and onto the fresh ink.
She carefully wiped the smudge with the sleeve of her jacket, and after scribbling one more thing she carried the letter to me. “Can you make sure I didn’t say too much?” She refused to look me in the eyes, so when she passed the piece of paper to me I set my hand on hers. I wanted to be more comforting, to wipe the tears from her eyes or pull her into a hug, but I could tell Jeremy was watching, and there was a feeling of scrutiny in his gaze.
When I nodded Kyla pulled her hand away from mine, and then returned to her seat so I could read the note:
Mom and Dad,
I wish I could tell you through this letter how sorry I am for doing this to you again, but I know it won’t be enough. I’ve had to go away. I know you don’t understand, and I wish I could explain it all to you, but I can’t. You’ll have to trust that, just like last time, I’m safe, and though you might not believe it, you’re safe now too.
Please don’t try to find me. I promise that one day I’ll come back, and when the time comes maybe I’ll be able to tell you everything and it will make it all okay. I hope you’ll be able to forgive. Don’t forget me. I’ll be thinking of you every day. I love you.
Kyla
&
nbsp; I swallowed past the miserable lump in my throat and forced myself off the counter. “It’s good,” I told Kyla as I set the note in front of Jeremy, and he instantly put it into his pocket without looking at it. I hated it, using the word ‘good’ to describe the letter, but I didn’t know what else to call it. Her parents wouldn’t be satisfied, and they probably would try to look for her. The only thing that mattered was that Kyla felt satisfied.
“They’re probably freaking out already,” Jeremy whispered, staring hard at the top of the table, like if he looked anywhere else, especially at Kyla, he might break down.
“You should get back,” I agreed.
Slowly, his eyes wandered toward my face, and after a composing pause he nodded and stood. He took in a deep breath and trudged across the table to Kyla, waiting patiently for her to work up the nerve to say something to him. Eventually she stood, unable to meet his gaze, and wrapped her arms around his waist. The moment his arms encompassed her shoulders they both sniffled, and I had to purse my lips to keep from frowning, because that frown would’ve been the start of my own tears.
“Promise you’ll come back,” Jeremy begged, comfortingly burying his face in Kyla’s hair.
“I promise.” I could see her nod, and her arms tightened around him. “I love you, J.”
“You too,” he squeezed her again before pulling away and studying her face one last time. Then he turned around to face me, and once he was sure Kyla couldn’t see him anymore a tear cascaded down his cheek. “Take good care of her,” he told me, giving the tiniest of parting smiles.
“Of course,” I assured him, gently and briefly putting my hand on his shoulder.
Jeremy strode out the front door, and Kyla took a few steps toward it, as though she wanted to follow him. I immediately paced to her side and, despite the fact that being close to her brought me so much pain lately, I wrapped an arm around shoulders.