“I’ve missed you,” she said so quietly he almost missed it.
Logan held his breath for a beat, and his heart tried to punch out of his chest. “I’ve missed you too.”
They didn’t speak for long minutes, and Logan had just decided Jeni fell asleep when she spoke again.
“You were a foster child, weren’t you?”
He closed his eyes and released a heavy breath. “Yes.”
“Did your parents adopt you from the foster care system?”
Logan always struggled with telling people about this part of his life. But for some reason, in this dark room where people spent their days trying to take care of children who needed safe places to go, it seemed simple to acknowledge her statements. “Yes.”
“How old were you?”
“When I went in or when I was adopted?”
“Both. If you don’t mind telling me.”
“Seven and thirteen.”
She squeezed his hand.
“Did Sandra tell you or something?” He wasn’t angry, just curious.
“No, why would she?”
“She was my case worker.”
“Ohhh,” she breathed out. “That’s why you two are so close.”
“She saved my life.”
Jeni turned her head into his neck, like she might kiss his skin. He tensed, bracing himself for the stab of desire it would bring. It was a light brush and the sweetest thing he’d ever felt, soothing him from the outside in.
“She didn’t tell me. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. All the time, if I’m being honest. And earlier, when you were so on point with what that little boy needed, I just knew you were talking from experience.”
I’ve missed you. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. It felt so good to hear those words, but it hurt at the same time. She sat pressed up against his right side, her head still on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure if it was better or worse to not be looking into her eyes as he said this. “Jeni, what are we doing?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, whatever it is, it’s not working out for me.”
Her chuckle vibrated against his shoulder. “It’s not working for me either.”
“So…”
“Can—could we talk about it later? I’m willing to have the conversation,” she said. “But just not right now. Not here. Please.”
“Okay.”
They were silent for a few minutes.
“What are you doing for the Super Bowl?” he asked.
“I planned on watching it at my house,” she said. “Andrew and Lauren are coming over. I finally have another woman to hang out with.”
Logan smiled at that. For Jeni’s new friendship and because things were finally looking up for Andrew. Not only had he completed his final chemo treatment—earlier today, in fact—but things seemed to be working out with Lauren.
“They’re pretty cute,” he said.
“They are.”
“That could be us, you know.”
“Logan.”
“Sorry.”
“You’re welcome to come over. Maybe you could stay after and we can try to figure things out.”
“Sounds good,” he said, laughing to himself.
Try to figure things out?
Yeah, he was done trying. This time, he would make things happen.
* * *
“Andrew and Lauren bailed.”
Logan barely contained himself from pumping his fist in the air as he walked into Jeni’s house. “What happened?”
She closed the door behind him. “They wanted, and I quote, ‘alone time.’” She shuddered. “I can’t believe my own brother told me that.”
Logan laughed and continued on to the kitchen. He opened the fridge. “I don’t blame him.”
“Excuse me?” Jeni’s shrill voice came from the doorway.
He glanced back at her, surprised by her tone, and found her standing with her hands on her hips.
“Do you think Lauren’s cute or something?” she asked.
Ah. Logan popped the tops off two bottles of Guinness and walked over to her. “Nah. Never was attracted to redheads.” She took the bottle he offered, freeing up one of his hands. He trailed a finger along her hairline, sweeping her hair back. “I prefer brunettes. Freckled ones. Ideally with glasses.”
She appeared mollified, but he continued anyway.
“I said I don’t blame him because I know how he feels. I’ve been dying for alone time with a certain girl too.”
Her small hand touched his raised forearm. “You’re in luck then.”
He leaned in, but she suddenly looked above his head and jerked back.
“Game’s about to start.”
“You don’t even care about the teams who are playing,” Logan complained as he followed her into the living room.
“I have to temporarily pick a new team, didn’t you hear? Lauren apparently dated the Broncos QB in college. You know, before he was a big deal. And he was a real jerk. Andrew flipped out and made us all swear not to cheer for them as long as Gearhart’s on the roster.”
Logan hadn’t heard, but he knew who she could cheer for. “Chiefs?”
They sat down beside each other on the couch. “Hell, no. While considering my options, the Chiefs and Raiders were the first to go. I went with Green Bay, and they just happen to be playing today.”
“Bandwagon fan.”
She tipped her bottle to her lips. “It was pretty simple when I thought about it.”
“Why’s that?”
“Two words: Clay Matthews.”
Logan’s jaw went tight. “This is probably his last season with the Packers, you know.”
She nudged him with her elbow. “He’ll be playing today. That’s all that matters.”
“Fine.”
Logan leaned back and directed his attention to the TV just in time for kickoff. Throughout the first half, he went back to the kitchen several times for snacks she’d prepared and for more beer.
And to get ahold of himself.
Jeni was just as fired up about this game as she was the last time he’d been here, and it did something to him.
“He was in!”
“He was not,” Logan said calmly. His ass was on the couch while Jeni stood next to him, having jumped up while she screamed.
“Yes, he was.”
“His toe was on the line.”
She glared at him. “Let’s watch the replay, shall we?” She crossed her arms as the slow-motion movement clearly showed that the player had, indeed, failed to get both feet inside the end zone.
“Dammit.” She stalked out of the room.
Logan watched her go, a grin on his face.
During the third quarter, it all went to hell.
Jeni shot up and threw a hand in the air. “Intentional grounding!”
He shook his head. “There was a receiver in the area.”
“I’m closer to the quarterback than that guy was.”
In that moment, something in him clicked. It might have been her passion for the game, the way she smelled each time she brushed against his arm on the couch, or the three beers he’d had. Whatever the case, he stood, and she looked over at him quizzically.
“You are so damn cute,” he said, setting his beer on the table. “I adore you.”
She frowned. “Don’t say that. And stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like…like you’re…”
He took a step toward her, reaching out with one hand. “A man falling in love?”
Jeni hid her hands behind her back. “Stop being that.”
Logan ignored her movement and just put his arms around her. “There’s nothing for it. It’s happening. I’m falling.”
Hard.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jeni couldn’t do anything except stare at him. At his impossibly blue eyes, what looked like a two-day scruff on his jaw, and his perfect lips that were masculine yet soft someh
ow.
He leaned in and kissed her gently, carefully, like he was afraid she might bolt.
A heavy breath escaped her, and he brushed her lips again, his stubble lightly scratching her chin. She closed her eyes, the fight leaving her body. If she could just shut her mind off for a minute, she’d sink into him. Relish the bliss that was being in this man’s arms, even for a little while.
So, that’s exactly what she did.
Ever so slowly, she brought one hand up and slid her fingers into his soft, wavy hair. A low groan rumbled from his chest, and it sent sparks popping beneath her skin. She curled her other arm around his shoulder, gripping his neck between her fingers, applying pressure. Just like that day in his mother’s bathroom, he wasn’t close enough.
Logan rotated so the backs of his knees hit the couch, and he lowered himself down, pulling her onto his lap. Her knees went on either side of his legs, and his large hands wrapped around her thighs, sliding up and down.
The change in position pulled their mouths apart, and he just sat there, his heated gaze a little hazy, like he was waiting for her to make the next move. His hard thighs beneath her and his palms sliding up and down her legs sent her blood simmering. She grabbed his face between her hands and nipped at his lower lip, tracing the seam of his mouth with her tongue. He seemed to lurch upward a little, and they both opened their mouths, the kiss immediately transforming from slow and exploratory to hot and deep in a matter of seconds.
She dug her fingernails lightly into his scalp, and he growled, tilting his head to pull her earlobe between his teeth. She shivered at the touch on her sensitive skin.
“Jeni,” he murmured into her ear. “I want you so much.”
The words went straight to her heart, attempting to fill some of the cracks and crevices within.
His hands slid to her back, and Jeni rubbed against him, attempting to wrap herself around him as best she could in this position. What was it about Logan that made her behave so wanton and crazed? It had never been like this with Jackson. Not even in the beginning.
“My room.” She’d intended a full sentence, but that’s all she could get out. His lips on her neck were crossing the wires in her brain.
His hair tickled her ear when he shook his head.
“I don’t have sex on the first date,” he said into her shoulder.
Somehow, she had the wherewithal to snort.
Logan chuckled. “Anymore.”
“I hate you,” she said, tilting back a little to give him better access as he kissed his way across her collarbone.
“You don’t.”
“I don’t,” she agreed, her voice a little breathy.
With a finger under his chin, she brought his face back up and kissed him once, twice, then scooted back a few inches.
“I don’t know what the point of this is.” She ran a hand down the soft shirt covering his chest. “I don’t know how we can make this work. But I love being with you, and I can’t keep my hands off you.”
His fingers trailed through her hair as he listened, his gaze steady on hers.
“So, let’s talk about it.” In a tender gesture, he grabbed her hand and kissed her palm then pressed it against his heart. She felt the steady thump and realized it wasn’t racing like hers.
How could he be so sure, so calm? Did this not scare him?
“But if you expect me to think straight, you can’t stay there,” he said.
“Same.” She slid to the left and turned to sit perpendicular, facing him. A shrill whistle reminded her that the game continued in the background.
For the first time in her life, she didn’t give a damn about football.
“There has to be some compromise,” he said. “I don’t want just a physical relationship. I need more. I need you by my side on a random Thursday when I want tacos and a beer at Mateo’s. I want to be the one you call when you’ve had a hard day at work. When we cross paths through FSD, I want to be able to kiss you in front of other people and it not be a big deal.”
“I want those things too.” Her voice shook with the anxiety she felt with the admission. Despite the nerves, it was true. “But I don’t want a permanent commitment. It won’t work.”
“I’m not asking you to marry me tomorrow,” Logan said. “Can’t we just have a normal relationship? Go on dates, mess around a lot, and see where it goes?”
“We can. But I need to know you’re okay with knowing it won’t go beyond that.”
“Beyond what, exactly?”
“Casual dating.”
“How casual? I’m not okay with you seeing other guys.” His expression turned hard, and it sent a thrill through her.
“Oh, hell no, we’re not seeing other people. While we’re doing this thing anyway.”
He relaxed. “So, you say you don’t want to get married again, but you’re willing to date me for an undetermined amount of time? No end date?”
“That’s correct.”
“You realize I could easily do that for the rest of my life, right? Date you?” He grabbed her hand and threaded their fingers together. “When we’re ninety years old and still dating, it won’t be any different than if we’d gotten married.”
“There are fewer restrictions this way,” she said. “More options and less pressure—for both of us—when life changes. And it will, at some point. I’m not saying I won’t choose you when something comes up. I just don’t like the fact that marriage takes that choice out of the equation. The same would be true for you if you ever wanted something different.”
It sounded terrible when she said it out loud, but she didn’t know how else to do it. There needed to be an easy way out when one of them wanted to end things. Even if he didn’t know it yet, it would probably be him.
He traced his thumb along the back of her hand. He frowned slightly, his eyes on their entwined fingers. “You already contradict your argument, you know.”
She stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“You live for caring for other people, and you’ll go out of your way to do it. Look at Andrew and the way you take off work to go to every single chemo and oncologist appointment. And your job. You think you can foster and adopt kids without adjusting your life for them? Hell no. But you’ll do it, sometimes gladly and sometimes not, because you love them. It’s the same in a relationship.”
His thumb kept moving, and she focused on the light touch brushing her skin. Her immediate reaction was to resist. Push against his words and deny them. But if the time apart from Logan had taught her anything, it was that she wanted to be a little more open-minded. Agreeing to date him—sort of—was her first attempt at that.
“You’re right,” she mumbled, a little hesitantly.
His thumb stopped. “Come again? I don’t think I heard you.”
Jeni bumped his shoulder with hers. “I mean it. I see your point. But that doesn’t erase everything that happened to me or my concerns about future relationships. I still need to do it this way. Slowly and without obligation. For now.”
She waited, terrified that he’d say he wasn’t okay with doing it this way. She wouldn’t blame him, but she desperately hoped he’d agree.
Logan sighed deeply and pressed her knuckles to his lips. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“We’ll try it your way.” He shot her a slightly annoyed look. “I don’t really like it. But at this point, I’ll take whatever you give me, Jeni. Even if you’re just offering yourself one day at a time. Just promise me that until the day this ends—and I’m not convinced that day will ever come—I have all of you. All your thoughts, your desires, and your fears.”
“Fine. But what about these?” She pointed to her lips.
“Definitely your kisses.”
Jeni smiled and leaned over to give him one. One turned into two, and two turned into ten, and they spent the rest of the game wrapped up in each other.
It was only when she sat on the couch and Logan was in her kitchen doing her dishes—wha
t man willingly did dishes?—that fear settled back in.
One day at a time.
She could do that. She just had to live in the here and now and not worry about what would happen later.
Despite what Logan thought, that day most certainly would come.
* * *
Logan: Hey, where are you?
Jeni: Just leaving work.
Logan: Can you come to McNellie’s? I met Andrew here, and he’s pretty messed up.
Jeni’s heart dropped to her toes. They hadn’t told Andrew they were dating yet. He’d finished his four cycles of chemo and had a scan this morning, and Jeni had wanted to make sure everything was fine before dropping the I’m dating your best friend bomb on her twin brother.
Jeni: Why? Did you tell him about us? I thought we decided to wait.
Logan: No. His doctor called about his scan already. There’s still cancer and he needs more chemo.
Shit.
Logan: I think he needs all the support he can get.
Jeni: On my way.
Fifteen minutes later, Jeni walked into her brother’s favorite pub. She spotted them against the wall, sitting at the bar with their backs to her. She’d recognize Logan and her twin anywhere but even more so now. Andrew’s bald head was impossible to miss. She’d never forget the day he called to say he’d woken up with half his hair covering his pillow. She’d showed up at his door twenty minutes later, clippers in hand.
Jeni kept her eyes on her brother, knowing if she met Logan’s gaze, she wouldn’t be able to hide how badly she wanted to touch him.
She slid onto the empty barstool next to Andrew, and he looked over at her with unfocused eyes.
“How many have you had?” she asked bluntly.
Andrew blinked then turned to Logan. “Seriously? You called my sister?”
“No. I texted her.”
Jeni poked Andrew’s arm with her index finger. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“It was a stupid question.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” she asked, trying to mask her hurt that he’d called Logan instead. “You know I’m here to talk.”
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