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by Sawyer, Donna Drew


  Hank’s hand on Del’s felt heavy, cold and soft from years

  of having others do the hard work for him; hers was small and

  rough from a lifetime spent doing hard work for others. Hank

  took a finger and gently traced the raised veins on the back of

  Del’s hand. She felt a tear hit her hand and looked to see tears

  streaming from Hank’s eyes.

  “You have hands like my mother’s,” he said. “Momma was

  smart enough to teach school, but she scrubbed floors because

  that was the only work she could get from white folks. She was

  better read, more refined, generous and humble than all the

  white folks in Richmond put together.” Though he looked in

  Del’s direction, Hank’s eyes were not looking at her when he

  spoke—he was back in Park Place.

  “She educated us, me and my brothers, we didn’t have

  fancy schools like Lance goes to here in Richmond. Shabby

  wreck of a school but they taught us the best they could. My

  Daddy was wise, smart as a whip, could quote from Shakespeare

  and the Bible.” Hank laughed at that memory then turned

  serious again. “He could figure a row of numbers in his head

  and calculate the maximum crop yield without a single lick of

  school-taught arithmetic. He didn’t need to know how much

  money a man had to decide if he was someone worth knowing.

  My parents understood character, do you know what I mean

  Del? My Momma and Daddy were strong, smart, honest and

  proud; and they raised me and my two brothers to be that way

  too. Our little community was a family; people used common

  sense, generosity and humility instead of taking on these pretend

  social airs like the white folks here in Richmond.”

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  Del understood without hearing the exact words, Mr.

  Hank was passing. All this time and she had never suspected.

  He was a Negro passing as white. She knew Miss Maggie and

  Lance didn’t know. The thought of Miss Charlotte finding out

  made her draw in a breath. She looked at Mr. Hank’s shoulders

  slumped under the weight of a ton of deception. Her worries

  about the others would keep, tonight Mr. Hank needed her.

  “You go on ahead and talk to Del, Mr. Hank. You safe here

  in Del’s kitchen. Just like it’s been for all these years, ain’t nothin’

  gonna get served from this here table unless you want it to.”

  (VII)

  Hank talked for hours. By the time pale crimson streaks of

  sunrise lit the kitchen, Hank had told Del things he had never

  told another living soul—the story of his life in Park Place,

  his escape to Richmond, meeting and marrying Maggie. How

  sometimes he would drive through Negro neighborhoods just

  to see colored families, young and old together. How when he

  first got to Richmond he used to hope he would come across

  someone from Park Place so he could get word to his family.

  After he married Maggie he prayed for just the opposite but he

  still wondered about his brothers all these years. Whether they

  married and had children like he did. All of his past, present

  and fears for the future rushed out of him like a torrent and

  then trickled to a stream.

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  When he was spent, Del said, “Mr. Hank, was there some-

  thin’ that made this burden heavier than it had been for all

  this time?”

  “My boy,” Hank said. “Lance turns eighteen this year. He’s

  about to start his own life.” Hank paused for a few seconds

  thinking of the young man at the gala. “It’s been gnawing at

  me good Del; the shame and guilt for I what did to my family.

  The pride I feel when I think back on who they were and how

  they raised me, the values I got, the way they loved me, Del,

  the same way I love my son, the way other families love their

  sons. I didn’t touch that man but everyone thinks I did and

  whether he died or not they were comin’ for me. I had to leave

  my family to stay alive. I left my brothers and I ran. I kept

  running ‘cause I was so damn tired of only havin’ as much as a

  white man said I could. In Park Place, that’s the way it would

  always be. I wanted more—I didn’t even know what that real y

  meant until I got here—far enough away to realize I could stop

  runnin’ forever. I know I’m gonna pay for my lies one day and

  before that judgment comes I want my son to know who his

  Daddy really is. I want him to carry the pride of the people he

  came from. Right now he’s just got me and his mother and—”

  Hank swallowed hard, “Charlotte. We’re all the kin he has. I

  thank God for you, Del, because you taught him some of the

  things my family would have taught him.”

  Hank did not say, “Del, you’re like family,” though he’d felt

  a kinship toward her all these years. He’d heard enough white

  families claim the Negroes they employed were “family” while

  they worked them like they owned them—even passed them

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  from one generation to the next like they were property. Hank

  respected Del too much to patronize her that way. “I know

  you have your own family, Del. But havin’ you here, helping

  to raise Lance was like blessing him with my heritage. Havin’

  him know something of what I came from. You did that, Del.

  You did that for both me and my boy.”

  “I’m grateful to be that comfort, Mr. Hank. Nothin’ you

  told me tonight is gonna change how I feel about what’s between

  us, but you needs to think on what you want to tell of who you

  are and where you’re from to your wife and son. What would

  come of them if folks here in Richmond knew who you really

  was? I needs you to think on that. Young Lance don’t know

  how to be anything other than what he thinks he is and that’s

  white. Don’t matter what you look like, only matters what

  folks believe. We all make judgments about who you be and

  how you be based on things that don’t hardly matter—the

  color of skin, the kink of hair, whether you big or little, old or

  young, rich or poor, who your kin is. We all know that with

  the Lord, nothin’ matters more‘n the kindness of heart. But

  with man—well now, that’s different.”

  “I’m so tired of trying to be someone else,” Hank said. “I

  created this burden and now it’s mine and too heavy to carry.”

  “Helps when someone else has a piece of it,” Del said. “Even

  though neither of us can tell of it, I might could help with it now and then, Mr. Hank,” Del reached over and smoothed the hair

  on Hank’s bowed head. She knew it was out of place for who

  they were to each other, but she also knew it was appropriate

  for this grieving man. Hank put his hand on Del’s and held it

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  for a while. When he looked up at her, she said, “You a good

  father to Lance and a fine husband to Miss Maggie; and you

  a saint when Miss Charlotte tries you. You made a fine life for

  them and for you
rself. You got to make sure this here secret

  don’t take all that from you without givin’ somethin’ back. I

  think the boy’s got to know, when he’s wantin’ to marry, make

  a family,” Del continued. “You gon’ hafta tell him. Might have

  made it easier on you if Miss Maggie had known and could

  have helped you all these years, then you two together could

  tell the boy. I ain’t judgin’, Mr. Hank. Folks do things for dif-

  ferent reasons and ain’t none of us fit to judge the other. But

  there’s gonna be misery in the tellin’ of your true story, so you

  gotta be good and sure about how you tell it and when. I’m just

  speakin’ the hard truth here. But one thing I do know, Miss

  Maggie and Lance love you, Mr. Hank.”

  Hank got up from the table and stood in the doorway

  looking at the sunrise, his back to Del, he sighed and shook

  his head. He knew Del was right, he should have told Maggie

  that night in the rose arbor when he asked her to run away

  with him. He remembered the night Lance was born and the

  panic of not knowing whether the baby would reveal his secret

  and shatter the façade of his comfortable life as a man he was

  never supposed to be.

  The rain had stopped and Hank looked out at the spotless

  serenity of the day’s first light. He could not fathom how or

  when he could tell the two people he loved the most that he

  had lied to them all these years.

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  “I’m so tired Del; my mind, body and soul are so tired.

  I know I have to fix this but when and how, I don’t know…”

  Hank’s voice trailed off. He was quiet for several minutes then

  he turned and looked at Del sitting at the kitchen table; he

  reached out and gently rested his hand her shoulder.

  “Thank you for—” he said, but there was no need to finish

  the sentence. He knew he did not have to ask her to keep his

  secret. Del patted his hand and nodded her head in response

  to the pact they had just made.

  “Guess I’d better get cleaned up and go collect my wife.

  Time to meet Maggie’s wrath and Charlotte’s judgement,”

  Hank said, walking to the door that opened to the back stairs.

  “Mr. Hank,” Del said, as Hank put his foot on the first

  step, “white, colored or whatever—I think you’s a mighty fine

  man. One of the best I’ve even known.”

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  • 8 •

  Richmond, Virginia—March 1931

  (I)

  Hank grabbed his wife’s shoulder and pulled

  her to him.

  “Do you love me, Maggie?”

  “I love you more than you could know,” she only had tonight

  to tell him.

  “Should have trusted you,” he gasped. “Should have told

  you. I waited ‘cause I never wanted you to regret choosing me.”

  “I never have,” Maggie assured him, while her mind tried

  to process this nightmare. It happened in an instant. Hank

  started across the street, then turned back to say something

  to James Stephens. The car hit him head on. James rushed

  him to the hospital, but by the time Maggie and Charlotte

  arrived the doctors told them Hank’s internal injuries were

  too extensive—there was nothing they could do to save him.

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  Hank was conscious and in pain but he begged the doctors

  not to sedate him.

  “Get the boy, Maggie. I got some truth to tell ‘for the

  Lord steps in.”

  “I’m not leaving you, Hank. I’m staying right here. James

  went to find Lance. He’ll be here soon, don’t you worry.”

  “Go Maggie, please! Get our son—we don’t have much

  time. Please!”

  Maggie rushed past her mother sitting outside Hank’s

  hospital room.

  •

  As soon as her daughter disappeared down the hospital

  corridor Charlotte went into Hank’s hospital room to confront

  her dying son-in-law.

  “Hank, did you make a will? What happens to your busi-

  ness when you die? Did you leave it all to Margaret? Is there

  enough money to take care of us?”

  Hank opened his eyes to see Charlotte hovering over his

  bed. He looked past her, noticing the rich amber hues of early

  evening and how they softened the antiseptic white of the

  hospital room. My last sunset, Hank thought. He knew nothing would soften Charlotte’s calculating concerns, not the beauty

  of this sunset or that he would not live to see another sunrise.

  As always, Charlotte demanded that he attend to her needs. He was so tired of this woman; she would not be the last person

  he saw before dying.

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  “Can there be enough for you, Charlotte?” he asked. “Never

  thought so, no matter what I did, I could never measure up to

  your standards. Now, don’t have to. Get out, Charlotte, I don’t

  want you here. I just want my family.”

  Before Charlotte could open her mouth to sear him with a

  vicious retort, Lance and Maggie rushed in. Charlotte backed

  away from Hank’s bed and out of his view.

  “I’m here, Daddy,” Lance said, approaching his father’s

  bedside. He winced when he saw how mangled and swollen

  Hank was. His mother had tried to prepare him. Lance wanted

  to believe his father would survive; now he knew he wouldn’t.

  “Help me sit up, son; I need to look in your eyes.”

  “Hank, no,” Maggie said. “The doctor wants you to lie stil .

  We can see you just fine, just lie still.”

  Hank took a few shallow breaths. “Maggie, come closer.

  I need to see you.” She stroked his hand but his pain was so

  intense he could not feel her hand on his.

  “I thought I would be with you longer, ‘til you was a full

  grown man. I know you’re not a boy, Lance, but you’re just

  eighteen. I remember when I was eighteen; I just wanted you

  to have a few more years, couldn’t bring myself to tell you, but

  I have to now. The Lord’s gonna take me, I can feel his hand

  on me, and I’m not goin’ ‘til you know. .” Hank spoke barely

  above a whisper. Maggie and Lance leaned in to hear him,

  excluding Charlotte from their conversation.

  “Hank, sweetheart, Lance knows you love him. Rest sweet-

  heart, don’t struggle. “We know, we know,” Maggie said, tears

  streaming down her cheeks.

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  “Nobody knows,” Hank moaned, paining the three of

  them. It took him a few moments to gather the strength to

  continue.

  “I came to Richmond runnin’ scared; they said I killed

  a man. I didn’t, I couldn’t, but they’d have hung me anyway.

  I had to leave, left my brothers, all the family I had, I was a

  danger to them,” Hank sobbed.

  Maggie looked at her son. Hank was a fugitive? He had

  family. He’d told her that his parents were dead; that he was

  the only child of only children. Twenty years of marriage and

  he had kept these secrets from her?

  “I don’t understand,” Maggi
e said, but Hank kept his eyes

  on his son.

  “Will you find them for me, Lance? We were all each other

  had and I left them. Richard Jr. — the oldest—and Lance, I

  named you for, my middle brother. Find your uncles, tell ‘em

  I’m sorry for all the pain I caused. It will be safe now, with

  me gone. I want you to share what we got, tell them I’m sorry.

  Will you do that for me, son?”

  “I’ll do whatever you want, Daddy,” Lance said.

  “Promise me, Lance that you’ll take care of your Momma.

  Promise you’ll do that,” Hank pleaded. “Take care of your

  Momma and find my family. You promise me, son.”

  “I promise, Daddy. Momma will be fine and I’ll find your

  brothers. Don’t worry, I’l find them,” Lance stroked his father’s

  head; Hank closed his eyes.

  After a few moments, he looked at his wife. “I asked God to

  make it so he’d be born lookin’ like his momma, so he wouldn’t

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  have to struggle like I had to, before I came here. Everybody

  thought…,” Hank’s voice trailed off and he closed his eyes again.

  “Thought what, Daddy?” Lance asked, looking for life in his

  father’s face. “Don’t you die on me Daddy, don’t you leave me!”

  When Hank opened his eyes, he looked at Lance, his

  eyes were fierce, his voice stronger. “I don’t hate what I am. I

  hate how I was treated because of what I am. Shouldn’t be that way, Lance. I kept my secret ‘cause what folks didn’t know

  made my life smooth out like silk. That’s what James told me

  once—he was right. I wanted that smooth as silk life and to

  get it, I needed to be white. That was the only way to make

  you my wife, Maggie, and to give our son the same good life.

  I just didn’t realize it would cost so damn much.” Hanks tears

  overflowed again.

  “Hank,” Maggie said, “What are you saying? That you’re

  real y a…” Maggie looked to her mother to help process Hank’s

  incomprehensible words. Charlotte had both hands over her

  mouth trying to suppress the wail that was forcing its way up

  her throat; but it escaped as a scream that seemed to reverberate

  throughout the entire hospital. Charlotte’s outburst brought the

  nurses running to Hank’s room, arriving in time to witness

  the final minutes of Hank Whitaker’s life.

  Oblivious to Charlotte’s outburst and the audience it drew,

  Hank continued.

  “We share the same blood. What’s in me is in you. Be

 

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