by Peyton Banks
Focus, girl. Now is not the time to be dickmatized.
“What’s…wrong…” Oden asked sounding out of breath.
I tugged my dress down with more force than was necessary, before whirling around.
“What the fuck is this?” I held up Isobel’s peacock earring, the very same one I’d complimented her on earlier today.
Oden stared back at me in confusion, which only further infuriated me.
“Let me rephrase,” I began, trying to keep my voice from rising. “Why the hell is Isobel’s earring in your bedroom?”
His dark eyes went to the earring, then back to me, and he scoffed.
“Kerenza…”
I shook my head.
“You know what? Fuck this. Don’t bother explaining.”
Tugging on the hem of my dress, I made a beeline for the door.
“Now, wait one minute. Don’t leave,” Oden called.
I kept walking.
My hand closed around the door handle, and just as I pulled it open, Oden’s arm stretched above my head and pushed it right back shut.
I whirled around and glared at him. His pants were around his ankles, and his dick, still hard, jutted out in front of him.
“I can explain,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. How many times had I heard those very words coming from the mouth of a cheating-ass, lying-ass man? Too many to fucking count.
“Look,” he began, but I held up a hand, cutting him off.
“I am not about to have this conversation with you while your dick is out. Pull up your fucking pants!” I snapped.
Oden looked down as if he’d just remembered he was naked. A sheepish look came over his handsome face as he pulled his pants up. It took some doing since he was still hard as a rock.
“You were saying?” I prompted, crossing my arms defensively.
We were standing in such close proximity, I could smell the salt in his sweat. I stepped backward, wanting to put as much space as possible between us. I didn’t get far before my back touched the door.
“Kerenza, I don’t understand what’s going on here?” It came out more as a question.
I uncrossed my arms to hold up the peacock feather earring.
“Then you’re just as confused as I am, because I don’t know why my co-model’s earring would be in your room!”
His black eyes locked onto the earring, and he glared at it with such intensity, I half expected it to burst into flames in my grasp.
Sighing, Oden raked a hand through his hair.
“I was going to tell you—”
My heart dropped to my stomach, and I didn’t want to hear any more. I didn’t want to hear how Oden was just like the men from my past: unfaithful and dishonest. But I had to. I had to know what the fuck was going on here.
There was an edge to my voice as I cut in and asked, “Tell me what?”
“Isobel came by here earlier today. She said she wanted to talk about work, so I let her in…”
I snorted in disbelief.
Yeah, I didn’t need to hear any more. If she came by for work purposes, Oden would have just mentioned it to me.
He parted his lips to continue speaking, but I was done listening.
“I went out with you tonight, fully intending to tell you I wanted to take the leap and get serious. But—”
“But what?” Oden asked loudly. He looked tense and on edge now.
“I told you from day one, no fucking secrets,” I reminded him. “I don’t care how big or small they are.”
He held his hands up in mock surrender.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you right away. But are you really going to throw what we have away over one small hiccup?”
My heart pounded in anger. He didn’t get it. A secret was a fucking secret. And I’d warned him.
“This is over. I’ll keep it professional at work, but beyond that, I don’t have anything to say to you.”
Moving quickly so he wouldn’t stop me again, I tugged open the door and left the room. I got halfway down the hall before Oden caught up to me.
He gently caught me by the elbow and spun me around to face him. His black eyes glittered with determination.
“I’m not letting you leave me,” he declared.
“Well, I am.”
His voice took on a pleading note. “You can’t.”
The tenderness in his tone tugged at my heartstrings. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I just needed to take a moment and hear him all the way out.
No, fuck that, a hardened voice inside me whispered.
What if I believed him now and later it came out that he was a liar? I wouldn’t—no—couldn’t go through that again.
But what was the alternative? Walking away from the man I had this indescribable attachment to?
“You don’t want me to walk away, but you haven’t once said you didn’t fuck her, Oden!”
“I did not sleep with Isobel,” Oden stated. “Beyond shaking her hand that first day at ULC, my skin has never been in contact with Isobel’s. Never.”
Our gazes connected, and I stared deeply into his eyes. I’d looked into the eyes of a liar enough times to know that their eyes were no different than someone who didn’t lie and cheat.
I quirked an eyebrow and crossed my arms.
“So you’re saying there’s nothing you’re keeping from me? Absolutely nothing?”
It was brief, so brief I barely caught it, but nonetheless, I saw the guilty expression flit across his face. And that was all I needed to walk away.
Maybe Oden and Isobel weren’t fucking behind my back, but Oden was definitely keeping a secret from me. I could feel it in my gut.
I tossed the feather earring, and together, we watched it drift to the carpeted hallway floor.
“We’re done,” I said before turning and walking away. And like the guilty person he was, Oden didn’t bother trying to stop me.
16
Oden
She had left me.
* * *
And there was no one but myself to blame.
* * *
Kerenza, the synonym for obsession. Hell, the synonym for everything good and beautiful, had left me.
* * *
What had I done wrong?
* * *
Since the day we first met (which was actually our second time meeting, she just didn’t know it), I’d made it clear I wanted her, then had gone to every length to reinforce it.
It had only been five weeks, true, but that was more than enough time to worm your way inside a person’s heart. I could personally attest that it didn’t take long at all, seconds in my case, actually. That day in L.A., when I’d first laid eyes on Kerenza, I’d barely seen her for sixty seconds, and that was all it took.
* * *
So why was it so easy for her to walk away from me when it literally pained me to watch her go?
* * *
Her feelings weren’t where mine were. I respected that because I knew that as long as I did my job, one day soon, they would be. But the foundation had been laid, and still…she’d left.
* * *
Pushing off the bed, I stalked over to the sliding doors, pushed them open, and stepped out onto the balcony.
* * *
It was well after six in the morning, and I hadn’t been to sleep yet. How could I? I’d grown accustomed to sleeping with Kerenza. Of spooning her from behind and burying my nose in her hair and falling asleep to the mango, tropical scents of the natural hair products she used.
* * *
My eyes drifted to the sky. The sun was rising, leaving an eclectic mixture of reds, oranges, pinks and yellows in its wake. I inhaled deeply, breathing in the fresh air that was tinged with salt from the Atlantic Ocean, which surrounded Miami.
* * *
Another man would have stubbornly walked away, citing the fact that Kerenza was being unreasonable. But not me. Plus, I didn’t actually think she was being unreasonable. I knew, just from her me
ntioning it a handful of times, she’d been hurt in the past. Lied to. Cheated on. Used. Abused. Gaslit.
* * *
So no, the woman—my woman—wasn’t overreacting. She was suffering from PTSD, and as her man, it was my job to be there for her, not get all in my feelings and retreat.
* * *
Alphas didn’t retreat. They protected, at all costs.
* * *
And besides, Kerenza was right, I was keeping a secret from her, just not one that involved me sleeping with Isobel.
* * *
In the grand scheme of things, concealing the fact that I’d orchestrated my presence in Pittsburgh, at ULC, wasn’t the worse ‘secret’ to have. But it was a secret no less.
* * *
Sighing, I gripped the balcony rail in frustration.
* * *
It was the end of the game and time to lay my cards on the table. I would tell Kerenza everything, and if she cared about me even a fraction of the way I cared about her, she would give us a real chance.
* * *
My secret would be a shock, so she would need time and space to process. It would be hard, but I’d give it to her.
I’d been right to guess that Kerenza wouldn’t spend the night in the room she shared with Isobel. After all, she was operating under the ridiculous notion that Isobel and I were secretly sleeping together.
* * *
What I hadn’t been right about was how pissed she was. Instead of bunking in the other room in the two bedroom suite, with Maya and Adhira, Kerenza had booked her own separate room on the other side of the hotel. All it took to glean this information from the front desk attendant was five crisp one hundred dollar bills.
* * *
I rode the elevator to the West wing of the hotel, and stepped off. My palms were sweating, so I discreetly wiped them on the sides of my pants, even though no one was around to see me like this. I didn’t rattle easily, but ever since I’d laid eyes on a certain brown-skinned beauty, I’d found that I was, at the end of it all, just a man. A man who could be thrown off his game at the slightest bat of an eye from the woman he craved with every fiber of his being.
* * *
As I neared the door to room 1618, my heart took off like a horse in the Kentucky Derby. I gulped and cleared my throat, urging myself to pull it together.
* * *
I couldn’t help but wonder, how will she take my little revelation?
* * *
Only one way to find out.
* * *
Steeling myself, I knocked on the door. A minute later, it swung open.
* * *
As soon as my eyes fell on Kerenza, every ounce of unrest left my body. A mildly disconcerting feeling of peace washed over me. This was the effect she had on me.
* * *
“Hello,” I said softly.
* * *
Her beautiful eyes hardened when she saw it was me at the door.
* * *
“What’s up,” she replied dryly.
* * *
I smirked, loving, as always, how feisty she was.
* * *
“Can we talk?” I asked, then seeing her about to protest, added, “I promise not to take up too much of your time since I have a flight to catch in”—I paused to glance at my watch— “an hour.”
* * *
Her perfectly arched eyebrows drew together in a frown.
* * *
“You’re leaving? Now? But, we aren’t due to fly out until this evening.”
* * *
Minutes ago, her body language had been tense and defensive. Now, she looked…concerned. There was hope for me after all.
* * *
Instead of answering, I asked, “May I come inside?”
* * *
She re-crossed her arms and rather begrudgingly stepped back, allowing me to enter the room.
* * *
It was a smaller, basic room. I doubted she’d let me upgrade her room for the rest of her stay, which was only about eight or so more hours.
* * *
The door slammed loudly behind me.
* * *
“You wanted to talk, go ahead,” Kerenza said. Her voice, usually soft and melodic, was flat and hard.
* * *
Clearing my throat, I carefully placed my hands in my pockets, the picture of calm, when really, my heart was beating out of control.
* * *
“You were right,” I began, figuring I might as well dive right in. “I have been keeping something from you.”
* * *
And just like that, the tension returned to Kerenza’s body. Her shoulders went stiff, and she went completely still.
* * *
“I knew it,” she said, shaking her head. “I knew it. You’re fucking around with Isobel behind my back.”
* * *
“Never. I would never do that. To you or to anyone,” I replied calmly. The worst thing you could do when being accused of cheating was get all up in arms, especially when the accusation wasn’t true.
* * *
Kerenza held out her arms. “Then what, then? What the hell are you keeping from me? Because I can feel it in my bones that you’re keeping something from me.”
* * *
I blew out a hard breath. It was time to tell her the complete truth.
* * *
“That day, at Underthingz, when you came up, introduced yourself and shook my hand—”
* * *
Impatient, she cut me off, asking, “What about it?”
* * *
“That wasn’t actually the first time I met you.”
* * *
A ‘v’ appeared between her eyebrows.
* * *
“What do you mean?”
* * *
“The truth is, I saw you, for the first time, nine months ago in LA.” Her pretty lips parted, but I had to keep going. I had to get everything out in the open. “You were on a photoshoot, modelling this…red number and I just…I was mesmerized.”
* * *
I paused, savoring the memory of that day.
* * *
“Right off, I was attracted to you. What man wouldn’t be? But it was more than that; I felt drawn to you. From there, I found you online. When I discovered you worked at Underthingz, I may have let it slip to a mutual acquaintance of mine and Gayle’s that I was open to taking on new campaign work. The rest is history.”
* * *
The longer I’d talked, the more Kerenza’s mouth morphed into the shape of an ‘O.’ Shock didn’t come close to describing the expression on her face.
* * *
“So,” she started, drawing the word out. “You saw me months ago.”
* * *
“Correct.”
* * *
“And,” she continued as if I’d never spoken. “Basically pulled Gayle’s strings to become the new marketing slash campaign director at ULC.”
* * *
“I did.”
* * *
“All in an attempt to…get next to me?”
* * *
I scoffed. What I felt for her couldn’t be diminished to an antiquated statement like “getting next to her.”
* * *
I took a step forward, relieved when she didn’t move away.
* * *
“No. The plan wasn’t to get next to you, baby. It was to get to know you and give you the chance to get to know me, because I’ve gotta be honest here—”
* * *
“That’d be a first,” she quipped, but the playfulness in her eyes gave me hope.
* * *
“I’ve wanted you, all of you, since the moment I laid eyes on you. It’s been downright torturous for me, trying not to come on too strong and scare you away when I want you forever.”
* * *
She shook her head.
* * *
“We’ve spent five weeks together, Oden. You can’t know that you want m
e forever. I don’t even know if I want my hair like this for the summertime!”
* * *
“Oh, I know,” I assured her in a confident voice. “I’m just waiting on you to know. And I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.”
* * *
Her lips pursed, and she stared at the floor.