by Jean Oram
“What? Why?”
“Being awesome and so easy to brag about.” He grinned, opening the door, leaving me feeling baffled and slightly charmed.
Moments later he was sprawled on the carpet with the kids, everyone vying for Santa’s attention. He was patient with each of them, letting them talk, gently enforcing a take-your-turn-and-don’t-interrupt rule. When he sat up, Cynthia, a two-year-old who had sworn off naps, much to the agony of her parents, climbed into his lap and snuggled in, thumb stuck in her mouth. Steve cradled her without a second thought as he played with Elias’s train, and in minutes the little girl was asleep despite the hubbub around her. My chest tightened as I watched the sweet scene unfold.
This man... He was very unexpected. Frustrating, but well-intentioned.
An hour or so later parents started coming in to pick up their kids, blasting the entry with cold air and kicking the furnace into high gear. All through the comings and goings, Steve, still in his Santa costume, held the sleeping toddler. I wanted to wake her so she wouldn’t be up all night, but I couldn’t make myself budge other than to snap a photo to send to her parents.
Edith appeared at my side. “Staff must adhere to the no-phone policy. When we are with the children that is our number one priority. Distractions cause accidents.”
I held up my phone to show her the photo before she fired me on the spot.
Her expression softened. “You should have taken one of all the children with Santa.”
“Next year.”
She was watching me with a sharp, analyzing look. “That was very nice of Steve to come in.”
“It was.”
“I hope your relationship doesn’t...” She paused as though seeking the right word. “…distract you from watching the children.”
She scuttled off before I could react. Had she seen Steve and me kiss in the staff room? She must have, and now feared that his being here might lead me to act unprofessionally. My gaze drifted toward Santa, who was walking toward the entry, offering the sleeping child to her parent.
“I just got Joy’s text with the photo,” said Cynthia’s mother. Her expression was so tender, the love in her eyes worth any grief I got from Edith over Steve’s unexpected arrival.
“She napped too long,” Edith said, stepping in. “Most kids didn’t nap at all. Joy didn’t have the heart to wake up Cynthia. I hope she doesn’t keep you up half the night.”
“That’s fine,” Cynthia’s mom said, giving me a smile that looked more relaxed than any I’d seen in weeks. “She has a few missed naps to make up for. We may actually enjoy an evening without any tantrums.”
At the end of my shift, and once everything was set for tomorrow, Steve caught my eye and said, “Ready to go?” He’d been waiting, helping where he could, the costume folded neatly by his jacket, which Emily had dropped off for him.
Outside it was snowing softly, the colored Christmas lights cheerfully lit above us. Steve’s hands slipped around my waist and he drew me close.
“Hello,” I said, our warm breath creating clouds around us in the dark evening air.
“You’re a kind woman.”
“Says the man whose arms probably fell asleep along with Cynthia a few hours ago.”
“Is letting a child sleep in your arms while you’re dressed up as Santa sexy?”
“Maybe.”
He kissed me, his lips warm.
I was still in his embrace, considering him, conscious that we were enjoying an embrace anyone could see should they travel down this quiet street. “Not many men would dress up as Santa at a moment’s notice.”
“Maybe I’m trying to impress a woman.”
I couldn’t help but blush at the idea that he’d dressed up to impress me. He was smart, knowing the way to my heart was through kids. Although the way he’d acted so naturally, making it all look so easy, made me wonder if kids were his soft spot, too.
“Did my efforts work?” he asked.
“Time will tell.”
He appeared crestfallen, and even though I knew he was faking it, I placated him. “You saved the day, and your efforts were very much appreciated.”
“It was sweet?”
“Yes.”
“Even though unplanned?”
“Yes.”
“And even though your boss nearly blew a gasket when the kids didn’t all get their naps?”
I chuckled. “Yes. Although she did handle it quite well—keeping it all on the inside instead of exploding all over us.”
Steve snugged me closer. “And even though my actions might make you like me more than you want to?”
I laughed. I had no plans to fall in love again, and especially not with someone so frustratingly meddlesome. But I could see that if I wasn’t careful, he might just sneak in and steal my heart.
“Hey, guys,” I said, smiling at my phone as Max and Calvin connected to our video chat, a statue of a man on a horse in the background, as well as a fountain and some trees. It looked like a wet and cool evening in Paris.
I’d received an emailed acceptance from the college already, and I was a tangle of nerves.
“What did you do today?” I asked. “Where are you?”
“We’re outside!” Max said, coming close enough to Calvin’s phone that I could see the shadowy circles of his nostrils.
“We’re outside the hotel,” Calvin said.
“Grandma’s napping and we ate ice cream!”
“And we went to a museum,” Calvin added.
“I ate ice cream at the museum.”
My heart warmed at his enthusiasm. He was having a good adventure.
“I learned how to say thank-you in French,” Max told me. He said something that sounded almost correct, and Calvin winced.
“We’re working on our French.”
“That’s great,” I said.
As Max filled me in on their day, Calvin listened with a slightly odd look on his face.
“What’s up?” I asked Calvin, when Max began digging through their bag to find the museum map. “How were your meetings?”
“Good. And I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your support, Joy. My mom didn’t think you’d be game for me taking Max on this exploratory trip, and it’s been really great. We’re bonding.”
Max popped into view of the screen. “I wore out Grammy.” He disappeared again, asking, “Where’s the map?”
Calvin mumbled something to Max, then said to me, “Anyway, I really appreciate that you’re up for an international move, and how family-focused you are.” His smile was warm and kind. I used to do anything for that smile.
I eyed the notes I’d taken about the education classes and the costs of entering college in January. It was all very doable if I got a student loan, as well as a few more hours at the daycare. Assuming I didn’t have the cost of moving to France. Calvin said he would cover most of it, since we’d all be moving for him, but I was sure there would be other, unforeseen expenses involved for both of us.
“Today’s meetings were positive?” I asked.
“They were.”
“When will you know if the project is the right fit?”
“Three to four weeks. It’s all still up in the air at the moment. It could be five weeks. Or one.” He gave a carefree laugh, unbothered by the unknown and how it was leaving us all in limbo.
The winter semester at the college started in two weeks, but I could take the first several classes toward my degree online, meaning I could be anywhere in the world.
“Has the weather been good?” I asked.
“Nicer than there, that’s for sure.”
“It’s actually quite lovely this morning,” I said, thinking how weird it was to have their day ending while mine was just gearing up, due to the eight-hour time difference. I hadn’t done much since kissing Santa at work two days ago. Mostly just worked on finishing up Max’s room and walking Obi.
“Yeah, but freezing there.” Calvin laughed.
�
�We are in the mountains,” I pointed out, feeling oddly defensive.
“I heard a rumor about you,” Calvin said, his lips quirked in a bemused fashion.
“A rumor?” My mind immediately went to Steve. Had someone seen us kiss? The song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” started playing in my head.
“I’m not sure what to think of it.” Calvin was watching me and I felt on the spot.
“Well, life is unexpected and sometimes... things happen.”
“Things happen?”
“Yeah. You know. Out of the blue.”
His brow furrowed. “What does that mean?”
“Steve Jorgensen and I might be becoming friends. He—” I caught a glimpse of Max, who was reading his map, and realized I couldn’t relay the story of Steve dressing up as Santa. My little boy still held a tenuous belief in Santa Claus. Any day that bubble would burst, but I didn’t want to be the one who caused it. I wanted him to believe for as long as possible.
I opened my mouth to mention the helicopter ride, but that felt like the date it had become. I knew Calvin had enjoyed the odd date in the past year, but I felt the need to hold it close to my chest for some reason. Same with movie night.
“For a moment I thought the rumor was true,” Calvin said.
I felt my cheeks burn, dreading having to own up to kissing our former co-nemesis.
“But seriously? Why would you go back to school?” Calvin laughed and I nearly choked. “You were so ready to get out of there when I finished my degree that you didn’t even finish yours.”
“Oh! Um...” My face grew even hotter. I hated the Christmas Mountain grapevine. The rumor of my application had made it to France in less than thirty-six hours. How had I been so naive to believe that I could wait to discuss this with Calvin in person?
“It’s true?” He was staring at me, his face slightly pale in the December evening light.
“Um, maybe.” I scrunched my nose, trying not to cringe. “I haven’t totally decided.”
“I thought we were building toward a move to Paris.” There was impatience and anger in his tone, to which Max was thankfully oblivious. He held a map up in front of the screen, blocking my view of Calvin.
“There was a statue of a man with a sword and another one of a lady.” Max giggled. “Her one private was showing.” He lowered the map to gesture to his chest.
“Max, I need to chat with your dad.”
Oblivious to my request, Max continued pointing out various things on the map as he chattered a mile a minute. “At the museum there were bathrooms everywhere. And ice cream and doughnuts, but Dad told me only one treat so I had an ice cream, but Grandma bought me a doughnut later because she didn’t know. And there was a bench outside, with ducks on a pond. A lady let me feed them her pretzel.”
“None of this is for certain yet, Calvin,” I said, after giving Max a quick hum of acknowledgment. “France and... everything.” I waved a hand and slid my admission notes farther away. “But I…”
“But you what? I thought we were on the same team.”
“We are! I can take these courses anywhere.” At least the first ones. “I could even study while sitting on that bench feeding the ducks a pretzel.”
“An American education degree will be worthless in France. It’s a completely different system.” Calvin’s voice was low and urgent. “You don’t need a degree to work where you are, and we’re both still paying off our student loans from before.”
“I thought you’d like the idea of me expanding my financial independence. And my student loans are almost gone.” That was one benefit of working so hard during school, as well as taking only a few classes.
“I take good care of you and Max,” he said firmly. “I’m good about flexing my schedule or calling my mom to help us when Edith drops a shift in your lap, but that’s for work.”
“And I appreciate that.”
His lips had formed a thin line, surprised as he was by the way I was standing up to him. “There’s no need to change things. They’re working fine.”
I sucked in a deep breath and held it to a count of five. I released it and sucked in a second one.
“I don’t want to fight, Joy.” Calvin shook his head as though disappointed in me.
He wanted me to roll over. Withdraw from the program and lose the application fee, because it was inconvenient for him. My choice could single-handedly put us on separate pages in terms of our goals, making it appear selfish of him if he moved us all to France.
In some ways Calvin and Steve weren’t that different. They both wanted me to do things that suited their image of me. Steve wanted me to stretch more. Calvin less.
“What if something happens to your job?” I asked. “Don’t you want me to—”
“Are you trying to push me out of your life? Is this about your neighbor? I heard you two are getting close, and that he dressed up as Santa just for you.”
“Santa’s not real?” Max asked, his eyes round and dark like a wounded cartoon character.
“No, no. Steve was just helping out Santa,” I said quickly.
“I thought this guy was your enemy, Joy. This is so weird. It isn’t like you.” Calvin was shaking his head again.
“I know, okay? I just... I want... I want to be more independent. I want to be able to shoulder the responsibility that befalls me.”
Max was staring at us both with wide eyes. We’d never fought in front of him before. Not even while sorting through our divorce.
“Let’s talk about this later,” I suggested. “Max, just one more sleep for me until I see you again!”
Calvin muttered, “You can bet we’ll talk about this later.” He pushed himself back on the bench, the phone swaying in his grip. “We have to go. It’s late. Goodnight.” He ended the call before I could say bye to Max.
I blinked at my phone for a long minute before setting it down. Was this what Steve had been talking about? How everybody liked me being quiet and staying in my place? Calvin obviously wasn’t a fan of how I was potentially upending our lives, even if it would be better for both of us overall.
Then again, it was a rather sudden shift for me to go back to school, and I was certain that if I’d been able to break the news to Calvin on my own it would have gone much smoother. Instead, due to Steve’s meddling, I’d sideswiped my ex, potentially making everything more difficult.
I finished putting away the paint supplies from Max’s room and hurried to the kitchen, where I’d left my phone. I had an idea how I could help convince Calvin that college was a good idea. He’d wanted me to get a degree originally, so what I needed was for him to see why returning to complete it was smart. The first step I needed to take was to enlist the rumor mill’s support, and for everyone to understand that I wasn’t doing this for selfish reasons—it was for Max and myself. And, I supposed, Calvin, too. If I could get people to see that, then maybe they could help me convince Calvin that this was the best thing for our family even if the timing was poor in regards to his opportunity in France.
I dialed my mom, knowing I could trust her conservative, thoughtful approach to life decisions. If I was being rash, she’d set me straight.
“Mom?” I said, when the phone stopped ringing on the other end but I was met by silence.
“Joy? Sorry. I dropped my phone. These cellular things are so hard to grip. Why don’t you call my home number?”
“What did you do today?” I asked.
“How are you doing?”
“Fine. Why?”
“Max has been gone for almost a week now.”
“I just talked to them. They’ll be home really late tomorrow.”
“And?”
“They went to a museum.”
“Hmm. I heard something.”
“About Max?” My heart started racing.
“What’s wrong with Max?” she squeaked. I could hear the worst-case-scenario panic rising in her voice. My mother liked living in a small town because nothing big or sca
ry ever happened. Or at least very rarely.
“He’s fine. You said you heard something.”
“It was about you.”
My mind raced through the past few days and the possible things she could have heard. Would it be the same rumor that had reached Calvin about school, or would it be the one about Steve?
“Jan at the grocery store said you’re going back to school.” Jan was a longtime gossip, due to supersede Judith Smith once the retired woman met her maker. “I told her you weren’t, because why would you do that?” There was humor in her voice.
“I’m considering some upgrading so I can teach elementary school.”
“But you’re happy at Little Comets?”
Happy. That word just kept coming up, didn’t it?
“I could use more hours.”
“I’m sure Edith could give you more if you just asked.” My mom paused a beat, then added, “I thought you wanted to be home for Max?”
“If I was a teacher I’d have the same holidays, as well as a retirement fund, health insurance and a better income.”
Mom gave a sympathetic huff, then said, “You know we love you just the way you are. You don’t have to go back to school and get a big career for us to be proud of you.”
“I know.”
“Sometimes we need to be happy with what we have.”
Guilt edged at me. Was I asking too much? I knew Carol and Cassandra would say I wasn’t, and I trusted them—as well as Steve, who seemed to be right more often than not.
“I want more financial security for us,” I said. “This is about bettering our lives.”
“But you have Calvin...” My mom honestly believed I had the best thing going—child support and a job that allowed me to be home with Max as much as I needed. But she’d also expressed quite a bit of confusion over the divorce, since Calvin and I were obviously still good friends. She didn’t seem to fully understand that the boundaries between Calvin and me were growing—and that it was healthy for them to do so.
“I don’t have Calvin.” My tone was hard, unforgiving. I had been playing with a nicely wrapped box of cookies I’d made as a just-in-case gift should I need something last-minute, and I set them down on the counter with a thunk.