Nikolas didn’t answer her at first, but a sigh left his lips as he turned his attention to his crew member. “Hopefully that means we’ll have our next heading soon.”
Something she had said had caught Ember’s interest. Prisoner. Was it Blu sitting down there in the cells? Was that how Ari had gotten here so quickly? Did she simply just bring Blu onboard so she could get their answers through torture?
Dread filled her as another option came to mind. Was Asher down there instead? Her eyes flickered over to the captain, wondering if he was simply distracting her so she couldn’t remember he had dueled her friend when she’d been dragged out of the tavern. She hadn’t had the chance to ask him what happened and how the fight ended, but it hadn’t been a burning question in her mind after Tomas’s death either.
She took a moment to take in Nikolas’ current state of appearance. She noticed a cut in his sleeve, dried blood staining the fabric. Another stain caught her eye on his shoulder. It would seem Asher got in a few good shots, but she would be a fool if she didn’t think Nikolas had given Asher a few marks of his own.
“What happened with Asher? Is he-” Dead? She couldn’t finish the question, but she knew he could fill in the blank.
“The bastard is in one piece and breathing. Much more than he deserves given Tomas was not given the same treatment.” He said, the anger in his voice clear.
Her head lowered, her gaze falling to her stained hands with guilt.
Ana approached her, her eyes narrowing as she glanced at her captain before she set the small kit down beside Ember. Grabbing her knife, she cut away the sleeve of Ember’s soiled dress. It didn’t bother her. She wanted to strip and burn the cursed thing.
“This will sting.” She warned seconds before she dabbed a swab of cotton covered in alcohol on her wound.
A sharp intake of air filled her lungs as the pain hit her. She wasn’t kidding about the sting. Biting her lip, Ember fought back the urge to cry. She was done with the tears. So, instead, she just held her head up and pushed through it.
When the silence became too much, Nikolas cracked first and left the room. Ember’s eyes followed him, wondering if the loudness of his guilty thoughts got the best of him. She couldn’t blame him given if not for the fact the pain in her arm was distracting her? She knew she’d be as stir crazy as he was.
“I’m sorry about Tomas. I don’t know how close you two were, but he didn’t deserve what happened tonight. He was a good man. I know that won’t help the pain, but I-I am. Sorry, I mean.” She said, finally choosing to break the silence.
Ana was quiet for a long time, making her wonder if she had heard her. “You sound like a broken record. Don’t apologize. Your pity won’t bring him back. Help us break this stupid curse. Do something rather than just speak empty words. Words don’t save lives, actions do.”
Ana was right, there was no denying that.
A silence fell over them until Ember got the courage to ask Ana another question.
“What will happen with Tomas’s body?” She asked quietly, hoping she wasn’t overstepping.
She knew how funerals were handled back on land, but she assumed things were different for pirate’s living out on the sea.
From the way Ana’s shoulders tensed, her hand pausing in her sewing as her jaw clenched in annoyance, Ember realized her mistake in asking. A line had definitely been crossed. She’d hit a nerve that was still a bleeding wound. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.” She immediately tried to take back her mistake.
“There you go again with the apologizing.” Ana said, her voice tense as she spared her a brief glance.
She didn’t expect Ana to answer her question when silence fell over them again. Her slim hands returned to stitching up the open wound on Ember’s arm. The room was quiet for a few minutes before Ana’s voice cut through the silence.
“We’ll send him into the sea. He’ll be welcomed into the afterlife, free to move along the currents and live in the place he loved the most. The ocean.” She said softly, her concentration on her task never breaking.
Ember sat there for a moment, processing what she’d said before lifting her gaze to the woman tending to her wound. “That sounds beautiful.”
“It is. It brings a sense of comfort to the rest of the crew. It helps to believe after this awful life God’s dealt to us, we finally get to receive peace in the afterlife in the only place we’ve been able to truly call home.” She explained, her eyes finally flickering to her briefly.
Ember could understand the need to have something to believe in. It made death a little less frightening, she supposed.
As Ana finished, she used her knife to cut the leftover string. She was quiet as she wrapped the fresh stitches with gauze. “Don’t get the stitches wet or I’ll have to re-do them. Your spare clothes are in the trunk by the bed. I hope you’re not so dependent you need me to bathe you for a second time today. I’ll remind you I’m a pirate, not a wet nurse.” She said, a hint of taunting in her voice.
“I think I’ll survive without you ripping out my hair this time. Thank you, though. For doing this for me.” She said, motioning to the fresh stitches on her arm.
Ana waved her off as she cleaned up her mess.
Ember slipped off the table, heading for the bathing side of Nikolas’s cabin where the tub sat. There was no curtain to separate the room, but at the moment it didn’t matter. She needed the awful reminder of how badly this night went off of her. Knowing that the blood of that guard was crusting on her face as well as someone she might have possiblycalled friend’s blood coated the rest of her was another reason to take the dress off and toss it into the depths of the ocean.
Reaching behind her with her good arm, she pulled the strings on the back of her dress free. It felt weird to have her arm angled strangely, but she knew she couldn’t use her other hand and risk popping a stitch. Once she got it loose enough, she let the ruined gown drop to the floor. It left her in just the slip she usually wore to bed. Looking at the dark stain around her stomach, she knew this would need to burn as well.
Chapter 13
Ember didn’t have the luxury of relaxing long in the bath before Ana came back with a new bundle of clothes. Fortunately, she had enough time to scrub her hands and face clean before her time was cut short. “Here, you’ll feel more comfortable in this,” Ana said over as she tossed new clothes at her feet.
Ember had only just stepped out of the tub when the bundle dropped at her feet. Ana
understandably just wasn’t in the mood to be pleasanttonight. She wasn’t about to call her on the attitude given the reason behind it. Ember simply nodded as she reached to pick up the fallen clothes. She knew right away these articles of clothing weren’t from the bag full she had managed to pack. While the pants were a pair that she knew Asher had packed for her, the oversized dark plum-colored shirt did not belong to her.
“The shirt belonged to Nikolas’ brother. I doubt he even remembers he has it. Get dressed, I don’t think you’ll want to miss the send-off.” Ana said, sparing her one last glance before she headed for the door and left.
With a heavy sigh, Ember managed to get the pants on with only a small amount of strain. Ana was right in the sense that the pants were much more comfortable than her dress ever could be. As she pulled off her slip, she quickly pulled the shirt over her head. She didn’t need the Captain to choose that moment to come back. Her cheeks reddened, mortified at just the idea of such a situation occurring.
Her hair was still a mess and she could still feel the blood on her body. She wondered briefly if the feeling would ever go away. That memory was forever stained into her mind.
Looking in the mirror Nikolas had hanging over his vanity, she really got a good look at herself. She hadn’t had a chance to really give her hair a good rinse, but some wet stands were sticking to her neck. She had pulled it up using some ribbon from her dress to control the mess somewhat, but she still looked like a drowned bird. Grabbing
the ribbon, she reached for the brush she’d found and attempted at running a brush through her curls. As a few tugs, the knots finally released and she was able to make it look somewhat more controlled again.
There was nothing she could do about her red cheeks that were flushed from crying. The dark bags under her eyes from lack of sleep were starting to show now that her face was clear of any powders or charcoal. With the natural look, she felt like it was the first time since she was sixteen where she was leaving her face truly nude.
She looked less like the adult her father was selling her as and more like the young woman she wished she could be. Her fingers touched the necklace that still hung around her neck. It was the only thing she refused to let Nikolas take from her. He surprisingly enough didn’t fight her on it. She wasn’t about to question it and decided to just be grateful for the unusual act of kindness.
Stepping into her slippers, she knew she couldn’t stall any longer. She needed to leave the cabin. With a heavy sigh, she closed her fingers around the locket, her eyes shutting as she prayed there would be no more bloodshed tonight.
Ember walked out the door with her head held high. She just wished for once her prayers would be answered. Closing the door behind her, she paused and a look of surprise came over her upon seeing Ana standing there. She didn’t realize the pirate would be waiting for her. Her gaze shifted to the other end of the ship where some of the crew had already gathered.
It was then that she realized Ana wasn’t waiting for her. She was stalling because she didn’t want to go over there yet and say goodbye. The thought of saying this type of final goodbye to someone she loved was something she never thought or wanted to do. Seeing the heartbreak on Ana’s face only made her think of Cassius back in Iron Kress. She didn’t know of his fate and he could have very well have perished that night. It could easily be her in Ana’s place when she returns home to find out her friend was no longer among the living.
“I don’t know how this works. I’ve never been to anything like this before.” Ember admitted quietly.
She was expecting a huff and an eye roll to follow from the other woman, but neither reaction happened. It didn’t mean she didn’t look annoyed with her question, but it was a start. “I suppose you royals do things much grander than this. Your sendoffs are probably just another excuse to throw another obnoxious party.” She said as she crossed her arms and let her gaze shift out toward the horizon.
Ember rubbed her arm, her face scrunched up as she thought it over. “No. That’s not what I meant. I just …. the only person I know personally who’s died was my mother and I was an infant when she was killed. There’s been ceremonies at the church in town, but it was nothing as intimate as this.” She tried to explain as best she could.
A moment passed, but Ana eventually turned her attention toward her. Ember tried not to notice the tears in the pirate’s eyes. She knew Ana did not want anyone to see her cry, least of all her. “Do you remember her at all?” She asked.
Her question took Ember by surprise. That was probably the last thing she expected for Ana to ask her.
Clearing her throat, she tried to think of how to answer. “Not really. I was so young when it happened. I can sometimes remember this song I think she would sing to me. Not enough to sing myself, but it’s more of a comfort thing. I can’t remember her voice or anything like that.”
Whatever answer Ana was hoping for, it would seem Ember didn’t give it to her. The blonde’s eyes drifted back to the small crowd of crew members. They would be starting soon by the look of it.
Ana looked as if she was at war with herself. Ember wouldn’t blame her if she was debating going to her room to hide from everything. She also knew Ana would regret not getting the chance to say goodbye to him.
“He said your name before he died.” She blurted out.
She knew she was doing exactly what Nikolas had told her not to, but Ana deserved to know the truth.
Ana was quiet for a long moment. The silence that fell over them was almost eerie. Ember was beginning to think she’d made a mistake by telling her. She was starting to regret not listening to Nikolas’ warning when Ana’s gaze finally returned to her. “Figure’s he’d be a hopeless romantic in his dying moments. He never thought of himself. The bastard was always putting everyone else before himself.” She said as she lifted her gaze to the sky.
Ember saw the tremble in Ana’s bottom lip and knew she hadn’t helped anything. Nikolas was right, as much as it hurt to admit it. Telling Ana had only hurt her more. “Ana, I-I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to upset you more.” She apologized because that was all she could think to do.
That earned her the big eye roll and scoff she’d been expecting earlier. “There you go again apologizing. You didn’t make him stop to help you. That’s just who Tomas was. He was …. he was ridiculous and never took anything seriously. He always had this smirk on his face and it made you want to smile with him. It was like he was sharing a secret only you two knew and it made you feel special. He was happy living this life on the Obsidian. He wasn’t the best at taking orders, but he was loyal. Tomas didn’t deserve to die like this.”
Ana was fully crying now. Ember never felt any worse than she did in that moment. This was her fault. It was all her fault. If she had just kept her footing or run faster, Tomas would have made it back to the ship and back to Ana. “No one deserves to die likeTomas did tonight. I told him he wasn’t alone. I didn’t …. no one should die thinking that. No one should die alone.” Ember said softly, her mind immediately going to Cassius as the image of his unconscious form laying on the shore as Nikolas steered the sailing boat out of the hidden carven.
A flash of guilt came over Ana’s features, but it was gone before she could question it. “No. No one deserves to die alone. Not even a stuck-up royal.”
Ember wanted to believe this was the start to maybe some trust between them, but as the stony expression fell over Ana’s face, she knew it wasn’t. Her walls were coming back up. “I need to get down there. Come with me or leave. I don’t care.” She said as she pushed off the wall before heading down to the main deck.
Ember stood there for a moment, her eyes following the pirate with a new sadness. Ana was hurting deeply and Ember blamed herself for it. She was so caught up in watching the blonde join the other crew members, she didn’t notice the new presence beside her until they chose to speak.
“I warned you not to tell her. A grieving Anastasia is a dangerous one. I feel bad for the poor unfortunate man who says the wrong word to her during this trip. Pity aside, my coin is on Patch being that unfortunate soul. He doesn’t usually catch his foot before it ends up in his mouth.” Nikolas said as he leaned against the railing.
Ember didn’t know if she wanted to roll her eyes and leave or laugh. Laughing seemed like a bad idea, but she wasn’t ready to face the people who were Tomas’ family. “I don’t have a right to go down there and join them. I’m the reason their friend is dead. They have every right to hate me. Especially Ana.” She said quietly as she watched them start.
Nikolas took a deep breath, a heavy sigh following a moment after. “I told you earlier, it’s not all on you. Ana doesn’t need your pity apology either. If Tomas’ sacrifice is going to mean anything? We need to see this mission through and break your curse.”
He was wrong, she realized.
Looking at Ana, seeing how woman grieved for her lover, Ember knew he was wrong. “I doubt she’d agree with that. No one’s life is more important than anyone else’s. You can’t justify his death, Nikolas.”
He didn’t meet her eyes. Instead, his gaze searched the horizon. She knew he didn’t want to admit he was wrong, but he had to. “Look at your friends. Look at Ana. Can you honestly go over there and tell them that Tomas died for a reason? That breaking this curse will make his death hurt less? Nothing can do that. Breaking my curse won’t bring him back.” She went on.
She was hoping to get through
to him, but she realized too late that wasn’t the problem. He was justifying Tomas’ death because it was how he was trying to cope with losing his friend tonight. His glare snapped to her before she could take back her initial assumption. “Forgive me, but you’ve been out in the real world for what? Hours at most. Haven’t you been sheltered your entire life? New dresses for each day, pretty jewelry gifted to you for no reason. You haven’t felt real heartbreak or had to struggle. You don’t know what it’s like to be starving on the streets or living with a family who hates you or just wants to use you.” He snarled, his anger getting the best of him.
She knew his broken heart was the reason behind his anger, but it didn’t make his words hurt any less. She might not have had the same struggles as he had growing up, but it didn’t mean her life was perfect either.
“That isn’t fair. You don’t know-” She started to say.
His scoff made her pause. “Don’t k now what? How hard it was to order servants around or when you had to choose between going sailing or riding your pony? Did you, or did you not, sit up in that palace of yours laughing your pretty little head with that insufferable princeling while people in your town begged on the streets and went hungry?”
Tears swam in her eyes, but she refused to let him see her cry again. She knew he was just angry because there was nothing that he could do to fix this. Tomas, his friend and a member of his family, wasgone and he couldn’t bring him back. He wasn’t there when his friend needed him and he had so much rage at himself boiling inside.
That didn’t mean he got to take that anger out on her. She was privileged, sure, but nothing about her life was easy. She was pawn in her father’s game. A prize he can dangle in front of King Ivan and Cassius. Her role was to be the silent pretty face who looked good on Cassius’ arm at parties. She knew it would be pointless trying to get him to see that. It would only encourage him to push harder and he’d end up saying something he didn’t mean.
“You really are a bastard, Nikolas.” She cried as she pushed off the railing and headed through the doorway that led below deck.
The Black Moon's Curse (The Stellara Trilogy Book 1) Page 12