“You always say that,” he grumbled petulantly. “When is it my turn to get a little attention around here?”
He tried to push his hand underneath my skirt, but my hand stopped him in his tracks. I shook my head. “I mean it, Brian. If you had the kind of day that I’ve had you’d just want to relax right now too.”
“Is that your way of saying that I don’t have a job? That I don’t have a reason to be tired because I’m unemployed and useless?”
I shook my head. “No, that’s not what it is at all. I was just saying that I had a hard day and I’m not in the mood.”
“And I’m telling you that I haven’t had anything from you for weeks. That’s bullshit,” he growled as his hand ran up and down my thigh. “You need to stop pushing me away or I’ll get suspicious.” His eyes narrowed. “Are you letting your boss fuck you?”
“Don’t be so stupid. I can’t stand him.”
“Let’s go in the bedroom.”
I actually shuddered. The last thing I wanted to do was touch, or be touched by him when he smelled like a bar at closing time. “Maybe tomorrow,” I said as I pulled hard out of his grasp. “I’m starving right now.”
“Ivy,” he called.
Lucky for me I managed to maneuver away from him and disappear into the kitchen. As soon as I was safe from his grasp, I sucked in a deep breath and gripped the counter. I told my body to relax. I shook my head at myself.
Running away in my own home. Horrible. My body desperately wanted to flee.
“Why’d you run away from me?”
Brian’s hot breath wafted against the back of my neck and set my teeth on edge. The smell of booze entered my space and choked me. I held my breath and tried to block out the aroma as he kissed the back of my neck. “I told you I want to eat and then get to bed, Brian.”
“We haven’t fucked in ages.”
“Not today.”
“When then?”
“Maybe tomorrow.” I was exhausted by him, work and the conversation. Even if I couldn’t eat for the night, I wanted to curl up and get some sleep. Either way, I wanted Brian to stop touching me. I turned around. “I’m going to go to bed. Work wiped me out.”
Brian pressed me against the counter with his body. “No. I’m bored of waiting.”
Chapter Three
Ivy
I grimaced as he pressed his lips against mine. That acrid taste invaded my mouth and it took everything to keep from gagging. Brian’s body pressed against mine. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to endure it. If he got his kisses maybe I could put him off for another night because I sure as hell wasn’t in the mood tonight. “Brian I-—”
“Shhh.” Brian’s fingers yanked at my button-up blouse. The top two buttons flew off and pinged against the floor. His other hand reached up my skirt.
I jolted. It was one thing when he was pushy, but he was going too far. My hands grabbed him and shoved his hands away roughly. This was it. I couldn’t take another minute of him trying to touch me. I slapped my hands on his chest and shoved him away from me. “Brian, I said stop. God, I don’t want to have sex right now. I shouldn’t have to keep saying it.”
“What do I have to do, clunk you over the head and fuck a lump of lard?”
“Fuck you,” I snarled. This time, he’d gone too far.
“What’s your problem, bitch?”
“Don’t call me that,” I growled. “I’m so sick and tired of you doing this shit.”
“You should be happy I even want your lumpy ass. No one else would want to fuck you even if you paid them.”
I glared at Brian. It was bad enough he tried to break me down, but this was beyond hurtful. It poked a sensitive nerve. What if I left him and no one wanted me? He wasn’t the first man to reject me. Hell, it went all the way back to my first love. An image of Cooper flashed into my mind. I shut it out instantly. At every turn, he tried to beat it into my head that he was the only person who would ever want me and I hated it.
“I’m going to bed,” I muttered. ”I’ve had enough.”
“Fine, at least fucking give me a blow, then. You know how much you like your meat raw.”
I shook my head in amazement. It was like talking to a brick wall. A horny brick wall.
He pushed his sweatpants down and pulled his naked dick out. It was hard and aroused by the thought of forced sex. “Come on, get over here, and put that dirty mouth to use.”
While he had his jerking meat in his hand, I tried to streak past him, but with surprising speed for a drunk man, he grabbed me with his other hand. I tried to twist out of his grasp, but he held me tightly. His other hand left his cock and yanked at my shirt. Then his lips came for me again. Anger bubbled up inside of me and for the first time, I didn’t want to shrink away and hide.
It was everything. The rudeness, the lack of care, the smell of his breath, his rough-dry hands, the unwashed, smelly dick pressed against me. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. And he knew that. But he just didn’t care. He just wanted what he wanted. I’d had enough of men pushing me around for one day.
“I said stop,” I yelled.
He completely ignored me and let his tongue trail on my skin.
I whipped my hand as far back as I could and swung it forward until it connected with the side of his head. Full force. The sting reverberated up my hand and traveled up the length of my arm.
Brian’s head jerked back, then stayed in the position I’d slapped it into. His hands had fallen away from me, but I couldn’t move. I stared at him in shock. As much as he pushed me, I’d never lost my temper with him before or retaliated. In fact, this was the first time in my life I’d ever hit anybody.
Slowly, he turned his burning eyes to me. “You think you can hit me and get away with it?” His voice was very quiet, full of menace. His eyes were that of a stranger. I had lived with this man and never seen this side of him. Far, by far, worse than the man who had clenched his fists and called me names.
I backed away from him. “Stay away from me…” My voice trembled, as I tried to get some distance between us. “Just stay back.”
“Bitch!” Brian lunged for me.
I couldn’t run fast enough. My head slammed against the wall so hard I saw stars. The impact took my breath away and I couldn’t even scream.
Hands wrapped around my throat and squeezed. My eyes widened. Brian’s face was black with uncontrollable rage. It was terrifying. He gritted his teeth and pressed his body against mine as his hands tightened. I tried to scratch at him with my nails, but it was like scratching an elephant. He never even felt it. He just continued to strangle me. I could see the expression in his eyes changing to one of curiosity and strange excitement. He knew he was killing me and it was arousing him. I could feel my mouth gaping like a goldfish. I was begging him to let go, but only strange choking, gasping, rattling sounds came out of my throat.
My vision wavered and grew dark. Bit by bit, the room began to disappear around the edges and I knew that was it.
I’m going to die.
I’m going to die.
I’m going to DIE.
Panic rose in my chest as I tried frantically to breathe, but no air was pulled into my burning lungs. And Brian, he smiled as he strangled me. Was this sick, unholy look the last thing I would see before I left this earth? Would his ugly face haunt me for all eternity? I stared back at him in disbelief. Was this it? Was this all I was going to have in this life? My lungs felt as if they were going to burst. My whole body was pulsating. The edges grew and grew. Soon it would be all black…
Then, he made a mistake. He moved back slightly, so he could jerk himself off as he strangled me.
It was the only chance I had—my knee yanked upward and crashed into his balls. Brian let out a scream of agony. His hand left my throat as both his hands were needed to clutch helplessly at his crotch. Leaning my head against the wall, I sucked in great, big rasping breaths. My lungs wheezed as they tried to regulate themselves again. Dizziness mad
e me stumble.
“That...is it,” I wheezed. “I’m done with you. I’m done with this city. I’m leaving. I never want to see you again.” I coughed against my fist and the skin on my throat burned and throbbed. I knew I’d have a nasty looking bruise by the morning, but I had survived. Now, to escape, while I still could. Quickly, I turned on my heels while he writhed in agony on the ground. I darted for my bag, shoved my feet into my shoes and made a dash for the front door.
“Do you really think I’ll let you go? You belong to me. You’re mine! Do you hear me, you bitch? You’re mine.”
I turned to look at him.
He was staring at me with an expression I will never forget. It was evil personified. “I’ll hunt you down and drag your ass back, you’ll see,” he promised. “You’ll never get away from me, Ivy Johansan.”
My blood turned cold. I knew he was dead serious. I would never be free of him as long as I remained in New York. I would always be looking over my shoulder. I had to get away from him.
That look in his eyes as he strangled me shot shivers through my spine as I ran down the stairs. He’d come so close to ending my life while he just smiled.
Chapter Four
Ivy
I stood at the bus station and stared at the little man behind the screen. He looked bored, like he'd seen too many customers and didn't give a fuck about any of them. I knew I was no different.
All I had on me was my bag which I clutched to me as if it held diamonds and precious pearls. In reality, it was just upsetting that I had left everything behind. I had nothing. None of my clothes, my laptop. Thank God, my pictures and my little knick-knacks were in the broom cupboard, but I wouldn’t be able to access them at this time of the night.
At least I had my ID and social security card, but that was it.
I pulled my collar around my neck. I didn't know what was next. I had dreamed about moving on and having a new life, but not like this. I had nowhere to go.
“Ma'am, are you going to buy a ticket or are you going to stare all day?”
I blinked at the ruddy-faced man behind the glass. I wished I had the answer. All I knew for sure was that I had to get out of New York. Where was I going to go? I had only been in two places my whole life. Springston, Texas, and New York.
Could I really go back to Springston?
It seemed bizarre to go back to the one place I said I’d never return to. Except I had no idea what to do if I didn't get on that train to Texas. And the thought of going home was almost comforting.
“Yeah. I'm going to Springston, Texas. A one-way bus ticket to Springston, please.”
He nodded and I couldn't believe I was actually going back home. Dallas was an hour away from Springston, but it was the closest major city to the tiny town. Springston was one of those places where everyone knew everyone. Everyone went to the same church, and everyone knew who your parents were, and what you had done throughout your life.
There were no secrets in Springston.
Was I really ready to go back to that? I left because of all the pressure, all the memories that still haunted me. Now I was about to hop on a train and go right back to it, the gossiping women, the parochial men, the lazy, nothing to do lifestyle. But it wasn’t that I had run away from. No, I could have lived there all my life if not for what happened with Cooper.
I didn't know what choice I had in the matter.
It was either go back to Texas, stay in New York, or go somewhere else where I had no support or job. At least back home, I would have my old apartment. Having a place to live would at least take some of the burden off of my shoulders. At least, I wouldn't have to worry about where I would lay my head at night. And that was a major concern.
And anyway, Cooper was probably long gone from Springston.
“All right,” the man behind the glass said as he typed into his computer.
Just a few seconds later, I held a ticket and clutched it in my palm as I walked over to a seat and settled on it. I looked around me without seeing anything. My mind was filled with Springston. It was a place that held a thousand memories. Some of them amazing, some horrible.
The worst of the memories were about the fact that my parents were both dead and how they’d died. In a car accident when I was just graduating college. And now, I was twenty-seven and I had never gone back home once. Springston, without them to light it up, would be like a different world.
My mother was the upbeat, peppy type. She always donned an apron while cooking up a feast for what seemed like kings and queens, when the people around her dinner table were really just my father and I.
My father was the calm, quiet, stoic type. He liked to spend his time fishing, hunting, and napping in his favorite chair in the living room. I could still remember the scent of his cologne, Old Spice, and his deep rumbly laughter.
Now none of that no longer existed. The apartment they left me had sat empty for the last five years. It was the apartment they lived in when they were first married. After years of scrounging, they managed to save enough to move our little family to a pretty, little single-story house.
After their death, I rented the house to a lovely couple with two small children. It’s what they would have wanted. That house was meant for love, laughter, life. In fact, it was the reason I could afford to have my own apartment in New York.
I didn’t want to rent out a storage until so I under the apartment to store some of the belongings that I hadn't been able to part with when I emptied out the house.
Well, at least I will have somewhere to live. I knew that I could regroup there and get my shit together. I would look for a new job since I wouldn't survive long on my meager savings, and I would start anew. Somewhere else.
The bus pulled into the depot and I climbed aboard with the other passengers. I couldn't help but think how we all looked like lonely, lost spirits in the night. I shuffled to the back and found a place where I could sit comfortably. I realized I hadn't even had time to grab my cell phone charger.
The journey from New York to Texas wouldn't be short and I was sure when the bus made its next rest stop I could find an emergency charger. For now, I wanted to relax and forget the world existed. There would be plenty of problems to face when I was back home. I leaned my head against the seat and closed my eyes.
Wow!
Chapter Five
Ivy
The bus bumped and shook along from New York all the way down to Texas. Sometimes, I glanced out of the window and watched the country go by. Other times, I passed out and cherished those moments of peaceful, blissful, uninterrupted sleep.
God knows Brian never allowed me a moment of peace. There had been more than one occasion when he’d deliberately woken me up out of a dead sleep, so he could pump into me.
Don't think about him. Don't think about New York. Don't think about the job you’ve abandoned without any notice. Don't think about any of it.
I decided to forget any of it even existed. This was a chance to start over. Clean slate, nothing to lose, the chance at a happy life.
When we finally arrived on the outskirts of Texas, we stopped for a break. I had to find a charger for my phone. As I waited my turn at the register, I stared at the diminishing battery. When I lifted my head, a man was hovering near me. I glared at him, but he came closer, anyway.
“You've got that look on your face. It's like you're running from something. Are you?”
I looked him up and down with hostile eyes. I’d had it with men interfering in my business. “What's it to you?”
“I just wanted to tell you that if you're using the same phone whatever you're running from can probably track you. I don't mean to sound paranoid or anything, but I know for a fact that people trace other people that way. You look scared, so I thought I would let you know.
I blinked up at the man. He was completely right, of course. I’d watched enough spy movies to know I needed a new phone. For some reason, my head had been so jumbled with stress, paranoia, a
nxiety that I hadn't realized there was an easy target on my back. I dropped the phone as if it was on fire and my heel crash down on the screen.
“Thank you,” I said in a shaky voice. “I guess I hadn't properly realized that.”
“No problem. I’ve seen my fair share of people in bad situations. I know that look you have in your eyes. I didn't want to alarm you, but I'm glad that I was able to warn you. We should head back. The bus is about ready to go.”
Shuddering, I followed the man back to the bus and boarded it. The thought that Brian might have some way to track me back to my hometown was terrifying. We had never really discussed where I was from before.
Great, now I have to get a new phone.
The cost of a new phone was nothing compared to the fact that I was still alive. My hand reached up to my throat and I touched the burning, throbbing bruise that must, by now, be etched into my skin.
Any feeling of sleepiness was gone and I ended up staring out of the window the entire time and thinking about the fact that I had left everything behind and would have to start from scratch. It was still kind of daunting to think about.
“Springston,” the driver called.
I quickly jumped out of my seat ready to be finally off the bus for good.
Exiting the terminal, I flagged down a taxi and told the driver to take me to the apartment. It was too late to stop anywhere as the sun had disappeared ages ago. The taxi stopped outside my apartment and I stared up at it with a strange sense of loss. It looked dark and empty. It was strange knowing that I was all alone.
I paid the driver and trudged up to the top floor where Rosa lived. She kept a spare key for me. I prayed she was in. She wasn’t, but her surly husband gave me the key. I went back down to my floor and let myself into my apartment.
Light flooded the space and I sighed as I looked around the dusty space. It wasn’t huge. Two bedrooms that were modest in size, a darling little kitchen trimmed in light blue and white and a living room with a small TV. There was no internet at the moment, but I would worry about getting it set up once I found a job.
Let’s Start Over Page 2