He reached for her. “Please, let me help. I think I’ll be ill if you don’t.”
She took his hand and leaned on him as she took the next step, and the next. His tiny wife didn’t make a sound despite her discomfort. She didn’t complain or demand to stay in bed. It was as much a testament to her strength as it was the bad things she’d lived through.
She acted as though this was nothing. And maybe in comparison to what her husband had done to her, it was nothing. Anger rippled through Cam’s muscles. The urge to hunt down the bastard and make him pay dearly brought the taste of copper to his mouth. If he could focus his anger on someone else, it might ease his guilt.
But his rage went unsated. The man was dead. His tiny warrior queen had defended herself and stopped the devil from hurting her ever again.
“You’re so strong, Mari,” he said as he helped her down the stairs one at a time.
“I don’t think so.” She laughed. “After all, I was bested by an empty boot.”
He grinned halfheartedly at her joke and kissed the top of her head. “I find you to be strong, and I’ll not listen to an argument.” He winked to soften his words.
“Can you help me to the kitchen? I’d rather take my meal there than in the hall with everyone staring at me.”
How often had she been forced to hide away so no one would question her injuries? He’d not allow her to feel shame for damage he’d caused.
“You don’t need to hide. I’ll explain what happened. The shame lies with me, and I’ll face it like a man who was wrong.”
A frown pulled at her lip for just a second, but it must have hurt, and her lips went flat instead.
“This is my fault, and I’ll damn well tell everyone so,” he insisted.
She glanced up at him in surprise then peeked into the hall. “If it’s all the same with you, I’d rather go to the kitchen with my sister.”
“Of course,” he said, pushing away undeserved jealousy because she wanted the comfort of her sister instead of him. Of course she wouldn’t want to be with him. He’d caused her this pain. She didn’t know he’d done it on purpose, but he’d have to explain that to her at some point. The guilt would eat at him if he didn’t.
In any case, it was best he spent some time away from her. He cared about her far more than he’d planned to. Sure, he’d wanted to enjoy certain pleasures of marriage with his wife, and sharing a friendship with the woman would make the years before them more bearable. But he needed to stay a safe distance so she’d not become attached to him.
That was what he told himself…but the truth was, he needed to make sure he didn’t become attached to her, either.
He picked her up and carried her the rest of the way to the kitchens. At the door, he kicked it with his foot until it was opened. As he set Mari on a stool, the women all gasped and turned to glare at him.
“I deserve your ire and more,” he said. “I left my boots out on the floor and she tripped. Do you have some of that nasty tea that lessens the pain?” He was fine with their disregard, but he wanted them to help Mari if they could.
“We do,” Kenna said, her lips pressed together as she turned Mari’s face one way and the other to appraise the damage.
“Her ankle is swollen as well. I’m such a fool. Can ye help her, please?”
“Yes.” Kenna waved him to the door. “Go have your morning meal. We’ll take care of her.”
He waited there by the door despite his desire to flee their narrowed glares. “I want to help if I can.” There was no way he’d be able to eat anything with blame tearing up his belly.
“You can’t help, so just go away.” Kenna patted his shoulder and smiled.
“It’s fine. Go and have your meal,” Mari said, and he realized she was trying to hide her pain for his benefit. She was sparing him more distress by pretending she wasn’t hurting.
He blew out a breath. “I’ll be back to take you where you need to go. I don’t think you should walk with your ankle puffed up like that.”
She nodded, and he turned to the door.
“Promise you’ll wait for me to come back before you go anywhere.”
“I promise,” she said easily.
In the hall, he sat down, and a serving girl came rushing over with his meal. He waved her away. He was afraid to eat for fear it would come back up. The knots in his stomach only twisted tighter. He was supposed to be working with his men today, but at this rate he’d not be able to focus on his sword and would be sliced in two.
Nay. He’d not be good for anything until he confessed his sin.
…
“I truly did fall. Cameron didn’t do this on purpose,” Mari repeated. Again. She’d told the women the story as soon as her husband left.
They all looked at one another and nodded.
“Of course we know Cam didn’t do this,” Kenna said while stirring the foul-smelling brew. “He would never hurt a woman. He’s a wreck because you’re hurt and feels responsible, which he should—how careless to leave his boots lying about!—but he’s a man who would sooner die than cause his woman harm.”
Mari knew this in her heart, but the duke had also seemed peaceable in public though truly was not. Sometimes people acted one way when around others and another in private.
She’d only been in the kitchen a little while when Cameron stuck his head in again. “Are you well?”
“Yes. I feel better now that Kenna forced this sorry excuse for tea down my throat.” She and Kenna shared a smile.
“You’re not in pain.”
“Not much.” She thought her answer would appease him, but he frowned and rubbed his forehead. “Really, not at all,” she amended, hoping it would soothe the sorrowful look from his face. When it didn’t help, she gave him a smile.
From the strained look on his face, her smile must not have been all that reassuring. When she felt the trickle of blood from the opened wound, she understood. She was a mess.
“It’s not your fault,” she offered.
Espath harrumphed. “Mayhap next time you won’t leave your boots lying about so someone might fall over them,” she scolded him.
With a groan and another apology, he backed away and left the kitchen.
“I don’t know what he’s about. Normally he’s a very tidy man.” Kenna shook her head and went back to her ministrations with Mari’s ankle.
“You shouldn’t be working,” Mari said, watching the door. There would be trouble if Lachlan came in and saw Kenna bending over her ankle.
“You do remember I have two wee boys already who keep me moving all day? I’m glad for this small rest. I love them dearly, but all their energy… They get it by draining other people, I think.”
They laughed together.
“Try walking on it now,” Kenna ordered.
Mari took a step and then another. She nodded. “I wouldn’t want to walk for miles, but it’s not so bad now. Thank you.”
Kenna gave a pleased smile. “Good.”
“I’ll try my best not to limp in front of Cameron. I don’t want to pile more guilt upon him.”
Kenna’s eyes went wide. “Are ye mad? You’re in the perfect position to get whatever your heart desires. He’s so guilt-ridden he’d likely do anything for you.”
“Anything?” Mari wondered with a raised brow…though more to herself.
“Well, perhaps not that. Men have a funny idea that they will hurt you worse if they give in to their randy ways. They think us fragile and breakable.”
“Anyway, I wouldn’t want him to do…that…simply because he felt guilty.”
Kenna chuckled. “I’m sure it would be no hardship for him. You should give it a try.”
For the rest of the day, it seemed Cameron avoided her. Twice she’d seen him come into the hall, and both times as soon as he saw her he turned and lef
t again.
Was he repulsed by her injuries? A shiver of fear went down her spine at the memory of her late husband looking on her with disgust. She swallowed down her unease.
Cameron was nothing like Endsmere. He was kind and gentle.
Thanks to Kenna’s suggestion, Mari had been thinking of the things she might ask for, now that Cameron was pliable to her wishes.
Things like kisses and touches. And other things that made her face heat.
Despite coming up with a number of good fantasies, she knew she’d be too frightened to ask Cameron for what she wanted. Though it wouldn’t make a difference if he stayed away from her until she healed.
She almost hoped he had gotten her letter. She thought about the words she’d written. How she’d told him she liked his kiss.
She was sitting in the corner of the hall working on her sister’s embroidery with her foot propped up per Kenna’s instructions when the young man, Liam, came in and handed her a letter.
“The war chief asked me to deliver this to you.”
“Thank you,” she said with a puzzled nod.
“Yes, madam.”
As soon as he was gone she opened the letter and found a page full of Cameron’s large script. He seemed to have no regard for the size of the paper. It reminded her of how he took up the majority of their bed. She smiled until her lip pinched.
Dearest wife,
I canna tell ye how truly sorry I am for causing you this pain. I ken you’re quick to forgive me, and I’ll not play the coward and confess my sins in a letter. Just know that I’ll stand before ye soon and state my wrongdoings. I can only hope you’ll forgive me.
I must also apologize for not acknowledging your letter yesterday. I’m not one for correspondence, and I was impatient to move forward. But I now see the allure of the written word. And how easy it is to pour your soul onto a page.
Please know you are not alone in wanting physical pleasure between us. I think of ye in that way most of my waking hours, and many of my sleeping hours as well.
I fear I’ve ruined any chance for further kissing in the near future, but know I will take advantage of the opportunity if you feel me worthy of such affections.
Your repentant husband,
Cam
Another smile split her lip open again, but she didn’t mind. She was too overcome with joy. He’d written to her. He said he wanted to kiss her and thought about it often. He also thought she wouldn’t want him to. She went to Kenna’s solar to retrieve a paper and quill.
She’d just have to tell him how wrong he was.
Chapter Fifteen
“I’m going to bloody kill you.” Cam grabbed Bryce up by his shirt, lifting the man off the ground.
“What did I do?”
“You suggested I should be messy and toss my things about.” Cam waved a hand in the air as he dropped Bryce back to his feet. “Did you see my wife? She’s hurt, and it’s all because I listened to your stupid talk. God bless Maggie for dealing with the likes of you for the too-few years she was here with us.”
“Do not speak of Maggie.” Bryce’s dark eyes flashed in warning.
Cam had overstepped, but he wanted someone else to blame for Mari’s pain, and Bryce was somewhat responsible. Even if he hadn’t been the one to throw his boot in the path of Cam’s poor wife. Bloody hell.
“I’m sorry.” He ran his hands through his hair. “How do people stand this? She’s so little and delicate. I don’t want to hurt her.”
Leaving his boots out where she might trip was bad enough, but if she consented to lie with him, what then? How would he make love to her without injury?
“Even the dainty ones are stronger than you think. They birth babes, Cam. They’re not weak. You or I wouldn’t stand it.”
“Christ. What if I get a babe on her? I should keep my bloody hands to myself. I’m going to go stay in the woods until we’re old and gray. Then I’ll be too feeble to cause her harm.”
“You’re talking nonsense. You wouldn’t make it two days knowing food and a warm woman await you here.”
Cam wanted to argue, but Bryce was right. And it wasn’t the food that was the biggest lure.
“I need to talk to her.”
He’d kept his distance the entire day. Using her method of communicating by letter was a bit easier than speaking to her directly. He hadn’t been strong enough to face her most of the day. Seeing her limping, with her beautiful face bruised, made his chest hurt as if he’d been stabbed through.
But it was time to confess. Time to face it straight on like the warrior he was. If she hated him, it would make things easier for both of them. He’d find a place to sleep in the hall, and they’d not need to speak again.
He should want that. It would give him a perfect excuse if Lach complained of the arrangement.
But he hoped for something else.
He stood at their chamber door and rested his head against the wood. He was out of ideas and ways to make his wife comfortable with him. Rather than come up with another bungled plan, he decided to be honest and hope for the best.
He entered to find her already in bed with the covers pulled up like a shield, as on the other nights she’d been in bed when he arrived. He closed and barred the door and went to sit next to her by the bed. As usual, she flinched when he moved too quickly.
He let out a breath. “You remember the talk we had down by the river? When I told you to tell me if you dinna like something I did or didna do?”
“Yes. I remember.”
“But you’ve not said anything. Not when I flirted with the serving girl right in front of you the other evening. Not about my clothes scattered about the room. Not even about my boots in the middle of the floor causing you to trip and injure yourself. Nothing. Not so much as a peep to show your displeasure.”
She hesitated, then said, “It almost sounds as if you did those things on purpose to earn my ire.”
“That would be bloody foolish.” His gaze glanced away from hers. “But it’s also true.” He winced. Christ almighty. “I’m sorry.”
“You wanted me to be angry with you?” She looked confused, and rightfully so, but still not angry.
“Yes—no. I wanted you to feel comfortable enough to argue with me. I thought if we had a disagreement and you and I scrapped a bit, when it was over you would see I hadn’t hurt ye, and you would no longer be afraid of me.”
Damn Liam for suggesting such a plan. And damn Bryce and Lach for agreeing with such a farce. But mostly, damn himself for thinking this was the way to go about making someone feel safe. What an arse he was.
She shifted slightly. “I appreciate your efforts—I guess—but I’m not afraid of you, Cameron.”
“Nay?” He reached for her, his heart filled with hope, but she instantly pulled away, her eyes wide with the same fear he saw each time he moved too quickly.
He let out a breath. “Aye, I can see that. Never mind. I’ll bed down in the hall. You can sleep here in peace.” He stood to leave again.
“No. Wait.” She slid from the bed and hobbled over to him.
He grimaced, hating that she was obviously still in pain.
“As I said in my letter…it’s not you that I fear. I know violence is not your way. But my body remembers the past and reacts without my consent. Just by instinct. I can’t help it.”
He shook his head. “It’s not just your body. You’re a timid little mouse around me, and I can’t take it. If I do something wrong, you should feel free to let me have it. I know he hurt you, but I’m not the duke. Never would I hurt you.”
Cam turned for the door but stopped when she placed her hand on his arm.
She stepped closer, still touching him. She swallowed and looked him in the eye. “You take all the covers and leave me none.”
One foot moved back and her hand
dropped, but she stayed before him. He could see the strength it took for her to stand there and not retreat.
Come on, Mari. You can do this. If she was ready to do battle, he would help her along.
He crossed his arms in his most imposing stance. “I’m bigger than you. I deserve more of the blankets, don’t you think?”
She pressed her slightly trembling lips together. “Maybe. But I should get some. It’s only fair.”
“It’s my bed,” he pointed out and leaned over her.
She winced away, but after a few seconds she straightened and leaned toward him. “It’s our bed. We’re married,” she snapped. Then looked surprised and rather proud of herself.
He refrained from smiling, though his heart was flying with joy. His wife was scrapping with him. She felt safe enough to argue. He’d make sure not to take it too far, but at the moment he was enjoying her spark.
Slowly, he raised his hands to her shoulders. He squeezed gently in encouragement. “You snore,” he accused, and reveled in the way her eyes went wide with outrage.
“I do not snore.” Her voice rose into a disgruntled squeak.
“Aye. I dream I’m lying with a sow from the barns and wake to find ye beside me.”
When it was clear she was so angry she couldn’t find words, he bent and kissed her. Careful of her wounds, he pulled her into his arms in a silent promise never to let go. And kissed her again.
…
One moment Mari was pulling in breath to scream at her husband, and the next her body was crushed to his. His lips crashed down on hers and his large arms wrapped around her, pulling her close.
She was startled and alarmed at first, but he softened the kiss. When she realized what he’d done she relaxed against him.
He released her just enough to free his hands to roam down her back. A sound escaped her lips that she’d never made before in her life. A pleasure-filled moan. He answered with an enticing groan of his own.
His tongue tickled her lips, and she opened enough for him to enter and tease her. His heat surrounded her, and she shivered with nervous excitement.
Her Accidental Highlander Husband (MacKinlay Clan) Page 10