With lunch in the town’s famous chocolate shop, it had been a fun and relaxing day for everyone, but Steph was looking tired. Lottie didn’t like to keep on and on asking how her sister was. She hoped Steph would tell her if she was concerned about anything. However, while the girls were choosing some Christmas chocolate from the display to give to their teacher, she took her chance.
‘Are you OK?’ she asked.
‘Fine.’ Steph smiled, then shook her head. ‘Except, I’m not really fine.’
Lottie’s stomach turned over. ‘What’s the matter? You haven’t had any more symptoms?’
‘No. I don’t think so but every ache or pain, any tiny thing, makes me think that it’s come back. I can’t help it and although my Macmillan nurse said it’s normal to worry, it doesn’t stop me from being terrified if I feel sick or that something’s not quite “right” even though I know it’s probably only the effects of the treatment. Still, I’ll know soon enough.’ Steph toyed with her teaspoon. ‘I finally had the letter yesterday morning inviting me for an MRI scan to double-check the cancer hasn’t spread anywhere else. The scan is December eleventh and then I have an appointment with the gynaecologist before I can get the all clear.’ She heaved a sigh. ‘If I get the all clear.’
‘You will. I know you will,’ Lottie exclaimed. ‘I want to magic all your worries away but you can always tell me anything. If you want to talk, or simply rant and rave or cry, I’m here. You do know that?’
‘Hon, of course I do but sometimes I just need to curl in a ball and cry and I don’t want to pile my fear onto you every time I have a little wobble. You have a life too, and it makes me happy to see you living it. My nurse said I can phone or email any time too. I don’t know what I’d have done without her.’
Lottie rested her hand on Steph’s. ‘I’ll come with you to your scan and appointment.’
‘No, please don’t. It’s a busy time for you.’
‘Shayla will understand,’ Lottie said firmly.
‘I’ll be fine, honest. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know. I won’t know anything on the day of the scan, anyway, but I might need some moral support when I go to find out the results.’ Steph gave her a stern look. ‘Now, please, can we talk about something else? Like this party and whether you and Jay will get together properly?’
‘I haven’t seen him since Wednesday, not properly,’ Lottie said. ‘We’ve both been really busy.’
Steph’s ears pricked up. ‘Why? What happened on Wednesday?’
‘Oh, we just went to the pub with the rest of the Firholme gang,’ Lottie said, deciding not to go into the drama of Jay’s brother and love life. She suspected that Jay wouldn’t want her to share that very personal story even with Steph. They also hadn’t spoken more than a few words of greeting since then and she was beginning to wonder if Jay regretted pouring out his heart to her.
‘Mummy!’ Jodie skipped up to them, interrupting any talk about Jay, which was probably for the best. ‘Come and look at this chocolate. It’s purple!’
‘Purple chocolate? Surely not?’
Myra grabbed Lottie’s hand. ‘It really is. We want to get some for Miss Langley!’
‘You go,’ Lottie said, ‘while I get the bill.’
Steph took the girls to look at the chocolate display, which Lottie knew included some lavender-flavoured treats. Watching them chattering and laughing with Steph, Lottie had a wobbly moment. They were so trusting, so unaware of how fragile life was. Steph was understandably terrified, no matter how much she tried to hide it, and Lottie couldn’t work out if she was looking tired because of the worry or because something was actually wrong. Lottie herself was trying to be optimistic but what if Steph’s MRI scan wasn’t clear and she had to have more treatment – or worse, couldn’t have treatment at all?
She went to pay the bill and reminded herself that they’d all got through uncertainty by taking each day as it came, and that today had been a good one. She would focus on the next day when the twins were coming to choose their tree and meet the reindeer.
On Saturday morning, Tigger had nothing on Myra and Lottie as the girls sprang out of the back of the car like demented jack-in-the-boxes. A light dusting of snow had come down overnight, creating a perfect backdrop for the Christmas tree launch, and the visit of the reindeer.
They were literally bouncing up and down when Lottie met them and Steph on the Firholme staff car park.
‘What are they on? Red Bull and E numbers?’
Steph shook her head wearily. ‘God knows but they were awake at midnight, and four o’clock and six … I was hoping for a lie-in after the week I’ve had but there’s no chance of that.’
Lottie did think Steph looked drawn. She really wanted to believe it was down to the twins keeping her awake and not something worse.
‘We’re going to see the reindeer! We’re going to meet the reindeer!’ they shrieked, running around the car park, leaving welly prints in the snow.
‘I’m going to hug a baby reindeer,’ Myra declared. ‘And I’m going to bring him home to live with me.’
‘You can’t bring him home,’ Jodie said. ‘Mummy won’t let you.’
‘The reindeer’s mummy won’t let you,’ Steph said. ‘Please calm down, girls.’
Lottie called them over. ‘Now, girls. It’s very important that we’re super gentle and quiet around the reindeer, especially the baby. You don’t want them to be scared and upset, do you?’
They both shook their heads solemnly.
‘If we’re too loud, the reindeer farmer might have to stop our visit,’ Steph warned.
Myra’s bottom lip wobbled.
‘Don’t worry,’ Lottie said. ‘Because I know that you two are going to be the best-behaved, gentlest visitors the reindeer have ever met and they will love you.’
‘We will,’ Jodie whispered.
Myra nodded. ‘We’ll be very quiet and very gentle especially with the baby.’
‘Good. So, shall we head up to their paddock? We can choose a Christmas tree too, if you’re good.’
‘Yes!!’ The girls erupted into life again. ‘We’re going to get a treeeeeeee! We’re going to meet a babeeeee reindeeerrrrrr!’
‘Oh God, I hope we don’t cause a stampede,’ Steph said, walking beside Lottie to the forest entrance, the twins skipping ahead.
‘Jay said the reindeer handlers are very good with children,’ Lottie said, highly amused.
‘I hope so.’
The Christmas tree centre looked spectacular, as if an invisible hand had sprinkled icing sugar over the fields and roofs of Firholme. Lottie was bubbling, despite the strain of the wedding. Who couldn’t be infected with the excitement of two five-year-olds who had snow, Christmas and reindeer to look forward to?
Steph must have caught her mood. ‘Feels good, doesn’t it?’
‘Yes.’
‘Thanks for being an awesome sister and friend.’ Steph flung her arm around Lottie and gave her a squeeze.
‘You’re welcome.’
‘There they are!’ The children hared off across the grass towards the Christmas tree centre where in a small paddock half a dozen reindeer stood munching on hay. The baby was no bigger than a large Labrador. Lottie had to admit, it was incredibly cute.
‘Girls. What did I say about being quiet?’ The twins slowed and waited for Steph and Lottie to catch up with them.
‘There’s Jay,’ said Lottie.
Steph let out a whistle. ‘Wow. That’s a sight to cheer up a cold morning. He reminds me of Kit Harington.’
‘Really?’ Lottie daren’t admit the thought had crossed her mind a few times.
‘Yes, and with all the snow and trees, it’s all very Game of Thrones up here this morning.’
Jay joined them, and Lottie was pleased to see he looked as relaxed as he usually did when he was outdoors and in his element.
She made the introductions before he led them over to the reindeer handler.
‘Are they San
ta’s real reindeer? Myra asked.
‘I’m not sure,’ he said. ‘Shall we ask the lady who looks after them?’
A woman with hair the colour of a peppermint candy cane greeted them by the gate to the reindeer paddock. She had enough ear and nose piercings to set off every airport metal detector this side of Heathrow and the girls stared at her in naked curiosity.
‘Hiya,’ Jay said. ‘This is Cush. She runs the reindeer sanctuary in the valley. Cush, this is Myra and Jodie.’
Unfazed by the twins’ stares, Cush grinned. ‘Hi there,’ she said cheerfully. ‘I’m going to let you meet Gary, Jason, Howard and Mark.’
‘What the …?’ Steph whispered to Lottie.
‘Take That, I think,’ Lottie said, exchanging an amused glance with Jay.
‘Not exactly my taste in music,’ he said. ‘What happened to Robbie?’ he added while the girls switched their attention back to the grazing reindeer and the baby.
‘He decided to quit the herd,’ Cush said. ‘Actually, he’s a she – Robbie is short for Roberta – and she’s back at the reindeer farm.’
‘Now, this is little Elvis,’ Cush said, pointing to the baby. ‘And his mum, Adele.’
‘It gets better,’ Steph said in delight.
Cush explained where the reindeer normally lived and what they ate, then answered a pile of questions, before asking if the girls would like to stroke one of the larger animals and the baby. The look in the girls’ eyes was pure wonder and Lottie had a lump in her throat.
Jay hung around, taking photos with Lottie and Steph’s phones.
The twins might happily have stayed all morning but Cush explained that it was almost time for the general public to be allowed in to see them.
While they said a final goodbye, Lottie stood aside with Jay.
‘Thanks for sorting out a private visit. The girls have absolutely loved it,’ she said. ‘Steph’s enjoyed it too.’
‘You’re welcome. I’m glad it lived up to expectations. Would you like to choose a tree before the chaos starts?’ he asked. ‘I’ve squared it with Shayla. Every member of staff can have one if they want.’
‘OK. As long as you’re not too busy.’
‘Of course I’m too busy.’ He shared a glance. ‘But I’m going to make time.’
The five of them wandered through the trees. Myra wanted an eight-foot tree that wouldn’t have even fitted through the door of their semi, while Jodie’s choice was rejected by Myra as ‘too fat’ to squeeze into the corner of the lounge. After dozens were rejected as being too bushy, too thin or too big, they eventually agreed on a spruce.
Jay lifted up the chosen tree. ‘Do you have a stand for it? It’s a lot easier if you can fit them into a proper base.’
‘I don’t think so,’ Steph said.
‘We sell them but between us, I have a couple of rejects going spare. They only need a spot of glue on one of the legs,’ he said.
‘I can do that,’ Lottie said.
‘If you want to take the stand today, I could come round with the tree after work?’ He paused. ‘If it’s OK with you and Lottie?’
Steph shared a glance with her. ‘It’s absolutely fine with me and I doubt Lottie has any plans for tonight, do you?’
Lottie winced but she couldn’t deny she was more than happy to deliver the tree with Jay. ‘It’s fine with me,’ she said.
Myra looked worried. ‘What if someone buys our tree while we’re not here?’
‘They won’t,’ Jay said, clearly amused. ‘Because we’re going to put a big tag on it marked “Sold”.’
‘Good. No one should touch our tree!’ Jodie said, folding her arms.
‘No one will, Jodie,’ Steph said with an apologetic glance at Jay. ‘Thanks so much.’
‘Can you keep them out of the tent for a while?’ Steph whispered to Lottie. ‘I’ve seen a couple of reindeer decorations for sale. I’d like to get them for them to hang on the tree on Christmas morning.’
The twins were happy to be left with Lottie and Jay. They chased around the felled spruce and fir, playing hide-and-seek for a few minutes before racing back to the adults, pink-cheeked and lively as ever.
‘What tree are you having?’ Myra asked Jay.
Lottie held her breath.
‘The biggest one, of course!’ Jodie said.
‘I’ll have to wait and see if there are any left when we’ve finished the sales,’ Jay said.
Jodie pulled a face. ‘You should put a tag on one now.’
‘A big one saying “Jay’s tree. Do not touch!”’ Myra shouted.
He caught Lottie’s eye. ‘Maybe I will.’
‘You need a tree for your children,’ Jodie said solemnly.
‘I don’t have any children yet,’ Jay said cheerfully enough though Lottie was instantly on edge.
‘Auntie Lottie doesn’t have any children either,’ Myra chirped up.
‘She has us instead. We’re her nieces,’ Jodie declared before staring up at Jay with her hands on her hips. ‘Do you have nieces?’
‘No …’ Jay said. ‘I have a nephew though.’
Lottie caught her breath, nursing a faint hope the twins wouldn’t pursue this topic.
Jodie folded her arms. ‘He needs a tree, then. When he comes to your house, he needs a tree.’
‘Girls …’ Lottie murmured.
‘Santa won’t know where to leave his presents if you don’t have a tree,’ Myra said.
Lottie dived in. ‘Now, you two, don’t get personal.’
‘What’s personal?’ Jodie asked.
‘Being nosy! Nosy Jodie!’ Myra sang. ‘Jodie is nosy. Nosy!’
Jodie looked upset and clutched Lottie’s hand. ‘I’m not nosy.’
‘No, you’re not,’ Jay said. ‘It’s OK,’ he said to Lottie, with a faint smile.
‘You’re not nosy,’ Lottie said, directing this to Myra. ‘But I think Jay is very busy and we should let him get on with his work.’
Myra subsided and pushed out her bottom lip. ‘Are you going to chop all the trees down?’ Jodie asked.
‘Not all of them.’ Jay didn’t seem upset by the girls’ interrogation but Lottie thought it had gone far enough. She telegraphed a silent thanks to him.
‘Mummy’s been a long time in the toilet,’ Jodie said.
‘She’s back now. Look!’ Lottie said, with relief. ‘Say thanks and goodbye to Jay.’
‘Thanks, Jay, Byeeee …’ the twins trilled in unison and dashed towards their mother.
Lottie hung back. ‘Thanks for the tree and the reindeer experience. I never expected the girls to give you the third degree about your personal life.’
‘They’re only curious,’ he said. ‘And it was a pleasure to see their faces.’
‘See you later, then?’
‘Yes, shall I pick you up around seven? Is that too late?’ he added hastily.
‘No. It’s fine.’
He pushed his hands into his pockets. ‘Maybe we could go into Keswick after for something to eat.’
Taken aback, Lottie hesitated.
‘If you want to,’ he added quickly.
‘That’s a good idea. I’ll look forward to it.’
A smile spread across his face. ‘Great. Now, I really do have to go. We’re almost ready to open the gates. It’s officially Christmas at Firholme.’
Fizzing with delight, she watched him walk away, whistling what sounded very much like ‘Jingle Bells’.
Chapter Fourteen
Three weeks to the wedding
Jay waved Lottie and her family goodbye before jogging to the sales centre. He hadn’t lied when he’d said he was too busy to help them choose a tree but there was no way he was going to miss a chance to spend more time with Lottie. Being able to bring some happiness to her family had been a bonus.
He was relieved that the team had prepared well because there were already a few people queuing up at the entrance, hoping to be first to choose a tree. Some folk liked to have their d
ecorations up before December had even arrived. With the right care, plenty of watering and a cool room, their trees should last right through to twelfth night.
There was no time for a break for him from eleven a.m. right through to six p.m. when the centre closed and he’d had to call Lukasz, the chef at the house, to take Trevor for a walk. Yet, as he buzzed around the site, fixing minor issues and lending a hand with the carrying and netting, he couldn’t help thinking of the twins’ comments about Sebastian.
It was probably the first time he’d ever acknowledged the baby as his nephew. Hitherto he’d tried to pretend he didn’t exist. He now felt ashamed that it had taken two five-year-olds to remind him that no matter the circumstances in which Sebastian had arrived in the world, he was still Jay’s flesh and blood, even if not in the way he’d hoped.
After making sure the tree centre was secure, he had time for the quickest shower and change ever, before meeting Lottie in the Firholme car park. He’d loaded the tree into the back of the pick-up earlier so he wasn’t covered in mud and pine needles but he was five minutes late.
Lottie was wrapped in a red scarf, hat and gloves and her cheeks were pink in the frosty air. Jay thought she looked fantastic and she also smelled gorgeous, of some delicious floral perfume that reminded him of a trip he’d once made to Provence.
Momentarily, he found himself as tongue-tied as a teenager. ‘Um … sorry to keep you waiting in this cold weather,’ he said before they set off for the village where Steph lived, chatting about the busy day he’d had.
The curtains twitched and two small faces appeared in the front window the moment he pulled onto the driveway of the semi tucked at the end of a small cul-de-sac.
Myra and Jodie were in onesies and just as excited as earlier. Jay had brought his toolkit in case Steph didn’t have a suitable saw. With the girls watching from the window, he helped Lottie saw the bottom off the tree while it was on the truck, and trimmed a few of the branches. They carried it inside and fitted it into the stand Lottie had repaired.
The girls were allowed to water it but Steph said dinner was almost ready and it would be too late to stay up and decorate it afterwards.
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