I held his hand tighter. I had to know. “Duncan makes my heart pound out of my chest like I’m about to have a heart attack.”
He turned back around to me. He didn’t get up and walk away from me. I saw that as a good sign. “Is that what is supposed to happen?”
He looked confused. “Not in my experience.” I sat up, still holding onto his hand. I didn’t want to let him go.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
I took a deep breath as I felt my heart almost beat with his. “I have to know.” It was like he was leaning slowly toward me. But then he pulled away. “It’s not me. My mate died.” He got up and walked out of my room.
I got up and went into the bathroom. After I turned on the shower, I looked into the mirror, and all of the injuries were gone. There wasn’t even a scratch on me. I felt healthy and alive after he left. What did I just get myself into? I had a connection to Duncan. He drove me crazy, my heart pounded when he was near, and I had always thought he was attractive. But Declan—I’m not sure what just happened, but that feeling was what I think it should feel like to fall in love. It picks me up and fills me with a happiness.
I hadn’t been able to be myself since I got here. That was probably the reason why my body had declared war on itself. After my shower, I changed into the pajama pants and sweatshirt that I had taken from the room down the hall. I felt refreshed. I decided to go wondering around. I knew there was a library in the huge mansion and was going to find it. I could probably find out all the information on my ancestry that I needed there. I opened up the door and quietly left, shutting it behind me, hoping that if anyone came looking for me they would think I was asleep.
I felt like this mansion got bigger every time I stepped out my bedroom door. I peeked through the doorways of all the open rooms as I walked cautiously through the hall. I went up another set of stairs toward the back side of the mansion; there was a tall double door entrance at the end of the hall. One of the doors was cracked open. If I could just peek inside and see if anyone was in there then I could go in and at least be alone, it’s the way I preferred it. I stepped up to the door and tried to look inside. It was completely dark. I knew I would be safe to go in. I pushed open the door just slightly and turned on the light.
It was beautiful. There was a tall rustic mantel over the fireplace and floor-to-ceiling bookcases with every book I could imagine. In the corner was a big comfy-looking brown sofa. I stepped into the room all the way, looking around at the vast selection of literature—fiction, nonfiction, classics, history, everything I could ever want all tucked into this quiet hidden away room. It smelled of cherry, just like most of the mansion, but just a clear presence that it was in this wood. I pored over as many books as possible to find something on Irish heritage, myths, mac tire, or even fiction to help me understand what was happening. Book after book had nothing. I sat on the sofa getting tired of searching and coming up with nothing. I swear I just laid my head down for a minute.
***
I picked myself up off the ground, covered in dead leaves. A growling in the distance made me fear what was behind me. Could it be someone I know or is it something that I haven’t yet seen? I turned, hearing a gunshot in the other direction. The sound was deafening. It rang through my body.
I heard footsteps getting closer. I couldn’t wait to find out who it might be, so I ran. It sounded like someone was coming from every direction. I didn’t know which way to go. I stopped to get an idea of where I was at.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw him—the blue and silver wolf. It was Declan. He was running so fast; I’ve never seen him like that before. I heard more gunshots coming from behind him. Someone was trying to kill him. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t just stay where I was at. I started to run toward the direction I heard the gunshots coming from.
My fear was suddenly gone. I had a rage I had never felt before come from my core. He had been so wonderful to me; there was no way I would let anyone hurt him.
I saw one of them. Edness Callamore had called them hunters. I ran for him. He heard me, but he didn’t know where I was. I saw him looking around, holding a gun ready to shoot anything he wanted to. Just then, I was behind him.
Rage took over my actions. When he turned I reached for his gun, pushing it up. In an explosion of anger, I grabbed at his neck. The gun went off. I felt hot. My entire body heated up and the heat surged straight into my hands. Within seconds an inferno of flames erupted from my hands. I held his neck tighter as he tried to get away, I saw his eyes widen, and then nothing. This man fell to the ground completely limp. I took off after the other man.
Running with so much energy, I caught up to the man shooting at Declan. It was almost like I could see everything, even in the dark. Heat was coming off this hunter like light; he was faster than me. I tried to get to him, but I couldn’t. I saw Declan jump the river and stand for a minute on the other side. The hunter stopped, watching Declan without turning away. I moved in closer. He watched Declan. I hated the way he was watching him. A fury came over me. This time instead of just my hands igniting in fire, my entire body was consumed with boiling flames.
Declan turned to me, then the hunter. He shot in my direction. I continued to walk toward him, I was getting close enough that he put his hand up in front of his eyes. A bark came from across the river, I turned and saw Declan, he was about to jump back over. I knew I couldn’t let that happen.
“Tá tú rabhadh,” I said with a growl. The hunter fell to the ground, and I turned and ran. I didn’t stop running until I reached the Callamore mansion. I could see it just on the other side of the clearing, I slowed down out of breath and exhausted. Just a few more steps, but my legs went heavy. I couldn’t move them. My adrenaline was gone. I looked down at my sweatshirt. There was blood. I had been shot.
***
I opened my eyes and saw Edness Callamore sitting in a chair by my bed. I had a throbbing headache. “What happened?”
She looked up at me. “Oh, my dear, I’m so happy you are finally awake. You’ve been asleep for three days. I couldn’t take the chance to bring Duncan to help you heal. You are so very close to the end of your transition. How are you feeling?” She got up and leaned over hitting a button to get the doctor.
“My head hurts. What happened?”
She looked me in the eye. “You were out in the woods, and Declan was out there too. Do you remember any of this?”
I tried to sit up some, but my side hurt so badly. I looked down, pulled up the shirt I was wearing, and saw blood-soaked bandages. “Declan was in trouble. Is he okay?”
She tried to get me to stop moving. “He is fine. You saved him. What exactly happened before you were shot?”
I looked at her. “I don’t know. It’s all a blur. I only remember seeing Declan and I was angry that someone was trying to hurt him.”
She started to walk away. “No, what happened?” I asked. I knew she wasn’t telling me everything.
“Declan said he saw fire coming off of your body, does that sound familiar?”
My jaw dropped. Images of that night flashed in my head. I remembered. I put my hands on my face. “I killed someone.”
She walked back over to me. “We thought it could have been a possibility that you would inherit abilities of the Morrígan. When Declan found you lying on the ground, he said you were almost too hot to touch. Do you remember everything now?”
I dropped my hands away from my face. “I remember the man. Oh my god, what did I do?”
She put her arms around me. “No, my dear. Do not worry about that. It was not your fault. He was trying to hurt us. You protected not only yourself, but all of us. He has been taken care of. You don’t have to think about him ever again. Do you understand?”
I looked up at her with tears in my eyes. “Yes, ma’am.”
There was a knock on the doorframe. It was Declan.
Edness Callamore held her arms out. “See, my dear. You protected us. I do not
know what I would have done if I had lost him.” She squeezed Declan so tight. It was almost embarrassing.
He never took his eyes off of me. Edness Callamore noticed this. “All right, I will leave you two to discuss what happened. No moving. Do you understand?” She pointed at me to make sure I knew that she meant it.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She walked out of the room.
Declan walked over to the bed. “How does it feel?”
I looked down toward the wound. “It’s not great. I wish Duncan was here. It might be painful, but at least it would heal quicker.” I smirked.
“Well, that’s why I’m here.” I was confused. “Since your mate is…is Duncan. It’s his bloodlines that will also help you heal.” It was almost like he couldn’t say that my mate was Duncan; him having a hard time saying that made me feel good for some reason.
“Really?” I said as I sat up. Then I grabbed my side.
“No, don’t move,” he said with concern.
But it was too late. I felt something rip; I pulled my hand away, and it was covered in my own blood. “Declan?”
He lifted up my shirt just enough to see the bandages now more soaked in blood, the stitches ripped open. “A dhéanann tú muinín dom?”
“What?”
He looked at me with panic. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
He grabbed my hand. His heart was racing. I could feel mine start to race. I felt the blood rush away from my head. I gently fell back into my pillows. His other hand covered my wound, applying just the right amount of pressure I needed.
“Declan.”
Then he leaned into me. My eyes had shut; I couldn’t hold them open. I felt him softly caress my face with this cheek. My heart slowed with his. And in that moment, I felt his lips on mine. The same spark of electricity I felt when Duncan kissed me came back—with an amount of passion that I didn’t feel with Duncan before. This energy that was transferred when his lips were on mine was phenomenal. I had no pain, no soreness, nothing. I had healed.
Edness Callamore walked back into my room. “Declan! What are you doing?” He pulled away.
Edness Callamore came rushing over to me. She pulled his hand away and saw no wound, her mouth dropped. “Declan, what were you thinking? Duncan is her mate.”
I turned to him. “What is she talking about? You said you could help me heal because of the bloodlines?” I turned to her. “Did I do something wrong?”
She looked at me then Declan. “Are you challenging your brother’s claim?”
Declan looked at me in anger. “No.” He got up and marched out of the room.
I turned to Edness Callamore. “What just happened?”
She came and sat next to me in my bed. “My dear, when you choose a mate and let him heal you, you then start your bond. Duncan has healed you and now so has Declan. I believe that you have now started a bond with both of my grandsons.”
I was confused. “What counts as healing? I had assumed that this blueish-silver furred wolf from my nightmares was Duncan, but he is Declan. Declan has always been there to save me.”
I waited for her answer. “I’ve never seen this.” She stood and started to pace, her hand by her mouth. She walked back and forth.
I wanted her to calm down. “Mrs. Callamore?” She still paced. “Mrs. Callamore?” I said louder.
She turned. “Yes, my dear?”
“Declan said that since my mate is Duncan, he has the same bloodlines as him and that he would be able to help me heal. Is that the truth?” I started to get out of bed.
“Yes, but you have had both Declan and Duncan heal you and start a bond, and you have not finished fully going through your transition.”
I had my feet hanging over the side of the bed so that I could stand and then walked past her to the full-length mirror to look at where I had been shot. “So when I go through the transition process I should have a stronger bond with one of them, right?” I lifted up my shirt that had so much blood on it. There was just a small scar. I grazed my finger over it, feeling the raised skin that was now scar tissue.
“You still have a connection to both of them,” she said.
I continued to rub my new scar. “We will figure it out when the time comes. The important thing is that I am healed now. Right? It’s only a few days until the new moon. And you’re not even sure what will happen to me.” I turned around and walked up to her. “Thank you.”
“For what?” she asked.
“Not leaving me this time. I don’t know what’s happening but I’m glad you’re here.”
She smiled at me. “All right. Go get cleaned up. Dinner is in one hour.”
I nodded my head. She walked out of the room, and I went into the bathroom. I got into the shower and rinsed off all the clotted blood starting to dry that was covering my side. I felt so much better. When I stepped out of the shower, I grabbed a towel, wrapping it around me and then taking the hand towel and wiping the steam off the mirror.
I stood for a moment and took a deep breath. I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I was getting powerful. This must be what Edness Callamore was talking about. This was why I didn’t need a mate until after I transitioned, I needed to be powerful. I smiled at myself in the mirror and then I saw it—a glimmer of red flashed through the color of my eyes, and my vision changed to red.
➢9 November Fourth
With clean clothes on and a new outlook on what was happening, I opened the door to my room and walked out into the hall. I turned, hoping that Declan would come walking down the hall to join us at breakfast. But nothing. I sighed and started to walk down the hall to the stairs. I heard a familiar voice the second I hit the top of the stairs, and then another.
“Tommy?” I quickly sped up, almost flying down the stairs, looking all around. There stood Tommy, Matt, and Duncan. I know I had to be smiling. I ran up to Tommy, throwing my arms around him.
Tommy squeezed me. “God, I missed you so much.”
I hugged him again. “I missed you too.” Then turned to Matt. “Hey.” He looked down. “Umm, I am sor—”
I cut him off. “It’s not important.” I looked over at Duncan and smiled at this surprise.
“You look amazing,” Duncan said. He kept staring at me even though I didn’t verbally acknowledge his compliment.
“How are you feeling? We heard what happened,” said Tommy.
I looked at them. “Is that why everybody is here?” I continued to walk past Matt as he sped up, and he tried to reach for my arm. But I moved it out of the way as I continued to walk into the dining room.
Duncan replied. “No, my grandmother asked us to come for another reason. However, we were all worried about you, so the timing worked out perfectly.”
I looked around at them all again. “So, why did she ask you all to come then?”
They were all quiet and smirking. I didn’t like being left out of the loop. It was silent as I looked at all of them hiding their secrets, which they were really good at. I was starting to get angry.
Edness Callamore explained. “I have invited everyone because there is an important event coming up and we need them to help celebrate.”
I was confused. I thought she didn’t want anyone around me when I go through my transition. “Event?”
She started to walk over to the dining table and had a seat, motioning us to come join her. “My dear, your birthday. I would like to celebrate your and Tommy’s eighteenth birthday.”
I looked at Tommy. “We’re going to have a real birthday party?” I asked smiling.
“Yes. Is that okay?” she asked.
“I’ve never had a real birthday party.”
Tommy smiled. “I think it’s time we did.”
I looked at Duncan. It was almost as if there was a gravitational pull that would not let me look away.
“My dear, Maxwell will be coming by today to help you pick out something to wear. These boys will have everything else handled. Your fa
ther will present you, and Duncan will be your escort.”
I looked up at her and shook my head in agreement. I turned to Tommy. I’m sure he realized that I didn’t really want a societal ball or anything fancy like that.
“Don’t worry, it will be great,” Tommy said, smiling back at me.
“All right, so it is settled. I have work to get done. Please excuse me.” Edness Callamore started to get up to leave.
I turned in my chair. “Mrs. Callamore?” She turned back around. “Yes, my dear?” I know she already knew what I wanted. “Have you seen Declan today? I wanted to—”
She cut me off. “No. I wouldn’t expect to see him for a while.” She left in a huff.
I turned back around. Matt was looking at me while Duncan and Tommy were talking about party plans.
“Shay, can we go for a walk…and talk?” Matt asked, knowing that I wanted answers.
“Sure,” I agreed.
He got up then came over to my side of the table. “Excuse us.”
The boys looked up. “Yeah, see you later.”
I knew he wasn’t supposed to tell me about the transition or about what my life could be, but I had a right to know. Now that I know Matt was assigned to me for protection it feels like my entire friendship was a lie. And that’s what it was. Every day our friendship became more of a lie while he was doing his job. I just don’t know what to say to him. It feels like everyone had lied to me and now I don’t know what was real and what was really a lie.
I looked back at Tommy. I was sure he could tell I was sad and upset. He made a weird face and made me smile. It was a genuine smile that just happened because I love my brother, and I could break from all the lies and see him for him. He would never put me into a situation that would hurt me. I turned to Matt and he smiled at me. Duncan and Tommy continued talking about everything that had been going on as we walked out the front door.
We walked awkwardly along the path and onto the lawn in silence. “So, Shay—”
I cut him off. “What? You don’t have to say it.”
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