by Emjay Soren
Copyright © 2020 by Emjay Soren. All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Printed in the United States of America
First Printing, 2020
ISBN B08BTWML3K
Dedication
To all the real-life Chad Blake’s whoever and wherever you are. Without your sinful beauty, GQ bone structure and ability to make girls worldwide drool over you then we would never know longing, desire or even the dreaded crush. We wouldn’t know how to protect our hearts from the next Chad Blake, without knowing our own Chad existed. Chad Blake is everything men should be, even if at times a dirtbag. Because without you, I wouldn’t be here to write the story that catapulted my career. Thank you, Chad’s everywhere, for breaking my heart and the other Chads that put it back together. You are all a needed lesson in love.
Emjay
Acknowledgements
To every reader who fell in love with Chad Blake and begged me for seven years to write his side. This one is for you!
PS…Trust Me
Written by,
Emjay Soren
Prologue
Carrie
“Carrie, wake up.” I could hear Noah’s voice, just a whisper, but urgent enough to pull me from Candy Land dreams.
“Noah?” I asked, confused. Daddy was gonna be mad if Noah sneaked me out of the house again. I liked our late night ‘trust me’ walks. The nights we played ‘trust me’ I didn’t wake up scared from my daddy and his visits in the night. Daddy always got mad at Noah for taking me on ‘trust me’ walks. He always took Noah’s toys when we went on the walks, but Noah said he didn’t care ‘cuz he liked listening to music or TV more anyway. Daddy hurt Noah too, but Noah never talked about it.
“Come on, Sissy, we’re sneakin’ out for a walk tonight.” He had a toothy, mischievous grin on his face, but even in my little six-year-old mind I could see the fear in his eyes. I hated that look so I never questioned when he took me on the ‘trust me’ walks. The walks took that look away.
“Can I be trust this time, Bubba?” I asked while putting on my bunny slippers and grabbing Abby, my favorite doll.
“Sure, Sissy. What are we trusting tonight?” He asked as we snuck, quiet as mice, out his bedroom window.
Noah taught me this game sometime before I formed memories because I don’t remember learning it. I just always knew the game. “Let’s see…..” I yawned as we scurried through the backyard and over the fence that separated us from Mr. Johnson's house.
“The trust tonight is a world with flying cars. Every car we see, we pretend they are flying…” I paused to put together my trust world in my head. “The cars that are blue are the secrets we hid from each other this week, so tell them secrets for the blue ones, Bubba.” I giggled knowing he didn’t take the bus home from school this week but walked home so he could peek in the guitar store downtown. He didn’t know I knew, so I was excited.
“Ok, but the red cars are your secret cars.” He responded, finally slowing down after we entered the neighborhood a block over from ours. I nodded my agreement to his choice of color.
“Flying secret cars can only be stopped by yellow flying cars.” I chose yellow knowing there were no yellow cars in this neighborhood.
“Deal.” He said with a smile taking my hand and pointing at a blue car across the street. “Looks like I’m first, Sissy, what’ll the secret be tonight….” He tapped a finger on his lips like he was thinking, and I giggled.
“I know! I know!” I said a little louder than I should have. A dog started barking and Noah shushed me quickly.
“Quiet, Carrie! Jeez!” We stopped walking and waited for any sign that we were busted, but none came. Noah turned with a relieved smile. “Ok, what secret did I keep this week?”
I admitted to knowing about his skipping the bus and laughed. He was so busted. “I won’t tell though, Bubba, I swear.” I assured him in my most serious six-year-old voice.
“That’s because we never tell our secrets in ‘trust me’. That’s the point.” He points to a red car parked in the driveway of Carl Stanton’s house. He is a friend of my dad’s and I’m always nervous that one night he will catch us and tell Dad. We get quiet as we pass the Stanton house and jog quickly around the corner, both of us breathing in relief that we made it safely past his house without getting caught.
“That was a red car, Carrie, your turn. Tell me your secrets from this week.”
I hated getting to my turn. Bubba always made me tell him my secrets even if he knew them already. He said that was why we played ‘trust me’, so that we always knew, no matter what, that we could tell each other everything and then bad things wouldn’t happen.
I didn’t bother telling him that the bad things still happened. He knew they did, but he swore that by trusting each other and only each other that we would never feel alone when dad got a hold of us. He knew our touches were different. Daddy made Noah bleed when he would touch him. He was always using a belt or a shoe, pretty much anything he could to keep Noah scared of him and quiet. I knew it was my fault that Noah got beat up by Dad. If I hadn’t told him my secret all those times ago when I was small, then Noah wouldn’t have to get hit so much. That was when we started playing ‘trust me’ so much more. He said that we could tell our secrets to each other and we would be safe.
But I was only safe when Noah wanted to play ‘trust me’. When we would play, my dad wouldn’t sleep in my bed that night and make me show him my loves. But when we did play ‘trust me’, Daddy always beat on Noah the next day. Maybe I could help Noah if I stopped playing ‘trust me’.
“You know my secrets, Bubba.” I whispered. I couldn’t look at him when I said it.
He stopped and pulled me towards the school playground. I didn’t know we had walked so far. I was terrified we were gonna be found this far from home.
“Carrie, ‘trust me’ is our safe place remember? You tell me those secrets when we play, okay? Don’t be scared, Carrie, look at me. You’re safe, Carrie, you’re always safe with me. Trust me, okay? We get our secrets out and then we lock them up in the world with flying cars, so they don’t come home with us.”
His voice reminded me of how my friends’ daddies talk to them. Noah was sweet and loving and he made me feel safe. My daddy made my belly hurt when he talked soft to me. He was nothing like Noah. Noah loves me the right way.
“Daddy wanted lots of loves this week. More than normal. He said it’s because he misses Mommy and he can’t look at me without seeing her.”
Noah said a bunch of bad words. If I said those words, I would be eating a bar of soap for dinner. I looked at him stunned he dared say those words.
“I’m sorry, Bubba.” I cried. I was scared that Noah was going to be hurt by Daddy tomorrow. When Noah gets mad like this from my secrets, he always gets in big trouble with dad. Maybe it’s because he swears so much. I can’t help but think it’s my fault though. For some reason Daddy hates me and Noah being close, and he punishes Noah for that.
“It’s not your fault, Carrie!” He almost yells and I can see the fury and sadness in his eyes. Noah says I shouldn’t have to know what words like fury and sad and scared mean at my age, but like our game of ‘trust me’, I think I’ve always known those words. “Listen to me, Carrie. No matter what he says or what he does to either of us, it’s not your fault or mine.”
“I know, Bubba. I’m just sorry for my secrets always making you mad. Every time you get mad, Daddy hits you a lot.”
“It’s bec
ause I do bad things, Carrie. It’s not because of ‘trust me’. You need to trust me now, Carrie. Never tell Dad that we play ‘trust me’. Never. Okay?”
“I know, Bubba. I trust you.” I say as tears roll down my cheeks. Noah is the only person I trust. I know that if it weren’t for Noah, I would have to give Daddy a lot more loves. I make the decision that right here and now I am gonna stop telling Noah about the loves. I’m scared of what he will do to Daddy, but even more scared of what Daddy will do to him. “I’ll never tell him!” I vow, and grab Noah around the waist. I can give loves to Daddy more if he promises to stop beating on Noah. I’ll do anything to keep Bubba safe. Just like he always kept me safe.
*
By the time we made it home the sun was starting to come up and the sky was turning my favorite color of deep, dark purple. We snuck back through Noah’s window, Noah sliding in first before I heard him gasp. There was the sound of jostling and clattering like something had fallen.
“Noah, are you ok?” I asked in a loud whisper. He didn’t respond and I screamed as my dad’s face came through the window.
“Get in here now, Princess.” My dad demanded pulling me by my arm. He turned his anger on Noah immediately, hitting him in the face the same way they do on Noah’s combat games.
“I hate you!” Noah screamed at him, but Daddy just kept hitting him.
“Your little games don’t solve anything, Noah, they just piss me off more!” Daddy kicked Noah while he was on the ground and then Noah went silent and stopped moving. I could see him breathing so I hoped that he just fell asleep like he has before when Daddy hits him.
“Come with me, Caroline.” Daddy says. He called me Caroline and that means he’s mad and I must apologize when he gets loves now. I hate when he is mad.
I leave with Daddy because if I don’t or if I cry then he would get mad at Noah all over again. I walk past Noah and promise silently that I can get Dad to stop. I’ll tell Dad that I’ll stop playing ‘trust me’ if he leaves Noah alone.
Chapter One
Chad
Art, in every form is everything to me. I love to sing, play guitar and draw. The ability to create beauty in true ugliness has always been my saving grace. I never knew my mom, she died when I was born, and my dad was too big of a pussy to carry the weight alone and bailed out. He took his head off with a nine-millimeter with no thought or concern to me. I have lived with my gramps since the day of my birth. Heart disease took my mom and my grandma before I had the chance to know them, but gramps was the best person in my life. He raised me the way a single guy can. I understood women and games early on. I knew what a booty call was by the time I was ten, even if I didn’t really understand it. I also knew the value of a hard day’s work, saying grace before each meal and staying true to myself. I was taught to own my mistakes, to fight for what I believe in and to always make him proud.
At twenty-four I had made a name for myself. I was Chad Blake. Lead singer of Thick as Thieves, as well as the rhythm guitarist. I had a sweet spot at Slave to the needle, the tattoo shop on the pier. I had been there since I apprenticed at eighteen. I was set for the future, if it was tattooing or touring, I had my future in the palm of my hand and this summer was when I would get my girl.
Carrie Beckett.
Fuck, just thinking her name gets me hard as steel. Carrie is my bassist and best friend Noah’s, little sister. He never let me forget it either. My bandmates, Cal, Shamus and Noah were the brothers I never had. We had no secrets, so they all knew I had it bad for Carrie. Noah made it clear early on, that it would never happen. Hell, she was so young when I first started to feel her that even I agreed. I felt like a pervert wanting to kiss a fifteen-year-old girl when I was nineteen. I kept my thoughts intact and when thoughts turned to feelings, well that’s when I started hiding it from my boys. I learned then that some secrets were best left unheard.
Noah fucked up though.
Noah had been fucking Carries best friend Candy for three years every chance he could even when Carrie and Candy were away at UW. Candy is two years older than Carrie, but the code was never age. I as his best friend made Carrie off limits. He should have known I was going to come for Carrie, he was doing shit with Candy for years and she was Carries best friend. Fuck, if the shoe fits you better believe I will lace that bitch up and wear it.
Fair is fair.
I head to the beach to meet up with my boy’s I see Cal my lead guitarist and friend since third grade come running up with his on again off again girl, Jenny. “Dude, run. Trina McKinney is looking for you and she is mad as fuck.”
I groan and stop walking. The curse of being me, is the number of women I left behind me. “Fuck, she can’t catch a hint bro. I have tried to be cool, but it ran its course.” I dated Trina for a few days, nothing more. The conversation was dull as a golf ball is sharp. I didn’t even go further than fingering her two weeks ago. Her orgasm was fake and that was a blow to my ego I didn’t need. She was too concerned with trying to impress me with her loud moans and dirty talk she forgot what I was even doing. She said she wanted to return the favor, but I yawned and asked her to leave. She got pissed, but in the end, there was nothing there.
The thing with chicks in this town is that I am Chad Blake. Lead singer, guitarist, tattoo guy, but nothing more. It got old. I hear her high pitch scream and know there is no time to bail out. I turn to face her and let her know once and for all that I am not interested. Before I can get a word out, the stinging pain on my left cheek stops me in my tracks.
I take a step back and swat her hand away as she goes in for another slap. “The fuck? Are you fucking crazy Trina?” I seethe. I am furious and though I will never lay a finger on a woman I will restrain her insane ass if she thinks she can lay hands to me.
“Don’t you call me crazy! You fucking played me!” She spits as she screams in my face and I step back dropping her hand I was holding from hitting me.
“I played you. We were never anything more than a few dates. There was no spark, so I ended it.”
“You used me you liar!”
I laugh at that. “I used you? I fingered you and didn’t want anything in return.” This wasn’t the first time a chick went nuts on me. This happened a lot, but what was I supposed to do? They didn’t want me; they wanted the status of dating me. It was my reputation and though most girls knew the score, some liked to pretend it was more. Maybe they believed it was more, but the more girls I fucked around with the shittier I felt.
“You knew I cared for you. You know we had something!” Her yelling was drawing a crowd and as much as I loved the spotlight the insults and the accusations were too much.
“I don’t want you. I thought you were hot, I wanted to see if it was more. It wasn’t. I knew fucking you would make shit worse and it is why I didn’t. Three days Trina, three days of talking and hanging out. Get it in your head that is was always just that.” I hated being a dick. I loved women. They are the gentler sex and though some women hate that term and find it offensive, I don’t. Gentle doesn’t mean weak. Women are delicate and to be gentle is an amazing gift. I was raised in a man’s world and missed the sweetness of a female role model. I knew I would always treat women right, but here and now I had to be firm.
I don’t wait for her to say another word. I just turn and walk away. She was yelling some type of shit at me, but I ignore it and chat with Cal as we make our way to the guys.
“Hey Candy.” I say when I run into Carries best friend right here in Gig Harbor. I hug her in greeting. Candy is a part of our crew just like Carrie and Cassa. Cassa is Shamus’ girlfriend since birth, I swear. Those girls are treated like royalty with us. We protect them and always look out for them.
“How’s your face?” She asks and looks close at my cheek.
“I think I’m gonna recover.” I laugh as she then hugs Cal.
“Thank God.” She laughs with sarcasm and tugs her bag up on her shoulder. “Where are you guys headed? I’m meeting Carrie
here and we can come find you guys.”
My pulse kicks up the minute I hear Carrie is in town with Candy. “I thought she was coming in next week?” I school my voice, so I don’t come off like the obsessed creep I am.
“You know Care, she nailed her finals and cleared out avoiding the parties and general fun college brings at the end of every semester.”
I smile in my mind glad that Carrie avoids any party because I know damn well the men would be on her.
“Back to work?” I ask knowing it is why she rushed home. Carrie works her ass off anytime she is home to visit. Carrie and Noah own the little burger place on the pier called The Joint. It’s part of a trust or something so technically it’s not theirs but will be. Both want to sell it the minute they take ownership when Carrie graduates.
Whatever the reason, they hated everything about The Joint. “Yeah, she’s boring as hell with that drive of hers.”
I laugh at the joke knowing Candy means no offense, but I hate knowing Carrie works so hard. I know Noah provides for her, but Noah being Noah he won’t provide for makeup or any other girl shit because he thinks it’ll keep the boys away. He has absolutely no clue that all-natural Carrie is as enticing as it gets.
“Well, tell her we said welcome home.” I say because I know damn well my plans just changed. I am going to see what I have booked at the shop so I can arrange my schedule to match hers at the Joint.
“Will do. You know where Noah is?” She asks.
“He left a few minutes before we ran into you. He headed to the shop.” She gives a sweet little pout that reminds us all Noah needs to wake up and see what’s in front of his face.
“Okay, well catch you guys later.” She says and blows Cal and I a kiss goodbye.
I wait for her to be out of ear shot and look to Cal as Shamus makes his way toward us with Cassa. “I gotta bounce.” I say instead of hello.