by Emjay Soren
I thought I would be stronger by the time she left the stage but by the fifth song I was crying, unable to think of anything but the reality crashing around me. I looked to Candy who was watching, and dancing enthralled by the show and I envied her joy. Just hours before the bomb that Trisha dropped, I would have been dancing along with her. Now I was running away from everyone, letting the truth fall where it may.
I told Candy I was running to the bathroom when in reality I was running home to lick my wounds and hide. I made my way out of the stadium and called for a cab when Ben arrived with a polite grin. “Miss Beckett, Miss True told me to follow if you were leaving and Mr. Blake and Mr. Beckett would fire me if I let you leave alone.” I should have known that Candy wouldn’t be fooled. She suspected I would run, and she probably knew she was right. Ben placed his hand on my lower back and guided me toward a sleek black sedan and opened the back door for me. “Mr. Corbin said the use of the car was for anyone on the tour Miss Beckett and that includes you. Monte is your driver and he will see to it that you arrive safely wherever you wish to go.”
Once he had me in the car, he strode off talking into his mouthpiece. The car was ridiculously awesome. A full wet bar to my right, and a sound system with television combined straight ahead of me where a partition separated me from the driver. The lead singer of the Sinners, Ryan Corbin, clearly liked his guests feeling his extravagance even when he wasn’t around.
I appreciated the ride, but I would have taken a bus if it meant getting away from my heartache while he played songs and made love to thousands of screaming women. It hadn’t bothered me before tonight, perhaps it was Trisha’s words, words I was desperately hoping were lies, or the fact that he was as I always thought he was and that was out of my league.
*
By the time I made it home to Gig Harbor, the day’s events had come back, and I was admittedly scared to go inside. After a ten-minute pep talk with myself and Monte the driver assuming I was insane, I stepped from the car with a promise to call Uncle Seth to come get me if he could. It was after midnight, but we had learned at a young age to fear our dad and never give him the benefit of the doubt. Asleep or not I was making Uncle Seth come and get me.
I grabbed my clutch and reached inside for my keys and cell phone, giving a quick wave and smile to Monte who left once I made it to the door. “Seth it’s Carrie.” I stated when my uncle’s-tired voice answered the phone.
“What’s going on Carrie? It’s almost midnight?” Seth was on alert immediately.
I decided to gently lie and explain my arrival back home. “I got in a fight with Chad and got a ride back home. I was mad and hurting and didn’t think about the fact dad had texted me after watching me. I’m nervous being here but didn’t want my ride to have to drive me to another place. Can you come get me and let me-“ The phone went flying from my hand the instant I shut the door behind me. Burning pain assailed me and I knew, knew who fucking hit me. No one hit like dear old dad.
I tried to follow the light from the phone, my immediate response to scream to Seth and hope like hell he could hear me, not sure if the phone hung up when it went flying. All the same I screamed for help, crawling toward the light coming from my phone. I could hear his footsteps charging toward me before I felt the hard kick to my ribs, my stomach and one to the back of my head before seeing the light on my phone go out.
Tears were falling in abundance while I tried to make my mind work, but my words wouldn’t come. I could hear his voice, but the words weren’t making sense. I think he kicked me to hard, my head was throbbing, and a pain was lancing deeply through my stomach making me want to vomit. I saw the phone on the floor light up but still I didn’t hear anything, it continued to light up every few seconds and didn’t stop. I felt hopeless then, my mind coming back online, I knew it was probably Seth calling me curious what happened. He must not have heard my screams.
I wanted to curl up and die due to the pain in my stomach, each time I coughed I could taste the coppery thickness of blood and I knew he hit me too hard.
“Why?” I choked, blood seeping from the side of my mouth. His laughter was something I wasn’t used to. He never laughed or smiled, never showed a moment of kindness. The man was a sociopath with no moral compass. He was all ego, always had been. His being a Lieutenant for Seattle PD had made him the fearless man he was today. “I called Seth, he’s on his way you’ll be arrested, and we will tell everything!”
I spat those words with all the hate and disgust I held for him. I was tired of being afraid, tired of memories that would never go away. I was tired of seeing Noah’s needles every few years when he couldn’t take it. I was tired of justifying why we stayed silent and ran. I was tired of TRUST ME and how it did me no good now. I wanted him to rot in hell forever and a day. I wanted to kill him, slowly and that thought terrified me because I knew I would feel no shame.
“Please Princess, remember who I am and bite your tongue. Seth ain’t doing shit. As far as the police department here, let the four cops in Gig Harbor come running.” He laughed and it was cocky and fearless. Jesus, fuck I hated him.
“I don’t care. Noah has proof and you know it.”
“You would let your precious Noah embarrass himself and you with that ‘proof’ just to see me behind bars?”
He said the word proof with a smirk, and I knew he thought we were bluffing, but we took no chances when it came to him. We set him up and he would never find our proof. “Keep telling yourself that. I will stand before any jury and rattle off my years of sexual abuse, Noah’s physical abuse and the mental abuse to us both. I will give every grimy detail to your fellow officers. There is nothing I won’t do at this point to see you suffer.” The pain in my stomach is making it hard to breathe, combined with the rib pain and the head wound I was close to passing out. Passing out in my state was bad fucking news.
“How can you call what I did for you abuse? Sexual assault my ass Caroline. You begged me at times to take you, I was giving in to you at your request.”
Yep I puked again, blood splashed against the floor, blood from my stomach and the pain was so severe I couldn’t open my eyes. “We will find a way to kill you. I swear to god I will do it myself…”
The pain took hold and I couldn’t finish my threat. Even in my worst moment of weakness, I refused to back down to him, refused to accept whatever he came to finish.
“Not if I kill first Caroline.” He said and bent, pressing against my stomach. Pain thrashed against every nerve in my body, whatever he hit was bleeding and bad. I was dying right here, and he was going to let me. I only had one card to play, this was my only hand.
“The minute my heart stops Noah will find you, kill you but not before he destroys you. Word gets out I’m dead, he has three different people holding those tapes and pictures. There won’t be a place for you to hide and when he kills you, I’ll be there dragging your ass to hell and watching you burn. Dad!”
My final words might have been bad ass but the feel of my body fading rapidly terrified me. Thoughts of Chad giving me flowers, thoughts of Noah sneaking me out windows, thoughts of Candy smiling when she looked at Noah, and last I saw Chad with Trisha and it all made sense. He was nervous at the meet and greet, scared she would tell me the truth perhaps? I would never know.
The lights went out and I was gone.
Part Two
Chapter Twenty-One
Chad
By the time, the show was over I was already pissed but didn’t go into a rage until I made it to the tour bus and saw for myself that Carrie had left. “What the fuck? Why did she leave?” I ask Noah who looks as stunned as I am.
“Where the fuck is, she?” I roar at Candy who is staring at me like I am a viper.
“Back the fuck up.” Noah threatens and makes his way to stand between us. Like I would ever hurt her? Come on.
Noah turns to Candy and questions her. “Babe?”
She looks at both of us with such disgust…my fucking s
tomach drops. “Why don’t both of you think about who was in that green room? Then who took her skanky ass on that stage to sing a fucking ballad with you!” She screamed and in the small space I felt every octave.
I look at Noah with panic. “Trisha.”
He nods and Candy steps back away from him. “You didn’t…Noah…” Big tears in her eyes and I just want to explain.
“It isn’t what you think…” I try but right now she is beyond reason.
“Think? She told us the whole fucking story Chad!”
I lose my balance and fall to the small table in the front of the bus as Cal and Shame both walk in. “She left about nine.”
“Fuck!” I roar at Shames confirmation.
“You knew, you really covered for him?” Cans asked Noah who looked worried for a thousand reasons. Me too.
“It isn’t what Trisha says it is Candy.” I try to explain, but she keeps her eyes on Noah.
“You need to tell me the truth.” She stands between us so that Noah’s attention and eyes are on her only.
“Chad was piss drunk, out of his head. We poured his ass into the bed on the bus. Trish came to party; Sinners were there it was crazy…” He looks at me now and I know he wont lie. None of us were going to lie because nothing happened.
“I woke up, or thought I was awake. I thought she was Carrie until I kissed her and new immediately. When I had my focus, I threw her off me and she slammed into the door. I didn’t know where I was let alone what had been going on seconds before.”
I hang my head like the piece of shit I am. “And what was going on seconds before?” She asks me, turning to face me.
“She was on top of me…”
“And? What happened Chad?” She screamed and I just cover my face and try not to puke.
“And he was fucking her.” Noah says for me and I cringe from the memory.
Candy spun as she creamed at Noah. “You knew? You fucking knew what he did and didn’t kick his ass?”
“I am the villain of the story Candy, not Noah. I wanted to talk to Carrie myself.” I try to explain.
“And I wasn’t covering for shit. He didn’t know who he was or where he was. How the fuck am I gonna attack him for handling it the way I would have?” He yells.
“You wouldn’t though. This is a character flaw Noah, a huge one. You guys place yourself in these situations and get so fucking wasted that you expect that to be the excuse! It will never be forgiven Noah. We both know Carrie too well.”
“She will forgive me. She loves me, she knows I love her. She won’t end us because I can explain it. It was Trish, Candy, not me.” I want to fucking rage because it is all out of hand. “I thought I was dreaming, and when I had my mind straight and the light on, I was touching on violent. She took advantage of me in that state just so she could break us up.”
Candy laughs and shakes her head. “At what point will you boys realize that some things can’t be explained away? That the way you lived your lives to get where you are today has left a fucked-up trail for the next chick to clean up.” She looked at me then and I swear… I knew I was fucked.
“I know Carrie, Chad. She has insecurities with your past, insecurities you promised were just that. She will not get over this, not quickly anyway. This will burn longer than you think.” She turns to look at Noah, fire in her eyes. “This silent theory you’re working on is a fucked-up excuse to betray your own blood.”
Noah’s phone starts ringing before he could argue back… or maybe he wouldn’t argue at all because Cans was right.
“Carrie?” Noah says as he answers the phone.
We all wait to see what he says, and I pray to God I can get to her and grovel.
“Oh my God.” He says, his voice sickly as his skin goes pale. “Where?”
Now I am at his side trying to hear the phone and what the hell is wrong.
“Overlake, K meet you there.”
He ends the call and I am in a full panic. “Overlake Hospital? What happened?”
Noah stands and walks out of the bus looking anywhere for a car and says nothing. “Where’s my keys?” I ask Candy who tosses them to me as we run out behind Noah. I throw the keys his way as we all climb in, Noah and I in the front with Cal and I in the back.
“Dad got her. She is in life flight headed to the ER now.”
My ears were ringing, and I couldn’t say a fucking word could barely breathe when Noah tore out of the lot at top speed.
Candy screams at me from the back seat smacking the shit out of me. “You son-of-a-bitch Chad! You promised me you would be good to her. This is your fault she left and now is in God only knows what shape.”
“I get you are pissed. Be fucking pissed later and sit your crazy ass down so I can get to my sister safely!” Noah roars at Candy. “I get it you’re pissed, but I have zero fucks to throw at this shit right now.”
I have no words because they are both right. This is my fault, but it was all second fiddle because Carrie was with Life Flight. I will need to take the hits as they come to me and accept, I did this. I was on stage with an Ex who willingly destroyed my relationship while she was running away from me and every promise, I made to her, now broken.
I had destroyed Carrie Beckett.
Carrie
A low beeping noise rose me from my sleep, my head weighed a million pounds and every move I made felt like a million UFC fighters were kicking the shit out of me. My jaw hurt and I tried to move my mouth but couldn’t open it, or my eyes. Panic set in, the beeping getting faster, but I knew nothing, trapped in a state between sleep and reality.
No clue where I was, I just prayed that I wasn’t still at home bleeding out on the floor, or worse, waiting to meet my dad on a trip to hell. Panic remembering everything he said, everything he did. I puked blood; I remembered the pain but nothing after my threat of vicious murder. Had I killed him? I hoped like hell I had. Was I dead now and this was my punishment for hiding and lying about the truth? That’s when I heard it, faint but heard it all the same. “What is that what’s happening?” It was Noah’s voice, panic and duress lining every syllable. I wanted to tell him to wake me up, but it was like everything was broken.
“Her heart rate is up, but her vitals are good.” It was a woman’s voice, sweet and gentle. I knew immediately it wasn’t Candy. I wanted it to be Candy, I wanted to hear her voice in case I died. I loved her, she was my best friend and sister of my heart. I always teased her and never told her how amazing a friend she was to me.
“Noah you should go home and rest sweetie. She is still induced for her own safety, a few more days and we will know more.”
Induced? What the fuck did that mean? I was in a coma maybe? Did I survive? Was I out of the woods? Fuck I wished they would talk more about my condition. I whimpered when I tried to move, I just wanted to hold his hand, so he knew I heard him, but pain attacked me at every turn.
“No because she moves, and it hurts her I can see it. What if it gives her a heart attack or worse? I’ll stay right the fuck here but thanks anyway Brenda.” Noah sounded hurt and scared and sad, things he never let me see let alone hear. It was weird being alert, knowing what was going on around me, but still unable to move or awaken, like my brain was awake but my body was saying fuck off.
“We can control the pain Noah you know that. At least go eat.” That was the Brenda lady again but I didn’t get any other information because my mind shut down that quick shutting me off from any information scaring me as I drifted into dreamless sleep wondering if I would ever wake up.
*
“Noah please just get some rest.” Candy begged and I wanted to smile at her voice. I was back but I didn’t know how long I had been gone this time. It kept happening, every now and then I would hear them talking, Noah a lot and often Candy too. A few times I heard Aunt Lilly crying and begging me to stay strong and fight. That was the only time I knew Noah left the room.
Noah only talked when nobody was around. He would talk to me,
play trust me when it was just us, but he never said a word to me, even joking, when others were around. I knew he worried, and I wished they would wake me up and see I could think straight.
The last time a Doctor was in the room and I could hear them, he was saying my brain function was perfect and that I should make a full recovery, from what I had no clue. They had put me in an induced coma for pain management, so whatever it was that was broken, was seriously fucking broken.
Nobody talked about my dad, where he was or what happened. It was like I’m just appeared hurt and asleep in this bed with no rhyme or reason. I knew my dad wasn’t dead though because I overheard Noah telling someone I couldn’t hear that he was dead the first chance Noah had.
I needed to wake up, fought it so hard when I heard that. Noah would destroy his future and I knew it. He would gladly walk away from fame, from tattooing from me, all of it, if it meant he had the joy of killing our dad.
I had wondered briefly if it was Chad he was talking to. I missed his voice and waited each time I was alert I waited for his voice and was sadly disappointed. I feared he was with Trisha, or that he found out what she told me. Worse was if Candy confronted Noah, who in turn confronted Chad…
I really needed to wake the fuck up.
*
“I got you Sissy….” Noah’s voice was a distant sound that I was trying my best to follow. “C’mon Carrie open your eyes please.” He sounded so far away, and I wanted to scream and ask where he was.
I tried to open my mouth and yell, but it came out garbled and raw fire burned down my throat. I was thirsty and lost and blind.