His hands still gripped her hips, his fingers splaying across her body and tracing the silvery lines around her belly. Then he ran his thumb across the scar low on her pelvis.
“Stretch marks and my C-section scar, not the sexiest things.”
“False. Your body nurtured our daughter, and there’s nothing sexier. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I’m sorry I missed everything.”
She leaned down and kissed his throat, his neck, then undulated her hips. He cupped her face, tilting it up so he could see her eyes. She placed her hands on his chest and rode him, her gaze never leaving his.
She sat up slightly then leaned forward and grabbed hold of the headboard, and she began to ride him in earnest.
There were no more words, just the sounds of their labored breathing and her soft moans. His hands cupped her breasts, rolling her nipples, and she arched into his touch. Her movements sped up, and God she felt good. Her pussy, slick and tight, gripped his cock and rubbed against that sensitive ridge right under the tip. This was it for him—she was it. It was on his lips to tell her that, but then her climax hit, and she came and came. Her eyes fluttered closed, and her mouth fell open, and he’d never seen anything more beautiful in his life.
His own orgasm hit like a tidal wave, threatening to pull him under. “Fuck, Janie,” he groaned out.
He might not know shit about love, but he knew he wanted this woman to be his.
Forever.
Chapter Eight
This time he was bound and determined to get it right. He knew he and Jane belonged together. She and Stella were his family, the one he’d been waiting his entire life to have.
He’d gone earlier and bought her an engagement ring, and he’d been sitting in his truck thinking about what he could say. No, he couldn’t promise her never-ending love. He wasn’t even sure he knew what love was or if he had it in him to give. But he knew he cared about her and Stella, and he never backed out on a commitment. So he could give her that.
He’d also picked up some flowers, a simple bouquet of daisies because he didn’t think Jane was the long-stem roses kind of girl. Earlier, he’d texted her that he wanted to talk, and she’d told him she’d let him know when Stella was asleep. So he made the block one more time then parked outside of her house and waited.
Ten minutes later he got her text. The black velvet box was tucked into his jeans pocket, and he grabbed the daisies.
She opened the door, and he held out the daisies. Her mouth gaped. “How did you know daisies were my favorite?”
“Lucky guess.” She took the flowers from him. “They’re authentic, not pretentious, and lovely.” Precisely how he saw her.
“We should talk,” Jane said.
“Yes.” He followed her into the kitchen, where she went about getting a vase out of the cupboard and putting water in it. “Last night was—”
“Amazing,” she said, turning to face him.
“So amazing.” He stepped over to her, bracketing his arms on either side of her. “We’re good together.”
Then he stepped away. He couldn’t remember any of the words he’d practiced in his truck. “I’ve never had this kind of connection with anyone else, Jane.”
“Me neither,” she said from behind him.
“You know I don’t know anything about how families are supposed to be, except my fellow SEALs—they’re the only family I’ve ever had.” He turned then to face her. “But I know you and Stella are everything I ever wanted. In those moments when I let myself dream, you’re it, Janie.” He pulled the black box from his pocket, opened it, and held it out to her. “Marry me.”
…
She shook her head, backed away from him. The ring was perfect. Exactly what she would have picked out if she’d gone—vintage setting with a braided band and a pale pink diamond. It was stunning.
She wanted to say yes.
She wanted to tell her heart to screw off and to just say yes.
“Kevin, it’s gorgeous.” She shook her head again. “But I can’t.”
“I don’t understand. Last night…”
“Last night was amazing. But it can’t change anything.” She exhaled slowly. “And it can’t happen again. Ever.” She motioned for them to sit at the table, which he did. He set the ring box on the top. “This would be different if we didn’t have Stella. We could date and see where this might go. But this,” she motioned to the ring, “this is nothing more than duty speaking. Admirable duty, and I’m probably an idiot for not jumping on it, but I want more.”
His jaw clenched. “More what?”
“I want love. You and I are really good in bed, and we have a daughter, but that’s not how you build a family. You’d likely not even be here had you not found out about Stella.”
“We could fall in love.”
“We could. I’m selfish enough, though, to know that now it won’t be enough. I’ll never know if you would have fallen in love with me for me or if it’s just because I’m Stella’s mom.”
“That’s fucked up, Jane.” He forked his fingers through his hair, making the blond locks stand up in various directions.
“I need you to be her dad. But I need you to stop trying to make me a part of this. I know myself, and I’ll eventually wear down. And the sex doesn’t help, because damn I would have said yes to just about anything last night when your mouth was on me.” She stood and poured herself a glass of water then took a long, slow sip. “Besides, you’ll be leaving again. Right?”
He didn’t get a chance to answer, because at that moment his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket to quickly glance, then he frowned. “I’ve got to take this.”
He stood and walked away from the table but didn’t leave the room. There were lots of “yes, sirs” and “I understand.” Then he hung up.
“Kevin?” she asked, her heart pounding.
“I’ve been medically cleared.”
She swallowed hard against the inexplicable tears that sprang to her eyes. He was leaving. He’d just gotten here, and now he’d be leaving.
Chapter Nine
Kevin had left Jane’s shortly after the call.
There hadn’t been much left to say between the two of them. She didn’t seem to believe he was capable of being the man she needed. He didn’t even bother calling or texting Cade. He drove straight to his friend’s security offices.
Cade was swearing at something on his laptop when Kevin walked in.
“Problem?”
“Just finalizing my travel plans for my jackass of a brother’s wedding.” He slammed the laptop shut. “What happened?”
“I asked her to marry me. Again.”
“I take it she said no.”
“Yeah. Evidently, she’ll never know if I truly love her, and I shouldn’t want to marry her just for Stella’s sake.” He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “She’s right. I don’t know how to be in a family. I’ve never even signed a long-term lease on a place to live. I lease all my vehicles. My longest relationship is with my cell phone provider. I only ever came here because this is your hometown.”
Cade nodded. “Corpus Christi is a hell of a town. We’ve got the beach and great seafood. You could call worse places home.”
“Glenn called. I’ve been cleared.” He stretched his arm out, flexing his fingers. He’d have to earn his place back as the team sniper—prove himself again. “Those guys over there, my team, that’s the only family I’ve ever known.”
“That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? To go back?”
“I’ve never had a reason not to go. I’ve never had anything to stay back for.”
Cade shrugged. “You’ve served your time, fulfilled your commitment. You could retire.” He blew out a breath. “You’ve got two choices, brother. You can either win over Jane or you can go back over there and keep fighting. But you can’t go back into battle with your head screwed up like this. You’ll be a danger to yourself and the team. I’d give anything to be back where you are
, but I don’t have a woman or a kid. And I’m missing half a leg.” He was quiet for a moment. “You always said that all you ever wanted was to be a SEAL. Is that still true?”
“All I ever wanted was to have my own family. To be part of a family.”
Cade slammed his palm on his desk. “Then you go after her, man. Do whatever it takes to make her believe. You survived SEAL training. Winning her over should be a piece of cake.”
He left Cade’s office thirty minutes later still not knowing what to do. Was he ready to walk away from his career? The thought of not seeing Jane, of not watching Stella grow up, put a knot in his stomach. But he’d been a soldier his entire adult life, and he wasn’t so sure he knew how to be anything else.
…
“Did he say how long he’d be gone?” Dani asked.
Jane blew out a breath and stared at the lesson plans sitting in front of her. “Nope. I’m assuming he’ll come back in another two years.”
“Jane, he didn’t know. You can’t still blame him for that.”
“No, I don’t. He’s a great guy. He really is.” She’d already told her friend about everything that had transpired over the last few days.
“You could always call him.”
“No, he made his choice.” Again, she glanced down at her plans, but the words seemed to blur. “It would never have worked with us, anyway. He’s way too hot for me, way out of my league.”
“Don’t be an ass.”
“What the hell does that mean? You saw him. He looks like an underwear model.”
“But he’s more than that, isn’t he? Or is that all it was, physical attraction?”
“No, of course not. He’s amazing. Sweet and funny and pretty damn perfect. Except for being a soldier and all.”
Dani reached over and put her hand on Jane’s. “You love him.” It wasn’t a question.
Did she? She liked him a whole lot—she knew that much. She thought about him all the time, and he made her feel desired and special and wanted—not just in a sexual way, either. He made her laugh and didn’t think she was weird. He liked Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, too. And watching him with Stella was like mommy catnip. Oh God, she did. She totally loved him. How had she let that happen?
“Maybe. But it doesn’t much matter now. I pushed him away, told him I didn’t want him, and now he’s gone.”
“It’s not unreasonable not to want to marry someone you don’t know for sure loves you. But it is ridiculously unreasonable for you to assume that he won’t ever really love you because Stella came first. People all over the world get married because their parents arranged it, and they fall in love all the time. You can’t decide you’re not good enough and therefore won’t even give him a chance to love you.”
“He makes me greedy,” Jane whispered. “He makes me want it all. I want him to adore me.” She tapped on her chest. “Me, the woman, not the mother of his child. I don’t know how to ignore that.”
“You don’t have to. But don’t sell yourself short, either. You can’t make decisions based on your insecurities. Something made him come back here to find you, and it wasn’t your daughter. Since then he’s offered to help financially, but he didn’t have to propose.”
“That night we were together, it was different. All the other times it was just raw and fierce, but this was tender.” She rolled her eyes. “I hate the phrase, but we made love. We didn’t just screw.”
“You need to talk to him. Give him a chance. Maybe don’t get engaged, but at least date, see where this might lead.”
“And if it ends terribly? What happens to Stella?”
“My parents had a nasty divorce and still can’t be in the same room together. We had to bring in a professional mediator just for them to both attend my brother’s wedding, and I’m emotionally stable.”
“He might not even come back.” But even as she said the words, she knew them to be false. Kevin might not come back for her, but he’d always come back for Stella.
Chapter Ten
“Where’s Daddy?” Stella asked.
Jane looked up from the papers she’d been grading and eyed her daughter. “Who?”
She pointed at the picture on Jane’s phone, the one she’d taken of Stella riding on Kevin’s shoulders. “Daddy.”
It’d been a week since he’d left. He called every night to FaceTime with Stella for a little while before bed, but that was it. As much as Jane hated to admit it, she missed him.
“How do you know that’s your daddy, Stella?”
“He loves me.”
“Yes, he sure does. Very much. And I’m sure he’ll be back soon.” But she had no assurances for her daughter. Not that an explanation would mean anything to her. She was a smart toddler, but a toddler, nonetheless. Her cell buzzed, and she grabbed it from Stella’s hands.
A text from her mom:
I have a showing at the Thompson house. Drop off Stella there. Give me twenty minutes.
Jane sent back a text agreeing. Tonight, she and Dani were going out to drink away their troubles, which likely meant they’d have a couple of beers then end up on Jane’s couch with a gallon of Blue Bell mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons.
“You remember you’re staying with PopPop and Noodle tonight?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s clean everything up so we can head over there. I’ve got your suitcase in the car.”
“Mr. Chicken?”
“Yes, Mr. Chicken is packed, too.”
Twenty minutes later they pulled up to the Thompson house, and something pinched inside Jane’s chest. Jane’s mother came out the front door, closing it behind her.
Stella ran over to her grandmother, squealing while Jane grabbed her daughter’s stuff to transfer over to her mother’s car.
“How’d your showing go?” Jane asked.
“Really well. I think we might have a contract soon.”
“That’s good.”
“You should go in and see it. The work they did on the kitchen is amazing. You’ll love it.”
Jane eyed the front door.
“You remember how to lock up with the box?” her mom asked.
“Sure.” She one-arm hugged her mom and kissed her daughter. “Night, my beautiful girl. You be good for Noodle, okay?”
Stella nodded, her blond ringlets bobbing.
Jane walked up the sidewalk to the house and stepped inside. It smelled of fresh paint and lemon cleaner. The large open floorplan led her from the living area to the kitchen with a huge island. It was beautiful. The realtors often left their business cards on the kitchen counters if they’d shown the property, but she’d never seen anyone leave a note on the fridge. She moved closer.
Please open.
That was odd, but maybe there were cookies or something left over from an open house. She opened the fridge, and her breath caught when she saw what was inside. The black box with the ring that Kevin had offered her. She pulled out the box and then turned to find the man himself kneeling behind her.
Chapter Eleven
“You have got to stop proposing,” she said.
“Not until you say yes.”
“Kevin…”
“I want you to know I’m not going anywhere. I’m buying this house, Janie. We can get a swing set for the backyard, and Stella can grow up here.”
She frowned. “Why are you buying a house if you’re leaving? Isn’t that a waste of money to have a house payment when you never know how long you’ll be away on a mission?”
“No more missions. I’m done. I retired.” This was it—he had to lay his heart on the line for her. But she was worth it. “I’m here for good, and if I have to propose to you every day until Stella graduates from high school, I will. I love her. She’s my daughter. But you, Janie, are my heart and soul.”
Her breath caught, and tears filled her eyes. “I thought you said you didn’t know what love was.”
“If what I feel for you isn’t love, then every love son
g and romantic poem got it wrong. I feel it all, just for you. Only you.”
She stared at him but said nothing.
“Will you say something? Please?”
“Get up off your knees and come here and kiss me. I love you, too!”
“Thank fuck.” He stood and pulled her to him, kissing her with everything he had.
In between kisses, she asked, “So you retired? What will you do now?”
“I was thinking you’d be my sugar momma.”
She laughed. “Yes, because ninth-grade English teachers make so much money.”
“I’ll probably work for Cade’s security company. And I can supplement with my tattoo designs. I also have a chunk saved, considering I’ve never really had anything to spend money on before.” He took the ring out of her hand. “Until this. Will you wear it?”
“I love this ring. Yes, I’ll wear it, and I’ll marry you. I’m sorry I was stupid.”
“Baby, you weren’t stupid. You deserve to have a man adore you—nothing wrong with wanting that. Just know that I do. Completely adore you.”
“Even if I want to dress up like a hobbit for Halloween?”
“We can all be hobbits. Or wizards or whatever you want.”
She kissed him then, and his heart had never felt more alive, more filled.
“You know Stella is already calling you Daddy.”
“For real?” he asked.
“When I asked her how she knew, she said it’s because you love her.”
“Our daughter is brilliant.”
“Yes, yes she is.”
About the Author
Kat Baxter is the pseudonym for a bestselling historical romance author. She lives in Texas with her family and a menagerie of animals.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. References to actual persons, living or dead, is not intended or inferred.
Copyright © 2019 by Kat Baxter. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the Publisher.
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