“Yeah. I even started on the next block.”
Daddy arched his eyebrows. “Really? That’s impressive.” He tugged on Seth’s hand and started leading him toward the bedroom. “If I thought you were willfully trying to get out of chopping the vegetables, we’d be having a discussion about it, and maybe it would be a while before you earned another blowjob.…” He glanced over his shoulder with a grin. “I’m betting that’s not what’s going on here, though. Am I right?”
“You’re right. I wasn’t being willful.”
Daddy seemed playful—no longer upset the way he’d been when he’d first arrived. That alone helped ease Seth’s mind.
Seth gasped and slapped a hand to his mouth the moment they entered the bedroom. Sure enough, that was where Daddy had left his jacket and tie, but that wasn’t what had stolen Seth’s breath. No, what had him on the verge of happy tears was the fluffy, brown teddy bear with a big red bow around its neck. The adorable stuffed animal was propped up against the pillows on the bed—almost begging Seth to hold him. The bear was even the larger, two-foot tall one they’d had at the toy store that had been his favorite.
Exactly like the one I picked out for the toy drive.
Seth gaped at Daddy. “This…? You went back to the store tonight and got this for me?”
Daddy nodded, his grin impossibly wide. “The story you told me about your bear has stuck me with me even more than the others you’ve shared. Then I saw how your eyes lit up when you picked him out and the thought crossed my mind that you should have one.” Daddy squeezed their joined fingers. “But I wasn’t sure how you’d respond, or why I felt so strongly about getting him for you.”
Seth locked gazes with him. “This is my whiskey.”
Daddy caressed his cheek with the back of his hand. “Yeah. Maybe it’s a silly thing for me to do—”
Seth stilled Daddy’s hand, holding it against his face. “No. He’s perfect.” He swallowed down his tears. “I love him, love you. You see me, Daddy.” He closed his eyes and nuzzled Daddy’s skin. “You understand.”
Daddy brushed his lips across Seth’s, their breaths mingling for a second before Daddy spoke. “I’m yours, sweetheart. I’d give you the world if I could.”
Seth pressed their foreheads together. “You already have.”
Chapter Eight
Seth read through several online listings and found two nice leather bound, hardcover copies of To Kill a Mockingbird that he liked. He’d gotten so much better at using the computer and Internet on his own. He couldn’t imagine how he’d survive for so many years without either one. Both copies were around the same amount of money, so he was having a hard time deciding which one to get Daddy for Christmas. Daddy had refused to take any money from his last paycheck when he’d gotten fired, so Seth had cashed the check and saved it. Now he’d found the perfect thing to spend some of it on.
He copied the link then sent it through email to Nate, so he could buy the book on his behalf and have it shipped to the house. Then Seth would pay him back when they all got together the following week for the Portland trip. He and Daddy were going to spend the night in the city on Friday, shop for a club outfit the next day, then meet up with Nate and Tina at the club Saturday night. He was both scared and excited.
Seth closed down the laptop then relaxed against the back of the dining room chair. The past week had been incredibly stressful. Writing down everything he’d been through for the detectives had left him feeling raw and vulnerable. Through it all, Daddy had stayed with him, going out of his way to make Seth feel better. Drawing him a bath and washing his hair, the promised trip to Florence, and a Lord of the Rings movie marathon complete with foot rubs.
Seth chuckled to himself. He’d had no idea that movies could go on for so long, so there’d been plenty of foot massaging going on. However, he was glad Daddy had shown the trilogy to him. He’d never seen anything so fantastic before. As much as he tried not to relate his circumstances to everything around him, he couldn’t help but feel the anguish of Frodo as he fought against such unrelenting evil.
Seth was on his own for the day, though. Daddy had needed to head over to the Silver Chalice Vineyard and Seth hadn’t been up to going. There’d be lots of crowds because of all the holiday events going on, and he didn’t think he could handle being around too many people at the moment. The darkness that had enveloped him after dredging up all the details of his upbringing and captivity had been too draining.
His mind drifted to his teddy bear. He kept Bear in the bedroom, leaning against the pillows just the way Daddy had first placed him. At one point during their Lord of the Rings marathon, Seth had asked if Daddy would mind if he went and got Bear. Daddy had not only told him it wasn’t necessary to ask—to simply get Bear when he wanted him—but he’d also gone and retrieved the toy for him.
Seth checked the time on his cell. It was after two o’clock, which meant the mail had probably been delivered. It also meant there would be several more hours before Daddy returned. Since it would be after their regular dinnertime, Daddy had said they wouldn’t bother cooking. He’d be picking up some Greek take-out instead. Seth squinched up his nose. He wasn’t so sure about that. But Daddy always wanted him to try new things.
He let out a sigh then pushed up from the table to throw on some shoes and a jacket. The mailbox wasn’t far, only to the end of the walkway by the gate, but it was pouring rain outside. He hated that Daddy had to drive on the winding roads leading to the vineyard in such severe weather.
The bundle of mail was larger than usual because of all the Christmas cards. The postal delivery guy had even put a large rubber band around the stack because there were so many. Seth had been enjoying all the beautiful and festive cards, though. Daddy seemed to have a lot of friends and family who cared enough about him to send one. When he’d first met Daddy, he’d gotten the impression he didn’t know anyone except Nate. But then he’d explained to Seth that it was his own fault for not keeping up his relationships after Everett died.
Seth shucked off his jacket and hung it on the rack in the entryway. He also toed his way out of the pair of black Converse shoes Daddy had gotten for him not too long after he’d moved in. He left them on the mat below the rack to dry out.
Got them for me not too long after I lost my job, either.
Sighing some more, he slid the rubber band off the mail. Seth understood that he was earning his GED and helping around the house, and that it was all Daddy expected from him. But working hard and contributing financially to the household had been drilled into his head his entire life. Plus, he liked staying busy.
However, whenever he thought about going back to work, his anxiety would creep up on him. He didn’t want to give up on the idea, still wanted to work with kids someday, but didn’t think he was ready yet. In addition, Daddy wanted him to take the time to heal and finish his education first.
Seth continued shuffling through the mail as he wandered back into the dining room. He separated the cards from the junk mail and bills, then set down the rest of the envelopes. Once he was seated again, he picked up the remaining stack to separate them further. He paused when he got to a larger white envelope that looked important.
Boise. He bit his lip. Idaho Bureau of Vital Records.
His hand shook as he placed the white envelope back on the table. He stared at the letter, running his fingers over the paper. It was his birth certificate, it had to be. At least, he hoped it was. Sinister thoughts invaded his mind. What if he didn’t have one for some reason? What if his father had somehow sabotaged him from the beginning, had made it so he would always have control over him in one way or another?
If his birth certificate was inside the envelope, then he was one step closer to complete freedom. Only his Social Security card was left, then he’d officially be out from under his father’s thumb. Not that his father had any actual authority over him anymore, but without all his ID, Seth’s father still had that thread of control.
Seth chewed his thumbnail as he considered the letter. It was addressed to him, so he should go ahead and open it. His gut tightened as an image of what had happened to him for opening a letter when he was little flashed through his mind. When he was eight years old, a piece of mail from school had been sent to the house. He couldn’t remember how it was addressed, but he recognized the name of his school and his name must’ve been on the envelope somewhere, because he’d thought it was okay to open it and look inside.
He was wrong.
His leg jiggled as he continued to stare at the now terrifying piece of mail. He didn’t even want to touch it. He shook his head as if to shake free the horrific memories from his mind. That’s all they were. Memories. They couldn’t do anything to him in the present. He was safe, his Daddy loved him and would never hurt him—ever.
I should just open it.
Allowing one incident from fifteen years ago affect him so strongly was absurd. Daddy wouldn’t care if he opened something that clearly belonged to him.
“Sneaky, that’s what you are. I always told your mother you were good for nothing. What trouble are you in, huh? What did you do that was so bad the school had to send a letter? Are you trying to make me look bad, embarrass me? Is that it? Born evil, good for nothing. Only one thing to do. Have to beat the devil out of you.”
The familiar sneer, the curl of his father’s lip right before he’d strike appeared in his head so clearly, Seth gasped. His throat tightened and he couldn’t catch his breath. He pressed a hand to his chest, his heart racing so fast he feared it would seize up and stop completely. The logical part of his mind knew such a thing wouldn’t happen, but his logical mind was almost non-existent in the face of the agonizing memory.
He had to get out of that room, away from the letter as if it were a weapon ready to destroy him. Seth shoved his chair back from the table, stumbled to his feet, and with a hand still plastered to his chest, he staggered to the bedroom on shaky legs. He climbed on the mattress just as he was, jeans and all, not caring that he was fully clothed. All he wanted was Daddy, but that wasn’t possible.
Seth reached for Bear, tugging the soft toy to his body, clutching and hugging it with all his strength. He curled up on his side, the teddy tucked against him with his arms wrapped the animal and his chin propped on Bear’s head.
After a few minutes, his breathing slowed, and his heart wasn’t thundering with as much intensity. Fear still held him in a punishing grip, but as long as he kept hugging Bear and focused on the wonderful life he shared with Daddy, he thought he’d be okay. He had to hold himself together until Daddy got back.
He didn’t want to call Daddy, because he would know right away something was wrong then drive all the way home to take care of him. He couldn’t do that to him. It wasn’t fair.
Seth rubbed his cheek against the soft, shaggy fur of the teddy and allowed his eyes to close. As he calmed down further, a blanket of exhaustion settled over his body. He’d rest for a few minutes then maybe go water the indoor plants or watch a movie in the den. Or both. Anything—as long as it didn’t take him anywhere near the dining room.
* * * *
Malcolm frowned as he made his way up the front walk of his and Seth’s home. The automatic outdoor light flicked on as he drew close. However, at night they always kept it on continuously until it was time for bed. More concerning was that he couldn’t see any interior lights on either. If it hadn’t been raining so damn hard all day, he might’ve thought Seth had gone out for a walk and simply not gotten back yet.
Malcolm unlocked the front door, then pushed it open with his shoulder. He had his laptop bag slung over his other shoulder and was wrestling with two bags of Greek food. He set down the food on the granite tile of the foyer so he could flick on a light. The first thing he noticed was Seth’s jacket on the hook and his Chucks on the mat. He removed his own boots then placed them next to Seth’s shoes.
After retrieving the food again, he headed to the kitchen, calling out to Seth as he made his way through the darkened house. The only light that was on was the hammered copper chandelier above the dining table. He decided to deposit the Greek food in the kitchen, then check the piles of mail he’d spotted next to the laptop he’d given Seth when he’d started his online courses.
When he rounded the corner that led to the kitchen, he’d half expected to see Seth in there reading with a snack. Malcolm had texted him an hour before warning him he’d be late and to grab something if he got too hungry.
Seth had never responded, so he’d assumed either the phone was off, or he was studying.
But the kitchen was as dark as the rest of the house, excluding the dining room. Malcolm told himself not to get worked up. Seth might be taking a nap, or perhaps reading in the bedroom. He deposited the food on the counter then let the laptop case slide off his shoulder. He’d worry about putting things away properly later. Seth came first.
As he passed the dining room, he ducked in his head. Malcolm noted how neatly stacked the mail was and that it’d been separated into piles already. He approached the table, also noting that one large envelope had been set aside from the others.
Malcolm plucked it from the table and his eyes widened when he saw where it was from. A smile grew on his lips but then he froze. The letter was addressed to Seth, but it’d been left unopened. He furrowed his brow. Why wouldn’t Seth have opened it? His birth certificate had to be inside and he’d been anxiously waiting for its arrival.
With the letter in tow, Malcolm hurried to the bedroom. Something had upset his boy and he was kicking himself for not being there for him. He knew it wasn’t realistic for him to be with Seth every hour of every day. Yet why had he been gone so long when Seth had needed him more than usual?
The door to the bedroom was open and the space was shrouded in darkness. Malcolm turned on the hall light so he wouldn’t startle Seth if he was asleep. He let out a long sigh when he spotted Seth curled up on the bed, relieved that he’d found his boy. But as he entered the room, his relief turned to concern when he saw that Seth was still fully clothed without any covers over him.
Malcolm made his way around the bed and when he got to the side where Seth was facing, his heart dropped. Seth was clutching his teddy bear to his chest as if it were a life preserver. Malcolm regarded the envelope with a frown then dropped it on the nightstand. Something about that piece of mail had triggered Seth, and he needed to find out what it was. Malcolm turned on the bedside lamp as he carefully lowered himself onto the bed, angling his body to face Seth.
“Baby?” He stroked Seth’s back. “Daddy’s home. Would you like something to eat? I brought the Greek food home like I promised.”
Seth’s eyes fluttered, then he drew his eyebrows together as he opened them all the way. “Daddy. I’m so glad you’re here.” He blinked a few times. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“That’s all right. You must’ve needed the rest.” Malcolm tucked some loose hair behind Seth’s ear. He smiled. “And you had Bear to keep you company.”
Seth nodded, squeezing the bear in what was probably an unconscious motion. “I needed him.”
“I’m glad he was here for you.” Malcolm continued to pet Seth’s head. “Talk to me, sweetheart. I know something upset you today. Can you tell Daddy what happened?”
“I think my birth certificate arrived. At least, I hope that’s what it is.”
Malcolm wasn’t sure what his approach should be. He couldn’t imagine why something Seth had been so excited about receiving was distressing him so much.
“Is there a reason why you don’t think your birth certificate is in the envelope?”
Seth fiddled with the red bow on the teddy. “Not really. It was more of this irrational fear that my father had screwed it up somehow.” He chewed his lower lip. “I know that doesn’t make any sense.”
“It made sense to you, which also makes it valid.” Malcolm decided to forge ahead since Seth seemed calm enough. �
�I brought the envelope in here, because it belongs to you.”
Seth flinched at his words. “Oh. I suppose you should open it then. I’m sure my certificate’s in there. Then we can go eat the food you brought.”
Malcolm didn’t care too much for Seth’s flat tone. He wished so badly he’d been home when the mail had arrived. “Well, the envelope is addressed to you, so I figured it’d be better if you were the one who opened it. Don’t you think?”
Seth’s fingers curled in Bear’s shaggy fur. “He whipped me with his belt.”
Malcolm swallowed hard. He knew exactly who Seth was referring to. “Because you asked for your birth certificate?”
“No. I opened a letter that was sent from school. I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to.”
Malcolm winced, but kept his touches gentle on Seth’s head. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You know this already, but I have to say it out loud. He had no right. He was wrong. Nothing you ever could’ve done would justify him hitting you like that.”
Seth sniffed. “I know, Daddy. Thank you.”
They sat in silence for a moment. Malcolm turned to pick up the letter then faced Seth again.
“What if we open it together?”
Seth peered up at him, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “I think I can do that.”
Malcolm offered him a reassuring smile. “Why don’t you and Bear sit up? Then I can scoot in next to you.”
“Sure.”
Seth wiggled his way to a sitting position, then tucked Bear on his one side, leaving Malcolm room to get close on the other. Malcolm held the envelope between them.
“I bet this is exciting news, baby. I can’t wait to see.”
Seth cleared his throat, then slowly reached up. His hand trembled as he touched the envelope. “I know you’re right, Daddy.” Seth lifted his gaze. “I want to see what’s inside.”
“On the count of three?”
For the Love of a Boy (Father Series Book 2) Page 8