"Yeah. I just don't like being out of touch. I can't stand not talking to her. I have to know she's okay."
Galene gave him a hug and light kiss before she leaned back against Fain as if no time had ever passed. As if she'd forgiven him completely ...
Shaken by the familiarity and emotions he couldn't even begin to define, Fain drank his ale while they bantered and chided each other the way he used to do with his family and friends back in the day. He watched silently as War and Vega teased and played with Gavarian and each other. It was so surreal and dream-like.
Then all of a sudden, for no reason whatsoever he felt like such an outsider.
I don't belong here. With them.
Worse, he was a danger to them. If Ven or someone else hit the button, he'd take out every person in this room....
I'm a walking bomb. A bomb their enemies could exploit ...
Panic set in with iron claws that shredded him. Everything was so painfully obvious now. While he'd known Morra and Qory for years, it'd always been at a distance. They were friends of his brother and Jayne.
Because of the years he'd spent as a slave and the fact that he was bonded to his ship and had a kill switch that could be detonated at any second and destroy anyone standing near him, he'd never bothered to make friends of his own. The only exception had been Bastien Cabarro, and even he had vanished one day without any explanation. Fain knew now that Bastien had been betrayed and imprisoned by The League in a situation as bad as his, but it'd only been recently he'd learned his friend's fate.
And they'd only become friends because Bastien wouldn't take no for an answer. Like Gondarion spiderweed, he'd latched on to Fain and wouldn't let go.
But Bastien was the rare exception who'd made it past Fain's carefully guarded defenses that kept everyone in the universe at a safe distance. Mostly because Fain hadn't wanted to go through the pain of being abandoned again. Not after everyone had shunned him over Merrell's lies, and Omira's faithless betrayal. Once in a lifetime was enough for him.
Now ...
What am I doing?
He didn't belong in a family anymore. He didn't even know how to be in one. Too much time had passed. Life had gone on. He was a solo operator. A Rogue.
And as the fight ended just as Talyn had predicted it would, the walls seemed to close in on him as they became even more jovial and "normal."
Suddenly, Fain couldn't breathe. He felt stifled and overwhelmed. This wasn't right. It wasn't what he knew or was used to.
I have to get out of here.
Galene froze as she saw the panicked look in Fain's eyes. He reminded her of a trapped, feral animal. "Fain?" She reached for him.
He shot off the sofa and was across the room, faster than she could blink. "I need to go. I have something I have to take care of. Um..." Frowning, he glanced around at the others as he patted his pockets as if seeking something. "Thanks." He was gone so quickly, she barely realized he'd touched the door.
"That was so weird," Morra said as she picked up plates and threw them out. "Even for Hauk."
Galene gathered the kids' plates. "What do you mean?"
"You know, he's always reclusive. I've never seen him around anyone except his brother."
Qory gestured at them.
"Yeah," Morra translated for him. "He doesn't even have his own crew. He runs completely solo."
"Paka doesn't like people," Warwyk said as he threw away their cups. "He says they wear on his nerves. Except for us." He gestured at himself and his sister. "'Cause we're little people and even though me and Vega outnumber him, we're still small enough he can toss us over his shoulder and tickle us into submission."
Vega rolled her eyes at his simple explanation. "That's not what he means, Warwyk. He loves us so we don't get on his nerves. But he doesn't trust anyone else at his back. Not even Tavali."
Galene hadn't really given it any thought before.
Now ...
"Would you excuse me?" She left them to follow after Fain. Assuming he went back to his Tavali quarters, she tried there first.
She knocked on the door and waited.
No one answered. Since she was the CO of the facility, Fain had given her a master key for Andarion housing. She wasn't sure if her card would work on his room or not, but it was worth a try.
Galene slid her key in and pressed the lock. The door opened to a large, dark flat. "Fain? You home?"
Turning on the lights, she stepped inside and froze. The floor was covered with the flyers that were constantly being shoved under their doors. By the amount, it was obvious that Fain didn't spend much, if any, time here. While the entire place was furnished, there was nothing personal inside it. It was eerie and quiet. Like a museum or library. One that included a heavy layer of dust over the furniture and counters.
Yeah, he didn't live here.
Where else could he be staying?
Scowling, she ran over Vega's words. Now that she thought about it, she'd never seen him with anyone. He only spoke to Venik when he had to.
He ate alone. Worked out alone.
There was only one other place she could think to try....
*
Galene hesitated as she pressed the controls for Fain's ship. It seemed like a stupid idea, but where else could he have gone?
Like his flat, the ship was dark, except for security lighting. She started to leave until she heard the faint sound of music playing.
Frowning, she followed it to the captain's quarters. The door was open, and there, on the small bed, sat Fain with his hands propped on his bent knees while he played his link.
Alone.
The jacket he'd worn earlier was hanging in his open closet with the rest of his clothes, letting her know that this really was where he made his home. Not in the station quarters he'd been assigned.
Yet it was almost as sterile here as it'd been there. The beauty of his parents and their strict, military rules he'd been raised with. His mother had never allowed Fain any kind of freedom at home. Endine Hauk had run her house like a barracks.
A place for everything and everything in its place. Keep only what you can carry. Males didn't need any kind of excess toys or items, except for weapons. He hadn't even been allowed to put posters up on his walls for decoration. Not even a picture frame.
Obviously, Fain still lived that way. There were next to no personal items here. Only the link in his hands, the blaster on his hip, and her ring on his finger. Just what he could carry.
"What are you doing?"
He jumped with a curse that would have been comical if her heart wasn't broken for him. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to find you."
"Why?"
"I was worried about you."
He frowned as if he couldn't conceive of that. "I'm fine."
But he wasn't. There was a deep, dark sadness in his eyes. One that made her ache for him. "Why did you leave so suddenly?"
"Fight was over." His tone was flat and emotionless. "I guess I should have helped clean up. Sorry."
But she wasn't buying it for even a second. Galene crossed the room to stand by the bed. "Fain. Look at me."
He hesitated before he complied.
"I want the truth. Why did you leave?"
"I felt..." He lowered his gaze to the floor. "Like an intruder."
Sitting down on the bed, she cupped his face in her hand and forced him to look at her. "That was not my intent. I wanted you to feel included."
He covered her hand with his and closed his eyes. "I don't know how, Stormy." He pulled her hand down to stare at her fingers as if they were foreign objects to him. "You asked me why I put your lineage on my arm. Because I wanted to remember what it was like to have someone beautiful to hold on to. But I realized tonight that it's gone and that nothing can bring it back. I failed all of you. In the worst ways imaginable. I was never there when you and Talyn needed me, and I don't know how to make it better. The last thing I want to do is cause you harm. So it's
Tears blinded her as her memories surged. Fain had no real understanding of family.
Only rigid obligation.
His parents had never been loving. They gave because it was what they "had" to do. She remembered when they were kids and Fain would get sick. His mother would criticize him for taking her away from work, and as soon as she got Fain home, she'd leave him for his older brother to tend. Something Keris had resented and he'd made sure that Fain knew just how much he hated caring for him. So Fain had learned to "not bother" his family whenever he was ill.
Not even for broken bones.
All his life, Fain had been charged with taking care of others. But not once had anyone ever taken care of him.
It was time for that to change.
"Come back with me, Fain."
His scowl deepened. "Why?"
"Because I want you there."
His eyebrows shot north. "For?"
She had to force herself not to roll her eyes. He was so much like Talyn it was criminal. Laughing at him, she took his hand and tugged at him. "Not for what you're thinking. You need someone to take care of you."
He snorted at that. "I'm more than capable of taking care of myself."
"This isn't about being capable or need. I want to take care of you. Now get on your feet, Pirate, and follow me."
Fain started to argue, but the tone of her voice told him it would be all kinds of stupid. Besides, he didn't want to fight with her anymore.
Deep down in a part of his heart he didn't want to admit existed, he wanted what he'd seen tonight. That kind of camaraderie. Kinship.
Family. Just once in his life, he wanted to belong to someone.
Sliding his link into his pocket, he got up and pulled his boots on, then he shrugged his jacket on and locked down his ship.
"Why aren't you using your Tavali quarters?"
He shrugged nonchalantly. "It's not home."
"Where is?"
"My ship."
This time, she did roll her eyes. "I'm serious, Fain."
"Yeah. So am I."
She paused to stare up at him. "You honestly live on your ship?"
He nodded. "Dancer lets me crash in his guesthouse sometimes, but I don't spend a lot of time on Andaria."
Because until recently, it would have meant his life if he'd been caught there. As an Outcast, he'd have been imprisoned by law should anyone have recognized him and reported him to their authorities. It said a lot that he'd risk that to visit his brother, especially given his mother's hatred of him.
"I'm surprised your mother never turned you in."
"She tried once. Nyk put the fear of the gods into her. And now that I've been returned to caste, thanks to Cairie, it's a little easier to visit, but I still don't spend a lot of time there. Too many bad memories."
"But you have addresses on different planets?" She'd seen them in his file.
"They were just mailboxes, over the years. I always lived in ports, unless I was under Tavali orders and doing illicit activities for Ven or Eriadne."
"You never put down any roots?"
He shook his head. "Never had a reason to. Dancer's the only family I have and he's always been mobile with The Sentella. I tended to stay within a few days' reach of whatever address he had."
In case his brother needed him. He didn't say it, but Galene knew the reason. Dancer had always come first with him. "You talk to him a lot?"
"Not really. Just kind of grunt at each other in passing."
Laughing, she opened the door to her flat and let him enter first. Everyone had already left, and Talyn was cleaning up the last of their dinner and snacks as they came in.
He scowled at Fain as he closed the fridge.
Fain drew up short at the sight of his son, who was wearing nothing but pajama bottoms. But the wardrobe choice wasn't what shocked him. It was Talyn's bloodred eyes that he'd kept covered with contacts up until now.
Stralen.
Shit.
Like father, like son. Whereas Talyn's must be permanent, Fain's had faded a few hours after Talyn's conception. Had he ever slept with Galene again, it might have become permanent. But there was no way of knowing now.
"You going to say something?" Talyn challenged him in that deep, angry voice.
"Are you?"
"Boys!" Galene warned. "Play nice."
Talyn jerked his chin at Fain. "Why's he back?"
"I asked him."
Grabbing his water, Talyn snorted and headed for his connecting room. "Thought I raised you better."
Galene shook her head and sighed. "I swear he's your clone."
"Not really."
"You think not?"
"No. I'd have kicked my ass."
Sighing heavily at him, she took his hand and led him to the couch. "Come on, Fain. Let me show you your son."
He had no idea what she meant until she connected her link to the monitor and spent the next few hours showing him countless photos and videos of Talyn from birth to adulthood.
And he didn't miss the fact that his son was every bit as solitary in nature as he was. Only where he'd chosen his path, Talyn hadn't.
Speaking of the beast, Talyn stuck his head through the door. "I'm heading to bed. Need anything before I go?"
Galene paused the photos. "Nah. I'm good. You're on first, right?"
"Yeah."
She got up and kissed his cheek. "'Night, precious. Sleep well."
"You, too." He hugged her, then pulled back to pin Fain with a stern grimace. "Don't keep her up too late. I know all about how the two of you'd stay awake the entire night talking when you were kids. And she's got a long day tomorrow. Don't make me come back in here and separate you two. I mean it."
Fain snorted as Talyn returned to his room and shut the door. "Told him that, did you?"
"I told him lots of stories about his father."
"But never my name?"
"He knew. He just never asked." She smoothed the frown from his face as she returned to sit beside him. "Don't, Fain. I wasn't completely honest with you about the past. I was trying to hurt you."
"You succeeded."
"I know and I'm sorry." Her expression contrite, she sat back on her knees by his side and toyed with his hand.
Fain tried not to let it mean as much to him as it did. Just as he tried not to notice how warm and sweet she smelled. How inviting her skin was. "So why did you keep the Hauk Fight Night tradition?" he asked, trying to distract himself from the need he had to pick her up and carry her to the bedroom that was just a few feet away.
She bit her lip in the most adorable way. "I wanted Talyn to have something of yours. Something I knew you'd have shared with him had you known you had a son."
"Does he know?"
"He knows."
Galene traced the line of his eyebrows as she marveled at having him with her again. She brushed her hand through his braids that were laced with white strands where he'd bleached out sections. "What made you do this to your hair?"
He gave her a droll stare. "Got tired of being mistaken for Dancer."
She laughed, then sobered. "I've missed you so much."
Fain held his breath as she slowly leaned in to kiss him. His heart pounded at the sweet taste of her. At the scent of her perfume filling his head. He buried his hand in her braids and held her close as she slid fully into his lap.
He growled in satisfaction and cupped her shapely bottom.
Her hand was just about to hit gold when the lights came up and Talyn angrily cleared his throat.
Glowering, he stood over them like an irate parent. "Excuse me? No unification ... no unification. You two need to back off and leave space for the imagination."
Galene burst out laughing at the old Andarion sayings that parents used with their teenaged children. "Go to bed before I spank you."
"All right. But you two need to keep it down or take it to your room. You're kind of grossing me out. Really don't want or need a ringside view of my conception. If you're going to get any louder, please let me know so I can bunk with Vari or something. Sheez! You do know that I'm right on the other side of that wall, right?"
Galene gave him a dry stare. "We're going to bed."
Talyn arched a brow.
"Your father will be sleeping on the couch."
Talyn wagged his finger between them. "Okay, I'm trusting you two to behave."
Laughing, Galene laid her head on Fain's chest. As soon as Talyn had shut his door, she nipped Fain's chin. "Brings back old memories, eh?"
"Not really. Talyn's a lot larger than any of your brothers or father. Scarier, too."
"That's because he takes after his father." Kissing his lips, she rolled off him. "I'll get you a blanket and pillow."
Fain pouted, but didn't say anything as he admired the view of her shapely rear while she walked away from him. He should probably protest, but honestly, he'd dreamed of this too many times to complain about the fact that she left him with the worst hard-on of his life.
While it wasn't perfect, it was better than he deserved.
*
Fain came awake to the smell of warm coffee and something sweet. It took him a full minute to remember where he was.
In Galene's quarters, on her couch.
He heard her speaking to Talyn in the softest of whispers. Just the sound of that light whisper sent a chill over his body.
"Don't forget to play nice with The Tavali."
Talyn snorted. "I'm not three, Mum." He picked up a bag of what must be his lunch Galene had made for him and glanced inside it. Then in a very childish voice that was meant to be an obvious mockery of the words he'd just uttered, he asked, "Did you remember to pack some of those sweet cakes I like so much?"
She laughed. "Of course I did, and I put extra in there for Gavarian, too, so that he won't pout with you again."
"Thank you." Talyn finished his coffee and set his cup in the sink. He glanced over to the sofa.
Fain made sure to feign sleep.
"Does it bother you that I let him stay the night?"
Talyn hesitated before he answered her quiet question. "Do you know what I remember most about being a kid?"
"My nagging you to stay clean?"
He laughed, then sobered. "How many times you said 'I wish your father were here to see you do that.' You never once let me say a word against him. Not for anything. If I ever tried to blame him for being gone, you made sure that I understood you were the sole reason he wasn't around ... that you'd made the decision to stay silent and that had he known about me, he'd have never left. Aside from Felicia, who tolerates my sorry, surly ass, you are the strongest female I've ever known. I figure Hauk has to be an incredible male to win your loyalty and especially your heart. All I want is for you to be happy, Mum. So, no, it doesn't bother me to see him on the couch, if that's where you want him. Or anywhere else you want to put him. I'm a grown Andarion. You don't have to worry about my feelings, or tiptoe around them. You just worry about yours and know that if he hurts you, I will kill him for you and hurl his body into space."
-->