by Sue MacKay
Stepping closer, he continued. ‘Maybe but when I think of Holly I always end up thinking about you instead. And, yes, I do question what you expect of me, and what you’ll give back in return.’
Which was why he wanted more time. The hope disappeared. She couldn’t blame him for that. It was a big ask to be accepted so easily. ‘Guess you’ll have to wait and see.’ She lifted her girl into her arms. ‘But first...’ Deep breath. ‘Holly, this is Daddy. Say, “Hello, Daddy.”’
Holly grinned and stared at him. ‘Hello, No.’
Noah laughed, not appearing at all disappointed. ‘Does this mean “No” is going to be your favourite word, my girl, instead of yes? If so, we’re in for some arguments.’
‘No. No.’ Holly banged her hand on Stacey’s arms, and grinned some more.
* * *
The Wainwright house was a three-storey, semi-detached in neat condition with a tidy front lawn. Despite Holly having been in hospital, the gate onto the road was firmly shut. Noah shuddered at the thought of her running out and being hit by the kid on a skateboard. Turning back to his vehicle, he opened the rear door, unclipped Holly from her seat and handed her to Stacey. ‘I’ll grab the bag.’
Stacey handed Holly back. ‘You carry her. I’ll get that.’
His heart softened as he reached for his daughter. It was hard to get enough of her now he’d accepted parenthood. ‘Thanks.’ He leaned over and kissed Stacey’s cheek, tried to ignore the jolt of longing that caught him. Backing off, he waited to follow her to the house.
She’d looked stunned then pleased at the kiss. Damn, he should’ve kept his emotions to himself. Now she’d be thinking he was ready for more with her. Not that he wouldn’t enjoy making love again. His body was wired for hers, rarely quietened when around her. But to take Anastasia to bed now would be wrong, and unkind. It would suggest nothing had changed, that they were still seeing each other as two people without a child between them, and before both of them had worked out what they wanted for the future. He was presuming Stacey hadn’t too many expectations of him and her position in his life.
The front door opened before they reached the steps. ‘Holly, sweetheart, you’re home. She’s looking better, Stacey.’ Ian Wainwright stood there, looking relaxed and pleased to see them all. Even him. ‘Hello, Noah.’
Noah stuck his hand out. ‘Ian, I hope I’m not inconveniencing you.’
‘Of course not. You’re welcome to visit anytime.’ He wasn’t saying who he should be visiting. Holly or Stacey? ‘Come in out of the cold.’ His welcome was genuine, like his daughter.
It was like stepping into the past. Laughter came from another room, music was playing in the background, the smell of dinner cooking reached his nostrils and warmed him. Noah closed his eyes and breathed deeply, drew up memories of when he’d been a little boy. ‘Wonderful.’
‘It is, isn’t it?’ Caution laced Stacey’s question.
‘You’re lucky.’
‘I know, though sometimes I take it all for granted.’
Judy appeared in the kitchen doorway and crossed to lift her granddaughter out of his arms. ‘Hello, sweetheart. Grandma’s happy to see you.’ Kiss, kiss, kiss on Holly’s cheeks. Then she smiled at Noah. ‘You’ll stay for dinner.’
Did he have a choice? He chuckled. ‘I’d love to.’
‘I’ll heat up some baked beans for Holly and you can sit with her while she eats.’ Stacey grinned. Which was the first easy grin he’d had from her in days.
It warmed his heart and relaxed some of the tension that had built up on the short drive from the hospital. ‘Is my shirt going to survive?’
Stacey’s spread hand flipped back and forth. ‘Maybe.’
Only one red splotch marred the front of his white shirt by the time Holly decided she’d had enough and shoved the plate aside. ‘Read me a story, No.’
‘What’s the magic word?’ her mother asked from the kitchen, where she was helping her mother.
‘Please, No.’
‘Please, Daddy.’ Stacey had come to stand in the doorway. ‘Noah is your daddy.’
‘No Daddy?’ Those beautiful eyes were huge in the tiny face.
‘Yes, Daddy,’ he growled around a blockage in his throat.
‘No, Daddy.’ The little minx giggled.
Reaching for her, Noah wrapped his daughter in his arms and kissed the top of her head. His heart was pounding, his throat still blocked, and when he glanced across to Stacey she was wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Anastasia was full of love for so many people. She was happy for him to be a part of Holly’s life, had offered to have a DNA test for his peace of mind.
In his arms, Holly began wriggling to get down. ‘Careful or you’ll hurt your arm,’ he cautioned in a croaky voice. Setting her carefully on her feet, he watched her dash across to Granddad and scramble up onto his knees.
‘It’s bedtime, missy,’ Ian said as he hugged her.
‘No.’
No as in Noah, or, no, I don’t want to go to bed?
Noah grinned. This was family, right here in this old-fashioned sweet house that was so different from the modern sterile place he lived in. This was what he remembered from his childhood—not the house and its fixtures but the genuine love and kindness, the acceptance of each other. It was perfect. Happiness crept under his ribs. Unbelievable. Everything he wanted was right here. If he dared take a chance.
Another glance at Stacey had his heart dancing again, this time for her. And them. Could it be as easy as saying, ‘Come with me and make magic, bring up our daughter together and be happy?’ Could he trust himself to make that decision?
* * *
‘Stacey, it’s Noah. You wanted me?’ Wednesday and she was back at work. They might get to steal a few minutes together throughout the day. According to the nurses, she’d been trying to get hold of him for the last hour while he’d been in surgery.
‘Jonathon Black’s got another problem, more pain in the abdomen. It’s severe. The registrar’s seen him and thinks you should take a look.’
‘Can you put him on?’ He’d get the details and suggest what would be necessary until he finished in Theatre.
Then he recalled what she’d said the first time she’d phoned him to see Jonathon. She’d rightly suspected appendicitis. ‘Forget it. I’m on my way.’ He was going to be unpopular either way he did this, and if Black was seriously ill again then that was more important than delaying an operation.
The lift doors swished open, reminding him what he should be focused on. Heading directly to the room where Jonathon had spent the last couple of weeks, he hesitated at the door when he saw Stacey talking to his patient. His heart did a little dance. No hesitation there. It was his mind that kept throwing up reasons not to get too involved. And frankly he was over what his mind was trying to do to his hopes.
He hadn’t been cautious the first time round, but he was being so this time, and it was getting uncomfortable. If he wasn’t careful, Stacey and Holly would bear the brunt of his past. As if Stacey would deliberately hurt him. What he saw and knew would be what he got and more, and that was good—kind, loving and fun. Heart and mind were getting mixed up now. Time to take a break.
But it wasn’t that simple. The Wainwrights were friendly and caring, open and sharing. Which was Stacey through and through. That’s what he remembered and had longed for since that fatal night when Robert had come to tell him his parents had died. After his blunder with Christine he’d thought he’d never find it. Now he might have it with Anastasia. Might, but he was not totally convinced his heart was right.
There was no denying his attraction for her physically. It was strong and kept him awake most nights. So why not find out if he could live without Stacey in his life? There was doubt there already: it just needed looking into further. There was only one way to find out and that was by shoving cautio
n aside to spend more time with her, starting with asking her out for a meal one night this week.
Decision made, he walked over to his patient. ‘I hear you’re in pain again, Jonathon. Whereabouts?’
Stacey helped Jonathon lift the sheet and pull his hospital gown up to expose his belly.
‘All around here.’ With his palm, Jonathon touched most of his abdomen. ‘It’s not like the last twice. It’s more a widespread ache, worse when I cough or go to the bathroom.’
‘Any nausea?’ Noah gently probed the abdomen.
‘Every time I eat or drink. And the pain gets worse about half an hour after eating.’
‘Can I see the notes?’ he asked Stacey, and took the proffered board.
Flicking through Jonathon’s history, he could find nothing to raise alarm bells. But the blood tests showed not everything was settling down as quickly from the appendicitis as he’d hoped. An underlying cause? Another problem they hadn’t known about?
‘We need more blood tests done. When did you last eat?’
‘Breakfast.’
‘Four hours ago,’ Stacey informed him.
‘The pain was excruciating then.’
Diverticulitis? ‘Right, no more food by mouth. Stacey’ll set you up with intravenous nutrition via fluids. I’m prescribing stronger antibiotics and arranging a CT scan of your bowel.’ Turning to Stacey, he added, ‘Liver functions, urine and stool samples, please.’
When they were well away from Jonathon’s room, Stacey asked, ‘What are you thinking?’
‘Diverticulitis.’
‘Another severe infection. What’s going on?’ She was on to it straight away.
‘I’m going to arrange further screening to see if there’s an underlying cause that we haven’t found yet. The cancer could be in other organs, though symptoms haven’t presented.’ Though that didn’t feel right.
Stacey’s face fell. ‘He doesn’t deserve that. He’s so sweet and nice to everyone, even when we’re doing awful procedures on him.’
No one deserved cancer, but he agreed with her. ‘Fingers crossed I’m wrong. Let me know as soon as you get the lab results.’ He turned for the lift, paused, and returned to Stacey, his heart hammering. She might think he wanted to soften any blow he might have for the future. But he hadn’t decided completely on what he had to offer yet, was afraid of getting it wrong and losing any chance of working this out so that all three of them were happy. ‘I thought we might go out for dinner on Friday night if that suits you.’
‘I usually spend the nights with Holly. If you’d like—’
The emergency buzzer screamed throughout the ward.
Stacey leapt around the counter to read the number flashing from the screen. ‘Bed eleven. Cardiac arrest. Jason, resus cart.’ And she was gone, Jason right beside her with the cart.
Noah was on her heels. ‘Who is it?’
‘Fifty-five-year-old female, post gastro surgery, history of cardiac arrest, last time six months ago.’ She raced into the room. ‘Keep doing compressions, Ada. Jason, prepare the defib.’ She tore the woman’s gown open and pressed the patches onto the woman’s skin before attaching the leads and reading the monitor.
Noah took the electric pads from Jason. The screen showed the heart had stopped. ‘Stand back.’
Everyone else put space between themselves and the bed.
Stacey watched the screen.
Noah tapped the button on the defib.
Melissa’s body jerked upwards.
Stacey watched the line on the screen, said calmly, ‘Prepare for another shock.’
Noah primed the defibrillator. ‘Stand back.’
The flat line rose and fell, trailing a pattern matching life. Then it stopped.
‘Prepare for another shock,’ Stacey ordered.
Shock. Jerk. The line rose, fell, rose, fell.
Noah was holding his breath, and when he looked around he saw everyone was doing the same. Except Stacey. She had a stethoscope to her ears and was listening to the woman’s chest. Not satisfied with the monitor? Not taking anything for granted? That was Stacey. Finally she straightened. ‘Well done, everyone. Jason, stay with Melissa. She’s your sole charge for the rest of the day. I’ll phone her surgeon and let him know what’s happened, though I doubt he’s going to be surprised.’ Then she turned to him. ‘Noah, do you think you could examine our patient so I can report back to her surgeon?’
‘Of course. Where are her notes?’
‘Here.’ Jason extended a file.
After a quick appraisal of the woman’s history of heart surgeries and the recent gastro op, her temperature, heart rate before and after the arrest, her blood flow before checking the wound for sepsis, Noah said, ‘All clean. She hasn’t complained of pain any time today?’
Ada shook her head. ‘No. In fact, she was saying she hadn’t felt so good for months.’
Hadn’t he heard that often enough to almost take it as a warning something was about to happen? After a thorough examination, he told Stacey and Jason, ‘I can’t find anything that might’ve triggered that attack other than her history of cardiac failures. But her surgeon should see her ASAP.’
‘He’s on his way,’ Stacey informed him.
‘Then I’ll get back to Theatre.’ He’d nearly reached the lift when he heard Stacey call out.
‘Noah.’ She approached with what he thought was apprehension. ‘About Friday night? We’re spending time together seeing your relatives on Saturday. Can we leave it at that for now?’
‘If that’s what you want.’ Disappointment at not having time alone with her touched him. But, then, he didn’t want to rush anything, did he?
‘I’ll bring Holly, too.’
That would cause a stir with the relatives for sure. But they had to find out sooner or later as he didn’t intend hiding his daughter from anyone. ‘Good idea.’
Relief poured into her face. ‘Glad you think so.’ She gave him such a sad smile he found himself wanting to banish it by saying they’d get through this okay and to haul her into his arms, hug her hard, but the lift doors opened behind him and Melissa’s surgeon, Connor Harrison, charged out.
‘Stacey, is Melissa conscious?’
‘Yes,’ she answered, still looking at him. ‘Noah checked Melissa over.’
‘Noah, thanks for that. Talk later. I need to see her.’ Connor headed down the ward.
‘I’d better join him,’ Stacey said, but she didn’t move.
‘I’d better get on with surgery. Talk to you later about Saturday.’
‘Looking forward to it.’ She gave him a wave over her shoulder as she chased after Connor.
She wouldn’t be looking forward to meeting Robert and Alice if she knew how cold they were. Not even Stacey’s friendly disposition would warm their hearts. Noah watched until she disappeared into Melissa’s room. She certainly did things to his heart that he wasn’t used to. Was this what he’d been looking for? The feeling of coming home when he’d walked into her parents’ house yesterday said so. How did he know for certain? By taking time to find out more, and waiting to see if he did love her, or if this was a passing fancy.
Time to get back to work. Phoning downstairs, he told them he was on his way.
CHAPTER NINE
STACEY’S STOMACH WAS tied in knots when Noah arrived to pick them up on Saturday. They weren’t going to stay long at his relatives’ house as Holly might get grumpy, as she did sometimes when she couldn’t do something because of the cast, and Noah said it wouldn’t work to put her down for a nap there. He wouldn’t explain why, just said that afterwards they’d go to his place for a while so he’d have more time with Holly.
As he opened the back door to his four-wheel drive, he leaned in and kissed Holly on the cheek. ‘Hello, Holly.’
‘Hello, No Daddy.’
&
nbsp; Stacey’s heart wobbled. At least these two were getting along. If only she and Noah could make headway. They got on fine at work, where nothing personal came up, but away from the hospital there was an undercurrent of uncertainty running between them that had started when she’d told him he was Holly’s father, and so far nothing had seemed to change it.
Then he surprised her with a kiss on her cheek. Chaste and still making her heart beat harder than normal. ‘Noah?’
He breathed deeply. ‘Citrus. That tangy, sweet smell always reminds me of you.’
‘Are you trying to butter me up?’ she asked, a little too abruptly.
‘Not at all. Just stating a fact.’ His smile was skewwhiff.
Trying for relaxed, she smiled. ‘Lemons and oranges, my lasting impression, huh?’
‘One of them.’
She wasn’t asking what the others were. She had enough of her own about Noah to make her blush if he knew what she was thinking. She handed Holly over to him to put in the car seat. ‘I’ve brought a colouring-in book and pencils to keep her occupied at the house. Do I need to grab some paper to protect any surfaces?’
Noah shook his head. ‘I’m sure Jackson will rustle up something.’
‘Who’s Jackson?’
‘The butler.’
Her stomach dropped. The butler. Just where were they going? Here she’d been worrying if Noah’s aunt and uncle would accept her and Holly, and now there was a butler in the picture. That spoke volumes, told her she had no idea what the morning would bring. She wasn’t against butlers as such, but a sense of being out of her depth was creeping in and they hadn’t left Harlow yet.
She climbed into the vehicle, laid the flowers she’d bought on the floor by her feet, and strapped herself in tight, then looked at her outfit. Black leggings under a short red skirt, a fitted floral blouse and a tight corduroy jacket. She’d splashed out in the winter sales for those items, and then had really blown the budget with new—no nicks and scratches—black, knee-high boots, so she was dressed up for the occasion, and now she felt cheap.