Billy inhaled deeply, but he couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen. He bent over, gripping his knees, trying to hold himself up. “They can’t be gone.”
A comforting hand rubbed his back then slowly curved around, holding him. Freja placed warm kisses on his back and leaned over to ask, “Are you okay?”
He needed her and her touch. Turning around, he pulled her into his arms. It wasn’t until she wiped at his eyes that he realized he was crying.
“Please tell me what’s wrong.” Her voice was low and calm. Her touch and her steady breaths soothed him until he was able to breathe easier.
He could barely process Diane’s words, let alone give voice to his nightmare. “They were in a car accident...they didn’t make it, Billy.” The sound of her sobs still rang in his ears.
Every part of his body wanted to reject it. There must have been a mistake. He didn’t just lose his family.
Freja released her hold on him and placed her hands on his face. She looked into his eyes, but he gave her nothing. Finally, her hands slid down until they reached his. She pulled him toward the showers and left him alone just long enough to grab their things. With the door locked behind her, she turned her attention to him.
Silently, she undressed him and herself before pulling them under the warm spray. They showered together since the first night they met, but this wasn’t like those times. It wasn’t sexual. She loved and cared for him, taking her time washing his hair and body. Every touch was a comfort to him.
He finally broke the silence. “My parents died.” His legs shook until he could no longer hold himself up. He slid down the shower wall, leaning his head back.
“Oh, Billy.” Freja knelt in front of him, wiping the water off his face and sliding her hands through his hair.
“I need you.” He pulled her onto his lap and buried his head in her neck. He cried while she held tight and kissed the top of his head.
Carefully lifting herself off of him, she turned off the water and grabbed his towel to dry him off. He dressed while she pulled on her cotton shorts and tank.
Never leaving his side, she made his travel arrangements and took a taxi with him to the airport.
They sat in silence, waiting for his flight to be called. She held his hand, rubbed his back, and comforted him with just her presence.
She nudged him when his flight was called. He looked at her puzzled. “Billy, that’s your flight.” She pointed to the long line of people waiting to board.
She pulled him up and walked him to the back of the line, never letting go of his hand until he handed over his ticket to the agent. He kissed her cheek, and she gave a small wave goodbye.
Hours later, he wished he had told her that she meant more than a fling. She was so much more.
Diane met him at the airport, and unlike Freja, she talked nonstop between gasping cries about funeral arrangements they needed to make.
* * *
From the moment he’d landed until today, he didn’t allow himself to grieve. Too many things needed his attention. Reality was hitting him square in the chest. They were gone. Just like that. No longer able to hold back the tide, tears streamed down his face as an agonizing cry escaped his lips. Billy never imagined he wouldn’t have a chance to see his parents again. He would never hear his dad chat up customers or see his mom in the corner booth going over the books while she listened to the local gossip.
Every moment he took for granted hit him in the chest, making it difficult to breathe. He pulled at his tie trying to loosen it but ended up pulling it off, throwing it across the cab. His hands shook as he attempted to undo the buttons of his dress shirt, but in his distress, he pulled on the collar, popping off the top two buttons.
Still, it wasn’t enough.
Billy opened the truck door to get out just as the back door to the diner opened and out stepped Paul, the high school senior he’d hired to wash dishes. Paul smiled and waved at Billy before dropping to the covered back steps. He pulled out a well-worn paperback, folding one side behind the other.
It was the quiet time right before the dinner rush. Any minute now, Chuck, the cook, would step out for his cigarette break. Not a moment later, the door hit Paul in the back. He jumped up, making room for Chuck to step out and light up. Billy kept the truck idling, wishing more than anything he would have the guts to just leave, run away, but this time never look back.
In no mood for small talk, he stayed in the truck until Chuck and Paul were back inside. As Billy stepped through the back door, the smell of hamburgers and fries hit him before the heat of the kitchen. He quickly walked through the kitchen, nodding to the employees as he passed, hoping to make it to the office before Diane caught him.
She had taken it upon herself to become his surrogate mother/busy body. He knew she loved him and worried, but after two years of freedom, the diner and she were similar to a noose around his neck.
He was only steps away from his office when her voice rang out, stopping him in his tracks. “Billy! You’re back. How did it go?” Diane shouted while cutting him off at the door. She was wearing the same pink uniform with white apron and sneakers that she’d worn for the past twenty years. Her light brown hair was up in its usual ponytail. Her bright blue eyes watched him closely, impatiently waiting to hear what could affect her future.
After spending over an hour discussing issues with his parents’ Will and getting bad news from his attorney, he was in no mood for her.
Billy walked past her into the office, shrugging off his suit coat and laying it on the back of his chair. The old chair swiveled and creaked under his weight.
She sat across from him, leaning forward in her chair, with her eyes wide and focused on him, as she tried to read his expressions. A long sigh escaped his lips. “There is no way around it. I can’t sell the diner for five years.”
A small smile crossed her lips, as well as a sigh of relief. “I don’t understand why you would want to anyway. This is your parents’ legacy. They loved this place. You grew up here.” When he first arrived home, he told her he was going to sell, and she had made her displeasure perfectly clear. Multiple times.
She had been his age when she started working here. This place meant as much to her as it had to his parents.
“I don’t understand why they would put it in their Will. They knew I didn’t want it.” Slumping back in his chair, he rubbed his face with his hands until he realized it was too quiet, especially with Diane in the room. He dragged his hands down his face until he could see her. She sat back in her chair, visibly angry and shaking her head.
“You want to know why?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “Your parents hoped that if anything happened to them that you would have something to ground you, give you stability at a time they knew it would be the most difficult for you.
“You’ve been wandering for a long time, looking for who knows what, but your parents knew something you don’t; home is where you find yourself. It’s time you settle yourself long enough to figure it out.”
Her words penetrated him like arrows through the heart. He hated to admit it, but she was right. He just didn’t want her to be.
Lost in thought, he failed to notice her get up to leave. She snapped her fingers in front of his face and smirked. “We’re smarter than you think, kid.” She swiftly turned and walked out of the office, shutting the door behind her.
“Five years,” he muttered. “I can do it for five years. Maybe they’re right; maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for.”
Billy dragged himself out of the office and exited the back of the diner to run up the stairs that lead to the studio apartment. He lived there with his parents for a year before they were doing well enough to buy a home a mile away. Now he left spare clothes there, just in case, and occasionally still used it when he needed a break between shifts.
Fifteen minutes later, he descended the steps in a T-shirt and jeans, ready to start the dinner shift.
Chapter Six
&
nbsp; July 4, 1995
Bridget
“Finally!” She’d spent the last thirty minutes sitting on a crowded bus without air conditioning, making it at least ten degrees hotter on the bus than the already sweltering late afternoon temperature.
The smile Bridget wore most of the day thinking about Phillip melted from the heat. Her tank top stuck to her damp skin and her feet slid in her cheap flip-flops. The hour spent putting on makeup exactly how Tiffany had shown her was a total waste. It was wiped off within the first fifteen minutes of her bus ride along with streams of sweat.
Today was the first time she debated calling Phillip for a ride, but her dad didn’t know she was dating anyone let alone a sophomore in college. Bridget took the bus rather than risk either one finding out about the other. She was so going to hear it from Phillip. He hated that she took public transportation, especially when he had a car and time. They’d been seeing each other for five weeks, and he still had no clue where she lived. Outside of his apartment, her work was the only place they met.
When Bridget reached his parents’ house, she scanned the street and noticed the lack of cars. Bridget could have sworn Phillip said he was throwing a Fourth of July party. His parents were out of town, so he had the backyard pool to himself.
Next to Phillip’s parents’ house was a detached garage with a small apartment above, where he lived during the summer.
Bridget loved it. It became their sanctuary from his parents and her dad. Their time spent together, cooking, watching movies, and just hanging out was her favorite. She imagined moving in with him and it being theirs. Nothing could be sweeter than living with someone who cared for and loved her.
Bridget lifted the bottom of her shirt to wipe the streams of sweat from her forehead. By the time she reached the landing at the top of the stairs, the butterflies in her belly had taken flight. Just picturing him made her heart race. It had been four weeks since Phillip introduced Bridget to his friends as his ‘girlfriend’.
Her first boyfriend.
Sigh.
Unable to hold back a smile, she tapped on the door, but no answer. His car was parked in the driveway, so he had to be here. The butterflies in her belly were now rioting; she needed to see him. She knocked again, before opening the door.
Phillip stood in front of the open fridge, pulling out a six-pack of beer. When he set it on the counter, he noticed her standing in the doorway.
“You’re here.” His face lit up. Before she could say a word, he lifted her up and planted tiny kisses all over her face until he reached her lips.
His kisses...oh, Lord.
She dangled in his arms as their mouths got reacquainted. At six-four, he literally was a foot taller. For their mouths to meet, he either picked her up so their faces met, or he sat her on his lap. He preferred the lap. As long as he held her, she didn’t care.
“Bri, baby, I’ve missed you.”
The heavy beat of her heart was Bridget falling deliriously in love with him. More than the day before.
Never breaking the kiss, he carried her to the counter. Standing between her thighs, he leaned his forehead against hers. “Two days is too long. Let’s not do that again.” She couldn’t agree more. Yesterday they had to work different shifts, making it impossible to see each other.
He never took his hand off her as he drank a beer and listened to her talk about her morning. His gentle caresses on her legs gave her the warm fuzzies. When he went in for a kiss, Bridget scrunched her nose at the smell of beer breath. “Eww.” The one thing she didn’t like.
“Serious?” She nodded as he rolled his eyes and popped a few breath mints into his mouth. “Better?”
She leaned in and sniffed his breath. “Much,” she said with a giggle.
“Good.” Gripping her hips, he pulled her close and planted a delicious kiss on her mouth. It quickly escalated, as it usually did when they were alone. Their tongues tangled as her fingers tightened their hold on his shirt. A warm tingle spread from her lips to her toes.
Phillip’s strong hands slid under her shirt, touching her bare skin, slowly stroking her from hip to just under her bikini top. Every touch was gentle and loving; his kisses passionate. Just a look melted her from the inside out. He loved her, and she couldn’t get enough of him. It made leaving every night nearly impossible.
She made her own trail with kisses from his muscled chest to his full lips. “So who’s coming tonight?” she asked between kisses. The two six packs of beer on the counter clearly weren’t enough for a party. Not with his number of friends.
“It’s just you and me.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “And Shawn and Tiffany.”
“I thought I saw her car. Where is she?”
He smirked and tilted his head toward the bedroom.
“Oh...” Her breath caught. Bridget and Tiffany barely saw each other these days. Every free moment Bridget had, she spent with Phillip.
“Yeah. They’ve been in there for a while.”
“They’re...you know? Doing that here?” Bridget shook her head at her naivety.
“Having sex?”
She cringed at the way he teased her. So far, they’d avoided the elephant in the room. But not for much longer. There was practically a fluorescent sign hanging over his bedroom door blinking S-E-X.
Phillip swore he’d wait for her, but every time they were together, he pushed her boundaries a little further. Most nights she left with him begging her to stay. It was never easy saying no.
Phillip expressed his love through constant touches. He’d kiss her while he told her how much he cared for her and always wanted her with him. The words filled the empty places that her mother’s death left behind.
A squeal and a giggle came from the bedroom. Moments later, Shawn and Tiffany fell into the room. Their clothes rumpled and faces flushed. Her friend giggled again and walked on unsteady feet. Tiffany had been drinking by evidence of the half-empty bottle in her hand.
“You better have changed the sheets,” Phillip warned.
“Yeah. Yeah. Don’t worry,” Shawn reassured.
“Happy birthday, chica!” Tiffany pulled Bridget off the counter and wrapped her arms around Bridget. Tiffany’s breath reeked of alcohol.
“It’s your birthday?” Phillip took a hold of her arms, keeping Tiffany from toppling them.
“It was yesterday.” Bridget avoided Phillip’s gaze. Her birthday wasn’t the same without her mom, and she wanted just to forget about it.
Up until Bridget’s mother died, every year they would have a party with all her friends. This year, her dad left a card on the counter with a one hundred dollar bill stuffed inside.
He forgot to sign the card.
The day was like any other. Bridget slept in, avoided her dad, and went to work. By the time she returned home, he was in bed.
“Why didn’t you say something? Did you celebrate without me?” Phillip stared down with furrowed brows, waiting for her answer. It gave her a slight thrill to see him upset over a nonexistent invite for a nonexistent party.
“You didn’t miss anything. I worked, and that was about it. It was no big deal.”
He pulled her away from Tiffany’s drunken arms and held her tightly.
“It is a big deal. Birthdays are for celebrating. I could have come over or something. I still haven’t met your dad.”
Bridget shared just enough about her dad to keep Phillip from digging deeper. She lived at home, and her father was strict. Both true. Phillip teased her about her high school curfew. She would smile at his jokes, but each time, the knot in her stomach grew.
“You’re ashamed of me, aren’t you?” Phillip teased. “I bet I can charm him. Come on. You’ve met my dad. He can’t be worse than him.”
Tiffany sipped on her beer. “I’ve met, and I can assure you, he is. He doesn’t give a rip about her.”
Tiffany’s honest response punched Bridget in the gut once again. It hurt knowing it, but it was worse hearing it from her best f
riend.
The look Phillip gave Bridget was a mix of pity and understanding. Bridget averted her eyes away from the group. “I’m sorry, Bridget. You deserve better,” he reassured her. “I just thought it would be good to meet him since we’re together, and I have no plans of changing that. I hope you don’t either.”
She smiled. “Nope. I like us.”
“Good.” He pulled her back into his arms and leaned down to kiss her when Tiffany drunkenly yelled, “Eww.”
“Come here, Tiff. Let’s show them how it’s done.” Shawn sat down on the couch, pulling her onto his lap.
Phillip and Bridget turned away from the Tiffany and Shawn show.
“Bri, is he really worse than my dad?”
“Not worse...just different. I think he likes to pretend I don’t exist.”
Silence hung between them before he replied, “I wouldn’t mind that sometimes.”
Bridget understood what he meant. A few weeks after they met, she’d been introduced to his parents.
* * *
“Nice to meet you, Bridget.” His mother, Laura, smiled at her over the full table. Bridget and Phillip had just walked in the door. His parents sat at the dining room table, waiting for her to sit.
“I’m sorry I’m late.” Her voice shook with nerves. Bridget left on time, but the bus she rode broke down and she had to wait fifteen minutes for the next bus to arrive, causing her to be a few minutes late.
Phillip’s dad grumbled under his breath. She couldn’t understand him, but Phillip did. His hand tightened around her, and his jaw clenched.
His mother nodded sweetly, but her eyes turned to his father, who scowled as if the five extra minutes ruined his day.
“It’s okay, dear. It happens.” His mother forced another smile in Bridget’s direction but kept her eyes on her husband.
Not five minutes into dinner, his dad complained about losing money from not renting the apartment where Phillip lived. Phillip tried to explain he was saving up for the next term, but his father angrily shot back, “That’s no excuse! It’s not like you’re actually learning anything. You got in because of a sport’s scholarship. You don’t have to be a brainiac to get one of those. You’ll be lucky to graduate before you get injured.” Phillip’s dad stuffed his face between insults, never taking his eyes off of Phillip.
Until Now Page 5