Did she love me then? Did I waste all these years for nothing? He can’t be right.
A memory flashed in his mind of the time he and his girls were sitting at their tiny kitchen table having dinner when Katie announced she wanted him to be her dad. Without the slightest pause, Bridget told her, “I’m sorry, Katie, but we don’t feel that way about each other.” Her response was the reason he hadn’t pursued her at the time.
“I need to say something,” Phillip said, interrupting his thoughts.
“Go ahead.”
“I want to thank you for all that you’ve done for them.” He choked on the words as he held back tears. “When I was weak, you were strong, and I’ll always be grateful to you.”
“Don’t thank me. I’d do anything for them.”
“I know. Billy, I’m not trying to take them away from you, but I want to get to know my daughter. It’s obvious that she loves you and see’s you as her dad, but I’m going to have her in my life if she’ll have me.”
Phillip’s sincerity was plainly evident, and, for the first time, Billy understood why Bridget forgave him. He put his hand out. Phillip gripped it and shook.
“One more thing.” Phillip pulled his hand away and took a step toward the diner door. “Considering what I’ve done to her, I’m the last person who should be saying this, but either let her go or hold her tight. For her sake. She deserves someone to love her, and if you can’t, let someone else.” He let the door swing closed behind him.
Phillip was right, he didn’t have a right, but his words gave Billy a certain sense of peace knowing that he was concerned about her. After taking a few deep breaths, Billy followed him inside.
His eyes met Bridget’s right away. Phillip whispered something in her ear when he gave her a side hug. She nodded with a smile.
Not again. His heart raced with his need to come between them. He was never going to get used to this. It was no longer just him and his girls.
Billy took the last few steps to stand next to Bridget. Without looking at him, she slid her hand into his. Her touched relaxed him immediately.
Bridget looked to Phillip. “You ready to meet her?”
Chapter Nineteen
August 1998
Bridget
Katie squirmed in her seat as Bridget tried to unbuckle her car seat. “Billy’s home?” Katie asked for the millionth time.
“Yes, Katie, Billy’s home.” It had been the longest week of her life. Billy went to stay with Freja, and every day, all day, Bridget had to hear, “Where’s Billy?” and “When’s Billy coming home?” Then today it was, “Is he home yet?” Bridget was close to losing her mind. She understood. Billy and Katie were practically glued at the hip, and this was the first time he spent more than a night or two away. She had missed him, too.
The days were long, and their nightly phone calls too short. They’d speak for a few minutes then he’d talk to Katie and listen to her ramble about her day. She loved that Katie had Billy and couldn’t help feel a tinge of jealousy at their relationship.
Once out of her seat, Katie ran around the building to the front entrance. She cupped her hands around her eyes as she pressed her face against the glass door. “Billy!” she squealed. Katie reached for the door handle and pulled with all her might, determined not to let a large, heavy door get between her and her Billy.
Bridget’s heart raced as she got closer. She hated to admit how much she missed him. Every morning, as she got the diner ready for the breakfast rush, she’d kept expecting him to walk through the back door with wet hair, smelling of soap and aftershave. She missed his good morning smile. The way he’d entertain Katie during the busiest times of the day or how he’d elbow Bridget and ask, “How are you?” multiple times a day.
When Bridget reached the door, she peered in to see Billy leaning against the counter with his arms folded and his eyes drawn into a scowl. “That’s not good.” His eyes were focused on a man who sat in one of the booths.
“Mama!” Katie whined as she pulled on the door.
“Okay. Okay.” Bridget swung the door open, and Katie shot through the small opening and ran to Billy, screaming his name.
He dropped the glare and his arms as a huge smile took over his face. He bent down and picked her up. They did their big “MUWAH” kiss on each other’s cheeks. “Love you, my Billy.”
“Love you, my Sweets. I missed you.”
When Katie’s arms wrapped around his neck and squeezed, he looked over her shoulder and gave Bridget a worried look. Then his eyes moved back to the man who stood up from the booth. That’s when she noticed him.
“Bri?”
The sound of his voice stunned her silent. Bridget could feel the blood drain from her face. Her knees became weak as she sucked in a breath. She hadn’t seen him since she stood on his front porch, begging him to help her.
As he took a step toward her, her eyes shot to Billy’s. He understood without her saying a word.
He rearranged Katie in his arms, so Phillip couldn’t see her. “Let’s see if Chuck will make you a grilled cheese sandwich.”
“Yay! Grilled cheese.”
“Do you want apples or grapes?” he asked as they went through the swinging door to the kitchen.
She turned to Phillip, whose eyes stayed on the closed swinging door.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “That’s her.”
No! No! NO!
How dare he look at her!
The diner was empty except for them. Billy must have said something to the waitress to keep her from coming back out to the dining area.
Phillip returned his stare to her. “You look good.”
For a split second, Bridget saw the Phillip she had loved and was pleased to hear him say it, but then the crushing hurt returned. She stayed silent, waiting for him to explain why he was there.
“Are you okay? Is…?” He pointed in the direction Billy had carried Katie. She realized at that moment that he didn’t even know her name.
“Her name is Katie, and no thanks to you.” She kept her voice at an even keel, trying not to let the pain show.
“I’ve thought and worried about you and Katie.”
“Thinking didn’t stay up at night when she was sick or put food on the table or help me finish high school.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I wanted to come by and tell you I’m leaving for law school.”
She stared at him unsure what to say. Why would he tell her that? “You want me to congratulate you?” Bridget didn’t bother keeping her disdain from her voice.
“No. I’m not sure why I’m here. I ran into Tiffany, and she said that you worked here and I thought...”
“I haven’t talked to her since graduation. How does she know where I work?” She held up a hand and shook her head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.” Taking a deep breath, she asked, “What do you want, Phillip?”
He stepped closer as she held her ground. He wasn’t going to intimidate her. “Do you think you could talk to me without contempt?” he asked.
“No.” Absolutely not.
He sighed. “I’m leaving soon and I…I’m not sure what.” He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling on the ends. He took a deep breath and said, “I love you, Bri.”
She flinched at the words she begged him to say to her three years ago.
“I haven’t dated anyone since you.”
She shook her head. Why would he lie? She pointed to the door. “Leave. Now.”
“I’m not leaving until we talk.”
“What is there to say? You didn’t believe she was yours. You didn’t come to the hospital when I had her. You never once looked for us. Why now?”
“I want to make it up to you. I’ll be here if you let me.”
“How?” She fisted her hands and felt her anger rise. “You just said you were leaving. How exactly are you going to be here for us?”
“Please, Bri.”
“Stop. Call
ing. Me. Bri!” Bridget screamed.
He held his arms out. “I’m begging for a chance here.”
“I believe those were my words. You turned your back on me, and now you want me to welcome you back into my life—our life—like nothing happened?”
“You can’t keep her from me. I’m her father.”
“You. Are. Nothing,” she spit out.
He pinched his eyes closed for a moment. “You lied to me, Bri! I’d have... God Bri. You lied!” he repeated. “Don’t do this! I have rights.”
A calm settled over her and hurtful words flew out of her mouth. “We’re fine without you. You did me a favor, and you did her a favor. She’s surrounded by people who want her and love her. She doesn’t need you.”
He blanched at her words and turned away from her. She’d done it. She’d hit him where it hurt. But it didn’t make her feel better.
“You might be right, Bri—Bridget, but I deserve to have a relationship with her.”
“Deserve? What makes you think you deserve anything? You’re nothing but a sperm donor. You abandoned us! I had nowhere to go. My father kicked me out, and you pushed me away. You deserve nothing from me or her. She’s not yours; she’s mine, and coming into her life now would only confuse her.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was scared.”
“YOU? You were scared? You poor thing.” Sarcasm dripped from her words. He had no clue what real fear felt like.
He opened his mouth to respond, but Billy pushed through the swinging doors and stood next to her. “Leave. They don’t need you!”
Phillip looked back and forth between her and Billy. He made his way to the door. “I’m leaving, but I’m coming back,” he threatened.
Once the door closed behind him, she turned to Billy. “Where’s Katie?”
“Diane took her upstairs…before you started yelling,” he reassured her.
She released a heavy breath as her body trembled. The pent-up anger and fear was catching up to her as the words, ‘You can’t keep her from me,’ rang in her ears.
“He’s going to come back.” Her voice trembled.
Billy pulled her into his arms. “If he comes back, I’ll take care of it. You have nothing to worry about.”
She leaned into him, accepting his comfort. “I need Katie. Can you find someone to cover my shift tonight?”
“Of course. We still on for coffee and donuts tomorrow?”
She gave him a forced smile. “Yeah. I missed it last week.”
He rubbed his hands the length of her arms. “Me too.”
Chapter Twenty
June 1999
Billy
Taking another pull from his beer, he leaned his head against the back of the couch. Why did it bother him so much? He left the diner twenty minutes ago after watching a customer flirt with Bridget. That wasn’t the bad part; it happened often enough. This time, instead of rolling her eyes, she...she blushed then smiled when she stepped away from the booth.
Billy remembered the guy from the day before coming in with a group. Today, he was alone and flirting. It was bound to happen, but Billy didn’t like it. Bridget was almost twenty and gorgeous. The worst part, she didn’t know how beautiful and desirable she was.
Before Billy left, he sicced Bridget’s man deterrent, Katie, on the would-be Romeo. But instead of retracting his invitation for a date, the admirer knelt on the ground and introduced himself to Katie and even made her giggle. That was the last straw. Billy couldn’t stay after that.
Preston.
For some reason, even his name annoyed Billy. He appeared to be nice, and, for a split second, Billy enjoyed seeing Bridget happy and smiling.
He shook his head. “She’s too young.”
“Who’s too young?” Startled at the sound of Freja’s voice, he spilled his beer on his shirt.
“Nobody. Nothing. What are you doing here?” He made a weak attempt to sound happy to see her, but she saw right through him.
She lifted a brow and repeated her question.
He sighed as he pulled his T-shirt over his head and wiped the wet spot on his chest. “Bridget.”
“Too young for what?” She closed the front door and plopped down next to him on the couch, leaning against his shoulder.
“Freja, it’s nothing. I was just talking to myself.”
“Why won’t you answer the question?” He knew better than not to answer. She could be relentless.
“A guy came in a few times and flirted with Bridget.”
“Good for her!” She slow clapped as she gave him a big smile. “Has she gone on a date since Katie?”
He took another sip of beer and shook his head. “Nope.”
“Wow. She’s way overdue. Oh my gosh. Has she had sex since Katie?”
“What? Why would you ask… Are you… Geez, Freja! It’s none of our business.” Except, he wondered the same thing. He hoped not. She was still young and vulnerable, but he didn’t know what she did on the nights he was with Freja.
“Settle down, big brother. She needs grownup time once in a while.”
“I’m not her big brother,” he mumbled.
“Whatever. You act like it sometimes. The poor girl probably gets lonely. I’d go crazy if it were just me and a kid.”
“She’s not you,” he muttered.
“I’m well aware of that.” She poked his stomach. “Why are you so uptight?”
“Because, she doesn’t realize how amazing she is, and this guy could take advantage of her.”
Freja pulled away and looked at him curiously. He could see questions brewing, so he asked his own.
“So what’s up? I didn’t expect to see you until next weekend.” It worked. Her inquisitive stare turned into a huge smile.
“I have great news.”
He pulled her onto his lap and gave her a kiss. “What’s this great news?”
“I’m moving to Flagstaff. I got the internship.”
“That’s wonderful.” She kissed him hard and deep. His hands roamed over her body, taking her in. Before it could escalate, she pulled his hand away from her breast and detached her lips from his. “What are you doing? Aren’t we going to celebrate?” he teased.
“First, we need to discuss something.” Her voice was all business, but the intense look in her eyes worried him.
“This sounds serious.” His hands escaped her grasp and were leaving a trail from her ankle to her thigh.
“Since I’m moving here, I thought that this might be a good time to move our relationship to the next level.” His hand stalled on her thigh as he pulled his lips away from her neck.
“Next level?” Why would she want to ruin what they had?
“Why do you sound so scared? It’s not that big of a deal. I’m not asking you to marry me, but I thought that I could move in here with you. You have the space.”
Move in?
It never occurred to him that she’d be ready for that.
“While you’re thinking about it…” Her hand slid from his chest to the button on his shorts. He stiffened in her hand, but he was no longer in the mood.
He pushed her hand away and forced her to slide off his lap. “I don’t appreciate you springing this on me now.”
“Springing it on you? We discussed me getting the internship here, and we’ve dated for four years. I assumed that this is where we were headed.” Her voice rose with every word.
“We’ve known each other for four years, but how much time have we spent together? We’re not ready for that.”
“What you mean to say is that you’re not ready. Does your reluctance have anything to do with the amazing Bridget?”
“What? Of course not.”
Or did it?
“Just making sure.”
“What’s the hurry?”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re kidding, right? Will you even consider it?”
He shook his head no. “It’s too soon.”
She pushed herself off the couch and
stalked to the door. “You’re such a child sometimes.”
“You don’t need to call me names because we disagree. We rarely see each other. How do we know that we’ll get along if we live together?”
“How else will we find out if we don’t? Ugh! You drive me crazy, Billy. I love you; you love me. This should have been a no-brainer.” In a huff, she left, slamming the door behind her.
Chapter Twenty-One
August 1:00 PM
Bridget
Phillip took a quick breath. “Yeah. I think I’m ready.”
Bridget took his hand and squeezed. “Do you need a few more minutes?” His face paled as he wiped sweat from his brow.
“I’ve wanted this for so long, and now that it’s here… I’m not sure what I’m going to say. I can’t believe I’m finally going to meet her,” he confessed. “Do you mind if I call Jenny first? I need her support right now.” He gave a strained laugh that ended with a sigh.
“Go ahead. You can use Billy’s office. We’ll be in the corner booth when you’re ready.”
“Thank you.” He turned and disappeared behind the swinging doors.
She shook her head. Her feelings for that man had changed drastically in such a short time. At one time, she couldn’t imagine feeling anything but hate, and now they were almost friends. Or, at the very least, friendly.
Billy tightened his grip on her hand. “You okay?” His demeanor had softened since he caught her in Phillip’s arms. He was her sweet Billy again.
She shook her head. “I’m anything but okay.” Her stomach dropped at the realization that it was finally happening.
Letting go of her hand, he slid an arm around her waist and guided her to the booth. She wanted to cover his hand with her own to make sure he never let go. But he did. He let her in the booth first then followed close behind. She slid to the middle of the half circle, allowing enough room for Phillip and Katie to join them.
Until Now Page 14