Until Now

by Cristin Cooper

  He wiped down the tables and chairs then swept and mopped the floor. His eyes sought out the clock before automatically drifting to the door. She should’ve been back by now. He fought his need to seek out Bridget and impatiently waited for her to return.

  FINALLY!

  The moment her car pulled in, he was outside and had her door open. The evidence of tears clearly shown on her face, but it took nothing away from her beauty. He opened his arms to her, and she was in them without a moment of hesitation. Right where she needed to be.

  She didn’t cry, but the moment she gripped the back of his shirt, he tightened his hold on her. He needed to hold her more than she needed to be held. Today, watching her be the strong woman he knew she was, had been difficult. It was her strength and independence that drew him, but he wanted to still have a place in her life. Bridget had relied on him for so many years, and he lived for it. But the past few months had shown him that she may not need him anymore.

  They didn’t exchange words; none were needed. He let go of her long enough to take the key out of the ignition and grab her purse. He shut the door with his foot and led her inside, sitting her down on the same stool she sat on the first time she came into the diner.

  The girl she had been was still there, but she was so much more. Gone was the softness of her adolescence. She was thinner, her cheeks more defined, and her eyes brighter. Life left a few lines around her eyes and her smile, but they only made her more beautiful.

  He told her to stay put as he made her a chocolate shake. Her favorite. It was her go-to food after a bad date or a fight with Katie.

  When finished, he sat next to her and slid it over.

  She gave him a sad smile and bumped his shoulder with hers. “Thank you.” She took a large drink and smiled in appreciation. “This is going to ruin my dinner. Then again, I no longer have to be the responsible adult, so I can have more ice cream for dinner if I want.”

  He chuckled. “Rebel.”

  “Right?” Her smile brightened with his teasing.

  “It’s more mother like daughter.”

  “She learned from the best.” Her smile faded into a slight frown. She slid the mug away and sighed. “Billy, it was incredibly insensitive of me not to invite you to go to the airport with us. I’m sorry.”

  He took a deep breath realizing that she had done it on purpose. He calmly asked, “Why didn’t you?”

  She shrugged and stared at her half-eaten shake. “I didn’t want to share her last few minutes here. After today—she’s no longer mine. It’s been hard enough sharing her with you,” she gave him a forced smile, “but now I have to share her with her new life, school, you, and now Phillip.”

  He let the silence fill the space between them as her words sunk in. Understanding her motives made it impossible to stay upset with her. She stirred her shake and ate another spoonful. She looked lost in thought, and he could practically see the gears turning in her head. It didn’t appear that she was going to say anything else, so he did.

  “Will you have dinner with me tonight?”

  She didn’t respond right away. She frowned and her brows turned in. “What?”

  “I’d like us to have dinner, together. It’ll give us time to talk.”

  “We can talk now.”

  “I think we should talk later.” Even though the diner might’ve been an appropriate setting considering how they met, he wanted this evening to be romantic.

  “Later is right now. We’ve kept saying it since this morning.” She was right, and at that very moment, he was dying to tell her everything. But, he wanted the evening to be perfect when he opened his heart to her.

  “I know. But I want to do it when there’s no chance of getting interrupted.”

  Her face softened along with her voice. “Okay.”

  “Okay,” he repeated. “I’ll pick you up in a few hours.”

  “All right.”

  He spun her stool and placed a hand around her waist, helping her down. Without letting go, they walked through the back door, locking it behind them. At the bottom of the stairs leading to her apartment, he gave her a hug and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be here around seven thirty.”

  He turned and walked toward his pickup, not bothering to wait for her to respond. His mind was already going through the list of things he needed to do before their date. When he pulled out, she was still standing at the bottom of the steps, watching him drive away.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  February 2008

  Billy

  “How long has it been?” Jan asked as she pulled his shirt over his head.

  “Too long.” He groaned as he unbuttoned her blouse and slid it down her arms. “At least three weeks.”

  He and Jan met six months ago at the diner when he was covering for one of the waitresses. She left a big tip and her number. They’d been seeing each other ever since. She was the owner of a busy law practice and had very little time for dating. If she called, he knew it wasn’t for a romantic dinner. He preferred it that way. It was easy, and he never had to worry about her wanting a commitment.

  “Thanks for letting me come over last minute.” She smiled against his mouth.

  “Thanks for coming over.”

  He had barely gotten her undressed when his phone rang with Bridget’s ringtone.

  “Leave it, Billy,” Jan demanded. He hated it when she spoke to him as if he was her employee instead of her lover.

  He ignored her and lifted himself off her to reach for his phone. “I have to get this.” Especially since Bridget rarely called that late.

  With no hello or hi, he asked, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is it Katie?”

  “Katie’s fine. She’s sleeping over at her friend’s house. I’m okay, except I’m pulled over on the side of the road with smoke coming from under the hood of my car.”

  “Where are you? I’ll be right there.” He zipped up his pants and pulled a shirt over his head.

  “Where are you going?” Jan asked near his ear.

  “Is that Jan? I’m sorry, you’re on a date.”

  “Don’t worry about her. She’ll be fine.”

  He turned around to see a very pissed Jan push off the bed and storm into the bathroom with an armful of clothes.

  “Oh no. You two never see each other. Stay there, I’ll be okay. I’ve already called for a tow truck. I’m just scared to be out here by myself.”

  “There is no way I’m leaving you in the dark by yourself. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Give me the address or street name.”

  Jan followed him out of the bedroom as he searched for his keys and wallet. “I’m wondering if you’d do that for me.”

  He didn’t want to answer that. Jan was a tough cookie, who could probably beat the shit out of anyone who dared look at her wrong. Bridget wasn’t like that.

  “Are you at least coming back?” Jan asked in a huff.

  “Yeah. I’m going to pick her up. Once things are settled with her car, I’ll take her home. Stay. I’ll be back in a little while.” He kissed the top of Jan’s head.

  Within moments, Jan transformed herself from a sexy siren to a trial attorney. With her arms folded, she asked, “Why is it that she says jump and you ask how high?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. And can we do this later? It isn’t safe for her out there.” He was growing impatient and wanted to be on the road already.

  “She’s fine. You were just on the phone with her, but you seem to worry a great deal about her.”

  He was growing increasingly exasperated by Jan’s questioning. “Of course I do. It’s Bridget.”

  “What do you mean by ‘It’s Bridget’?”

  “Can we do this when I get back? She’s waiting.”

  “I’m leaving. We can get together later or not.”

  “Jan, come on. It’s not like this happens all the time.” He stepped outside with her following him like an attack dog nipping at his heels.

  “You�
��re right. Most of the time, it’s you who chooses to see her after work instead of your girlfriend.”

  He turned around, hands clenched. “Are you kidding me? One time. One time you were free, and I already had plans.”

  “This is what I mean. She calls, and you drop everything. I call, and you tell me that we’ll meet another time.”

  He yanked open the driver’s side door and hopped in.

  “Billy, if you leave right now, don’t expect me to call you again,” Jan threatened.

  Pissed off, he slammed the door and the tires spun as he pulled out of the driveway. “How dare she make me choose between her and Bridget?” It was one argument she’d never win.

  When he pulled up behind Bridget’s car, she stepped out just as he reached her door. He pulled her into a hug first, relieved that she was safe, and then looked under the hood to assess the damage.

  He repeated what he had said only a week ago. “You need a new car. This beater needs to be put to pasture.”

  “I know. But…” He heard her excuses. He wouldn’t call her a cheapskate, but she was a saver and cautious about what she spent her money on.

  “You must have enough money in savings to buy another one. You don’t spend it on anything else.”

  “I do, but it’s for Katie’s college.” That was no surprise. Everything she did was for Katie, but, for once, he was going to make her spend money on herself. If he could have gotten away with it, he would’ve replaced it for her.

  “That’s years away, and sometimes you need to take care of you. I hate that you drive this piece a junk for this exact reason.” He paced the length of her car as all the ‘what if’s’ popped in his head. “What if I didn’t hear my phone? Or Katie was with you? Or you got stuck in an area with bad cell service?” He stopped in front of her and cradled her face in his hands. “I don’t want to always worry about you. We’re going car shopping tomorrow.”

  She held onto his wrists. “Okay.”

  He had a threat ready and waiting if she fought him, so it took him by surprise that she agreed so readily. “Tomorrow?”

  “Yes, tomorrow.”

  He released his hold when the tow truck arrived. The driver stepped out, and Billy took over. He ignored Bridget, who stood on the side of the road with her hands on her hips and a deep crease in her forehead. Once the car was hooked up to the tow truck and the driver gave him directions to the shop, Billy forced himself to brave her wrath. He knew what was coming before she said it. “I didn’t ask you to take over. I can speak for myself. This is my car. Remember?”

  Will she ever learn that he needed to take care of her? “I’m trying to help.”

  In a huff, she said, “I love you, Billy, but sometimes…”

  He loved it when she said that. He smiled at her and put an arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

  She leaned her head onto his shoulder. “I doubt it.” They both laughed at the truth of her statement.

  “So you were heading home?”

  “Nope. I had just dropped off Katie and was in search of food. I’m starving, and I haven’t been grocery shopping in over a week.”

  “Me too. Let’s get some dinner. I know just the place.” He smiled at the memory of the last time he brought her there. He’d gone back several times, always by himself. It was now their restaurant, even if they hadn’t been back since her birthday almost eight years ago.

  When they pulled up, she had a huge grin. “This is perfect. Is Mrs. Brava still here?”

  “Sadly, no. She passed a few years ago, but her daughter and granddaughter run it now. The food is still amazing.”

  “That’s good.” She covered her mouth in embarrassment. “Not that she passed away, but that the food is still good.”

  He chuckled. “I knew what you meant.”

  Just like last time, they sat in a private booth and spent the next few hours eating, talking, and drinking wine. By the time they left, Bridget was tipsy and affectionate. As they walked to his truck, he placed an arm around her waist. She leaned into him and smiled. “I’m glad my car broke down.”

  “Me too.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  August 4:30 PM

  Bridget

  While sitting on the stool, working up the nerve to talk to him, Billy interrupted her thoughts. It took a moment to realize he’d asked her to dinner. It wasn’t unusual to have dinner together. They had casual dinners all the time. The nights Katie went on dates, he’d come over for dinner and a movie. He’d claim it was to keep her distracted, but she knew better. He worried more than she did.

  But there was nothing casual about this invitation. Tonight was going to be different. She could feel it. Though she still held hope that things would end the way she desired, a part of her still expected him to tell her he just wanted to be friends.

  Those old feelings of being unloved were never very far when she thought of a future with him. She never believed she was worthy of his love but was going for it rather than worrying about the ‘what if’s’.

  She stood at the bottom of the steps, watching him drive away, not daring to take a step until he was out of sight. Her stomach knotted, and her legs shook beneath her. They were going to have their real first date unless you counted her twenty-first birthday, which she secretly did. She might have been dating someone else, but the way he treated her was better than any date she’d had.

  It was frightening to realize she’d have her answer tonight. One more delay and she might have given up entirely. Still, a part of her wanted to pack up and leave, worrying he’d never love her, but the hopeful part of her needed to know for sure.

  When she entered her apartment, she went straight for the bottle of wine she’d been saving. She had to step on a stool to reach for one of her two wineglasses, which were kept on the top shelf above the fridge. She rarely drank, but tonight was an exception. It would be the only way to make it through the evening.

  After taking her first sip, she sighed as she pulled out a kitchen chair and sat. She peered at the clock and counted down the hours.

  Three more. You can do this.

  Without the noise from the diner coming through the floor, the apartment was hauntingly quiet. Loneliness seeped in, and her hand automatically reached for her glass. It reminded her of the last time she felt this alone.

  As if she was on automatic pilot, she walked into her baby girl’s room. The door pushed open with the slightest pressure. The only evidence that she left was the empty closet with the door left open. She had a few items left on hangers and a few pairs of shoes on the floor…wait. “That’s where my shoes went.” Great. Now she was going to miss Katie stealing her clothes.

  She smiled at her daughter’s unmade bed. “Like mother, like daughter.” Leaving it disheveled gave Bridget a strange sense of peace. It was as if Katie didn’t intend to be gone long.

  Bridget sat on the end of Katie’s bed, placing her wineglass on the nightstand. Her position gave her an unobstructed view of the wall across from her. Billy had turned one wall into a giant cork board. Every inch was taken up with pictures, quotes, academic awards, and posters. It was visually chaotic, but if you looked at it long enough, you could see the thought Katie put into everything she hung up. Only the things that were important had a place on the wall.

  A bright pink piece of notebook paper stood out. She’d never noticed it before. Lifting herself off the bed, Bridget took a closer look.

  * * *

  MOM was written across the folded piece of paper.

  She started crying before she even opened it. She pulled off the pin holding it in place and lay down on the bed while unfolding the letter.

  * * *

  Dear The Best Mom in the Whole Universe,

  I’m guessing you left me at the airport not too long ago and are feeling lonely. I hope I’m wrong, but I know you too well.

  I love you, Mom.

  I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. You are everything I ever need
ed in a parent. It must’ve been hard doing it alone, especially during my early teen years, and after I started bugging you about my father. I want you to know that you were enough for me. You’ve always shown me how much you love me through your sacrifices and your strict parenting. I might not have always appreciated it, but I do now. I can only hope that I make you as proud of me as I am of you.

  I didn’t want to do it this way. Actually that’s a lie. I’m too chicken to tell you in person because it’s confession time.

  Don’t be mad.

  Please.

  Wait. First, remind yourself how much you love me.

  Okay, here it is:

  I found your box. “THE BOX.” I remember you bringing it home after your dad died. I had always been curious, wondering what hidden treasures you had in there. You never talk about life before me, so I was inquisitive.

  A few months ago, while searching for our box of photos in your closet, I found it sitting in the back on the top shelf. I couldn’t help myself.

  When I opened it, I realized it held the answers to every question I had about you. Don’t worry, I didn’t read all the journals. As hard as it was, I didn’t read past where you wrote about Grandma dying. I figure if you want me to know my dad, you’ll tell me, but I really hope you will someday.

  I also read everything else. I had no idea you were a writer. Not just a writer, but an amazing storyteller. I’ve been dying to ask you about it, but I figured it was probably something you gave up for me. When I caught you typing away on that old laptop, I wanted to jump up and down and tell you how happy I was to see you write again. Of course, that would’ve meant confessing, and I wasn’t ready to risk your wrath.