I’ve spent the last few months sneaking notebooks out of your box and reading every single story you have in there.
I should be sorry, but I’m not. Well, I kind of am, but only because some of your stories aren’t finished, so I’m left hanging without an ending. I hope one day you’ll finish them, or at least tell me how they end, so I’ll be able to sleep better at night. You have no idea how hard it was to keep this from you. Just know that I’m already your biggest fan and can’t wait to read more.
Try not to be mad, and remember I love you forever and always.
Love,
Your favorite daughter, who loves you more than anything in this whole world, and will forever let you have the last maple bar. Okay, maybe not the maple bar, but everything else is true.
Katie
* * *
Bridget read the letter again and again, going back and forth between crying and laughing. It was a fact; she was the luckiest woman on the planet to have Katie as a daughter. Whatever Bridget had done wrong, at least she did one thing right. Katie would always be her something right.
There was no way she could be mad at her daughter. If things were reversed, she would’ve been just as curious.
No longer able to sit still, she took her half-empty wineglass and wandered around her tiny apartment until she ended up in front of the closet looking up at ‘The Box’.
Bridget got on her tippy-toes and reached for the top shelf. It took her a couple of tries before she was able to scoot the box up. She lifted the lid and peeked inside to see if she’d notice evidence of her daughter’s snooping. The last time she opened it was after Katie’s graduation. That night sent her life in a different direction than she expected.
The top half were notebooks filled with her stories. More than half were only partly or half written, and she understood Katie’s frustration with wanting to know the end. She did too.
She smiled at the thought of finishing them for her daughter. After pulling out the notebooks, she reached for her journals. The very last one was from the year Katie was born. Some of the pages stuck together, proving that her ever-honest, incredible daughter had not read it. Katie could have found everything she wanted to know about Bridget and Phillip in them, right up until the evening Bridget’s dad kicked her out.
She flipped through it and stopped to read every few pages. The last time she had opened this box, she wasn’t ready to relive her past, but somehow it was almost healing to reread her thoughts of that time in her life. Her heart still ached for the young girl. She wanted to tell her, “Everything is going to be okay. You’re going to have a great life.”
She sighed, comparing herself back then to now. At times, she felt like that young girl, shy, directionless, but, most of the time, she was proud of what she accomplished, particularly when it came to her daughter.
Two hours slipped by without her realizing it. It wasn’t until she went to pick up another journal that her eyes caught the time. She jumped off the bed, dropping the journal on the floor. Her heart raced as she made a mental list of the things she needed to do to get ready.
She put her hair into a messy bun and rushed through her shower, making sure to use her favorite smelling body wash and shave the important places. Cuss words spilled out of her mouth every time she looked at the clock. The hours of the day had leisurely lingered, giving her too much time to think and worry…until now.
She streaked across the living room to her bedroom and rummaged through her underwear drawer. She wanted to be prepared, in case tonight ended up the way she hoped. Plus, wearing something sexy gave her confidence. She pulled out a bra and panty set that she’d never worn. Maybe she knew it was only meant for Billy.
She reached into the back of her closet for the only dress she’d ever paid full price for. Tonight she hoped it worked to her advantage. It was a wrap dress that showed off her cleavage and molded to her curvy shape, ending just above the knee. It was sexier than she normally wore, even on her dates, but, like her panty set, it was made to be worn for Billy.
She wasn’t sure where they were going, and, for a moment, she questioned her clothing. What if he planned to take her to get pizza or hamburgers? Luckily, the little voice in her head reminded her of the way he kissed her today and the lingering looks he gave her.
“Remember? You’re going to be hopeful tonight.”
She turned her messy bun into a low chignon, leaving her neck and chest exposed. Her makeup was a little heavier than usual, but she liked the extra touches.
Just as she tied the dress, he knocked. She looked in the mirror and made a slight adjustment, making sure everything was in the right place while taking a few cleansing breaths at the same time.
He was about to knock again when she finally opened the door. The first thing she saw was his beautiful eyes widen and a smile that melted her from the inside out. The sleeves on his dress shirt were rolled up, giving her a view of some of his tattoos. He confidently pulled off wearing a purple tie with dark slacks and dress shoes. As much as she loved him in jeans and T-shirts, the fact he put in the effort to dress nicely for her gave her more hope than she expected.
He stepped forward, placing a hand on her waist. A shiver ran up her body from the heat of his touch. She wanted to step closer, but he dropped his hand and stepped back before she could.
The joy she felt moments ago dissipated. She couldn’t hide her disappointment. She thought for sure he was going to hug her and maybe kiss her again. He was obviously happy to see her, but then why did he pull back?
He handed her the flowers he had tucked under his arm and said, “Hi.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
November 2009
Bridget
Bridget sat on a stool with her feet hanging over another, enjoying a late night chocolate shake. She had just locked the doors and sent Katie to bed. She leaned back and enjoyed the silence for the first time that day. Most days she was happily content working at the diner, but days like today, she wished she would’ve given college another try. She went to Northern Arizona University for one term before dropping out. Between the number of hours she had to work to pay for college after financial aid and the number of hours she had to put in for classes and studying wasn’t worth it to her. Her time with Katie was too precious. She didn’t regret leaving, but today, Bridget wished she had a nice cushy job with regular working hours that didn’t leave her feet aching.
After toeing off her shoes, she stretched her toes and rubbed her tired feet. She tried to talk Billy into hiring someone to massage her feet every night, but he just laughed at her suggestion. One of these days, he’d take her seriously.
She rested her head on the counter and closed her eyes, too tired to move. She may need to call Katie to carry her to bed.
Someone lightly tapped on the locked glass door. “We’re closed!” She tried to shout, but it came out weak.
“The lights are off, the door is locked. Get the hint,” she muttered between yawns.
The tapping continued until someone called her name. She shot up in her seat and turned around to face the door. With the outside lights off and the lights over the bar still on, she could only see an outline of someone, a very large someone. He called her name again, and a shiver ran down her spine.
He wouldn’t have come back.
As she got closer to the door, her biggest fear became reality.
“Please, let me in. We need to talk.” She shook her head. “If you don’t, I’ll go introduce myself to Katie right now.”
She unlocked the door and pushed it open. “How dare you threaten me! I will call the police if you don’t leave.”
“Bri, please. Five minutes. That’s all I need.”
“Five minutes. Start talking.”
He let himself in and sat at the booth closest to the door.
She stood next to the table with her hip out and arms folded. “What do you want, Phillip?”
He motioned for her to sit across from him. �
�You know what I want.”
She sat across from him, but only because her feet hurt. She wasn’t doing it for him, she reasoned. “The answer is, and will always be, no.”
“I understand why you’re angry, I do.”
She released a bitter laugh. “You really don’t.”
“You might be right, but the past several years have given me new insight into how hard it had to have been for you. I’m willing to do whatever I can to make it up to you and Katie. I just need you to give me a chance.”
She stared at the man sitting in front of her, taking in the changes from the last time she had seen him. Had it really been eleven years?
“Why now, Phillip? This is only the second time in thirteen years that you’ve made an effort to see her. It isn’t a good record.”
“I’ve wanted to for so long, but it was my wife who finally gave me the courage to come back, to make it right.”
“You’re married,” she repeated to herself. As often as she thought of him, she never imagined he’d get married and move on.
“Yeah. Seven years. We have two kids, Kayla is five and James, who turned three this week.”
Bridget fisted her hands on the table, trying to hold back the wave of pain. He had replaced them with a new family.
“Does she know about me?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I told her I was sixteen and alone. That’s it.”
“Has she asked about me?” She looked at the clock, willing the minute hand to move faster.
“A few times when she was young. She didn’t understand why her friends had dads and she didn’t.” The memory hurt now as much as it had then. She was too young to understand why their family was different.
He lay one hand on top of her folded hands. “What did you tell her?”
She pulled her hands away, placing them on her lap. “I told her our family was different. She had a mom, and she had a Billy, and that our friends were our family.”
“Thank you for not telling her what happened.”
“What happened? You mean how you tried to give me money to abort? Or stopped taking my calls? Or wasn’t there for her birth? Or how I had to financially provide for her and myself while still going to high school?”
His fingers tangled in his hair, and his faced blanched at her tirade.
“I’ll never be able to express how sorry I am. But I appreciate you not saying anything.”
“I didn’t do it for you. I did it for her. All she needs to know is that she was made in love and that she is loved.”
“Will you let me meet her?”
She stood to leave, but he held her arm and waited for her to answer. “No.
“Bri, I’m an attorney—”
She didn’t allow him to finish. “You’re threatening me again?”
“No…maybe. I’ll do what I have to.”
She forced back frustrated tears. She wouldn’t cry, not because of him. “Think about it. How is it going to look to a judge that your only contact was two five minute visits with me in thirteen years? You would be wasting time and money, and you’d lose. I might not be college educated, but I know that.”
“Having a chance to meet her wouldn’t be a waste. Kayla and James made me realize what a huge mistake I made. I was selfish, and I thought only of myself. I’d never deny that. But now that I know, I want to make up for it somehow.”
Bridget looked at the clock, stood up, and opened the door. “Your time is up.”
He stood and stared at her. With defeat in his voice he said, “You don’t have to worry. I won’t take you to court.” He took a step out the door and looked at her one last time. “But you won’t be able to stop me when she turns eighteen.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
August 5:30 PM
Billy
He dug through his pockets for his ringing phone, his other hand tightened its grip on the shopping bag. He smiled at the face that popped up on his caller I.D.
“Hey, Sweets.”
“Billy, I’m just checking in. I called Mom, but her phone must be turned off. I landed not too long ago and getting ready to get on my connecting flight. How’s Mom?”
“As you expected. I’m picking her up for dinner in a couple of hours, so I’ll let her know you called.”
“Dinner? Is this a date?” Her high-pitched squeal pierced his eardrum, forcing him to pull the phone away. He shook his head and smiled at her enthusiasm. Something else to add to the list of things he was going to miss.
“Yes.” He hoped so. It didn’t occur to him that she might not see it that way. She had to know. He saw it in her eyes. Tonight was more than their usual informal dinner.
“Good. It’s about time. Oh hey, my flight was just called. Tell Mom I’ll call her when I get to my new place. I love you, and good luck tonight.” She was as excited as he was nervous about the evening. It only ramped his anxiety. All the ‘what ifs’ started popping up in his head. He shook it off, not allowing himself to follow that train of thought. Too much time had passed to waste another minute.
“Love you, Sweets. Be safe.”
After shoving his phone back in his pocket, he ran his hand through his cropped hair. The weight of the bag he carried grew heavier as he questioned whether to give it to her tonight. It wasn’t a romantic gift, just something he knew she needed. He debated it on his way home. On one hand, she was sensible and would appreciate it, but on the other hand, she might be expecting something more…special.
The practical side won. She needed it and would use it. Worse came to worse, she’d forgive him for not being romantic—hopefully.
Tonight had to be perfect for her—for them. He made a playlist of songs that remind him of her. Dinner was cooking and should be done right on time. The new clothes he bought for the evening were pressed and ready to put on. Even the couch cushions were fluffed since she loved relaxing on his couch after dinner.
He’d waited fourteen years for this and wasn’t going to let anything ruin it. Time flew, and the next thing he knew, he was pulling into his parking space behind the diner.
Still in his pickup, he checked to make sure he had everything. His palms were sweaty, and the slight nausea he felt an hour ago started to gain momentum. It was worse than going on his very first date. It was different going on a date with a woman he loved more than anyone else in the world.
No pressure.
He wiped the sweat off his face and neck with a napkin left in his truck. He couldn’t blame the heat; it was all nerves. This was the start of the rest of his life. He only dreamt of what he would say tonight. If there were a God, his dream would come true.
He tucked the flowers under his arm and held the present with the other.
When he reached the top step, instead of knocking, he nervously stood staring at the door. It was strangely quiet from inside the apartment. Usually, music could be heard from the other side. More evidence Katie was no longer here. He rubbed his chest for a moment and reminded himself that this was a good thing, even if her leaving hurt.
He gave two heavy pounds on the door and waited. Each second ticked in his head. He didn’t hear movement, so lifted his hand to knock again as the door swung open.
Stunning.
That was the first word that popped into his head when he saw her standing in front of him. Wanting her in his arms, he moved forward without the slightest hesitation. Just as he moved to pull her into his arms, his brain kicked in.
Not yet.
He suppressed his desire to touch her or kiss her plump red lips.
Never in his life had he ever enjoyed kissing girls with lipstick, but he wanted nothing more than to taste her lips and kiss her until it wore away. Then he noticed her beautiful smile disappear.
He did something wrong.
His brain fried at the sight of her so he couldn’t think what he did to cause this change in reaction.
He took a deep breath and handed her the bouquet of yellow daisies.
He m
anaged to speak, surprising himself. “Hi.” His throat was dry, and it came out thick and husky.
She gave him a sad smile and said, “Hey.” Okay, he really did something wrong, but he couldn’t think of what.
Wait. Did she expect him to kiss her?
She opened the door wider and stepped out of the way, giving him enough room to enter. She turned and walked silently to the kitchen, where she got on her tippy toes and unsuccessfully reached for a vase above the fridge. He placed her gift on the coffee table and followed her.
“Here. Allow me.” He positioned himself behind her, her back against his front. He leaned in, balancing himself with one hand on her hip and pulled the vase down with the other. Her breath caught, and he noticed her pulse on her neck quicken. His eyes followed the trail from her neck to the low dip of her dress and admired the swell of her breasts. He closed his eyes as he pictured himself slowly caressing her from her sweet lips to her perfect breasts with his lips and tongue.
His hand slid across her stomach, pulling her to his chest.
She reached for the vase with a visibly shaking hand. “Thank you. The flowers are beautiful.”
He regretfully let go and stood next to the table while she filled the vase with water and her flowers. His heart beat a little harder when she smiled as she breathed in the fragrance. Determined to wait until they were comfortably settled at his house, he turned away to keep from taking her into his arms and voicing his desires.
His eyes narrowed when he noticed the open bottle of wine. She rarely drank, so the question was out of his mouth before he realized it. “How much did you drink?”
She turned around with big eyes. “Why?”
“I want to make sure you’re lucid.”
“Believe me, I’m completely lucid,” she replied defensively. “I had one glass several hours ago. You know me.”
“Yeah, I do. That’s why I’m surprised you were drinking.” Completely present was the only way he was going to open his heart to her. There can’t be any more misunderstandings or outside influences determining how things end tonight.
Until Now Page 21