Matt knew this, of course, having come from the most reactionary environment Collin could imagine, and he said, “Don’t worry about canceling. Go chase down that money.”
“Thanks for understanding.”
“No problem.”
An hour and a forty-five minutes later Collin wondered why they were even bothering. He seriously doubted that whatever they cobbled together would be impressive enough to win them the grant. This was a departure from his usual optimism, but it seemed realistic. Still, the director was determined they’d submit the best application they could manage, so Collin continued to slog through statistics to shore up his impact statement.
His phone rang, a call from the front desk. “Hello.”
“Someone here for you,” said Violet. “And no, it can’t wait.”
Well, he could use a break anyway. Statistics weren’t Collin’s favorite thing, not by a long shot. Sure, he worked with them a bit as related to marketing campaigns, but this was different. His current effort reduced people to statistics and that didn’t seem right. It was nevertheless important to the application.
He was taken completely by surprise when he saw Matt standing near the front desk. “Hey,” he said, “What brings you here?”
Matt held out an insulated lunchbox. “I thought you could use dinner.”
What a sweet, considerate boyfriend. Collin was a lucky man. He accepted the lunchbox and showed his appreciation with a quick kiss. “Thanks. I’m hungry and this is so nice of you.”
Matt blushed easily, as he demonstrated for them. “I hope you like calzones.”
“I don’t remember the last time I had a calzone, now that you mention it, but I like your cooking so far.”
“As cute as you guys are,” said Violet, “I have a date of my own to get to, so I’m off. Front door is locked.”
“Would your date happen to be with your flirting partner from the book talk?” asked Collin. It was just as well Violet had attended the event out of interest and not official duties, since she spent most of it chatting with the same woman.
“Yes. I decided to take your advice about dating someone who’s also bi.”
“Right. I’m sure my advice was the first thing on your mind. That sparkage you two had going on was just a pleasant coincidence.”
“Have fun grant writing,” countered Violet on her way out the door. “See you Monday.”
“For the record,” Collin told Matt, “there is nothing fun about grant writing.”
“I’ve never written a grant, but it doesn’t sound like fun.”
“If you think about it, ‘grant writing’ is just a fancy term we use instead of ‘begging for money.’”
Matt cracked a smile at that. “At least it’s for a good cause.”
“It is, yes. Everyone who applies for grants thinks so, and usually they’re right.”
“Only usually?”
“I don’t know, some of these people who want hundreds of thousands of dollars for historic preservation I just can’t get behind. I mean, history is good and all, but I can’t help thinking how many people who are alive could be helped with that money. Whether it’s work we’re doing or food cupboards or any of a hundred important problems that aren’t an old building.”
Collin appreciated history well enough, in his own mind. He certainly thought it was important to learn from the past, like how minorities were used as scapegoats because it had always been easier to blame someone different than to take a hard look at complicated problems. That, however, didn’t require saving some dead rich guy’s mansion.
“What about helping animals?” asked Matt.
Since his boyfriend loved animals, Collin thought he’d better answer carefully and yet still honestly. “I focus on people first, but I have no problem with helping animals. Most of the animals in a situation to need help are there because of a human anyway. You know, some asshole just abandoned their dog on the side of the road or something.”
Thankfully Matt was okay with the answer. “Sadly, you’re right about that.”
“And it’s not that people who want to preserve old buildings are doing anything wrong. They care about something and they’re fighting for it. I can respect that. It’s better than worshipping the almighty dollar, anyway. I just think lives are more important.” Human lives most of all, though he was willing to include animals in there as well.
“No argument here, which means I shouldn’t keep you from your work.” Matt looked like he debated with himself for a second before he leaned in and gave Collin a kiss. “Good luck.”
“Thanks for bringing me dinner. You’re the best.”
Matt blushed again. “You’re welcome.”
“Talk to you tomorrow.”
Collin returned to his statistics while eating, somewhat rejuvenated by Matt’s visit. Matt was such a great guy, and there were still people who hated him on principle because he was gay, people who would deny Collin the happiness Matt brought just because they were both men. Nothing like a personal reminder to motivate grant writing.
On the heels of a very satisfying orgasm, Collin got around to asking, “Hey Matt? I’ve been wondering. Do you top? Bottom? Both? Neither?”
Matt’s eyes flitted anxiously, telling Collin he’d gone and gotten his boyfriend nervous again. He kicked himself for that but before he could retract the question Matt said, “I’m, um, not entirely sure.” In hindsight, that should not have come as a surprise to Collin. “What about you?”
“I’m happy with either on occasion, but I can’t say anal is the most important kind of sex in my book.” Fun, sure. Not his favorite. Maybe it was just because Collin really, really liked the simple pleasure of oral. In any case he firmly believed there was more to sex than penetration.
Matt rolled on his side so they were facing each other. “It’s important enough that you asked about it.”
“After we’ve been seeing each other six weeks and the fourth time we’ve had sex,” countered Collin. “That shows you it’s not my priority.”
“Oh,” said Matt. “I’m sure you’ve figured out that I don’t have a lot of experience. Anal hasn’t seemed all that important, to be honest.”
“I get it. It can be fun from time to time, but it’s not the be-all, end-all of sex.” Some guys were really into it, and that was fine for them, but not Collin’s style.
“There was one guy I saw for a few weeks who decided I was a bottom and started getting pushy about fucking me, which is why I stopped going out with him. I’m not ruling it out, but it’s not at the top of my sexual to-do list or anything.”
“Okay.”
“That’s it? Okay?”
“Yep.”
“Oh.” Matt twirled the sheet around a finger, still radiating nerves. “I might, that is, maybe later…”
This seemed like an excellent time to kiss him, so Collin did. Then he said, “If it’s something you want to explore with me, just let me know. I’d be happy to. If not, no big deal. Now, about that sexual to-do list. I’m dying to know what’s on it.”
An adorable blush blossomed on Matt’s cheeks. “I think there’s a lot of potential for fun with a can of whipped cream.”
“I’m completely on board with that.”
Finally Matt relaxed. “You’re a very good boyfriend,” he remarked.
Collin figured that meant he’d said the right thing. Good. He took Matt’s hand and laced their fingers together. “So are you, and if I hadn’t already known that my coworkers made sure to tell me yesterday.”
“How did the grant application turn out?”
“Well, it doesn’t scream ‘thrown together at the last minute,’ so it could be a lot worse.”
“I know nothing about grants,” said Matt, “but I have plenty of personal experience in the red parts of the state, where you said you want to do outreach. Maybe this is weird pillow talk, but…”
Collin interrupted. “Our pillow talk can be whatever we want.”
“O
kay. Have you considered how much tougher it will be to go out and talk about LGBT acceptance with people in very conservative areas? I mean really thought about the ruling mindset there?”
They certainly weren’t going in blind. Regardless he wanted to hear Matt’s opinion, if for no other reason than to understand his boyfriend a little better. “We expect to be called a lot more nasty slurs.”
“That’s obvious. It’s not just the insults, though. The thing is that a lot of these people – not all, but a definite majority – are not even going to consider what you have to say. The religiously inclined, which again will be a good percentage, will consider it a given that you’ve been deceived by Satan. So there’s no reason for them to even consider what you have to say, see? Anything they don’t like can easily be written off as inspired by Satan. It’s a very neat system if you don’t like thinking too hard. And it makes us very easy scapegoats for anyone, religious or not, who doesn’t like how the world is changing.”
“There are going to be some people who remain homophobic no matter what we say or do,” acknowledged Collin.
“Some might become more tolerant with personal contact, when the LGBT community isn’t something abstract and instead they know someone who isn’t heterosexual. Then there are the people like my family.”
“Bastards. But we know that. What we want to do, at the very least, is give some hope to LGBT people who feel isolated.”
“They certainly need it. Here’s the thing, though. It’s easy to be anonymous in the city. People can go to Ted’s Place without anyone they know having a clue about their visit to an LGBT center. In rural areas it’s not the same. If somebody stops to talk with you or takes pamphlets or whatever you’re doing for outreach, they’ll be recognized and before long half the town will know. The smaller the community, the worse it gets in that regard.” Matt sighed. “I’m not trying to discourage you, I’m just being realistic. I would never have dared talk with anyone doing LGBT outreach. Far too dangerous.”
“That’s depressing. It’s good to know, though. Obviously this has to factor into our plans.” He lacked ideas on how to work around this very serious roadblock. Well, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Collin would share this perspective with his colleagues and go from there. “Any suggestions for us to get around that?”
“I’m afraid I don’t have any brilliant solutions. The internet is good. My family was unusually restrictive in that area, but it probably helps a lot of other kids. Just keep in mind that in some of these conservative areas, you’ll be entering enemy territory.”
“War metaphors?”
“Not a metaphor. They will literally see you as the enemy. Inspired by Satan, remember? It’s spiritual warfare and you’re the advanced guard. That’s how a lot of people will see you.”
“Damn,” said Collin. He imagined an army wearing sparkly rainbow uniforms, armed with lube and condoms, maybe doing something stereotypical like singing show tunes. “Here I thought I just wanted people to live in a way that makes them happy, and now I find out I’m in Satan’s gay army.”
Matt frowned. “I’m serious, Collin.”
Oops. His last comment had clearly been too flippant. “Sorry. I was going for lightening the mood with humor but clearly missed the mark. This is important to know. And honestly, it speaks to how strong you are that you were able to escape that.”
“I’m not sure being kicked out counts as escaping.”
“You could’ve gone to conversion therapy, pretended to be cured, and lived the rest of your life miserable and accepted by your family. You chose the harder option.”
“True,” said Matt. “Totally worth it.”
Collin traced random patterns on his boyfriend’s chest. “I’m glad to hear it. If you didn’t think it was worth it after that blowjob, I’d have done something terribly wrong.”
This time Matt let him lighten the mood. He winked and said, “No worries there.”
“That’s a relief.”
“You know that saying about praise going to your head? They’re talking about the head on top of your neck.”
“How do you know?” countered Collin.
Matt opened his mouth to protest, then paused. A second later he admitted, “That’s actually a good question.”
Score one for being a smartass.
Chapter Eleven
Deidre answered the door when Matt showed up for Sarah. “Matt’s here!” she yelled in the general direction of the bathroom. Turning her attention back to him she said, “Come in, you’re a few minutes early.”
“I own one suit and two ties. It didn’t take me long to decide what to wear.”
“The blue tie was a good choice.”
“Thanks.” It was his favorite, a bright royal blue that made the black-suit-white-shirt combination a little more interesting.
“I’m almost ready.” Sarah emerged from the bathroom putting in an earring. “I just need to get my shoes.”
“I still say you should borrow these,” said Deidre.
“Maybe if I didn’t need to walk. Stilettos are a sprained ankle waiting to happen.”
Matt looked at the shoes in question. The heel had to be three inches high and impossibly thin. He thought they looked more like a medieval torture device than footwear.
“Alright,” said Sarah when she came back from her bedroom wearing fancy sandals. “Ready for Cats and Canapes?”
“I am. You look great.”
Sarah was bound to attract appreciative looks from the straight and bi guys, plus any lesbians or bi ladies who might be in attendance. Her blonde curls were up in a fancy hairstyle and she had on a green dress that showed just enough cleavage to intrigue, if one was into cleavage. Matt didn’t personally see the appeal but he knew a lot of straight guys were crazy for it.
“You’re looking good yourself.” Sarah took his arm and waved to her roommate. “See you later.”
“Have fun,” said Deidre. Judging by her tone of voice she wasn’t particularly envious.
Social events like this weren’t Matt’s forte. He was attending as a favor to Sarah, and anyway the whole event was structured around showing cat-themed art from local artists, so if all else failed he could pretend to be extremely interested in the art. It never hurt to have a backup plan, or to be prepared for the worst which could happen.
“So what’s the deal with the board chair’s grandson?” he asked on the ride over.
“Bonnie’s decided I’d be perfect for him, and I’m not sure what she’s been telling him about me, but I’m not interested. He’s always going on these outdoor adventures like skydiving and rock climbing. I mean really, can you see me with someone whose dream vacation is hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro and considers the best summer of his life the one he spent on the Appalachian Trail?”
“No.” Sarah wasn’t what you’d call the outdoorsy type. “Has this Bonnie woman heard you rant about mosquitoes?”
“It’s bad form to rant in front of board members.”
“How about when you sing the praises of indoor plumbing?”
“I tried that. She said occasional deprivation is good for the soul.”
Matt was pretty sure he heard their cab driver laugh at that.
“Anyway, with board members everything is more complicated,” lamented Sarah, making Matt grateful he didn’t have to deal with board members as part of his job. “Hopefully this guy will realize we have nothing in common and that’ll be the end of it.”
“So I’m Plan B?” he asked.
“More or less.”
“Tell me if you need to me to do anything.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll know if I start gazing adoringly at you and hanging off your arm. Then just try to gaze adoringly back. Maybe pretend to take a sneak peek at my boobs.”
“Got it.” He’d do his best, though he wasn’t sure he’d fool anybody.
Matt was impressed when they arrived. After passing under a large Cats and Canapes sign they passed into a large space fil
led with artwork. There was enough to keep him busy for quite a while if he pretended to be an art enthusiast. “It looks nice,” he said. “Classy.”
“I’m glad you think so,” said Sarah. “We spent hours getting the place ready. A few of us had to talk the director out of using cat toys as decorations.”
Matt’s eyes landed on a good spread of food off to the left. He loved cheese and was therefore happy to see a large and varied cheese platter. If he had to attend a fancy event he figured he ought to get some decent food out of it. The wine, though, he’d skip. For one thing, he preferred to have all his faculties unimpaired, and for another he didn’t like wine. Matt wasn’t much of a drinker, but when he indulged he was more of a vodka tonic kind of guy. Wine just tasted like moldy grapes.
“Let me show you my favorite piece,” Sarah said.
“Okay, but after that I want cheese.”
“You and cheese.” She led him past a couple of paintings and a sculpture before stopping in front of a series of black and white portraits of kittens. “The first one was taken right after the litter was born,” explained Sarah, “and then every week until they were eight weeks old.”
“Neat idea. I especially like this one.” He pointed to the fourth picture, where five kittens were jumping on their mother.
“Really? I like the last one, where they’re all looking at the camera.”
“Sarah! There you are, dear,” said a woman from behind them. Matt turned to see an older lady followed by a guy roughly his own age. If this was Bonnie and her grandson, getting cheese would have to wait. He knew he should’ve gone for the cheese first.
As it turned out he didn’t have to wait very long after all. Despite Bonnie’s heavy-handed introduction, her grandson didn’t seem overly interested in Sarah. When Bonnie said, “Keith, you remember Sarah. I’ll let you young people talk,” she shot Matt a dirty look.
Keith, unbothered, remarked once his grandmother was out of earshot, “Nana has two hobbies: cats and matchmaking. She’s got to stop trying to combine them.”
Matt relaxed at this. It didn’t seem like he’d have to try out his acting skills after all.
Pursuing Happiness Page 7