by Roger Fisher
Second, negotiators often have no routine for learning from their past negotiations. Old habits are hard to break. Whether dealing with a boss, a colleague, or a spouse, negotiators tend to repeat unhelpful behaviors that elicit problematic emotions in themselves and others. Some negotiators walk into a meeting feeling fearful and anxious; others arrive overly confident. Some negotiators clam up if an offer is rejected; others storm out of the room. Whatever the circumstance, negotiators often fail to learn from their interactions and to put those lessons to use. If a meeting goes poorly, a negotiator rarely assumes blame; rather, he or she justifies the failed meeting by the conduct of the other side.
With careful preparation, you can stimulate positive emotions that enhance the effectiveness of your negotiation. To those ends, this chapter offers advice on how to structure your preparation and how to learn from past negotiations.
PREPARE IN ADVANCE OF EACH NEGOTIATION
There are three areas of a negotiation on which to prepare: on process, on substance, and on emotion. Being well prepared on the substantive issues that might come up in a negotiation and on the process for dealing with them will do a great deal to reduce emotional anxiety. Emotional preparation involves thinking carefully about steps to build good rapport and taking steps immediately prior to the negotiation to calm your anxiety.
On Process, Develop a Suggested Sequence of Events
A basic part of preparation is on the structure of the negotiation process itself. Much of the anxiety that any negotiator feels comes from the fear of being called on to make an important decision and not knowing what to say. Therefore, it is a good idea to prepare a negotiation process that will make you feel at ease.
Preparing a good process for your meeting entails thinking, alone and then with the other side, about three subjects: purpose, product, and process.
• Purpose: What is the goal of this meeting?
• Product: What piece of paper would best serve that purpose?
• Process: What sequence of events will produce a product that meets our purpose? For example:
1. Clarify interests of each side.
2. Generate a range of possible options to meet those interests.
3. Select an option to recommend.
On Substance, Gain Perspective on Seven Elements of Negotiation
The Harvard Negotiation Project has identified seven elements that form the basic anatomy of a negotiation. (See page 207 for background.) As you prepare, canvassing the seven elements will raise both issues of process—improve communication, build a good relationship, clarify interests early, generate options before making any commitments—as well as issues of substance: What are the interests of the parties? What are persuasive criteria of legitimacy, such as precedent, laws, or market value? What are some realistic commitments that each side might make? What is each side’s Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement (BATNA)? We have found that the risk of a disconcerting—and sometimes disastrous—surprise can be substantially reduced if, before a negotiation begins, each negotiator has gone through the seven elements from their own point of view and from the point of view of the other side.
To see how persuasive your substantive arguments sound to the other side, try a variation of the role reversal exercise (discussed in chapter 3). Enlist a colleague to play the role of someone on the “other side” of your negotiation. You explain your side of the negotiation. Your colleague listens and takes notes. Then, you both switch roles. Your colleague plays you, the negotiator. You play the person on the other side. Your colleague repeats what you had said to him or her moments before. You, in turn, take on the role of being the person from the other side so that you hear your own words coming back at you. Note how it feels to be in another person’s shoes at that moment and what their likely response might be. Then, compare observations with your colleague to gain insight into how the other side may perceive your argument. It is often highly illuminating and gives you a chance to rework your argument with the benefit of hindsight—before a negotiation even begins.
TABLE 11
USING SEVEN ELEMENTS TO PREPARE
1. Relationship. How do we see the existing relationship between the negotiators? Are they adversaries or colleagues? How would we like that relationship to be? What steps might we take to build a better relationship? Sit side by side? Use the language of colleagues? How might we build rapport and stimulate a favorable response?
2. Communication. Are we listening? For what should we be listening? What points do we want to communicate?
3. Interests. What, in order of importance, are some of our interests? What do we think are their primary interests? Which of our interests could be made compatible? What interests may necessarily be in conflict?
4. Options. What possible points of agreement might be acceptable to both sides?
5. Criteria of fairness. What precedents or other standards of legitimacy might be persuasive to both sides?
6. BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement). If we fail to reach an agreement with them, what are we really going to do? If they should walk away without reaching an agreement with us, what good walk-away alternative do they have?
7. Commitments. What are some good commitments from the other side that we might realistically try for? What commitments are we prepared to make if necessary in order to reach agreement? Try drafting some potential commitments for each side.
Once, when Gerhard Gesell, a federal district court judge, was a practicing lawyer, he told his younger associates that the firm had just been hired by the plaintiff in a big antitrust case. He asked them to take a week in the library, study the precedents, and outline the arguments that the firm could make on behalf of the plaintiff.
The following week the young lawyers came in, happy and optimistic. They told Gesell that it was a great case, that the plaintiff had strong arguments, and that they would surely win.
After he had heard a summary of the strong arguments on behalf of the plaintiff, Gesell told the younger lawyers the truth: The firm had actually been hired by the defendant. The young lawyers screamed in disbelief, protesting that the defendant had a terrible case. Gesell told them not to worry. They would soon talk themselves into believing that the defendant had a wonderful case, but he wanted them first to understand the strength of the plaintiff’s case.
With that understanding, the young lawyers went to work on the defendant’s side of the case. The defendant eventually won: The lawyers’ arguments for the defendant had been fortified by their full understanding of the merits of the plaintiff’s case.
A final substantive preparation activity is for you and those on your side to try to draft a public announcement that negotiators for the other side could make to their constituents if they were to accept your suggestions. This activity often demonstrates how unrealistic our own demands may be. It also reminds us of the importance of the other side’s core concern for affiliation with their own constituents.
On Emotions, Consider Core Concerns and Physiology
An important part of preparation involves facing your own emotions and getting ready to deal with the emotions of those with whom you will be working. Emotional preparation requires you:
to have a clear understanding of each party’s concerns and how to satisfy them, and
to feel calm and confident enough that you will be able to maintain a clear focus during the negotiation.
Use the core concerns as both a lens and a lever. As you prepare for your upcoming negotiation, take a few minutes to consider each of the core concerns. As discussed in chapter 2, you can use the core concerns both as a lens to understand what issues might be sensitive in the interaction and as a lever to improve the situation.
As a lens to understand. Consider which concerns might be sensitive for others in the upcoming negotiation
. Run down the five core concerns. Jot down those that are likely to come into play. Will the fact that you work for a more prestigious company make them feel demeaned in status? Will the other’s tendency to assert his or her autonomy make you feel disempowered?
As a lever to improve the situation. Think about ways that you can stimulate positive emotions using the core concerns. Might you begin the meeting by recognizing the particular status of the other negotiator as an expert in the substantive field being negotiated? Might you suggest to others a process for negotiating that ensures each party will have the autonomy to voice their interests without interruption?
The more clearly you can recall what happened to your core concerns and those of others in prior negotiations, the easier it will be for you to become emotionally prepared for an upcoming negotiation. The emotions that arise in your negotiation will be less likely to surprise you.
For most of us, however, recalling our feelings during a past negotiation is extremely difficult and highly unreliable. When we think how difficult it is for us to remember what we had for dinner last Wednesday, we realize how difficult it is to recall past experiences and how vulnerable memory is to error.
To reduce the errors of memory, jot down notes during your interaction about times when someone says or does something to appreciate or devalue the core concerns of another. After the session ends, get the perspectives of colleagues. Whose core concerns did they think were respected or trampled upon? Why? While the negotiation is still fresh in your mind, record these observations, as well as some ideas about what might be done differently in future negotiations. You can create a long-term record that can be used over time to tease out key behavior patterns of negotiators.
Before your next negotiation, pull out your notes. Read them and let yourself recall how you and others felt and what you learned. Think about how to put those lessons to use to improve the upcoming interaction.
Visualize success. Before professional skiers start down a steep slope, they often try to visualize themselves skiing beautifully down the hill, skillfully avoiding trees, rocks, and other skiers. The same approach can work for you as you visualize yourself negotiating. Picture yourself at ease, setting a positive tone, seeking to build rapport, picking up on another’s cues, and moving toward a productive working relationship.
Imagine yourself at the beginning of your upcoming negotiation—right as you greet the other negotiator. How are you likely to react if the other negotiator treats you as an adversary, holding you at a distance? Are you prepared to reframe your affiliation as colleagues working together on important issues? How do you want to introduce yourself to set the right emotional tone for the meeting while acknowledging status concerns? Try out different lines to see what feels right.
“Jan! Good to see you again. How have you been?”
“Dr. Jones? I’m Professor Smith. Please call me Melissa. May I call you Tom?”
“Happy to meet you. I have heard good things about you. I am looking forward to getting your ideas about how we should go about settling this problem.”
You also may want to do some preparatory work on how to enlist helpful feelings in the other party. Prepare and rehearse a few good lines that ask for their advice, demonstrate appreciation for their contribution to the negotiation, and acknowledge the other roles they play. Whatever approach you take, make sure your questions and comments reflect an honest interest without being too intrusive.
Keep your physiology in check. The core concerns will be of little help to you if your anxiety, fears, or frustrations overwhelm your ability to think clearly. Thus, take some time immediately before a negotiation to soothe pre-meeting jitters and other strong emotions.
Use relaxation techniques to calm your nerves. A few minutes of deep breathing can help you relax and focus your efforts. Another exercise that can help soothe your emotions before a negotiation is progressive muscle relaxation. This activity can last about fifteen minutes. Start by sitting in a comfortable position, perhaps in your car before the meeting. Breathe deeply. Focus on your feet. Curl your toes and feel the tension. Hold it for a second and then relax. Working your way up, tighten each of your muscles as you would clench your fist and then relax, letting the tension disappear. Concentrate on tightening and relaxing every muscle from the back of your calves to your shoulders.
When you have finished, put your chin down and roll your head slowly to the right until your ear is above your shoulder and hold for a second or two. Roll your head back and around so that the left ear is above your shoulder and hold the position for a moment. Lift your head, square your shoulders, and you should feel more relaxed and ready to go.
Prepare an emotional first aid kit. As you learned in chapter 8, strong negative emotions can overwhelm your ability to think clearly. To keep your physiological arousal in check, remind yourself of the symptoms that indicate your emotional temperature is rising. Bring to mind a single behavior or two that you plan to use to keep your cool. If you feel increasingly upset, is your plan to count to ten or suggest a short break?
Check your mood. It is important to stay aware of your mood—whether you are generally feeling positive or negative. What feelings might you bring into the room? Despite your proactive emotional preparation, a bad mood can raise your level of physiological arousal and make you more likely to lose control of your own behavior.
The trigger of a bad mood is often hard to identify. It may be caused by someone’s mistreatment of you, by the fact that it is a Monday morning, or by neurochemicals that “decided” to affect you today.
Whatever the cause, becoming aware of your mood allows you to moderate its impact on your behavior in the negotiation. If you are in a negative mood, you might let others know so that they do not misattribute your mood to something they said or did. You might say to a colleague, “These Monday morning meetings always put me in a bad mood. My apologies in advance if I’m a little on edge.” At the least, you can monitor your own behavior to make sure that you do not say or do things that will sidetrack the negotiation.
If you realize you are in a negative mood, decide to improve it. You often have the power to break out of your current mood rather than be a prisoner to it. Simple things like making sure to get adequate sleep and a good meal can be extremely helpful. Before walking into the negotiation, you might take a few minutes to recall pleasant memories, walk outside, or talk with a friend who can elevate your mood. During the negotiation, you can model a calm, confident mood—by sitting up in your chair, talking with confidence, and co-managing the negotiation process. After a while, you may feel more confident.
Review After Each Negotiation
Spending time in the school of hard knocks can be an excellent learning experience for every negotiator. If you pay attention, you can learn as much from failures as you can from your successes. Like other forms of on-the-job training, negotiation is greatly helped by a conscious effort to put what you are learning into practice.
Unless negotiators develop a habit of reviewing their negotiations and consciously articulating lessons that are there for the taking, most of that hard-earned knowledge fades away. The wisdom that is buried in your brain becomes unavailable unless you bring it out as a guideline for action. By reviewing a negotiation promptly after the fact, you can convert an implicit understanding of what happened into an explicit guideline for the future. You can consider how to apply that guideline in your interactions with your spouse, boss, colleagues, negotiating counterparts, and others. Although the context of your negotiations may vary, your ability to achieve your goals will consistently improve.
Set aside thirty to sixty minutes following a negotiation session for review. A partner in a Washington law firm took this advice to heart and was able to convince her partners and associates to try it out. After every negotiation, her firm’s lawyers would come back to the office and meet for an hour to review. Instead of having the
usual bull session about the negotiation that had just ended, they put that time to good use in an organized examination of what had taken place. The lawyers found that purposeful review was far more valuable—and even more enjoyable—than just blowing off steam.
You can review with your fellow negotiators, a colleague, or by yourself. If there were several negotiators on your side, it is a good idea to invite them all to participate. The value of their involvement stems from the fact that different participants observe and recall the same events in distinctly dissimilar ways. In a multi-participant negotiation, there are so many things happening so quickly that it is often like the fable of the blind men and the elephant. Touching different parts of the elephant, each blind man had a completely different picture of what the animal looked like. Getting the varied perspectives of several people is likely to make each a little more humble about “knowing” what happened, and each will have a better sense of the interaction.
If you have difficulty in persuading your colleagues to join you in reviewing a negotiation, do not pass up the chance to make the most of immediate hindsight. Reviewing a negotiation, even by yourself, is an invaluable opportunity to learn as you go along. On your drive home from work, for example, you might take a few minutes to review your day’s negotiation.
Determine WW and DD—What Worked Well and What to Do Differently
Some people avoid reviewing the negotiation because they are afraid that they will be judged and criticized. It should be made clear that the purpose of a review is to help people learn from their experiences in the negotiation. A simple and powerful way to review a negotiation is to consider WW and DD: what Worked Well and what to Do Differently next time.
To start your review, good questions to ask are: “What did the negotiators on the other side do well? Why?” You may be able to learn something from the other negotiators by reviewing what they said or did to improve the negotiation process. Did they ask questions that got everyone talking about their interests? Did they propose an informal lunchtime meeting before your next negotiation to build affiliation?