by Brenda Hiatt
“I saw a few people using this app in Dun Cloch, but this is the first time I’ve used it. Nobody bothers with it in Nuath, of course, and the teachtok phones they gave us at the end of Orientation can’t handle special apps like this.”
He looks down at me curiously. “I’d have thought most of the permanent residents there would have it. Dun Cloch is huge—it can’t all be shielded. And I hear they get a ton of snow up there in winter.”
“I, ah, didn’t meet many permanent residents, they kept us so busy.” For obvious reasons, I haven’t told Sean or Molly about meeting their uncle there. Luckily it’s dark, so if my face gets a little pink he probably can’t tell.
“Yeah, Mum said they had to process everyone through in half the usual time. Must have been intense.” On that last word he glances at my hand on his arm.
Intense. That’s exactly how this touch thing feels. The longer we’re in contact, the harder it is to ignore, though both of us are trying.
“Er, speaking of your mum, is she going to be pissed if she finds out you walked me home?”
He gives a little twitch. “Of course not! I mean…I don’t see why she would be. We’re supposed to be making friends with the newcomers—you heard what M said at that NuAgra meeting.” I notice he’s not meeting my eye, though.
“She, ah, seemed pretty determined to keep us from being alone together this evening, the way she kept checking in on us. Probably worried I have designs on you or something.” I grin as I say it, trying to make it sound like a joke. “I mean, your family is important. I imagine people suck up to you almost as much as they do to M.”
That makes him laugh. “Nope, not to me. I don’t think it’s that so much as, well, Mum’s always been a…traditionalist.”
“So she doesn’t want you making friends with non-Royals?”
“Erm… Friends is probably fine. I have plenty of Duchas friends and she doesn’t mind that.”
“She just wants to make sure it’s not more than friends.”
He looks uncomfortable but doesn’t dispute it. Even though I’ve been telling myself all along it would be stupid to get involved with Sean, his lack of response stings a little. Refusing to let him see it, I quickly continue.
“She has a valid point. It’s not like you and I have anything in common.”
Sean stops walking to look at me, brows raised. “You don’t think so? I happen to think we have a whole lot in common.”
“You do?” I reply, startled. “Like what? We’re from totally different fines.”
When he shrugs, I’m much too aware of the way his arm moves under my fingers.
“So are M and Rigel. Not that I’m saying—” He breaks off, embarrassed. “But look at the similarities between us. We both used to be kind of big shots. Now, not so much. We both care passionately about the good of our people, even if haven’t exactly agreed on what that is. And we both seem driven to…to fight for what we believe in, to make a difference. First it was the Resistance. Then, once Faxon was out… I think that’s why I kept trying so hard to get M to accept me as Consort, even after I knew deep down it was hopeless. Because I knew I’d be able to make more of a difference that way. And you—”
I stare at him, open-mouthed, because it hits me that he’s absolutely right. “And that’s why I was so drawn to the Populist cause when I no longer had the Resistance. I kept hoping caidpel would fill that void but…it wasn’t the same.”
No wonder I’ve been clinging so stubbornly to my belief that Emileia is a terrible Sovereign. To admit otherwise, even to myself, would leave me with nothing to fight for—or against.
“See? Not so different after all.”
That sexy little smile curves his lips again and I notice how completely isolated we are, with Jewel’s arboretum on this side of the street and closed shops on the other. Between the rain and the late hour, the whole area is completely deserted.
Hesitantly, I return his smile, my heart beating even faster than when we played basketball. Slowly, he lowers his face to mine and I tip mine up toward his. That voice in the back of my mind still insists this is crazy, but it’s whispering now, not shouting. Sean leans in and I don’t stop him, wanting this as much as I can ever remember wanting anything.
The instant our lips touch, the connection between us seems to increase exponentially. Feelings beyond anything I’ve ever experienced race through me from each point of contact, lips and hands. With a tiny groan, Sean fastens his mouth more securely over mine, like he’s drinking in the same sensations I am. Dizzy with delight, I cling to him for balance and he does the same, wrapping both arms around me, pulling me closer as he deepens the kiss.
My hands slide up his arms to his shoulders, then around his back, further intensifying the contact between us. Time seems to stop, my heart pounding with mounting excitement. I feel his pounding, too, barely an inch away from mine, in perfectly synchronized rhythm. I’m conscious of a fleeting wish that this incredible moment could go on forever, that we’ll never have to return to the real world.
Unfortunately, that’s not possible.
After a long, blissful interval that’s not nearly long enough, I hear a car approaching. We reluctantly break apart, Sean drawing me with him into the deeper shadow of the arboretum entrance. There, well out of sight of whoever is in the car, we stare at each other. His expression is stunned, wondering, and I’m sure mine is the same.
“I…” he finally breathes. “That was…amazing.”
Mutely, I nod.
It wasn’t my first kiss, and there’s no way it was his, but it might as well have been. For both of us.
“I…” My voice is husky. I clear my throat. “I, uh, should probably get home.”
He swallows, still staring down at me. “Right. Of course. I just—”
And suddenly I’m in his arms again, kissing him again. Not for as long this time, but every bit as intensely. Several heartbeats later Sean raises his head with a shaky laugh.
“Home. Right,” he says. “Come on.”
Hand in hand now, we walk the rest of the way in silence. I’m struggling to process what just happened and suspect he’s doing the same. We’re nearly to the entrance of my apartment complex before I notice the rain has stopped. When did that happen?
Though the contact is no longer necessary to keep me dry, Sean doesn’t let go of my hand. “I, er, guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes. Tomorrow. Good…good night, Sean.”
For a second I think he’s going to kiss me again, but we’re now in a well-lit area, in full view of dozens of apartment windows, and he apparently thinks better of it.
“G’night, Kira.” With a parting smile that makes my toes curl, he turns away and heads back toward his house.
I watch him for a long moment, letting myself enjoy the way he moves. Then, with a happy little sigh, I turn around and enter the courtyard.
Tomorrow is bound to bring me to my senses, forcing me to face the ramifications of what happened this evening. But, just for tonight, I’m content to relive the most amazing experience of my life and bask in its lingering glow.
33
Swish
Sean
I barely remember walking home, I’m in such a daze. The very first time I met her, I thought there was something special about Kira—special to me, I mean, not just… But I never imagined… Thoughts and emotions whirl through my mind too quickly to identify. Not until I’m on our front porch do I realize I need to pull myself together if I don’t want my family to guess what just happened.
Not that I’m sure myself what just happened…
Pausing on the porch, I take several deep breaths. Whatever it was, I’ll have to figure it out later. For now, I just need to play it cool.
Two more breaths, then I open the door to find Mum and Molly in the front hall, glaring at each other.
“Um, what’s going on? Everything okay?”
They both turn to face me. “See? I told you he’d be r
ight back,” Molly says triumphantly.
But Mum looks at me suspiciously. “It shouldn’t have taken you that long to walk to Diamond View Terrace and back.”
Trying to act totally nonchalant, I shrug. “We got talking a bit. What’s the big deal?”
Molly answers before Mum can. “The big deal is she still thinks you shouldn’t like any girl but M. Though anybody with half an eye can—”
“Molly!” Mum cuts her off. “I just don’t want to see you hurt again, Sean, that’s all. Jumping into a new relationship so quickly seems unwise. Rebound romances rarely end well, particularly when—”
“When they’re between two different fines?” This time Molly cuts her off. “Come on, Mum, look at M and Rigel. No matter how much you disapprove of them as a couple, you can’t deny what they’ve been able to accomplish together, as much for your benefit as anyone else’s. You’re being totally unreasonable and you know it. All Sean did was walk Kira home, it’s not like he asked her to marry him! What do you think they could have done in less than half an hour? In the rain?”
But even as she says it, Molly’s way-too-perceptive gaze examines every detail of my appearance and expression.
“I still think Molly should have gone along, if only for appearance’s sake,” Mum says stubbornly. “You’re a prominent figure, Sean, though you don’t like to admit it. I can’t imagine you want to become the subject of gossip again, just when the last bit has started to die down.”
I huff out a breath, my earlier euphoria slipping away. “Why don’t you let me worry about that, Mum? I’ll be eighteen next month. Isn’t it time I started making my own decisions, especially about something this personal? And who said anything about a relationship anyway?”
“Are you telling me you have no romantic feelings toward Kira?” Mum watches me with that focus she has, waiting for my answer.
Which is none of her damned business. “Good night, Mum.”
I storm past them up the stairs, then shut myself in my room. At this moment, I totally get why M sometimes says she wishes she were just a regular person. Being under a microscope sucks—especially Mum’s microscope.
Sinking down on my bed I stare into space, trying to let go of my anger so I can recapture the joy I felt while kissing Kira. It was, without compare, the most incredible experience of my entire life. And there’s no way in hell I’ll let my mother’s stupid notions of rank and propriety prevent me from experiencing it again.
My irritation gradually fades, allowing an echo of the stunned happiness I felt earlier to creep back. I used to think I’d feel something like this if M ever let me kiss her. Now I know, with sudden certainty, I was wrong. No one but Kira could ever have affected me like this. There’s something special between us, something stronger than ever now, that makes everything else pale by comparison.
With a sudden, blinding insight, I finally understand what M kept trying to explain about her bond with Rigel. Sure, I was able to accept, intellectually, that they need to be together, especially after seeing what their bond can do—the electricity, the telepathy, the way his touch strengthens her. Now, for the first time, I get it on a gut-deep level. If it weren’t so late, I’d call M right now and apologize for doubting her.
Instead I get ready for bed as quickly as I can, so I can spend the whole night dreaming about Kira.
Delicious as my dreams were, doubts start creeping in the moment I’m fully awake the next morning. It’s totally possible Kira regrets kissing me, now she’s had time to think things through. How will she act when we see each other at school today? Embarrassed? Mad? Or, worse, will she pretend nothing happened at all? Unwilling to wait until first period to find out, I decide to take the bus.
“Pete’s not driving you today?” Molly asks in surprise when I head to the corner with her after breakfast.
“Nah.” I sent him a quick text after I got up, saying I didn’t need a ride. “He had to be at school early for something—earlier than I wanted to go.”
Molly doesn’t question my fib, though occasionally I’ve had the impression she shares Mum’s gift. Which is silly, since they’re not even related.
“Pete’s not still pestering for me to ride with you guys, is he?”
“Nah, he only did that once.”
After taking Molly to Homecoming, Pete wanted her to go out with him again. She always made excuses not to go, confiding to me he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Needless to say, when he asked me to plead his case with my sister I refused.
When I see M at the bus stop, I remember I have an apology to make. Awkward, with Molly right here, but I try—sort of.
“Hey, Sean. Slumming with us underclassmen?” M teases when we reach the corner. “No ride today?”
“That and, er, I wanted to tell you—again—how sorry I am about the crap I used to give you and Rigel,” I blurt out. “The more I, uh, think about it, the more I realize how hard this last year must’ve been on you guys.”
“Thanks.” Then she looks at me more closely. “You’re in an awfully good mood today,” she says, smiling now. “What’s up?”
I shrug, aware that Molly’s watching me carefully, too. “Just slept well, I guess.”
The bus pulls up a minute later and I stake out an empty seat near the front, hoping Kira will sit with me when she gets on.
As M and Molly head further back, I hear Molly whisper, “Wait till you hear why he’s really in such a good mood!”
I hope more than ever Kira hasn’t already had a change of heart.
Two stops later she boards the bus, along with her sister and the other freshman newcomer, Jana. Grinning hopefully at her, I scoot over. “Hey. I saved you a seat.”
Though she’s clearly startled to see me, she sits. “Hey. I didn’t know you ever rode the bus.”
“I, ah, felt like making an exception today.” My heart is already beating at least twice as fast as normal just from having her next to me. “Did you, um, sleep well?” I murmur so only she can hear.
Dark lashes conceal those incredible eyes for an instant, then she looks at me again, her cheeks slightly pinker than before. “I…did, actually. You?”
“Better than I can ever remember.”
Suddenly daring, I put a hand over hers where it’s resting on the seat between us. She doesn’t pull away, though her eyes widen slightly at the unmistakable thrill of connection she must feel as strongly as I do.
A giggle from behind makes us both turn to see Jana and Adina watching us from a few seats back, hands over their mouths, eyes dancing with glee. Knowing the Jewel High gossip chain as well as I do, I have no doubt the story that Kira and I are “together” will be all over the school by lunchtime. Not that I mind, particularly.
“You didn’t catch any flack from your mum for walking me home last night?” she whispers then.
That memory only slightly dims my current sense of well-being. “She said something about ‘appearances’ but I told her it was none of her business. Because it’s not.”
Kira regards me searchingly for a long moment as the bus trundles along, then relaxes into a smile. “Not if you don’t want it to be, I guess. My mum will probably be thrilled, if I tell her—which I haven’t. Yet.”
M’s friends Bri and Deb get on a few stops later and, like Jana and Adina, immediately take note of Kira and me sitting together, hands touching. More grist for the gossip mill. Conscious of so many interested eyes, we talk about school stuff for the rest of the ride.
We have to separate to go to our lockers once we’re inside, but meet again before entering our Physics classroom. That Alan has already heard the gossip is obvious from the way he glowers at both of us when he arrives—even though Kira and I are now standing a good two feet apart, discussing yesterday’s lab results.
He listens suspiciously for a moment, then says, “C’mon, Kira. Bell’s about to ring.” When he reaches for her arm, she doesn’t let him touch her, I’m pleased to note.
I take m
y time putting my books back in my bag after class so Kira has time to reach my table. We don’t say anything but she smiles a secret sort of smile as I accompany her out into the hall. Before she heads off to second period, we lace our fingers together, just for a second. It’s enough—for now.
I’ve only taken a few steps in the opposite direction when Alan moves to my side. “So. You and Kira? Seriously?”
I feign surprise. “Wow, word travels fast. I take it you don’t approve?”
He has enough self-control to lower his voice before saying, “Oh, come on, Sean. You’re Royal, she’s Ag. She may not realize yet that you’re just toying with her, but I’m not that naive.”
“We’re not on Mars anymore, in case you hadn’t noticed,” I whisper back. “Fine isn’t nearly as important here.” Still need to convince Mum of that. “I happen to actually like her and, lucky me, it seems to be mutual.”
Alan snorts—not quietly. “Maybe you’ll feel differently when I tell you about all the Anti-Royal stuff she’s been spouting ever since she left Nuath. Your mum’s on the Council, right? I doubt she’d—”
“Kira and I have discussed our differing political views,” I assure him, ignoring a twinge of uneasiness at mention of the Council. “She’s entitled to her opinions. I’m entitled to try changing them. And hey, if you think she’s such a radical, why are you so interested in her?”
He just glares at me again and starts walking faster, leaving me behind.
I stifle a sigh. I didn't want to make an enemy out of Alan, but if my mum’s disapproval isn’t enough to keep me away from Kira, Alan’s definitely isn’t. Maybe he’ll change his tune when he sees she’s happy with me.
Which I plan to make sure she is, from now on.
34
Blind side
My quick hand-clasp with Sean as we leave Physics gives me such a lift I practically float to my next class.