Oh, and our life together. That too.
That wasn’t how women thought. Or so I’d been schooled by the two experts of matrimony themselves.
God help me.
“Art Deco is a style of art and architecture popularized in the—”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You know her tastes. But I recommend some bling. All chicks dig bling.”
“Zoe really isn’t the kind of woman who enjoys large baubles. They would only get in her way while she’s working. She does a lot with her hands.”
“He’s trying to go cheap already. Told you. So, let’s go to the Farmer’s Market and get our asses home before we get tossed out to sea.”
“Rubbish. I’m not trying to go cheap. I’m trying to make sure I don’t get a generic ring, because my Zoe isn’t generic. It doesn’t matter if it’s large, I’m not buying her just anything.” I crossed my arms. “If I have to wait to find the perfect piece, I’ll wait.”
“Now he’s pussying out. We might as well have not made this trip. Waste of gas.”
“You’re a waste of gas,” I muttered, flipping him the middle finger when he looked back at me. “How can you be a crochety old man when you aren’t even thirty? That doesn’t compute.”
“Wait until you have children.”
Simon snorted. “Right. Because you shot rainbows out of your ass before then.” He signaled and pulled up near a strip of shops. “I’ll go park. You two can get out here.”
All I saw was a stand for Indian food, a variety-type store, and a store advertising colorful women’s dresses. “Where are we supposed to go?”
“Over there, there’s a jewelry shop.” Simon pointed vaguely up the street, though I couldn’t tell where he was indicating between the palm fronds bending in the wind and the clusters of people hurrying past. “I’ve bought a few things for Margo there before. She loved them. Take a look. See if there’s anything Zoe might want.”
“You better not be dropping us off and going home. If I get stuck here with this chucklehead—”
“Jesus, I’ll be right back, conspiracy theorist. Go.”
We got out and lo and behold, I noticed the small shop Simon had indicated a little ways away. We rushed toward it, hunching our shoulders against the wind, Nick muttering about how he was never going on vacation with Simon again, not even if he paid him.
“I doubt that’s much of a threat for him,” I yelled back over the rising wind. “You’re not exactly jovial.”
“Sorry I’m not Rainbow Care Bear like you are.” He grabbed the door and motioned me inside.
We hushed up the moment we stepped inside the rarefied air of the jewelry store. They were playing classical music, and the woman and man behind the glass-fronted counter stared at us as if we’d been dragged in by the storm.
Which we had been, sort of.
“How may we help you?” The woman spoke in accented English and patted her dark updo with a hand covered in rings. “We’re closing soon, due to the hurricane.”
“Tropical storm,” Nick corrected her. “It’s been downgraded.”
“Are you from the islands?”
“No. I’m from California.”
She smiled. “Then we are closing soon because of the hurricane.”
I coughed into my fist. “Hello, I would like some help purchasing an engagement ring, please.”
“He needs a lot of help. He’s virtually clueless. Do you even know her ring size?”
“Six. My Zoe has dainty hands.”
Nick rolled his eyes. “Christ, save me.”
“Of course, sir. We have a selection of rings that should suit. If you don’t mind if we should be so bold as to ask your budget?”
I named a figure that made Nick slap his hand across my mouth. “He doesn’t have that much money. Really. He just heard he can’t buy a nice ring for any less.”
I shoved him back. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“One second.” He held up a finger and gave the woman and man a gritted-teeth smile before dragging me away from the counter. “Do you not know anything about haggling? Especially haggling on the island? With talk like that, they would’ve sold you a colored piece of glass and emptied your wallet.”
“I’m sure that’s not true. They seem like nice people.” Then again, when I looked back at them over my shoulder, the woman was laughing behind her hand and pointing at us. I frowned. “Okay, maybe not.”
“Trust me, you have to drive a hard bargain. Watch and learn, boyo.” Nick strutted up to the counter and slapped down his wallet, naming a figure that made me choke on a laugh. “My friend will pay no more than that. What do you have?”
The woman removed a ring cushion from behind the glass counter and set it on top. She removed one ring, then another and another until only one plain band remained. It wasn’t even gold. It was just…plain.
“What is this?”
“This is the ring in your price range. Suitable or no?”
“No. That won’t do.” When Nick tried to talk, I spoke over him, naming a price between my original one and Nick’s ridiculous low-ball figure. “Do you have anything in that range?”
The door opened behind us and I glanced over my shoulder as Simon came in, looking harried. “Fucking zoo out there, Jesus fuck.” He did not use his indoor voice.
The man behind the counter cleared his throat. “One of your friends?”
“My brother.” Saying it was still weird, in a good way. “Come help me decide.”
“I’m here too, you know. I’m somewhat of an expert on wedding rings.”
I glanced at Nick. “Oh, are you now?”
“Yes. I helped Gray with his, and of course got Lila the most magnificent ring in the history of rings.”
“Of course.”
Simon elbowed between us and poked at the new tray of rings that had been produced in response to my much more reasonable price range. “That one’s pretty.”
The ring he indicated was a giant pink stone. “No, not for Zoe. She wouldn’t like it that large and she’s not a pink sort.”
“What about that one?” He indicated a cluster of diamonds with a big center stone surrounded by pinpricks of sapphires. “It’s classy.”
I shook my head. “Not Zoe’s style.”
Nick sighed. “This is going to take years.”
“It better not take years. I just talked to Margo.”
I shifted toward Simon. “Is Zoe okay?”
“Zoe’s fine.”
“Are you sure? What about the baby? We should go back. I knew I shouldn’t leave her when the weather is poor.”
“Hi, not sure if you remember, but my wife is the one about to pop.”
“Oh.” I swallowed. “Right. Of course, you’re right. How is Margo?”
“She’s acting strange. She kept insisting she was fine, but her voice was all…edgy.”
“You didn’t have sex with her, right?”
The woman behind the counter clapped a hand over her mouth and turned away.
Even Simon had the decency to look chagrined as he frowned at Nick. “Am I not allowed to have sex with my wife now?”
“Oh, God. I knew you didn’t read that chapter. I just knew it. Li had more faith in you. She should know better. You’ve never made it through a whole book in your entire life.”
I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. I just wanted to buy my ring and go. Assuming one even existed in this shop that would come close to what my Zoe deserved.
She put up with me, so she deserved extra sparkle. But sneaky sparkle, because anything ostentatious she would immediately veto.
“What book are you even talking about?”
“The preggo book you stole from me. In the section about inducing labor, it says very clearly that orgasm can cause a woman to give birth. It’s, like, a known fact from the beginning of time.”
I didn’t know who gasped louder—me, Simon, or the two people behind the counter.
“You’re exaggerating. Besides, it’s not time yet. We’ve had lots of sex before now and she hasn’t given birth yet, has she? And she has tons of orgasms. Tons.”
“Sir, this really isn’t the place for—”
“Right, but she’s basically like a gremlin now.”
Simon’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you calling my wife a gremlin?”
“No, I said she’s like a gremlin. Don’t feed them after midnight, don’t get them wet, and so on. Same for a woman that close to giving birth. Getting them wet is a big no-no. You never know when they’ll blow.” Nick made an exploding noise that made Simon jerk back into me.
I truly didn’t know which of us was more horrified. Probably Simon since the information Nick had just shared was more imminently important to him. I still had seven months give or take to come to terms with the idea.
But one thing was for sure—I would not be having sex with Zoe after the seventh month or so. Unless she agreed to no orgasms, for her anyway. Though that seemed dubious.
“You just think you’re an expert.” Simon sounded traumatized. He even wavered on his feet when I gave him a nudge to stop leaning on me. Heavily. Like a redwood about to fall.
Nick crossed his arms. “Li had the twins perfectly on schedule. We followed doctor’s orders. Didn’t go off flying half-cocked to an isolated island during a tropical storm watch.”
“Hurricane,” the man and woman behind the counter said in unison.
“A C-section is not the same thing.”
“Really, guys, I don’t think this is where we should be discussing this,” I said weakly, trying to refocus on the tray of rings. My vision was hazy.
Dear God, Margo wouldn’t really give birth on this island, would she? If unexpected sex pushed her along, surely there was a way to nudge the baby back in.
“How do you reverse it?” I asked suddenly.
Both Nick and Simon stared at me.
“If you slip and…engage in sex, and she edges near labor—”
“Edges near? If she’s in labor, there’s no reversing it, spud. Welcome to fatherhood.” Nick walked around Simon to clap me on the back. “Next time, maybe you’ll consider taking your time before you get her knocked up.”
“Well, if we’re going to have six children, we have to—” I stopped at their twin looks of surprise. “Possibly.”
“Was he dropped on his head as a baby? Or last week?” Nick asked Simon, who just shrugged.
“I never had a regular family, so I want a big one.” My voice cracked a little. Great. Could I embarrass myself any more today? “Is that so wrong?”
“I think it’s sweet,” the woman behind the counter said with an encouraging smile.
“No, it’s not wrong.” Simon cleared his throat. “Just whoa, the idea of one is freaking me the hell out. I thought I was calm about it. I was sure I was. And now?” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, I might need a paper bag.”
Nick gestured toward the ring tray. “Let’s move this along.”
I nodded and zeroed in on the selection. Still none of them were right. Maybe I needed to check out the scope of what was available rather focus solely on price. I stepped back, scanned the case, and caught my breath as I saw it.
The most perfect ring.
“That one.” I could barely get the words out as I pointed. I put my face near the glass, trying to see as much as possible. “On the red cushion. That’s the one.”
The man moved forward to remove the ring and set it down before me. A circlet of smaller diamonds surrounded a pear-shaped center stone. Around the first circle was another circle of diamond points. It reminded me of the solar system. A million stars and planets weren’t enough to encompass my love for her.
My fingers shook as I pried it out of the cushion. The ring had a vintage look, and I’d never seen anything like it before.
“I’ll take it. How much?”
The woman named a price and I started to nod, already pulling out my wallet. Nick stepped forward and slapped a hand over the ring. “Before we buy, we’d like to see the loupe.”
“Before we buy?” What the hell was a loupe?
Simon let out a long breath. “You’ve been assimilated. Just deal.”
I didn’t know what that meant either, but I waited while the man retrieved something that looked like a small magnifying glass. Nick looked through it and murmured about “noting the inclusions” while Simon huffed and puffed and generally sounded as if he was ready to sprint out of the store at a moment’s notice.
“My. Wife. May. Be. On. The. Verge. Of. Childbirth.”
Nick ignored Simon and continued making noises about diamond quality. The woman noted a few things down on the invoice before she presented it to me. The price had been lowered quite a bit.
I glanced at Nick. “Seriously?”
“Told you I was an expert. Everyone thinks my skills are just playing guitar and the art of pleasing a woman.” He shrugged and walked past me toward the door, tugging a dazed Simon along with him. “We’ll pick you up in five. No dallying.”
I was waiting when they pulled up. Nick was driving. Simon was in the front seat with his head between his legs, an impressive feat.
“Get in,” Nick barked. “Margo’s in labor. Score one for the stud.”
“Oh my God, really?” I’d no sooner climbed in that Nick rocketed the Jeep away from the curb. My leg wasn’t even fully inside.
“She’ll be fine. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time. They’re far more capable than we are.” Even Nick seemed stressed as he tightened his hands around the wheel. “Besides, the midwife and Li are with her. Li never freaks out.”
I nearly shuddered. Amen to that. We needed someone who was calm and in control.
The baby was coming.
Dear God.
Lila
Lila was surrounded by babies. Drowning in them.
And now she was going to have to watch her best friend give birth. Possibly even help with it.
Luckily, the midwife, Nora, was there to help. They’d already vetoed going to the hospital, since the wind was getting crazy and there were all kinds of alerts sounding on their phones.
As far as she was concerned, if it had been up to her, they would’ve gone to the hospital anyway. But Margo still seemed to think she wasn’t in labor. And she wasn’t going anywhere without Simon.
As if he could help. Margo would probably end up strangling him before the actual birth.
Lila sighed and refolded the cotton towels Nora had asked her to gather. If she’d been smart, she would’ve stayed home with their twins, rather than coming on this vacation. Her hope had been that the lack of stress would lead to something positive on the baby front. Maybe. They really weren’t in any hurry, but when close friends and family knew that having a child was on the agenda, they tended to ask often how things were going. And look at you a lot when certain announcements were made.
Such as Zoe’s pregnancy. That one she hadn’t expected.
No matter how often she said they were okay with waiting to see what happened, the questions kept coming along with the speculative glances. Add in the endless baby reminders literally every place she went and she was ready to get pregnant one more time just so they could all move on. No one would stop asking otherwise.
Besides, she couldn’t help being a planner. She’d finally decided she really wanted one more child and now it was supposed to happen in the allotted time. And it just was not.
Yet.
Then again, Margo’s imminent birthing experience might just remind her of what exactly she was signing up for. Her daughters were moving out of the toddler stage. Did she really want to go back there again?
She glanced at Margo, who was still so beautiful with her flushed cheeks, big belly, and slightly frantic eyes.
Yes, she did. Without a doubt. The soft, sweet little baby waiting on the other side was worth all the discomfort.
Lila smiled. Her best fri
end would get to experience the wonder and fright and joy of that soon enough.
“She’s not kicking. Shouldn’t she be kicking?”
“If you don’t get stressed out, she won’t get stressed out,” Nora said soothingly from where she sat beside Margo. “Keep focusing on your breathing. And we’ll wait for the next contraction.”
“Li? Did yours kick before you gave birth?”
“Yes, but intermittently. There’s a lot going on inside you right now.” Lila moved closer to Margo and wiped a wet washcloth over her friend’s forehead. “Are you sure about not going to the hospital to be checked out? It could just be Braxton-Hicks.” She glanced at Nora. “Not that you aren’t in very capable hands.”
“It doesn’t feel like Braxton-Hicks. It feels weird.” Margo rubbed her belly. “I wish she’d just move. She’s freaking me out.”
“She was moving earlier, wasn’t she?” Nora’s calming voice helped to ease the crackle of nerves buzzing between Lila’s shoulder blades as well.
It was one thing having a C-section with a team of medical professionals. As skilled as Nora was, Lila wished they were in a hospital. She never would’ve guessed Margo would prefer to stay home, even with the ominous weather.
“Yes, she’s been kicking my bladder and using me for a punching bag. That’s why I don’t understand why she’s so quiet now.” Margo cupped her belly and took a shallow breath. “Oh, God, here comes another one. And wait—wait.” She hesitated and then broke into a weak grin. “She’s hitting me again. Oh. This is a strong one.”
“Grip the tiger and focus on your breathing, just as we practiced. In and out. There we go.” Nora touched Margo’s rippling belly. “You’re doing just fine.”
A few minutes later, Margo exhaled. “I think I’m regretting skipping drugs now.”
“We can still go to the hospital—”
“No, the idea of all that chaos and being under all those harsh lights, when our birthing center is so calm and peaceful… I just don’t want to do it. Not when the storm is coming in. If there was an accident—” She bit her lip and broke off. “Plenty of women have babies at home without drugs. It’s natural. I am warrior. Hear me roar. Where the hell is Simon?”
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