by W Winters
That’s just before I go around the back of the shed to where the faucet is to wash my face. It’s just before I get sick in the field. It’s just before I look down at my hands as I’m cleaning myself up and see nothing but blood.
Three more times, I cough up blood and my eyes water. My face heats and then all at once, it stops. It’s not a lot, it’s not a lot of blood. It’s because of whatever Miss Caroline put in the soup for all that time. I know it is. She made me sick. I’ll get better now; Jake knows that too. I’m not sick, I’m recovering from what she did to me.
I hide what happened from Jake, though, all the blood I just coughed up. I don’t want him to see.
I just want to be loved and to love him. Isn’t love enough?
“Are you okay?”
Hearing Jase before I see him startles me. I hadn’t noticed how erratic my breathing was until he came in. I set the book down on the nightstand.
“Yeah, why?” I ask him as I rub my eyes, and try to come back to reality. I catch a glimpse of the clock and realize nearly two hours slipped by. The uneasiness and shock that the book left me in won’t shake off when I look back up to Jase.
“You look horrified.”
I answer him, “It’s just a book.”
“What happened?” he asks me like he really cares as he takes off a black cotton shirt, damp with sweat. His body glistens, his muscles flex with every movement and with the increase of lust, the problems of my fictional world fall away.
“She might really be sick,” I tell him, although my eyes stay glued to his chest.
“Who?” He stands still, a new shirt in his hand as he waits for my answer.
“Don’t worry about it,” I tell him. “She’s invincible.” Hearing those words come from me with confidence makes my stomach drop.
Jase has a different reaction. His lips pull up into an asymmetric smile at my remark and the way his eyes shine with humor is infectious. I feel lighter, but still, the sickness of the unknown churns in my stomach.
“I can’t stay here,” I tell him, knowing I need to do something and just as aware that there’s nothing for me to do here. He removes the space between us, climbing up onto the bed to sit cross-legged in front of me. He doesn’t love me like… like I feel for him. That’s the truth that sinks me further into the bed.
Being around him, knowing what I feel for him and coming to terms with that, but not feeling the same from him… it's killing me. It makes me want to run. It's scary when you realize you love someone and that they may never feel the same for you. Not in the same way. Nothing like what I feel for him.
It doesn’t stop me from breathing him in though.
The sweet smell of his sweat is surprising… and heady. The way he looks at me, it’s all the more intoxicating.
“You agreed to twenty-nine days,” he reminds me.
“Twenty-eight now,” I correct him in return.
“Twenty-eight then.”
“I can’t stay here like this. Doing nothing day in, day out.”
“I don’t expect you to.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I ask him, truly needing an answer.
He considers me for a moment. “I really don’t know what to do,” I tell him when he hesitates to answer me. It’s harder for me to admit that than I thought it would be.
“I don’t have any answers for you,” he tells me beneath his breath, quietly, like he’s sorry.
“I love work. I want to go back to work.”
“I don’t know that you’re in the right mindset to do that.”
My voice rises as I ask, “How am I supposed to get better when I have nothing to do to make me better?”
“Time.” He answers me with a single word, joining me on the bed. “You could start with putting your mugs in the kitchen.” Looking at the box still where he left it yesterday, he tells me, “You could do whatever you like.”
“I can’t leave,” I answer him boldly, letting him know it pisses me off.
“Yesterday I didn’t want you to, no. But that doesn’t mean you can’t leave. I’m not trapping you here, you’re locking yourself in this room.”
I hate him for his answer, although I don’t know why.
“Where would you go after you’re done with work to let loose?” he asks me.
“A bar.”
“I like that,” he says and scoots closer to me, pulling me into his lap. I settle against him, resting my back to his front.
“You order wine or mixed drinks at the bar?”
“Mixed. Vodka and whatever the bartender wants.” The rough chuckle makes his chest shake gently and I love the feeling of it. His stubble brushes my neck as he asks, “And then?”
“Grocery store if I need to, although I really only keep K-cups and cardboard pizza in the fridge.”
“Cardboard pizza?”
“You know, the kind that come in a box and you put in the toaster oven?”
That makes him laugh too. The sound of him laughing eases everything.
“You have a pretty smile,” he tells me and his voice is calming.
“You have a pretty smile too,” I tell him back and he makes a face.
He changes the subject quicker than I expect. “We don’t know who broke in.”
My own smile falters and I stare at my fingers, picking absently under my nails at nothing.
“I know that’s not what you wanted to hear and it’s not what I was hoping to tell you. But there are no fingerprints, no cameras anywhere.”
With his hand on my chin, he forces me to look at him as he explains, “We looked into everyone’s surveillance cameras, Beth. It’s not quite legal, but they’ll never know. Whoever it was left no trace at all.”
“So I’ll never know and they could come back.” I’m surprised how much pain accompanies that knowledge. My chest feels like it’s been hollowed out and bricks put in the place of whatever it is I need to survive.
“No. That’s not true. We have a lead on your sister,” he tells me with hope and authority.
“A man named Luke Stevens. He’s no one around here, but he was seen with your sister before she went missing.”
He hands me a picture of a man I’ve never laid eyes on. He’s got to be in his forties, with a clean-cut look to him and I could only imagine what the hell Jenny would have been doing with someone like this.
“You think he did it?” I dare to ask Jase.
“I’m not sure, but I’m going to find him and get as much information as I can from him, cailín tine.”
“Miranda told me she packed her bags,” I say and swallow thickly, needing to calm the adrenaline racing in my blood. “She said Jenny packed before she went missing.” The image of my sister doing just that and then leaving with this man plays in my mind. “Maybe she was in love with him,” I surmise.
“I don’t think--” Jase bites down to stop himself from saying something else.
“What?”
His inhale is uneven and he looks past me before saying, “I just wanted you to know that I’m working on it. But don’t do this. Don’t let your mind play tricks on you. All we know is that he was seen with her.”
“Seen doing what?”
“Getting into a truck around the time she went missing but they aren’t positive of the date.”
I have no words as the theory in my mind unravels.
“It could be nothing, but we have a name and I’m working on it,” he tells me and takes my hand in his, stopping me from my mindless habit.
“So now there are two names?” I ask, remembering the last time we talked about information.
He nods once, but doesn’t give me the other name. The one he promised wouldn’t help me.
“Which do you think broke into my house?” I ask him and instead of answering, he tells me, “I’m having Seth install a top-of-the-line security system. Everything will be repaired, and all the locks will be changed.”
The information sparks a reaction I don’t expect and
I have to pull my hand away, but he doesn’t let me so I blurt out the question, “You want me to go back… to my place?”
“No,” he says and his quick answer alleviates some of the unwanted stress. “I’d prefer you here by my side and for the next twenty-eight days, I want you here at my place. But you need to be able to go home and feel safe. I get that and I wanted to make sure it was safe.”
I can only nod, feeling overwhelmed and not knowing what to do. When he squeezes my hand, I squeeze back and tell him, “Thank you.”
“I have to go. Late-night meeting.”
Late meeting. My lips stay closed although I don’t have to say anything at all. My gaze drops just as my lightheartedness does. I can never forget the life Jase leads. I need to remember.
“Don’t look at me like that.” His voice is low and a threat lays behind the words.
“Like what?” I ask him as if I don’t know what he’s referring to.
“Like I’m less than you for what I do.”
“I don’t,” I protest, hating that it’s obvious.
“You do.”
Biting back my pride, I apologize, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s never going to change, Bethany. This isn’t something I can run away from.”
He stares at me like he’s repentant. Like he’d change it if he could, although I don’t believe him. All I can tell him back is, “I didn’t ask you to.”
Jase
I’m the last to enter the kitchen and as I make my way to the counter, Carter pushes a tumbler with ice and whiskey my way.
“You want to meet her, huh?” I ask Carter, looking him in his eyes as I bring the glass to my lips and let the liquor settle on my tongue to burn.
Carter only lets a smirk show, filling the empty tumbler in front of him and then asking Declan if he wants a glass too.
“I’ll have beer,” Declan announces and Daniel looks over his shoulder at Declan, a grin on his face too before reaching into the fridge. The bottles clink together and the telltale sound of the beer fizzing fills up the silence as I wait for my answer.
“You told her not to come in here, didn’t you?” he asks, the smile only widening.
“You’re a prick,” I tell my oldest brother and when they all chuckle, I finally let myself smile and pull out the barstool. I’m a prick for lying to her too, but they don’t need to know that.
“If she met us, if she knew what was going on, maybe she’d feel a little differently,” Sebastian says as he enters the room, touching his elbow to Carter’s in greeting and taking the last tumbler of whiskey.
“Maybe,” I agree although I’m quick to take another swig of the whiskey.
“What’s the update on Addison?” Sebastian asks Daniel. His response is to share a look with Carter first. They’re going through the next stage of life together. All three of the men although Sebastian’s wife is furthest along. Daniel and Carter just found out about the pregnancies.
Daniel picks at the label on his beer bottle as he answers, “They said it’s just high blood pressure. She just needs to take it easy.”
A moment passes where no one knows what to say. Addison never thought she could get pregnant and for good reason. She went through a rough life as a child.
“Aria’s happy that she gets to pick out everything with a friend,” Carter says to break up the tension.
Sebastian contributes to the easy feeling by remarking, “Chloe’s happy she won’t be the only fat one.” He adds quickly, “Or so she said,” which gets a good laugh and a clink of beers and glass tumblers.
“It feels good having all five of us in here, doesn’t it? Like old times,” Declan comments.
All four of my brothers and the one man, Sebastian, who sticks out because he’s older.
“We do have a real reason to meet,” Carter says and glances at the closed door behind me. She can place her hand to the panel and enter, or simply try to listen from the other side of the door.
“Romano.” Daniel and I say our enemy’s name at once.
Carter nods. “He’s scattered. There’s no doubt.”
“What made him run?” Sebastian asks.
“He’s outnumbered. It’s not just Talvery men looking to settle a vendetta, but us too. It’s quiet with Officer Walsh and the FBI leaning hard on the local cops,” Daniel answers and Carter nods along with him. “If he was ever going to leave, now is the time to do so.”
“If he comes back, which he has to in order to get everything out of his warehouses, all of his supply and the stashed guns are on Fourth. If he comes back, there are only two roads he can use to come into town,” I comment, knowing if he comes back, I don’t want to give him another chance to leave.
“You think he’ll come back for it?” Sebastian asks.
“He’s got money hidden away in the warehouse on Fourth, we’ve staked out that street and he knows, but he doesn’t know that we’re aware his money’s there. Maybe he thinks with him gone, we’ll forget about him,” Carter answers him.
“Forget about him?” There’s a tension in Daniel’s voice, akin to outrage. “We aren’t going to let him run.”
Daniel’s comment goes unanswered.
“I say we blow up his estate and the warehouse too. Destroy everything.”
“He left men behind.” Carter’s quick to rebut my suggestion.
“Not enough,” I answer him, staring into his eyes.
“With the FBI and former agent on our asses, do we really want to risk it?” Declan asks, wanting to be safe.
“Yes. We do. We can’t let what he did go unanswered. We can’t let anyone think they can run from us,” Daniel says, his body tense and the beer he has in his hand tapping against the granite.
“Calm down,” Carter tells our brother, but I’m with Daniel.
“He’s right,” I say to voice my opinion.
“Destroy everything in his name and send Nikolai after him,” Daniel suggests.
“Nikolai?” A tension coils in my stomach. “He tried to kill me; he tried to take Addison, your soon-to-be wife.” I can’t help that my voice rises, the same outrage Daniel had a moment ago slipping into my cadence.
“Do you plan to chase him, Jase? You going to risk your… what’s her name? Bethany? Are you going to risk her to chase after him?” he questions me.
“Sending Nikolai is smart,” Declan adds and Sebastian nods in agreement. I crack my neck, not looking at my brothers, knowing they’re not on my side. All while questioning if they’re right. If I could really risk leaving Bethany behind.
“With Marcus still here… you’re right. We should send Nikolai.”
“Aria will never forgive me if something happens,” Carter admits and stares into the swirling whiskey in his glass.
“She doesn’t have to know,” Declan says which brings all of our eyes to him.
“It’s easy to say that, but they always find out. The truth always rises to the surface.” Sebastian’s sentiment sends a chill down my spine. I warm it with the remainder of the whiskey in my glass.
The empty tumbler hits the granite in time with the door opening behind us. All five of us turn to see Bethany, standing in the now open doorway with her hand still in the air.
The sight of her is enough to ease the tension in the room.
“You look like a deer in headlights,” Daniel comments and then waves her in.
“I’m sorry,” she says immediately, not moving an inch. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“Were you planning on just sneaking around then?” Carter asks and grins at her. “We can pretend we didn’t see you if that’s the case.” The ice in his tumbler clinks as he brings it up to his smile and takes a sip.
The long sweater hangs loosely on her, but when she wraps her arms around herself, I can just barely make out the dip in her waist. With keys jingling in her hand, and seeing as how she’s slipped on leggings and boots, it’s obvious she’s heading out.
Doubt sinks its claws into me. Hol
ding me in place as she stands there. Bethany’s wide eyes meet mine and she nearly turns around when I don’t say anything.
“Come meet my brothers,” I say loud enough to stop her in her tracks before she can run off completely.
She hesitates a moment and then walks to my side, her insecurity showing. The moment she’s beside me, I wrap my arm around her waist.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers although it’s not low enough that the rest of the guys wouldn’t hear.
“Guys, meet Bethany. Sebastian, Carter, Daniel and Declan.” I point at each of them one by one and she gives them a small, embarrassed wave. “Sebastian’s not blood, but still family,” Carter comments and then fills his glass and mine again. “Want a drink?” he offers her.
“That’s actually why I came in here,” she says and Daniel interrupts her by saying, “I like her already,” which gets agreeable laughter from the rest of the guys.
Her nerves are still high, no matter how much I run soothing circles along her back. Her voice is strained when she looks up at me and says, “I forgot I told a friend I was seeing her tonight. It’s the weekend. I was just going to head out.”
It’s more than obvious to not just me, but to all of the men standing here that she’s searching for permission.
It’s not like her, I wish they could see her. Really see her. I tell myself she just needs time.
“Have fun.” With that I smile down on her, not giving her any restraints. Seth and his men will watch her and inform me.
Blinking, she holds back the obvious questions that beg to be spoken. Instead she only nods and nearly says thank you, but those words turn into an, “Okay, I’ll see you tonight?”
My brothers and Sebastian say nothing, only observing and drinking. I know they’re judging, and I hate them for it.
I can see her need to run and before she can turn and leave me, I capture her lips with mine. Her lips are hard at first, and she utters a small protest of shock, right before she melts into me. Her lips soften and her hands move to my back when I deepen the kiss just slightly.
It doesn’t last long, but it lasts long enough to bring color to her cheeks. With her teeth sinking into her bottom lip, she smiles sweetly and barely glances at my brothers, giving them a wave before quickly walking away.