Repression

by Nataya Douglas

  Placing the final bobby pin in her hair and applying another coat of lip gloss, the doorbell rings. Lovette had told him to call before he was on the way. Boys never pay attention. Running downstairs and bumping into the vanity, a thread from her dress snagged the corner. Being careful not to rip her dress, she removed it and continued downstairs trying to catch the door before her mother or father got to it. She had been a couple of seconds too late.

  “Why is that stupid vanity right there?!” shouted Lovette.

  “Hush child, that vanity reveals true reflections,” said her mother, Trudy. Turning back towards the door, she kept talking.

  “You might be looking for someone next door,” said Trudy. She closed the door without waiting for a response and turned around to head back to cooking dinner.

  This is what she was afraid of. This is why she had wanted Mike to call her before he was on the way over. Paw was sitting in the living room and hadn’t moved from his chair. Mike rang the doorbell again.

  “Mom, he’s my date to the dance.” The look on her mother’s face confirmed what Lovette suspected for so long.

  “THAT BOY IS ALMOST AS BLACK AS YOUR DRESS!! You couldn’t find someone else?! Why would you do this, Lovette??” That’s all Paw needed to hear and he was out of his seat joining us in the foyer. While they both continued to ramble on, she stopped them both so she could have a turn to talk.

  “Mom, Dad…you both said I could go to the dance tonight but never said anything about with who. Why does it even matter?! I’m the one going to the dance with him! Plus, mom, I wish you’d stop acting like you aren’t half Black yourself. Everyone knows that you were adopted. Yes, I know that grandma and grandpa aren’t your real parents. Just because your skin is as light as it is, doesn’t mean you can ignore what you really are.”

  Lovette felt the sting of a hundred bees come down on her face. This was the first time her mother had ever hit her and everyone stood in silence. Iris had seen and heard everything. She ran upstairs and shut her door while their father walked off without saying a word. Running out of the door, Lovette left her mother screaming for her to come back but all had been ignored. Meanwhile, Mike had already started to walk away.

  Catching up to him and trying to catch her breath at the same time, “Mike, I’m sorry for all of that. I’m sure you heard most, if not all of it. The way she thinks…the way they think, that’s not how I think. I’ve always suspected they had issues like this but they’ve never blatantly said the things they’ve said tonight.”

  “Is this why you asked me to call before I came?” Looking in his face, she could tell his feelings were hurt but he tried his best to hide it. Even though she didn’t like him like he liked her, she still didn’t want to see him sad. Especially if it had anything to do with her.

  “Yes. My plan was to meet you at the end of the dirt road but even then, I’m pretty sure they would have insisted on meeting you anyway. Ya know, just to see who is taking their daughter out for the first time and all” replied Lovette. “But boys have to be so hardheaded and not follow directions.” Giving him the side eye while sucking her teeth, he stopped walking.

  “Hardheaded? That’s funny.” Holding up the paper she had handed him yesterday, “Explain to me how I could’ve called a six digit phone number.” Walking up to him and taking it out of his hands, Lovette had accidentally given him an incomplete phone number. It had been one digit too short.

  “I went to call you and saw you hadn’t written down the full number. At first, I thought you might have done it on purpose. Ya know, because you think I’m this or that. Anyway, I just decided to come over hoping you’d still want to go. As far as what I heard, it’s okay. Believe it or not, I’m used to being judged before people get to know me,” he continued.

  Lovette had seen a side of Mike that she hadn’t allowed herself to see before. She was wrapped up in what everyone else said about him that she didn’t take the time to get to know him herself. Taking his hand into hers and looking him in the eyes, Mike got nervous.

  “I know this started off weird and unexpected but can we make the night better from here on out?” said Lovette. Mike agreed and they both walked towards the school.

  *******************************************************************************

  Waking up to a sandwich on the nightstand and Joyce drooling on my arm, mama had written a little note along with lunch.

  “Dr. Oar came and patched up your head. So, be gentle and STAY IN BED!!”

  I don’t remember falling asleep and I definitely don’t remember the doctor stitching my head up. Pushing Joyce off my shoulder and sitting up in my bed with the worst headache, Joey is standing in the doorway. Along with the scratches I made, he has a new purple eye the size of a golf ball.

  “I’m sorry for hurting you and I’ll never do it again.”

  His face is blank and when he realizes I don’t know what to say, he walks off to his room. At least I now know why he was screaming downstairs.

  Chapter 3: “You knew the rules.”

  July 8, 1999

  It was still dark out and Joseph had forgotten his briefcase at home. The day would be hectic without it and he just knew it would mysteriously end up missing. Pulling up to the house, there had been a familiar red pickup truck parked in his usual spot. Getting out of the car and walking up the front steps, there were wet footprints. Looking up to see a hole in the doorway, Lovette was on the floor in tears.

  “She doesn’t know where he is, so get the hell on somewhere!” shouted Lovette.

  Barging into the house, Joseph interrupts the moment. “Will, in my office. Now.”

  Whispering but yet still maintaining an angry tone through clenched teeth, Joseph maintained to keep his voice to a level that his family wouldn’t hear.

  “What the HELL are you doing in my home? Did you touch my wife? Because if you did...” Holding up his hand and smirking, Will stopped him from making a threat he would regret later. Joseph didn't need to add fuel to this fire.

  “Joseph, don’t. You and I both know how terrible this could end. I’ve managed to calm down a bit. Your daughter helped. She has a pleasant face. Nothing like yours. Now, where is your son? I don’t have all day and honestly, I’d like to get out of these clothes. I took a piss by your lake and managed to slip in the damn thing. Almost killed myself. You should have that a fence around that thing. As nice as this house is, seems like you’d be able to afford one...”

  Will had been out all night drinking with some friends. He’d been avoiding his wife due to her finding out about his numerous affairs. He was more surprised that it took her this long to even catch on. He had practically cheated right in front of her face.

  Anyway, he wasn’t ready to face her. She may have been a little gullible but Caron was a good woman. She didn’t deserve the things Will had done to her. They’d been married for seventeen years and had only given birth to one child, Frankie.

  “As you already have concluded, I’m just returning home. Apparently, my son isn’t here. That still gives you no right to disrupt my household, break down my door and scare my family. You could’ve waited but you’re too damn drunk to even think straight. What is the problem?” Joseph was becoming more and more angry. Not only did Will break into his home and frighten his family, Joey was missing and he had to be back at work soon.

  Slurring his words, Will explained himself. “I know my household situation may be the talk of the town. It takes no time for everyone to pass around what they think they know. Anyhow, I skipped going home last night and went out for some drinks at the bar. I may be a little tipsy, but whatever. You’ve been here before. Don’t forget that.”

  Will had decided to catch up with a few old friends at one of the town’s most popular bars, Swooney’s. It had helped him temporarily forget about the issues he had to face. Knowing he couldn’t go home just yet, he knew there was one woman that he could always call. Brenda. He had convinced himself that he was done wi
th all of the other women except for her. She knew exactly how he was feeling at all times and was more than just an affair. He had fallen in love with her.

  Drinking his last beer at exactly closing time, Will made his way over to Brenda’s house. He had been drinking and driving for so long, it seemed easier to do while under the influence. Somehow, he managed to escape being caught. Being in jail was the last place he needed to be.

  Pulling up in the driveway, the house was completely dark except for the kitchen window. Brenda had given him a key a few months ago, so getting in this late would be no problem. Stumbling past the microwave, the time read 2:21 am. She’d definitely be sleep.

  As soon as he reached the hallway, his phone rang. Caron. He couldn’t talk to her right now. He was here and this is where he needed to be for the time being. Picking up the phone and hearing her voice asking him to come home would only make him feel guilty. Guilt was the last thing he wanted to feel at the moment. He just wanted to be with Brenda and deal with the issues tomorrow…or another day but just not right now.

  Ignoring the call and staring at the phone, he let it go to voicemail. Sliding down the wall and having a seat on the floor, he waited for whatever message she would leave. His phone dinged and he listened to the message Caron left him.

  “Will, you need to get home now! This isn’t about us. It’s about your daughter! Get here now!”

  That’s all he needed to hear. He loved Brenda but he loved his daughter even more.

  Leaving the house in a hurry without letting Brenda know he had stopped by, Will rushed home to see what the fuss was about. He had called Caron back several times but it would only go straight to voicemail. The thoughts of whatever could be going on with Frankie made him sweat. He had just hoped she was okay. Whatever else it was couldn’t be that big of an issue.

  Will had started thinking maybe Caron was lying. Up until a few days ago, she had been desperate for him to talk to her about the affairs. It was definitely possible she’d go as low as using their daughter to make him come home. Slowing the car down, Will thought about turning back around to go back to Brenda’s but if something were truly wrong with Frankie, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

  Finally arriving home, there was a bike lying in the yard that didn’t belong to Frankie. Opening the door, Frankie and Caron are seated in the living room. With a confused look on his face, Will walked over and stood in front of both of them.

  “Well, is someone going to tell me what is going on?” he asked.

  “Go ahead and tell your father what you were doing. Don’t be quiet now. You were making a lot of noise when I got here! SPEAK UP AND TELL HIM!” screamed Caron.

  Walking to the liquor cabinet, Will opened up the vodka and poured himself a glass. He had felt his buzz dying down and there was no need in becoming sober when Caron was screaming like a mad woman.

  “Since she’d rather sit here and cry like it’s going to get her out of trouble! I guess it’s on me to tell you. I come home to your daughter upstairs with Joey in her bedroom! He’s like a brother to you, Frankie! I didn’t want to call Lovette and get into it with her. Will, you need to fix this,” said Caron.

  Will stopped in his tracks and turned to look at his daughter. Frankie had shame written all over her face. Dropping her head and beginning to apologize, he cut her off mid-sentence.

  “Where is he?! In my house, Frankie?! Have you lost your mind?! YOU’RE ONLY FIFTEEN! You still play with baby dolls for Christ’s sake!”

  Turning to Caron, Will continued to scream. “And where the hell were you?! It’s almost 3 in the morning and you weren’t even home to monitor our daughter!”

  Pacing back and forth between the kitchen and living room, Will felt his chest getting tighter and tighter. Joseph knew the rules and one had just been broken.

  “How dare you question where I was and you weren’t here either!! Oh yea, was it the 20 year old this time? Or some random hooker you followed home after the bar? Oh, must’ve been Brenda. Yea, Brenda. The one you fell in love with. You were planning to sleep at her place tonight, huh?”

  Caron had him cornered. The look on his face proved that he didn’t know she knew exactly who he had been with. Will ignored her for the moment and directed himself towards his daughter.

  “Frankie, go to your room. Your mother and I need to talk. We’ll deal with you later.” Waiting to hear the closing of Frankie’s door, Will responded.

  “Regardless of where I was, I was already out. There should’ve been at least one of us here and if you wanted to leave out, you could’ve dropped her off at your mother’s house. Now, look! Our daughter was left alone and has had sex!” shouted Mike.

  Even though Frankie’s situation was important, his ego had been bruised. Although he had constantly cheated on her, he still loved Caron. The thought of her being with someone else did hurt but if she had, he deserved it.

  “Yea, go ahead and blame me. I don’t even care where you’ve been or who you’ve been doing it with. You just need to speak with Joseph about Joey before it causes problems within me and Lovette’s friendship. Oh, and take some clothes with you. Unless you’re here to remove your things, I don’t want you hanging around here anymore. Put Brenda’s key to good use,” sneered Caron.

  That stopped him in his tracks. He cared for Caron but deep down he had only wanted to know how she knew about the key. Deciding to act quick, Will headed for their bedroom and packed his things. She already knew everything and there was no need in denying it.

  Bumping into everything for almost an hour, Will finally got everything he needed at the moment. Brenda had been asking him to move in for the past few months, so he knew showing up with his bags would make her happy. Grabbing the liquor bottle and rushing out, he got into his truck and left. He’d first stop at Joseph’s house.

  “...and that’s why I’m here, Joseph. You didn’t stick to your part of things. Your son had sex with my daughter!” Will hadn’t slept since the day before, so the alcohol and plus being tired had started weighing down on him. Trying not to nod off, he stood up and started pacing around Joseph’s office.

  Joseph hadn’t seen his son since after dinner last night. Joey had gone up bed and that was the last time he had saw him. He had a history of sneaking out but it had been awhile and he thought his son had learned from being punished. He had touched the one girl he had grown up with and this alone had Joseph steaming. Trying to calm down, Joseph responded.

  “I think you know that this has to be a big misunderstanding. Joey and Frankie are like siblings. He’s never even shown any interest in her,” said Joseph. There was no point in Joseph returning back to the office today. Will wasn’t in his right mind and the family had needed him home.

  “You better hope this is a misunderstanding but we’ll get to the bottom of everything. I’ll be out of the office today, as you can see. I’ll talk to my daughter but keep your son away from her,” said Will.

  Will stormed out of the office and started up his car. Meanwhile, he had managed to miss Joey by seconds. He had quietly snuck into the house and made his way upstairs.

  Leaving out behind him, Joseph went out in the garage to search for his tools. The front door didn’t seem too badly damaged and he figured he could fix it himself. Will would compensate him if he found any damages beyond what he could repair. Shaking his head and entering the garage, a feeling of grief came over him due to the things that could happen from the can his son had just opened. Will was clearly still intoxicated but that didn’t mean Joseph would take his threat lightly.

  Back in the house, Joey had heard his sister in the bathroom talking. “Okay, you’re right. Who knows what he’ll do if he finds out again?” said Mary.

  “Find out what?” questioned Joey.

  The both of them had gone back and forth about Mary not telling him what she had been up to in the bathroom. Before he knew it, she was in his face.

  “If you don’t get out of here, I’ll tell them a
bout that stupid shed you keep going to.” The shed. He hadn’t known that Mary knew about it. His veins felt cold and the blood flowing through them felt like they had become frozen.

  He had no idea how she had known about it. The only one who knew was…their father. Joey knew for sure that his father wouldn’t tell her. Shaking his head to rid thinking beyond this moment, before he knew it…“darkness”.

  He had his hands wrapped around Mary’s throat. The voice in his head told him to squeeze harder. She needed to be silenced. Although she could make no noise, she still fought back by clawing at his face. The scratches made his skin sting and it had angered him even more. Instantly, he had switched to banging her head against the floor.

  “Kill her. She knows too much for someone who barely knows anything at all. Finish this, Joey” the voices kept whispering. He could never control the voices once things had gotten to a certain point. She had to go. This wasn’t up to him anymore.

  Running up the stairs to see what the commotion was about, Lovette was met by Joey’s back facing the bathroom door. All she could see under him were Mary’s fuzzy socks and her head being thrown around as if she were a ragdoll.

  Trying her best to pull him off of her, he finally released his hold. There was a puddle of blood under her child’s head and her body was still. For a moment, she just knew she was dead until Mary rolled over. Dropping to her knees and sobbing like a baby, Lovette had felt helpless.

  Leaving quickly out of the bathroom as if he didn’t care what he had just done to his sister, Joey headed downstairs.

  “You shouldn’t have come home. You’re not welcome here. Just leave, Joey.” The voices wouldn’t stop. Pounding himself on the side of his head, he headed for the back door. As soon as he stepped outside, Joseph looked up from the garage and immediately stood up from the ground. Just the person he had needed to see.

  “WHERE IN THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?!” Joey stood still and dared not move.