Repression

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Repression Page 12

by Nataya Douglas


  “Mary!! That wasn’t nice either!” screamed Mrs. Blotney. “The both of you report to the front office immediately!” She had picked up the phone to tell the principal that we would both be on the way to the front office. Meanwhile, Brennen had a look on his face as if he were about to cry from embarrassment.

  “Gather your things and go!”

  Taking my time, I chose to add on to my comment. We were already in trouble, so there was no harm and finishing what I had wanted to say.

  “I shouldn’t be getting in trouble for this. You’re the teacher and the one who TAUGHT us that every action has a reaction. Had this fool kept his mouth shut, I would have never said anything about him. He got what he deserved.”

  “We are kind to those even when they are cruel to us. Don’t ever lower yourself down to someone else’s level. You could’ve used kind words to uplift Brennen instead,” she replied.

  “Well, you just admitted to how low of a person he is, which is pretty funny. Also, being nice to someone who was mean first just sounds as dumb as Brennen’s learning ability. And you’re supposed to be a teacher?” The “ohhhs” and “ahhhs” spread around the classroom and Mrs. Blotney’s face turned redder than the ink she grades the low score tests with.

  “Get out of my classroom! NOW!” she shouted.

  Laughing at her comment, Brennen and I both walked out of the classroom and headed towards the principal’s office.

  Our classroom was located back of the school in one of the trailers. I can’t stand having classes out here. The trailers were always colder than the actual building and the floors always felt like we were going to fall through if we jumped on them. They could’ve just added on to the school instead of stick us out here in the cold. Walking a few steps ahead of him, Brennen broke the silence.

  “You didn’t have to be such a jerk. I know that I’m older than everyone…” he said. “I was out of school a lot because I was sick. Anyway, why do you keep talking to Joyce? She’s dead, ya know?”

  “It’s not my fault you were sick. Why are you minding my business anyway? She’s MY sister for ME to talk to. Not yours. I don’t bother you and you didn’t have to embarrass me like that in front of the whole class. What did I ever do to you, huh?” Turning around to face him, he had stopped walking and looked confused.

  “Don’t act like you don’t know what you did to me, Mary,” he said. He actually looked calmer than he did in the classroom and now, he began to look sad.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t done anything to you.” This was getting annoying. He must’ve gotten me confused with someone else because I had no idea what he was talking about. Rolling my eyes and turning around to head back towards the front office, he kept running his mouth.

  “In kindergarten, you smashed my blocks over and one hit me in the lip.” Kindergarten? He was mad about that?! I barely even remember being in the same class as him then but, just as fast as I thought that, I knew exactly what he could be talking about.

  “That wasn’t me. It was Joyce.” The only people who could really tell me and Joyce apart were mama, papa, and Joey. Everyone else would always ask which one we were before we started talking. Even our grandparents couldn’t keep up with who was who sometimes. Sometimes, we even switched classes to see if we could get away with it. This one day he was talking about, we must have.

  “Why would you say something about your sister like that?” Brennen had a look of disgust on his face. Before I knew it, he pushed past me and took off storming towards the office again.

  “No, seriously. I didn’t do that to you. Sometimes, we would trade places. Whenever we traded places, we would have to pretend to act like the one another. She must have taken acting like me overboard.” Joyce didn’t tell me that she had kicked over someone’s blocks that day. I guess that explains why I had silent lunch for two whole days after that.

  “Really?” he replied. The look on his face told me that he didn’t know what to believe but he wanted to think what I was saying was true. Dropping down to one knee and placing his book bag on the floor, he tied his shoe.

  “I thought it was you this whole time. I mean, you weren’t the nicest person back then but I kind of always liked…” whispered Brennen. Stopping himself and getting up from the floor, he started walking back towards the front office.

  “Liked what?!” I screeched. If he was about to say what I thought he was going to say, I felt as if I were about to vomit. Funny thing was my outfit today was a pea green t-shirt with the same color pants to match. I’m sure the throw up would go right along with today’s fit.

  “Mary, don’t go acting all weird on me now. I mean, I think you’re pretty and I did like you but I just didn’t know that was Joyce instead of you that day. Plus, you’re always acting weird and talking to Joyce when you know she isn’t here anymore. Why do you keep doing that?”

  My head started spinning. Within the same breath, this idiot just told me that he liked me and that I was crazy for still talking to my sister. Who does that?!

  “Listen. Just because YOU can’t see her doesn’t mean I’m crazy. You got that? For a second, I thought you might’ve been nice and you just snatched that away, fool.” Pushing past him, I walked towards the office and this time, I didn’t stop. Brennen didn’t say anything else and just followed me there.

  Opening the old raggedy door, Ms. Guild sat at the front desk and frowned when she saw us walk in. The woman was already unpleasant to look at and she had the nerve to make an even uglier face which made me giggle. My laughter upset her even more.

  “Mary, this is no laughing matter. Both of you have a seat and Principal Greene will be out shortly to talk to you both.” Ms. Guild was one of the women that would come over and hang out with mama. Mama would sometimes have these annoying little parties filled with women who complain about their husbands, their jobs, kids and anything else they could find to complain about.

  Ms. Guild and her husband got divorced because she gained too much weight and he didn’t like that. I would sometimes listen by the door when they would come over until mama came out shooing me away.

  Rolling my eyes and plopping down on the old wooden bench, the principal walked out of his office and waved for us to both come into his office. This had been the first time I had seen the inside of his office. I smiled feeling surprised that I hadn’t seen it much sooner.

  “I hear there was in issue in class today. Who wants to go first and tell me what happened?” said Mr. Greene.

  Mr. Greene was a small white man that had a mustache that curved upwards. I don’t see how he didn’t get bothered from it touching hi nose all day. There was a picture of his family sitting next to his keyboard and oh man! His wife looked as if she could eat him alive. Then, she had the nerve to be sitting her big behind on his lap. Laughing out loud during another serious moment instantly made me stop. I didn’t feel like hearing mama’s mouth today.

  “Would you like to tell the both of us what is so funny, Mary?” questioned Principal Greene. Brennen was staring at me with a smirk and turned red as if he were holding in gas.

  “No, Mr. Greene,” I said.

  “Okay. Once again, would either one of you like to tell me what happened in class? Or do I just need to ask your teacher and suspend you both?”

  Suspension? I had never been suspended before. Yea, I had to flip my behavior card a few times, a few silent lunch sessions and had my play time revoked but suspension?! That was taking things too far and mama would for sure have my behind.

  “I said something mean about Mary and it upset her. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have said the things she said. I’m sorry, Mary. It won’t ever happen again,” whispered Brennen. I hadn’t been expecting for him to say that and it only made me stare at him.

  “Is that what happened Mary?” asked Mr. Greene. Nodding my head and still staring at Brennen, Mr. Greene continued talking.

  “Okay. Thank you for apologizing, Brennen. In
this school, we don’t say or do mean things to hurt people. Whenever we feel angry or upset, we talk to teachers to help us sort out our feelings. Okay? Now, I want the both of you to return to class and apologize to Mrs. Blotney for interrupting her class. Also, you both will be staying after school today for detention.”

  Walking out of the office and heading back towards class, I broke the weird silence between us.

  “Did you really mean that? About being sorry?”

  “Well, yea…I shouldn’t have said it at all. You weren’t wrong to get upset at what I said. I really am sorry.” The way he started to stare at me made me feel funny. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad person after all.

  “Well, just don’t say anything else about my sister.” Nodding his head and walking back into the classroom, we apologized to Mrs. Blotney. The look on her face told me that she had wished we did get suspended.

  *****************************************************************************

  The final bell had blared through the hallways and I was dreading having to stay after school for some mess Brennen had started. Mrs. Blotney had called our parents to let them know they had to pick us up later. I could hear my mother sucking her teeth on the phone from across the room.

  “Mrs. Blotney? Can I use the bathroom before I do my jail time?” I asked. Rolling her eyes and dismissing me, I headed out to empty my bladder. I couldn’t remember if I had used the bathroom at all today.

  “Can you believe she still thinks that Joyce is alive? What a creep, right?” The giggles echoed throughout the bathroom and the three faces turned white as if I were a ghost when I came around the bathroom corner. The burning feeling that left my body from earlier when Brennen mentioned my sister’s name had now returned. Only this time, the water had boiled over.

  No one said anything. Everyone turned back towards the mirrors they stood in front of and kept packing on more and more of the roll on lip gloss just about every girl in school had. I had thought I knew everyone’s name in school but I hadn’t a clue who these three girls were. I had never seen them before, so they were bold to be talking about my sister. This pissed me off even more.

  I matched their silence. Standing directly behind the girl in the middle and looking over her shoulder into the mirror, my palms began to sweat.

  “See, this is what happens when people don’t mind their business,” whispered Joyce. “Teach her how to mind her business.”

  “Umm, are you going to continue being a creep behind me? Like, I can literally feel your breath on my neck,” sassed the blonde. Both of her sidekicks laughed as if they would pee on themselves any second now. All three of them turned around and continued to laugh in my face.

  Before I could let them laugh at me for another second, I had a fist full of blonde hair. Ramming her into the sink and slamming the back of her head into the mirror, the sounds of a million pieces had hit the floor.

  Little pieces of my reflection were staring back at me when I looked down. The blond was unconscious and when I turned to run out of the bathroom, both of the girls snatched me back in and began attacking me.

  “WHAT’S GOING ON IN HERE?! SOMEONE, HELP! CALL AN AMBULANCE!” screamed the deep voice. As soon as I heard the screams, the beating to my body stopped. The pieces of mirror were digging into my back and I could feel the tiny stings all over my body.

  ******************************************************************************

  “Your principal said that Jane’s parents weren’t going to press charges but you’ve been suspended for a week. Oh, and don’t go near her again. How are you feeling?” asked mama.

  Jane. Blondie has a name now. Mama didn’t sound as mad as I thought she would. She had been more concerned about how I was feeling to make a fuss. The hospital had kept me overnight and my body had been hurting in places it had never hurt before.

  “Mama, they all started it. They were talking about me and Joyce when I went into the bathroom and then she called me a creep. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have hit her. Did the other girls get in trouble? They did attack me, too.”

  “The other girls did get suspended too but you did start the fight. Trust me, I understand. In high school, I had to show a girl a thing or two the night I met your dad. I was at a school dance, she said some things and I said some things back. She poured a drink on my dress and, oh man. I wanted to beat her senseless but I just pulled her down to the ground and dumped my drink on her. I wish you could’ve seen her hollering and wiggling all over the dance floor like someone was kicking her around,” she said.

  As soon as I busted out laughing, I was reminded of the blows I had just taken the day before. One of the sidekicks pulled out some of my hair in the back, so there was a small bald spot where it really didn’t matter; I had always worn my hair down anyway. My lip was busted, there was lump on the right side of my forehead and my ribs felt like they were on fire.

  “Take it easy, baby. They put a good hurting on you. From the looks of it, you didn’t get a hit in on the other girls, huh? You sure you’re really my child?” said mama while laughing. Sucking my teeth and trying to sit up in bed, she gently pushed me back down.

  “No, you lie down. You need your rest. I was only kidding. You don’t look too bad. You’ll be your regular self in no time.”

  “Mama, am I crazy? Because…” and before I could finish talking, she gasped and cut me off.

  “NO! Oh, no. You aren’t crazy, baby! You’re just having a difficult time with certain things. That’s all. People are going to say cruel things in life. It happens. It doesn’t make it okay but just know that you can’t control what people say. You aren’t crazy at all. We’re getting you help and you’re going to be fine. I promise. Okay?”

  “Okay.” My head was pounding and my ribs felt like they were definitely broken. Rubbing my stomach and trying to sit up again, my body gave in and I fell back against the pillow.

  “Yea, you’re my child. Hardheaded as ever. You need to relax,” said mama while laughing again. “I’m about to go make some pies for Mrs. Blotney. I heard about class today, too. You just had an eventful day, huh?” said mama while giving me the side eye.

  “I promise he started it, too. Also, I think he likes me.” I had forgotten all about Brennen.

  “Well, you’re a beautiful and smart young lady. I’m sure all of the boys like you. Sometimes, they just don’t know how to show it. That’s why some people might be mean to you…because they like you. I know it sounds weird but boys don’t always know how to show you they like you. All they’d have to do is just tell us but you’ll see how backwards men are later on in life.”

  Getting up from the bed and kissing me on my forehead, she left out of the bedroom. My body ached from top to bottom. I hadn’t felt like this since Joey slammed me all around the bathroom floor. As quick as he came to mind, he pushed in the door and sat down on my bed. Saying nothing but leaning in to hug me, he held on for a few seconds and left back out of the room. If anything was ever awkward, the moment he just hugged me would be on the top of the awkward list.

  Chapter 13: “Well…Do you?”

  October 1983

  Joseph watched as Lovette sank her teeth into the double cheeseburger she had asked him to buy; she had specifically asked for extra tomatoes. Lovette had only been a few months pregnant and her cravings were already through the roof. He had taken the year off from school to stay with her and monitor her pregnancy closely. The fall she had taken down the stairs had Joseph concerned every single day.

  Trudy and Clarence had suggested that Joseph move into their house due to how much space they had for them and the baby. His parents hadn’t been too happy about their son moving out but Joseph jumped at the chance of being with Lovette daily. They would be married within the next couple of weeks and he had loved the idea of her becoming his wife.

  Lovette, on the other hand, wasn’t excited at all. She had cared for Joseph but she didn’t think they were ready for marriag
e. In fact, she knew that they weren’t ready. The whole summer had passed and all she could think about was Mike. He had been on her mind a lot lately but she knew not to contact him again. He had to have been enjoying college and to hear from her would only upset him.

  Watching the cheese hit her chin had made him grin. He couldn’t believe that the woman he loved was now about to be the mother of his child and his wife. Joseph felt as if he hit the biggest lottery in the world. No other moment had made him feel happier than this. He couldn’t wait to be her husband and show her that everything would be perfect.

  “Why are you smiling so hard?” said Lovette through a mouthful of food. Wiping her chin with the napkin, she looked at Joseph sideways. He had been acting weird lately. He’d been happier than usual.

  “I’m just happy things are working out. That’s all. That burger must be good, huh?” replied Joseph. Lovette nodded her head and both of them laughed together.

  The wedding had been mostly planned by Trudy. She loved these type of things and was always willing to take on the lead role. Lovette had tried to convince her that the wedding could wait but Trudy had her mind set on putting her daughter in the white gown before her belly had gotten too big. Lovette had already gained a little pudge but nothing more than people thinking she had just put on a few pounds.

  “Don’t you think my mom is kind of rushing things? I mean, I get that we’re about to be parents but we just graduated from high school. We’re going to be parents regardless, so why is a wedding needed right now?” asked Lovette. She didn’t know any other way to bring up the topic without hurting Joseph’s feelings and she could see the disappointment spread across his face.

  “I mean, I understand but I guess she just wants us to do things the right way. The way that she was raised to do things. Your parents are happily married and mine are, too. I want that. I know things are a bit weird right now but we’ll figure everything out along the way. Okay? Do you not like me or something…?” This direction the conversation was going in was what Lovette was afraid of.

 

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